Prime Time: Royal New Year's Eve (2017)

Why did I decide to watch this? Simple. It was new year's eve, and this film obviously has some tie to that day. That's really the only reason to watch this.

Jessy Schram plays Caitlyn Enderby, a woman who is kept busy in her job by her demanding boss, Abigail Miller (Cheryl Ladd, and, just in case it's a detail added to ensure that people stayed awake throughout the film, I am sure that I saw her name spelled as Abigayle at one point). Abigail is the head of a high-fashion magazine, Applique, and she is looking forward to hosting some royalty at a major new year's eve party, where Prince Jeffrey (Sam Page) is rumoured to propose to Lady Isabelle (Hayley Sales). Caitlyn meets Prince Jeffrey when he's just trying to enjoy some time in the sity as Jeff, and the two get on very well. She also ends up showing off a dress of her own design that gets Lady Isabelle very interested, much to the chagrin of Abigail, who wants the party to serve as a springboard for her daughter's career.

With the steady hand of Monika Mitchell directing this and the experienced writer Rick Garman very much aware of the various plot beats that need to be hit on the way to the fairytale happy ending, it's hard to be too critical of Royal New Year's Eve for doing pretty much exactly what you expect it to do. When it comes to the many movies made in the past few decades about someone catching the eye of a stifled-by-duty royal then this isn't, on paper, much better or worse than any other.

The big problem is the cast, although it's not entirely their fault. Schram is an inoffensive and sexless lead, Ladd becomes a very tame Disney villain at times, and Nicole LaPlaca tries hard in the thankless role of the pleasant daughter not actually wanting her mother to use any sneaky and morally-dubious tactics in order to give her career a push. Crystal Balint is very good as the friend/colleague named Doris, and gets some decent moments in the second half. Page and Sales, however, have to spend their time delivering their lines in horribly fake English accents. Sales manages to at least stay consistent in her accent, but Page feels like he's overthinking every word, and even takes an occasional mis-step into Scottishness with one strange utterance in a coffee shop. As for Andrew Kavadas, playing a manservant named Barnaby, he's somehow quietly menacing in almost every scene, despite his character being nothing but quiet and pleasant throughout.

I didn't hate this, but I did spend quite a bit of time gently mocking it as things moved from one predictable moment to the next. Despite the focus on the looming new year's eve party, most of the set dressing is committed to making everything bright and Christmassy, which helps it to sit alongside the other comforting distractions of the season. If you can tolerate some of the accents, and the fact that Page looks like some mushed-together blend of Mark Ruffalo and Billy Zane, then you might enjoy this more than I did. I doubt anyone would consider it a good viewing choice though, even compared to other Hallmark movies filling up the schedules around this time of year.

4/10

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A Scottish Christmas Secret (2025)

Another year, another Christmas TV movie that tries to make Scotland look like a gorgeous winter wonderland full of ruggedly handsome, yet sensitive, souls. Not that Scotland isn't a gorgeous place anyway, as I am wont to tell people whenever I get the opportunity. But it's always odd to see the hunger that people have for entertainment that presents the unabashedly tartan-covered shortbread-tin version of the place.

Nathan (Alex Trumble) is an author who is struggling to finish his popular book series. He is struggling so much, in fact, that he's decided to spend most of his time working as a ski instructor. His publishers are worried, but they don't want to turn up and apply pressure in a way that could spectacularly backfire. The head of the company (a cameo from Patsy Kensit) thinks she has a great plan, however, when she decides to send her sister/co-owner, Tiffany (Caprice Bourret). Tiffany takes her nephew, Logan (Jett Bourret Comfort), and the two soon become won over by the Scottish landscape and people.

There's not much in the filmography of director Graham Pritz-Bennett to show any particular aptitude for this material, and it's the first screenplay by writer JJ Moon to be turned into a feature. Judging them only by this, I would have to say that I'd prefer not to see either of them rush back to this kind of thing. Hampered by one or two of the stars, they present something that has painfully unfunny comedy moments, a complete lack of charm, and a seeming determination to keep reminding viewers of how cheap it all is (e.g. the scene with snow falling down on just one particular part of the frame whenever a character is shown from a certain angle).

Bourret (who will be known to many UK viewers from the days when she was just labelled Caprice) isn't a very good actress, despite now having appeared in over a dozen features. Mind you, she may be available at favourable rates as long as there's also a role for at least one of her children (Comfort being her son in real life, and this isn't the first time he's appeared alongside his mother). It might seem rude to say that at least the youngster is a bit better onscreen than his mother, but at least I'm not then spending too much time complaining harshly about a child. Trumble is okay, I guess, but a bit of a non-entity, especially when sharing scenes with the slightly more charismatic Dominic Watters.

I have said it many times before, and will undoubtedly say it again (usually during the Christmas season), but watching a bad Christmas TV movie, something properly lifeless and somehow more cynical, is a hell of a way to realise just how good so many of the other Christmas TV movies are. While you may not revisit many, and may not even watch half as many as I do, seeing films at the shoddier end of the spectrum, like this one, really makes you appreciate even the minimal levels of care and professionalism present in so many others. So I guess I am saying that the best way to view A Scottish Christmas Secret is as a guide on how not to put together a Christmas TV movie.

3/10

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Mubi Monday: Pirates (2021)

It's always a big deal when it comes to making plans for new year's eve. Especially when you're young, and especially when it feels like it's the one night when everyone who's anyone ends up at what is destined to be THE hottest parties. It was an even bigger deal as 1999 got ready to turn into the year 2000, and this is where we meet the main characters in Pirates.

Two Tonne (Jordan Peters), Kidda (Reda Elazouar) and Cappo (Elliot Edusah) are three best friends. They're also trying to make an impact as pirate radio DJs in their local area. Some changes might be happening soon though, despite some of the trio not feeling ready to move in any other direction. Thankfully, everything can be put on hold as they attempt to get into a big club night party, where Two Tonne hopes to see the new year in with the lovely Sophie (Kassius Nelson). Things keep conspiring against them though.

The debut feature from writer-director Reggie Yates, a British TV personality and actor who has clearly been taking notes throughout his career, Pirates manages to be enjoyably familiar and comforting while also making use of the viewpoint and lives of the leads to avoid feeling stale and redundant.

It helps that Peters, Elazouar, and Edusah are all fantastic in their roles, each one different from the other, but those differences complementing one another in a way that makes their strong friendship feel very easy to believe. Peters is the focal point for most of the narrative, but Edusah has a satisfying character arc, and Elazouar provides many of the best comedy moments. Nelson may be there as the woman motivating Peters, but she does well in the couple of main scenes that she has, Youssef Kerkour is good fun as the wheeling and dealing Uncle Ibbs, and both Rebekah Murrell and Shiloh Coke do well as very formidable young women who refuse to instantly give in and let these young men just get to do whatever they want for the sake of entry to a big party.

