Although it is supposed to be an action comedy, I can honestly say that I never laughed once at Heads Of State. Seriously. I actually laughed more during a recent rewatch of Witness, the Harrison Ford thriller from 1985 that absolutely isn't a comedy (although there are a few deliberate lighter moments here and there).
John Cena plays Will Derringer, an action movie star who has managed to become the U.S. President. Idris Elba plays Sam Clarke, an ex-military man who has spent years serving as the British Prime Minister. The two of them are targeted by deadly killers, meaning they have to work together in order to survive. Just typing out this paragraph has made me sad.
It took three people to write this screenplay. Josh Appelbaum, André Nemec, and Harrison Query. All three should hang their heads in shame. There are a couple of decent flourishes in the action beats, but not one laugh. I like both of the leads, but I loathed both by the time I got to the end of this. Director Ilya Naishuller has helmed some good stuff in the past. This shows him to be lacking any knack for handling straightforward comedy though.
Aside from Elba and Cena, who are both at their absolute worst, the cast includes Priyanka Chopra Jones (equally ill-served), Paddy Considine (meant to be a Russian villain, but not sure what accent, if any, he was told to try), Carla Gugino (wasted), Stephen Root (wasted), Sarah Niles and Richard Coyle (both wasted), and Jack Quaid (who is one of the few highlights). There are others, mainly playing bland baddies to be despatched in one of the many fight sequences that blur together.
Everything about this is lazy and ugly. It's another streaming release that feels exactly like "content", put together by an algorithm with no way to insert a spark of proper life or humanity. Even some of the main locations have a familiarity to them, as if they're the same places used by Amazon for a few of their other big-budget projects.
I have watched, and will continue to watch, a lot of rubbish. Some of it is rubbish that I have a soft spot for. Some of it is rubbish that I enjoy as something to have on while I don't need to overthink or worry about (when I want familiarity, predictability, and a happy ending). This rubbish is the worst kind of rubbish. It's a film that many will settle for, considering how it does have that familiarity, predictability, and expected final scenes, but it treats viewers without an ounce of care or respect. The main premise is silly enough, but it's then made less bearable by the film-makers trying to keep the whole thing grounded in some kind of reality one step away from our own.
2/10
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