Necromancy (1972)

Necromancy. A look at the darkest corners of humanity. Necromancy. A terrifying journey through the history of witchcraft and sorcery. Necromancy. Orson Welles! Necromancy. You won't believe what sights are shown in this horrifying feature. Necromancy. Unlike anything you could ever imagine. And so on.

Necromancy is a film that I built up in my own mind for decades, having seen the trailer for it on so many VHS rentals back in the 1980s. I "knew" two things about it. It was a horror movie. It featured Orson Welles. Only now, an entire four decades later, can I categorically state that it's also really bad.

Pamela Franklin plays Lori Brandon, a sensitive and troubled woman who has to move across the country with her husband, Frank (Michael Ontkean), when he's given a great new job offer. Lori has good reason to be sensitive and troubled, having very recently lost a child who was stillborn, and everything that happens throughout the rest of the movie seems designed to play on her maternal instincts, especially when it comes to the eccentric Cato (Welles) detailing his pursuit of necromancy in the hope of one day resurrecting his dead son, Timothy.

Directed by Bert I. Gordon (who made his name with much more outlandish, and entertaining, movies that earned him the nickname Mr. BIG), and co-written with Gail March (her first feature, and one of only two she is credited for), Necromancy is a bit silly and, worst of all, a bit dull. It's one of those movies trying to impress by showing the dark arts juxtaposed with modern life in America, although these things often still take place in the more isolated communities, but makes the mistake of going for hallucinatory moments and paranoia ahead of paranoia and suffocation. The third act is particularly weak, and that's surely when things should have been building up to something as dark and memorable as we were promised by that foreboding and chilling trailer (well, it seemed foreboding and chilling to the child version of me, but now it actually looks pretty much in line with the film, and I know why we didn't rush to rent it).

Franklin tries her best in a role that requires her to be on edge and wide-eyed throughout, but she's not helped by the fact that the movie cannot be carried by anyone else. Ontkean doesn't have a lot to do once he's set off the main chain of events, Teddy Quinn has to walk around and look a bit dazed as the spirit of Timothy, and Welles acts as if he will give his all for one take of every line he has to utter before then sitting down to snort with derision at the schlock he's agreed to star in for the sake of a (hopefully) decent pay packet. 

Necromancy is not good. It's probably already forgotten, if it was known at all, by the majority of film fans. It held a special place in my heart for years though, and I can't say that I fully regret finally tracking it down to give it a watch. It feels as if I managed to revisit a childhood home and find some long-lost favourite toy that I can now see was just a dirt-covered and mangled Boglin I found in a field. Nobody, including myself, can pretend it is great, but nostalgia means that I cannot completely dismiss the effect it had on me.

4/10

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Hatching (2022)

When you boil it down to the core of the premise, Hatching is a film about a young girl who finds an egg and looks after it until it hatches, hence the title. It's not really about that at all though. If we make use of the bird-related imagery, it's a reminder of how parents can stop their children from flying high by spending so much of their time plucking one feather after another from their developing wings. It's about the repercussions of a strained and damaged family home. It's a look at a parent really harming their child, probably without even realising what scars they are causing.

Siiri Solalinna plays Tinja, a young girl who is driven to do well in gymnastics by her mother (Sophia Heikkilä). When not hyper-focused on driving her daughter to do better, Mother is busy getting distant from Father (Jani Volanen) as she starts a relationship with Tero (Reino Nordin). Meanwhile, Tinja has to put up with a typically pesky younger brother (Matias, played by Oiva Ollila), a new neighbour who might get her spot on the gymnastic team (Reetta, played by Ida Määttänen), and whatever will come out of the egg that she found near her home.

The directorial feature debut of Hanna Bergholm, helped in developing the idea into screenplay form by Ilja Rautsi, Hatching is a finely-choreographed dance between reality and something fantastical. There's no denying the pain that some of the characters go through (whether it's physical or, in the case of Tinja, both physical and emotional), but hope springs eternal when watching something this transformative happen to someone who might just be able to survive and come out of the other end intact. They'll be irrevocably changed, but they'll have survived. As the third act starts to unfold, however, it becomes increasingly clear that nobody is guaranteed to survive this experience.