Considering his background and experience, it's no surprise that Pirates is soundtracked by a fantastic selection of tunes, many of them matching the energy and taste of our young leads. What is surprising is how well Yates does in balancing humour and heart in a feature that could have very easily been unbalanced by someone with less confidence trying to push harder in any one direction, tonally. It's also good to see someone trying to authentically depict a time period from the past few decades without overloading every scene with references in the visuals and dialogue that smack the viewer in the face while demanding they appreciate every bit of nostalgia being served up to them. 

I remember this being quite well-reviewed when it was released, but it seems to have been quickly forgotten in the past few years. It would be a shame if it stayed forgotten. More people should check it out, and then we can all keep doing our bit to ensure it isn't forgotten again. 

8/10

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Netflix And Chill: Champagne Problems (2025)

Minka Kelly plays Sydney Price, a young exec who heads to France just before Christmas in order to hopefully finalise a deal that will allow her firm to gain control of a family-owned champagne brand. The owner is rightfully wary, and he would ideally like to find a solution that leaves management in the hands of his son, Henri (Tom Wozniczka). And who is the stranger that Sydney met and had one magical night with when she first arrived in France? Oh yes, it's Henri.

Champagne Problems is a Christmassy romance that feels neither Christmassy enough nor romantic, despite being set in some beautiful French environments. It's not that it's a terrible film, and I think undemanding viewers after a bit of fluff will enjoy it well enough, but it's just disappointingly flat. There's not even a real spark between the leads, making the finale feel more like something engineered purely by someone who knows from the start where the film has to end up.

Writer-director Mark Steven Johnson is a capable enough talent, and he's even been at the helm of a couple of Marvel movies (although he had the misfortune to be with them before the globe-dominating MCU phase of their life cycle), but he doesn't inject any energy into this. I was going to label it as a rom-com, but there's not enough comedy to justify that, and I didn't want to criticise it for not being something that it maybe isn't aiming to be. There is, however, some fun whenever Sean Amsing's character, Roberto, speaks to everyone in his outgoing and entertaining manner. And there's one unexpected fart. Not really a fart gag. Just a fart. How can you sneak that into the plot and not make it funnier? Good on Kelly for portraying a woman who can suffer from wind though.

Kelly tries her best with the material, in fact, and is a big plus. It's just a shame that nothing can be done to lift up something so relatively dull. How can a Christmas romance in France/Paris feel so unspectacular? Wozniczka is handsome and French, as he needs to be, and also tries his best, although he's given even less to work with than Kelly. Amsing is fun, and the supporting turns from Thibault de Montalembert, Flula Borg, Astrid Whettnall, and Xavier Samuel are what you'd expect them to be, nothing more and nothing less. France should be another major character, but it's not showcased as it should be, especially once we've moved beyond the first 10-15 minutes.

Mostly harmless, and I know some have enjoyed it more than I did, but I'm surprised by those who have spoken of it as an unexpectedly enjoyable seasonal offering from Netflix. There's nothing of any substance here. You'd get more satisfaction from eating half a macaron.

4/10

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Shudder Saturday: The Jester 2 (2025)

Because I knew this was coming up on my viewing schedule this month, I made time a few days ago to check out The Jester. It was okay. I might have rated it higher if I was feeling charitable, but I also could have easily rated it lower if in a bad mood, so I think the absolute mid-point was a good rating for it. I'd heard that the sequel was a bit better though, along with comments about not really needing to see the first film anyway, so I was slightly optimistic when I pressed play on this.

That optimism was unwarranted. While I'm not sure if The Jester 2 is worse than the first film, it's certainly not a much better film. Writer-director Colin Krawchuk seems determined to keep this character mired in films that never make the most of his potential. It might help if there were other characters to keep things interesting. It might help to spend more time showcasing The Jester while he's being playful with his victims. I fear it's too late to see any positive changes though. Krawchuk has probably built up some kind of fanbase by now that will deter him from considering ways to improve his creation though. He'll probably be busy thinking up extra gore gags to get his killer jostling alongside Art The Clown in conversations about new slasher icons and memorable kills.

Kaitlyn Trentham plays Max, a young magician who ends up crossing path with The Jester (Michael Sheffield). The Jester needs to collect four souls after performing four tricks for people every Halloween. He loses his mojo, however, after having a trick interrupted by Max, and then ends up tying their fates together. Max has to perform tricks for The Jester, essentially picking a victim for the killer each time. Once she becomes aware of the full situation, Max tries to figure out how to break the cycle.

Sheffield doesn't do bad as the villain here, although he's hampered by having to wear a mask throughout. He's very good when he gets to overdo the gestures and physicality, but those better moments are few and far between. Trentham does well enough in her role to make you wish that she was in a better movie. Jessica Ambuehl plays her mother, not onscreen for long, and Dingani Beza is Willie, one of the few other characters onscreen to not immediately feel like "douchebag due a death scene". 

It clocks in at just under 90 minutes, but feels a bit longer, and there's little else worth praising outwith the two central performances. Krawchuk seems to have a talent for some individual moments, as well as some good atmosphere, but he's unable to string things together into a well-paced and satisfying feature. Which I doubt will stop us from getting a sequel to this. I guess the joke's on me.

5/10

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A Christmas Story Christmas (2022)

I think we just have to accept by now that A Christmas Story will never be the seasonal staple here in the UK that it is over in America. I have been a fan ever since I eventually made time for it, and I was aware that it was far from the only film to be based on source material written by Jean Shepherd. I became aware of this film a couple of years ago, but was hesitant to make time for it. After all, what could possibly feel like a worthwhile continuation of the original story? Especially after we already had A Christmas Story 2.

Not only does Peter Billingsley return to play Ralphie Parker, now a grown man with a family of his own, he also worked with Nick Schenk on writing the screenplay. I cannot tell you if there was more to source from Shepherd's work, but I can say that this feels nicely in line with the first film.

It's the first Christmas since the passing of his father, and all Ralphie wants to do is make it a wonderful time for his family (wife, Sandy, played by Erinn Hayes, and kids, Mark and Julie, played respectively by River Drosche and Julianna Layne). He is passed along a number of responsibilities by his mother (Julie Hagerty), also spends time trying to become a published writer, and reconnects with some old friends (including Flick, once again played by Scott Schwartz).

Director Clay Kaytis knows what he's doing with this material. Having previously worked on a more modern take on Christmas lore, The Christmas Chronicles, which had the major benefit of being a star vehicle for Kurt Russell, he easily settles into the cosiness of the '70s setting here. It's a chance to make use of some nostalgia (both for the time period and the original movie) and show that, despite the many changes in tech and shopping methods, the pressures of Christmas remain the same for those wanting their families to have the best time. Nothing here is very high stakes, yet we all know that it's a huge deal for Ralphie, which makes it a huge deal for those accompanying him on his journey.

Billingsley does a fantastic job in the lead role, avoiding immaturity while also being helped by memories and callbacks to keep reminding us of the very famous boy he once was. Hayes, Drosche, and Layne are a very enjoyable family unit, Hagerty is a delightful mum (as she always has that certain Hagerty softness as an inextricable part of her personality), and it's great to see Schwartz, RD Robb, and even Zack Ward returning to portray the adult incarnations of their characters they last portrayed back in 1983.

It's different enough from the original movie to avoid feeling stale, particularly when we're now getting the viewpoint of the adult who can still vividly remember his childhood Christmas experiences, but full of references and little details that keep it strongly connected to that holiday classic in all the right ways. It also helps itself by not maintaining a tone that is in line with the first one; funny, gentle, and sweet, even dipping into schmaltz occasionally (which is easier to forgive here when it feels earned). 

7/10

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Christmas Karma (2025)

While there are good and bad things in Christmas Karma, one of my favourite things wasn't really to do with the film itself. I was most amused the the potential reaction to the film by red-faced "patriots" who might find their noses put out of joint as they started to moan about "bloody foreigners, coming over here, and repurposing our classic Dickensian Christmas tales." Considering the constant attempts to get everyone worked up over some (non-existent) war on Christmas, and considering the recent extra toxicity surrounding discussions on immigration, asylum seekers, and national identity, Christmas Karma feels almost deliciously well-timed.

You know the story, which means I can just go through the main players. Kunal Nayyar plays Eshaan Sood (uttering "Bakwaas!" as the Hindi/Urdu equivalent of "Bah, humbug!"). Leo Suter and Pixie Lott are Bob and Mary Cratchit, respectively, complete with a set of children that includes a Tiny Tim (Freddie Marshall-Ellis). Danny Dyer is a black cab driver who helps to bookend things, Eva Longoria is the Ghost Of Christmas Past, Billy Porter is the Ghost Of Christmas Present, and, ummmm, Boy George is the Karma Chamel . . . I mean . . . the Ghost Of Christmas Future. Hugh Bonneville is hard to recognise as Marley, Allan Corduner is Mr. Fezzywig, and Charithra Chandran is a lost love named Bea Fernandez.

Adapted from the source material and directed by Gurinder Chadha, Christmas Karma doesn't get off to the best start. It feels a bit clumsy, and may well make others cringe as I did. The songs aren't great, which is an extra stumbling block for a musical, despite the whole thing being worked on by Gary Barlow, Shaznay Lewis (also onscreen very briefly), and Nitin Sawhney, and there are some major weak spots in the casting of the supporting players. Things pick up once Sood is whisked away by the Ghost Of Christmas Past though, and the use of the familiar tale to explore the immigrant experience, as well as wealth disparity, allows for everything to feel like a very worthwhile wander back through this well-trodden path. Then it sadly gets stuck again when Boy George appears and just looks as if he's loitering around until enough people notice that he's sulking.

It's always clear to see what Chadha is aiming for, which makes it even more of a shame when a few of the sequences just don't work, either due to the cast, the staging of a musical number, or just the familiarity of certain moments working against it. While I don't remember any of the tunes right now, there is at least one decent number in the beginning, middle, and end of this. That helps, and it's interesting that it's the more uplifting and celebratory songs that work best, perhaps due to them requiring some more choreography and . . . fun.  

It's a bit jarring to see Nayyar playing older than his actual age, and he is unsteady in the earliest scenes when he has to be miserly and mean without viewers seeing any of the background, but the performance really starts to work better once Sood is free of normal laws of space and time. Suter, Lott, and Marshall-Ellis aren't very good, I'm sorry to say, and that makes this particular incarnation of the Cratchit family a bit harder to care for than many others we've seen over the years. Longoria is fun, Porter brings some essential colour and joie de vivre to his role, and Dyer at least feels like a standard cheeky London cab driver. Chandran is very good in her role, aka the one who got away, and there are a lot of cast members with less screentime delivering very good work as they help to show a backstory that involves our lead being forcibly wrenched from his home in Uganda to start life anew here in Britain.

This isn't a new classic, compared to other Christmas movies and compared to other interpretations of A Christmas Carol, but it's a good attempt to mix the old and the new, and the way it reworks the backstory of the main character is admirable. I would rewatch it, but only if others had decided to hijack my TV for a couple of hours.

6/10

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Christmas Eve In Miller's Point (2024)

 Yes, for this one week I moved things around in the blogging schedule. For obvious reasons. So no "Prime Time" choice this week. I'm sure Amazon won't suffer during this busy shopping period.

There are some things I just can't understand about Christmas Eve In Miller's Point. Some of the casting, considering how little they get to do. What Tyler Taormina was trying to do. Why are there two writers and a story editor credited for something that feels as if it could have been greatly improved by letting everyone completely improvise and then just putting together the best snippets from the end results.

The plot revolves around an Italian American family having one last Christmas gathering in a family home. The adults try to continue the family traditions, a number of the younger family members want to head out for a night of fun, self-exploration, and some time away from what can be a stifling environment.

Look, maybe I missed something major here, I'm happy to admit when something has some cultural or social points that I'm not very familiar with, but Christmas Eve In Miller's Point absolutely failed for me. A couple of potentially moving moments are lost in the disorganised and unfocused mess that is the rest of the film, which is a real shame. I think there could have been something impactful here about families only really being there for one another on calendar-mandated holidays, and the younger family members should have stuck around to put up more of a fight before heading out to get up to exactly the kind of nonsense that their parents would exasperatedly roll their eyes at.

Taormina, who co-wrote the film with Eric Berger, presents everything in a natural and grounded style, and he deserves some bonus points for having Christmas decorations that don't just feel as if they were exquisitely placed in each scene by set designers, but he never does enough to convey the real weight that is hanging over the heads of everyone onscreen. That wouldn't be so bad if we instead spent time with some cast members being allowed to shine, but that doesn't happen either.

Matilda Fleming does a good job in her role, as does Maria Dizzia (the two are daughter and mother, respectively, viewing the holiday period through very different eyes), but they're ignored during the times spent bouncing around the other faces. As much as I like her online antics, Francesca Scorsese isn't a good enough actress to make me feel invested in whatever else is going on. It feels as if both she and Sawyer Spielberg were given roles simply to make use of their surnames in the marketing. Michael Cera and Gregg Turkington have a couple of decent moments as two patrolling police officers, but it's distracting to consider Cera in a role that riffs, deliberately or not, on his famous turn in Superbad. Then there's Elsie Fisher, a really talented young actress who is here for no obvious reason, considering how she's sidelined. At least I can mention the younger performers though. The older cast members are all turned into one mass of babbling and mild anxiety, with the exception of Grandma (played by a wonderful Mary Reistetter).

Some might appreciate the feeling conveyed here, the cosy chaos of a large family making their way through a Christmas fraught with emotion and full of long-delayed conversations that are no longer possible to avoid, but I was hoping for a couple of stronger sequences to help me appreciate some of the individuals we were spending time with.

3/10

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A Very Jonas Christmas Movie (2025)

I am unfamiliar with The Jonas Brothers, but I am more aware of them nowadays than I was 5-10 years ago. I remember hearing a song on the radio that I quite enjoyed and then being surprised to hear that it was one of their hits. I have also been an unwilling reader of showbiz news/gossip about the divorce of Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner. That covers the extent of my Jonas Brothers knowledge. So I had no reason to want to check this out, aside from the fact that it was available to me.

The plot is very simple. The Jonas Brothers want to head home for the holidays. They can't wait to get away from one another, which is a major difference from how they used to feel. But one scheming Santa figures out exactly what they need. They don't want to get home right away. They want to get home while rediscovering that close brotherly bond they once had. Nick Jonas also just wants some peace and quiet, Kevin Jonas wants a chance to sing on a track, and Joe has a reputation that holds him back when he randomly encounters an old friend, Lucy (Chloe Bennet), he has a bit of a crush on.

Written by the talented duo of Isaac Aptaker and Elizabeth Berger (who have done a whole lot of TV work in the past few years, as well as the very enjoyable I Want You Back), the most important thing to consider about this potentially cheesy special is that it's actually quite funny. The Jonas Brothers seem to be very much aware of how they are perceived, both individually and as a band, and they deliver a number of lines that make themselves the butt of the gag, even if it all stays safely within the realms of gentle ribbing, as opposed to anything painfully cutting.

Director Jessica Yu, who previously helmed the enjoyable Quiz Lady (a different kind of road trip/family bond movie), is well aware of the assignment. Things move along briskly enough, there are well-staged musical numbers interspersed throughout the narrative, and viewers feel safe in the knowledge that any and all setbacks are just temporary on the way to an expected happy ending.

As for the brothers, I have to say that I expected them to be a bit more irritating onscreen. They do well with what they're asked to do, helped by the fact that they obviously interact more naturally with one another than they do with everyone else. Bennet is very good in her role, and there are scenes that make good use of Randall Park, Billie Lourd, and KJ Apa, as well as Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Santa), Kenny G (being Kenny G), and Will Ferrell (as a big fan who values the brothers ahead of his own family, who are portrayed onscreen here by his actual family).

Slick, not without the occasional hint of smugness, and with a satisfying message of seasonal goodwill, this is a very enjoyable Christmas special. It might not convert any haters of the band, but you never know. I'm certainly more open to their work than I was before this. 

7/10

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Mubi Monday: The Mastermind (2025)

There are many things to enjoy in the filmography of writer-director Kelly Reichardt. She has been delivering movies for some time now that seem to find a unique perspective of a variety of different genre staples. The Mastermind is her own particular take on the heist movie (although you could argue that First Cow could also be considered in the same vein). I was eager to see this, especially when hearing some praise for it and knowing that currently hot property Josh O’Connor was in the lead role.

O’Connor plays James Blaine Mooney, a man who figures out that a local art gallery should be quite easy to rob. He cannot do it alone though, and needs to borrow some money from his mother (Hope Davis) as he tries to get the right people in place for the job. As many will already know from other heist movies, however, committing the theft is often the easiest part. Things get trickier when trying to ensure that you stay free and unobserved while trying to offload the loot.

A deliberately loose and jazzy film, in stark contrast to the many heist films that focus on precision and constant forward momentum, The Mastermind may appeal to those who settle into the vibe of it, but it ultimately proved disappointing for me. Reichardt wants to build a little bit of tension, but also wants to show how pointless the whole thing is the grad scheme of things, especially as the 1970 time setting allows for her to show many people busy protesting the ongoing Vietnam War. Inspired by some classic films and a real art robbery that took place in the early 1970s, Reichardt delivers a film that is inarguably in line with the rest of her body of work. It just doesn't really work as well as other times she has given her own interpretation of traditional genre fare.

O'Connor is very good in the lead role, although I think he's being inevitably carried along by the heat and energy of the spotlight on him right now. He's definitely an interesting and captivating lead though, and his delicate and precise mannerisms help to make the film more interesting than it otherwise might have been. Both Sterling Thompson and Jasper Thompson are a delight as his young sons, and I'd nominate them as real standouts ahead of almost anyone else in the cast. Alana Haim continues her film acting career here, playing Mooney's wife, despite having yet to prove herself the best choice for any of the roles that she's had thus far, and Bill Camp and Hope Davis excel in the few scenes they have, portraying the mother and father of our main character. Eli Gelb, Cole Doman, and Javion Allen are hired to help commit the crime, although none of them really make any strong impression, and John Magaro and Gaby Hoffmann are friends who may be necessary accomplices/allies after the heist.

I cannot fault the technical side of things here. Reichardt has a fantastic eye. The score by Rob Mazurek is also wonderful, perfectly in line with the bobbing and weaving nature of the narrative. I seem to be in the minority with my lack of love for this. I liked elements of it, but never felt immersed enough in the world to care about where things would go after the enjoyable opening scenes. Mooney is either too naive or too stupid as a criminal "mastermind" (and I understand the title and tag being an ironic one), but the film gives us too many real consequences for others caught up in his orbit to make it easy or satisfying to laugh at his constant lack of preparation or criminal savvy. 

5/10

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Netflix And Chill: My Secret Santa (2025)

Taylor (Alexandra Breckenridge) is a struggling single mother who wants to be able to pay for her daughter, Zoey (Madison MacIsaac), to attend ski lessons at a local resort. There's an employee discount available, which would help, but they're not hiring. Well . . . they ARE looking for a Santa. Getting herself disguised as a man, Taylor is soon suited and booted for the role. As if it wasn't difficult enough to keep pretending she is a man during work hours, things are further complicated by the fact that Taylor starts developing quite the connection with Matthew (Ryan Eggold), her acting manager. 

I decided to watch My Secret Santa because I really like Breckenridge, but she seems destined to never get that big movie role that I think she deserves. You might look at this movie and see another nail in her career coffin, but I'm going to defend it. So get yourself ready.

Written by Carley Smale and Ron Oliver, who have a wealth of experience between them, this is the blend of farcical quick-change and Christmas schmaltz that you'd expect, and it helps that director Mike Rohl has experience with this mix, considering he helmed all three of The Princess Switch movies. As you might have already surmised, this is essentially a low-budget gender-flipped riff on Mrs. Doubtfire, with a lot of extra snow and ho ho hos. I don't view that as a bad thing.

As ridiculous as the main premise is, Breckenridge does a decent job in the main role, whether she's in her natural guise or being Santa. Eggold gets to enjoy being the businessman blissfully unaware that Santa is actually the woman he has taken a liking to, and it's good to see his character not forced into any extremity for the sake of a contrived emotional journey. His development and maturity has basically all happened before the film starts, leaving us to focus on the one or two lessons that Breckenridge needs to learn. MacIsaac is a decent teen, as is Sasha Rojen (a bit of a bully who could become a friend, if given the right guidance). Tia Mowry is the no-nonsense woman who smells a rat in between her times unwillingly showing Eggold's character the ropes of his father's business, and Diana Maria Riva gets a couple of good moments as a tough neighbour softened by an unexpected encounter with Santa.

I wouldn't recommend this to anyone out of season, as it were, and I'm not sure who I would recommend it to right now, but I would recommend it to some. It's ridiculous, absolutely, but it's ridiculous in just the right ways. Anything mentioned in the earlier scenes ends up being referred back to in the third act, our lead character has a couple of people able to help her create such a convincing Santa disguise, and there are a couple of fun scenes that show someone being flustered and confused as she navigates around a number of new locations (including a men's locker room) that she would much rather avoid.

6/10

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Shudder Saturday: Influencers (2025)

I really enjoyed Influencer. I didn't think it needed a sequel though. I wasn't even sure it would be possible to create another story for any of the main characters. Writer-director Kurtis David Harder was sure though, and the end result here shows that he was right to be sure.

The whole thing starts with a woman at the end of her rope. She has a knife. She uses it. Her phone starts ringing. It's then time to reunite with the entertaining psycho known as CW (Cassandra Naud), who is now happy in a relationship with a woman named Diane (Lisa Delamar). It would seem to be only a matter of time until her history rears up to bite her on the ass though, especially when Madison (Emily Tennant) becomes more determined to track her down and make her pay for everything that transpired in the first movie.

I don't want to make the mistake of over-hyping this, to anyone else or myself, but Influencers is pretty damn great. It's not only another enjoyable bit of time spent with leads who were so good last time, but it's a genuinely fantastic sequel. Is the premise plausible? Not really. Harder gives us enough details to make it seem so though, even if we only need to suspend our disbelief for a short time until all of the main players start being moved around and manipulated on the way to a very satisfying and thrilling third act.

I wish I'd been able to make time for a repeat viewing of the first movie before moving on to this, I suspect the two together makes for a hell of a good evening of entertainment, but you do get a bit of a recap once Madison comes back into the narrative. You just have to be patient during a lengthy opening sequence that ends up proving vital in setting up plot points and details that will recur later on like breadcrumbs along a path leading to a very dark and very dangerous copse in the very middle of a forest.

Naud remains a compelling presence, helped by a script that allows her to dance from playful to deadly within any scene. Tennant is equal to her, and it's interesting to see her character being picked apart and ruined by the same people who used to idolise and envy her. Delamar is an interesting addition, and her role casts a surprisingly long shadow over the proceedings, and there are turns from Veronica Long, Georgina Campbell, and Jon Whitesell that are, by turns, hilarious and awful.

Considering how unlikely this instalment was, it's testament to Harder's guiding hand that I now want a trilogy, at the very least. I'd settle for either Deinfluencer, Under The Influence, or INFLUENC3. Mr. Harder, take it away. There's a lot of gold to still be mined here, considering the huge supply of potential victims all easily made vulnerable by someone preying on their vanity, and the whole thing could end up being the most satisfying killer thrillers of the social media age. Hashtags and bodybags go very well together.

8/10

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Tinsel Town (2025)

It's no surprise to find that Tinsel Town is directed by Chris Foggin. He's done comforting family-friendly fare a few times now, and has at least one other Christmas movie under his belt. The surprise comes from the fact that this formulaic bit of fun needed at least three main writers, as well as additional material from three other contributors (apparently). Maybe that's why it's so inconsistent though. Some of the expected scenes fall flat, but a few moments really hit the spot. And I was pleasantly surprised to find the panto moments actually feeling like panto moments.

Kiefer Sutherland stars here as Bradley Mack, a movie star who has coasted along on the success of an action movie franchise for some time now. He's not viewed as a great actor though, nor as a great human being. In fact, he's lazy, entitled, and about to crash back down to earth when his agent send him for a theatre gig in England that is actually panto in a small village. There's no way out of it. Bradley can't afford the price it would cost to wangle out of the contract he signed without reading it. So he ends up grumpy in the company of Cassandra (Meera Syal), Jill (Rebel Wilson), a pair of ugly sisters (Asim Chaudhry and Jason Manford), among others. On the plus side, he can spend some quality time with his young daughter, Emma (Matilda Firth). If he can stop being so selfish and self-pitying for long enough.

There's certainly fun to be had here. The lead character being bamboozled by his English village surroundings, and the very notion of panto, allows for some chuckles, as does the occasional angry outburst. There's even an effective musical number for Sutherland, while his character is in his full costume for Buttons, his panto role. The expected transformation of our lead isn't handled very well though, it's more a series of sudden turnarounds than a gradual journey to a much better place, and a few elements feel like they should have some more impact on the plot. Danny Dyer is a local bad boy, Kieran, who antagonises people, but could have ultimately been left out of the movie. The same goes for a minor sub-plot about a number of local burglaries, which may or may not have been sanctioned by Kieran.

While Foggin directs well enough, the awkward screenplay leaves everything in the hands of the cast. Sutherland is a big plus in the main role, and game enough to fully embrace his panto turn (once his character finds out that there's no way out of it), Katherine Ryan has a few fun moments as the angry agent, and young Firth does well as the child who retains faith in a man that many others have long since given up on. Derek Jacobi also brings something special to the project, especially in a key scene that explains how someone can keep the theatre at the heart of their life. Wilson isn't so good, to put it mildly. Not only is she stuck delivering a standard dramatic turn, she's also required to do so (for some reason) with a Yorkshire accent. It's not a great delivery, and that choice feels like it could have been easily swerved with one explanatory line of dialogue. Chaudhry and Manford are fun, Lucien Laviscount and Savannah Lee Smith are pleasant enough, and Dyer does what Dyer does. Alice Eve and James Lance are sadly wasted though, and it's a shame that the actual Yorkshire setting isn't given more of a supporting role.

The good just about outweighs the bad, but it's a very close call. The extra writers seem to have tried to overstuff the runtime, the cast could all have been given pages for at least three very different films, and there's a disappointing lack of full-on Christmas sweetness for the majority of the runtime. It really nails that panto atmosphere at times though, and the final scenes are sweet, funny, and rewarding. Which means it should at least leave you with a smile on your face as the end credits roll.

5/10

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Sister Krampus (2021)

When you are struggling to think up a title for your cheap Krampus movie then you can just add some kind of family connection. Krampus has been a mother, a granny, and now a sister (although the use of the word sister here is tied to the fact that one central character is a nun). And very few of those incarnations were actually good.

Rebecca Rinehart and Marie DeLorenzo are Mary and Jodi, two sisters travelling around parts of Europe on holiday. They encounter a nun (Danielle Donahue) one day, soon being informed that she is not as friendly as she appears. She is, in fact, Sister Krampus, a being out for revenge since suffering horrible abuse at the hands of some American soldiers many years ago.

Directed by Anthony Polonia and Mark Polonia AKA The Polonia Brothers, this is a film very much in line with many others they have helmed. It's very cheap, it's full of many scenes that just feel like filler, and there's a role for their regular collaborator, Jeff Kirkendall. If you have dived into the waters of independent horror movies, especially those that make use of certain buzz-words in titles that don't necessarily have anything to do with the actual films, then, for better or worse, you will be aware of The Polonia Brothers. This is far from their worst work.

Mark Polonia also co-wrote the screenplay with Orville Buttress, based on an idea by Ron Bonk, a producer who seems to have been "inspired" to share his story ideas many times throughout his career, but I suspect a helping of rambling improv could have been better than this weak dialogue. You might remember one or two things about this after the end credits have rolled, but the screenplay is unlikely to linger for more than a minute.

Rinehart and DeLorenzo aren't terrible. They're just not very good. That hasn't stopped others having a long and enduring acting career though. Speaking of which . . . Kirkendall continues to be a strangely welcome presence, despite his many obvious limitations. Donahue has to look intense and irked, and does fine, and Yolie Canales does very well as a brusque, but ultimately helpful, woman named Ezmirelda.

Like many Polonia Brothers movies, this is cheap in a way that seems to revel in the cheapness. It's all very amateur hour, but lacks the charm and appeal of something made by someone who has tried hard to make their one and only movie, probably because these film-makers are nearing their one hundredth feature.

I've STILL seen worse, but I doubt many others who stumble across this would be able to say the same. It's bad. Not incredibly painful, but definitely far down the tree when it comes to ranking holiday horror movies.

3/10

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Prime Time: Merv (2025)

When is a Christmas film not a Christmas film? Despite the argument that crops up every single year about Die Hard (and don't start me on that again, people forget how many Christmas seasonal elements are in there as they argue against it), many movies are put forward as holiday treats without actually leaning in to the cheer and cheese of the season. Merv is one of those movies. It's not entirely tinsel-free, but there's a lengthy middle section that takes place in an area of Florida that is a far cry from any desirable winter wonderland.

Zooey Deschanel is Anna Finch, a woman who has recently ended a serious relationship with Russ Owens (Charlie Cox). They try to stay civil, for the sake of sharing the custody of their beloved dog, Merv, but it's tough. It gets tougher when Merv is diagnosed with depression. Russ decides to take him away to a doggy resort in Florida, but the trip becomes just a little bit more tense when Anna joins them. Will they be able to "fix" Merv, or will that only happen if they find a way to fix themselves?

Written by the husband and wife team of Dane Clark and Linsey Stewart, this is an enjoyable enough comedy drama that just doesn't do enough of what viewers may be wanting. The Christmas-tinged scenes are there, but few and far between. The rom-com stuff (or maybe it's more appropriate to refer to it as anti-rom-com stuff) doesn't come across as effortless or charming. So you're really left with a film that you will love or hate based on your reaction to Deschanel, Cox, and seeing lots of pampered pooches onscreen. There are lots of dogs wearing clothing in this film, and if that doesn't seem sweet to you then you should probably swerve this. (it's my partner's pet peeve, no pun intended, so she was rolling her eyes and swearing more than expected while we watched this).

The good news is that Deschanel and Cox are both fine in the lead roles. The bad news is that they're not used as well as they could be. They're stuck in an awkward place, working around one another as they focus on their dog and often avoid the real worries and fears occupying so much of their headspace, but one or two sequences (one involving some fun and dancing, the other getting to the heart of why they separated) hint at a better film hidden away here. Ellyn Jameson is another dog owner who takes a liking to our male lead, which makes him consider how much he is struggling to move on, and she does so well with the friendly and flirty conversation that viewers may be tempted to watch the film head in a completely different direction. Patricia Heaton and David Hunt are parents who are dutifully visited during the holiday season, and Chris Redd and Jasmine Matthews are friends who know what is best for our leads (as dictated by the movie anyway) before they eventually figure it out for themselves.

Director Jessica Swale does a serviceable job, but she feels as hampered as her leads. This is a film right in the middle, neither leaning into every trope nor pushing back against them in a way that could have considerably livened things up. The only thing it gets absolutely right is the cuteness of the main dogs, which means major bonus points for animal lovers. Everyone else will be likely to feel slightly disappointed by the time the end credits roll.

5/10

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Granny Krampus (2024)

If you look through the respective filmographies of writer Christopher Jolley and director Jack E. Bell then you will see many choices that make it inevitable that they could work together on a film like Granny Krampus. And if you have seen any of the (many) other cheap Krampus movies we've had over the past couple of decades then you should know what this delivers.

Lea (Jodie Bennet) and Ashley (Poppy Castleton) are two sisterns who visit their gran (Hilary Burns) after the death of their mother. There's some tension in the air, considering how the family members have been estranged from one another for so long, and there's also a family secret due to be revealed. One that, given the title, you won't be surprised to find out involves a Krampus figure, known as Frau Percht. Charlie (Mark Rush) and Daniel (Tom Marchant) turn up in time to be endangered as things build towards a very "bah, humbug!" final act.

This isn't good. But many people who have already viewed many other Krampus movies will already know that. It's not actually terrible though, and certainly not as bad as I expected it to be. I don't want to spend too much time being impolite about the cast members, but most of the acting here is sub-par. That's one of the main aspects of the film that constantly reminds you of the low budget. Rush and Marchant benefit from being given some fun lines in the weak screenplay, but Bennet and Castleton have no such luck, and Burns is, there's no nicer way to say it, frankly awful.

Unlike other films that make use of the K-word in their title though, this actually gives a decent bit of screentime to the featured creature, and there's at least an attempt to make it look better than just someone in a cloak and cheap mask, even if it still may actually BE that, in essence. There are individual moments that are shot decently, considering Bell is trying to deliver some thrills while also hiding some of the many shortcomings just out of frame. It's not enough to make this worth recommending to those after some full-blooded holiday horror, but I appreciate that some effort has been made. It's more than can be said for many other movies in a similar vein.

As much as people may refuse to believe it, despite me saying it often enough, I always try to remain optimistic as I start watching any film. I even approach every independent Krampus-centric horror movie with the hope that it could be the one independent Krampus-centric horror movie gem that makes up for the sewage I have had washing over my eyeballs during past holiday seasons. This is not a gem, but it's also not a complete turd. And sometimes I feel that my optimism is rewarded if I've miraculously avoided another complete turd. 

I debated rating this lower because of the acting, but I decided to be relatively generous, considering the careless and lazy trash this could have been. 

4/10

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Mubi Monday: B For Boy (2013)

I cannot recall if I heard someone say it once or if it is a general rule of thumb that many writers abide by, but there's a saying about the ways in which very specific details can actually help to make a story more universal and identifiable. Maybe that's because we all have many more similarities than differences, but struggle to remember that when others seek to keep us labelled and divided, or maybe it's just because more specific details increase the chances of people finding one little thing that serves as an anchor or entry point.

While set in Nigeria, and showing the very particular experience of Amaka (Uche Nwadili), this feature debut from writer-director Chika Anadu will be relatable to any woman who has felt pressure in her life, whether that is pressure within her marriage, pressure to have children, or anything that stems from the many ways in which society and family can push back against self-determination and happiness. All is well for Amaka while she is pregnant, as she is at the start of the movie, but it's only a temporary happiness. There can be no complications, and Amaka must give birth to a boy, otherwise her mother-in-law (Ngozi Nwaneto) insists that she will help find a second wife for her son, Nonso (Nonso Odogwu). Nonso seems happy enough with his wife, and insists that they can ignore the demands of others, but there's a chance that he's only saying that while everything appears to be fine. 

When you get down to the details of the plot, this is difficult and hard-hitting stuff. Many women have had difficult experiences during pregnancies, or times spent trying to get pregnant, and this won't be an easy watch for those who have gone through even a fraction of what Amaka goes through. There are complications, leaving Amaka in a state of shock, grief, and helplessness as she weighs up the options available to her. And I can see a version of these events playing out in the lives of many women all around the world, whether they have support from a loved one or not.

Nwadili, Nwaneto, and Odogwu aren't the greatest of actors, but they all do a good enough job, and Nwadili excels in the many moments that have her quietly considering how best to improve her situation. Frances Okeke is another important character, proving her worth in a finale that takes everything to the kind of extreme scenarios created by the heightened expectations and societal misogyny that views women as nothing more than incubators for more male heirs.

I've now seen two films from Anadu, and both are highly recommended. This is the better of the two, due mainly to the power of the material, but she is a film-maker that I highly recommend checking out. And I hope that she continues to get the opportunity to tell very specific stories that also turn out to be universal and relatable.

9/10

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Netflix And Chill: Jingle Bell Heist (2025)

I like to think that I am quite honest when it comes to my opinions on movies. Sometimes I can happily blame a movie for any faults, and sometimes I have to blame myself for entering the viewing experience with certain preconceptions or bias. I'm not sure who should get more of the blame for Jingle Bell Heist, but I think it's the makers of the film. Writers Abby McDonald and Amy Reed don't seem to know exactly what kind of film they're serving up, and director Michael Fimognari doesn't do nearly enough to keep you invested in either main option, be it seasonal rom-com or fun crime flick. Okay, the title clues you in to the main aim of the plot, but the plotting leaves a lot to be desired.

Sophia (Olivia Holt) works at a grand department store owned by the Scrooge-adjacent Maxwell Sterling (Peter Serafinowicz). She has the chance to commit a minor theft, which she wants to do in order to help pay for the medical treatment of her sick mother (Natasha Joseph), but that brings her to the attention of tech-savvy Nick (Connor Swindells), a young man seeking to rob Sterling's premises, despite already having served some time in prison for previously robbing the place. The two of them decide to work together, but they'll also need to figure out how to get certain information out of Mrs. Sterling (Lucy Punch). 

If you want your movie to be viewed and enjoyed as a heist movie then you need to get the details and timing right. Jingle Bell Heist takes viewers on a number of tangents that ultimately prove inconsequential. It's a way to fill the runtime, I guess, but isn't good as an example of the mechanics and appeal of any heist movie. Which is why I started to think that this was a rom-com with the heist as simply a plot device looming large behind our leads. But it doesn't have enough rom or com to make it a success in that sub-genre either.

Holt isn't bad in the lead role, even if ill-served by the screenplay, but there's no chemistry between herself and Swindells, who is also someone I wouldn't call bad. It's just a shame that neither cast member seems to work as intended. Serafinowicz is slightly underused, but that makes the scenes with him more of a treat. Joseph has to look ill, but also remain upbeat and lovely, which she manages, and Punch gets involved in a sequence that ends up being the comedic highlight of the whole thing. Poppy Drayton and Michael Salami do fine in very different supporting turns, as do Ed Kear, James Dryden, and everyone else filling out the cast list.

On the plus side, it doesn't feel too cheap or slap-dash, which is more than can be said for many other movies churned out to keep spreading the Christmas cheer, but that's about the only major positive. None of the dialogue is particularly smart or witty, none of the plot developments feel as if they unfold in a way that is natural and plausible, and it's very hard to stay invested in something so, well, nonchalant about the tropes and beats that could have made it a much more enjoyable experience.

4/10

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Sudder Saturday: Reflection In A Dead Diamond (2025)

I have somehow seen every film made by Hélène Cattet and Bruno Forzani, despite never being won over by them. Some individual moments have worked, but I have generally disliked their work. And I didn't like this feature either. In a surprise turn of events, however, I kind of loved it. 

The story revolves around the memories and confusion of a retired spy, John D. (played in old age by Fabio Testi, played in his younger years by Yannick Renier). That's all you need to know. In fact, when I read the online summary that says "a retired spy suspects his former adversaries have resurfaced when his intriguing neighbor vanishes" I have to admit that I still couldn't quite piece everything together.

Like other films from Cattet and Forzani, this is an experience built on homage and the fetishization of certain aspects (you always get to hear some leather creaking in their movies, heat and breathing often feature heavily, and the violence is stylised and often disturbingly sexually-charged). Unlike their other films, this one is easier to become immersed in. It managed to become a stunning work of art, both emulating and also becoming what is so beloved within the heart of it all.

Maybe my enjoyment here was due to being more easily able to spot the main reference points (equal parts Bond and a certain celebrated Mario Bava title). I have always know the playgrounds that Cattet and Forzani were enjoying, but I would argue that previous features were less interesting because the experimental nature of their film-making seemed to supersede the sheer entertainment factor. This does an equally good job with both sides of that balancing act.

It helps that both Testi and Renier are believably suave and capable in their roles. Maria de Medeiros may be the only other familiar face for many (she certainly was for me), but the best supporting turns come from both Thi Mai Nguyen and Céline Camara, both being superb contenders for some award that can be given to "Bond girls who weren't actually Bond girls." Once again, the film-makers use their cast as minor pieces in a game that is all about style and design, but they've helped themselves immensely by casting people who can help to keep viewers engaged as we jump around from one bit of visual gorgeousness to the next.

Imagine if James Bond was elderly and damaged from his many years on the job. What would he think of those around him, and how easily could he keep his memories in order? Would the past continue to invade the present, and how much of it would be his actual past, compared to the many legends to have been spun around his career highlights? I think the end result would be a man very much like the central character presented here, which is why I loved this. It's a Bond who may still be capable, but is weighed down by the baggage of regrets, loss, loneliness, and his own deterioration. Someone who once thought that diamonds were forever, but now sees snippets of memories, real and false, refracted through the titular dead precious gemstone.

9/10

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Merry Christmas, Ted Cooper! (2025)

Hear me out. There has been a major increase in the number of Christmas movies that we get each year. I think we can all agree on that. It's quite the busy little (Christmas) cottage industry. And Hallmark now finds themselves competing against not just other TV channels, but the likes of Amazon, Apple, Netflix, and Disney, not to mention any of the star vehicles that end up gracing our cinemas. That means there are a lot more films out there that are a bit weak, to put it nicely, but tend to fill the screentime with snowy landscapes, hot chocolates, predictable romance, and some twinkly-eyed Santa figure, or some kind of Santa proxy. I hope we are still in agreement. I have nothing against these movies. I watch, and review, many of them. They often provide the cosy comfort that they aim to provide. But, and here's the radical part of this paragraph, I suspect that the excessive number of Christmas movies has allowed room for some features that actually feel properly good. Not just "Christmas movie" good. Not just good enough for that one evening of time-wasting as you do other studd. Properly, I could happily watch that again, good.

Maybe it's just a numbers game. More movies like this being made means more opportunities for talented people to have a go at them. Or maybe it's because we're also now at a time when the people behind the camera are so well-versed in the form that it's a lot easier for them to adapt their material into something Hallmark-approved, even while sneaking in the kind of subversive humour that would once have made such a film unsuitable for the intended viewership.

This is my way of telling you that Merry Christmas, Ted Cooper! is good. Properly good. That might be down to director Jason Bourque, but it's more likely to be down to writer Russell Hainline and star Robert Buckley (who is also credited with coming up with the central story idea). Let's just say what we would say with any other film though. Everyone works together here to provide something that's a genuine delight.

Buckley plays the titular Ted Cooper, a weatherman on a local TV station. He's heading home for the holidays, much to the amusement of his colleagues. Ted has had a notoriously bad run of luck when it comes to Christmas, but he remains optimistic. Not just about Christmas. Ted is optimistic about almost everything. And he knows that he can do some good work to help his sister, Kate (Meghan Heffern), with a local charity event. He's a bit surprised to find that he might also be able to spend some quality time with Hope Miller (Kimberley Sustad) though, a doctor he had a major crush on in high school. Will misfortune continue to plague Ted, or will his positivity finally boomerang back to him?

I cannot praise Buckley highly enough for his lead performance here. Ted Cooper is just the right mix of charm, cheek, and naïveté. He's a great character to spend the runtime with, able to laugh along with others laughing at his unbelievable bad luck, but also remaining so relentlessly upbeat that most people start rooting for him to get the happiness that he deserves. Heffern is also wonderful, a typical sister who can love and be irritated by her brother in equal measure, while also ready to step in and save him from himself when things look dire. Sustad is a winning potential love interest, and she also works as an audience proxy while she continues to struggle with just how happy-go-lucky Ted is. Others worth mentioning are Brendan Penny (a smug newscaster colleague), Barbara Pollard (ex-teacher, friendly face, and head of the Sole Sisters, a female jogging group that allow Ted to join their ranks), and Reedan Elizabeth (a medical colleague who forces Hope to admit whenever she may be having some feelings).

It would seem weird to spend so much time and space going on and on about what is, in basic terms, "just another Christmas movie" to help fill the schedules, but Merry Christmas, Ted Cooper! deserves it. Bourque may be slightly restricted by the obvious rules (the pacing, the planning around ad breaks, the need to keep everything suitable for all viewers), but he's helped by a screenplay that shows just how much fun it's possible to have within such parameters. I laughed at a lot of individual lines of dialogue and moments, I LOVED scanning scenes set at a Christmas party that featured people dressed up as characters from well-known Christmas movies (including Home Alone, Christmas Vacation, and, YES, Die Hard), and the predictability of the final scenes did nothing at all to ruin my enjoyment. In fact, I would have been apoplectic with rage if I hadn't been given the ending I wanted for Ted. 

I'm going to restrain myself when it comes to the final rating, but just know that I was sorely tempted to go a bit higher (which may or may not be a symptom of finding this such a blessed relief in comparison to so many other, lesser, TV movies I've already watched this holiday season). 

7/10

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Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas (1977)

Emmet Otter and his Ma are poor. Properly poor. Which wouldn't be a major problem for them if they didn't have certain obligations. Like Christmas presents. A local talent contest may provide a source of income for them though, but neither one wants to tell the other about their plan. Emmet ends up ruining Ma's washtub, needing it turned into a washtub bass for his role in the band, while Ma sells Emmet's tools to get some fabric required for the kind of dress a singer should wear on stage. It's a huge gamble, made even riskier by the presence of the rowdy Riverbottom Gang, who may also be interested in getting on stage and trying to win a prize.

A TV special that allowed Jim Henson to test the waters for the possibility, and practicality, of a Muppet movie, Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas is as important as it is sweet. It's also really well-made, quickly transporting viewers to a new land populated by fictional characters that immediately feel completely real, no matter how many strings or limitations are on display.

Henson and co. always did a great job when it came to creating environments for their puppet creations, keeping everything to scale and beautifully textured, but there was always some magic sprinkled into their work. I never watched The Muppets and thought of the puppeteers bringing those characters to life. I simply enjoyed getting to spend time with Kermit The Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, and the whole gang. It's the same here. I didn't once view this as a lesser effort, nor did I find any fault in the relative crudity of some of the character designs. I just thought about how cute Emmet and his Ma were, and I wanted everything to work out for them.

There's not much else to say about this. It's sweet, and gently heartbreaking during one or two tender moments. I am tempted to mention the wonderful lead performances, but that would just allow me to sink further into my delusion of believing fully in Emmet and Ma. The cuteness of the puppets does help everyone to accept the cuteness and purity of the characters though, just as the design of the entertainingly mean members of the Riverbottom Gang convinces viewers from the start that they're no good.

There are a few good tunes, even if you won't necessarily be singing them once the film is over, some low-key comedic touches here and there, and a finale that should melt all but the coldest and stoniest of hearts. While this probably won't surpass one or two other Henson productions that you may already hold dear, it's in line with the warm-hearted and gentle nature of their greatest hits. 

7/10

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