Solalinna gives a flawless performance, and also takes on one other role later in the film. She's gripping in the lead role, consistently vulnerable and naive even as she tries to lie and scheme her way through enough time to let the egg hatch, and to help grow whatever comes out of it. Both Ollila and Määttänen are very believable as the other main children onscreen, and Nordin and Heikkilä are excellent as adults who treat our young lead in very different ways. Volanen has a lot less to do, but he's good enough in his sidelined role.

Hatching works on a completely superficial level. It's interesting, it's tense, it's occasionally absolutely wild. It also works brilliantly with everything going on just below the surface (well, technically, still on the surface, but parallel to the more standard horror genre moments). I'm not sure how it will play to those who have been guilty of some of the bad parenting on display (just FYI, my own bad parenting was a whole other kind of bad parenting, mainly revolving around absenteeism and a phase of arrested emotional development, before anyone assumes I am being a pot talking to some kettles), but it's certainly works as a reminder of just how important every single decision and act is when it directly impacts children trying to hold on to their ability to fly.

8/10

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Prime Time: Boys From County Hell (2020)

While I have forgotten the details of it since, I was lucky enough to see, and enjoy, the short film version of Boys From County Hell back in 2013 at the Dead By Dawn horror film festival. I remember it being fun, bloody, and entertainingly playful with a well-known horror archetype. I don't know why I never made time before now for the feature, but the main thing is that I have done so now. 

Written and directed by Chris Baugh (who also helmed the superb Bad Day For The Cut), expanding on the story idea co-created with Brendan Mullin, this is a tale of two friends, Eugene (Jack Rowan) and William (Fra Fee), who are reacting in very different ways to the fact that nothing of interest ever happens in their small town. Tourists stop by now and again, interested in a local legend that apparently inspired Bram Stoker's most famous writing, but even that will become a rarity when a new bypass is built. And that bypass project will be headed up by Eugene's dad (Francis, played by Nigel O'Neill), which will make the pair of them about as popular as a hedgehog at a bouncy castle party. Despite the hostility towards them, Eugene and his dad, joined by Claire (Louisa Harland) and SP (Michael Hough), end up trying their best to keep the locals safe when it transpires that the local legend has returned. And is hungry.

While it's easy to recommend Boys From County Hell as a very enjoyable horror comedy, thanks to it delivering enough laughs and bloodshed in equal measure, it's important to note that it works as well as it does because of the central characters and the journey that we see them go on. Eugene and William are separated from one another in a way that leaves a painful hole too easily filled with guilt and recriminations, which is similar to the space always there between Eugene and his father. Claire doesn't have time for the men unable to see beyond their own insecurities and self-flagellation, but she soon shows that she has a determination and strength that makes her unlikely to stick around in a small town for too long, if she survives the dangerous night ahead.

Baugh takes time to set everything up in the first half hour, but does so while throwing in some minor scares and foreboding moments on the way to the more action-packed second half. It's a good move to start with a powerful and chilling scene before then hopping back in time to show how that moment eventually comes about, and it's also good to have one or two heavy emotional wallops that reverberate through the rest of the runtime.

Rowan makes a great lead, and works brilliantly with absolutely everyone around him. Fee and Harland both get good moments, Hough is responsible for a few of the funniest lines, and O'Neill has fun playing someone so amusingly cold and inconsiderate for most of his screentime. John Lynch and Andrea Irvine are welcome additions, and Morgan C. Jones steals one or two scenes as Charlie, a man who is changed in a way that allows everyone else to see just how weird and deadly their circumstances have become.

It's hard to think of anyone who will hate this, as long as you know roughly what you're in for. The characters are good company, the gags are often all the funnier for being nicely understated amidst the unfolding horror, and there's a good bit of tension in the finale. One or two plot points are a bit too silly and ridiculous, all in service of the comedy though (which I don't begrudge), but the end result is simply a good time for those wanting something that's entertaining, charming, and clocks in at just under 90 minutes.

8/10

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The Long Walk (2025)

I'm not saying I'm ancient, but I'm old enough to have read The Bachman Books before Rage was excluded from the collection by Stephen King. It was a pretty great read. Four novellas written by Stephen King, under the name Richard Bachman, between the late 1970s and the early 1980s. The highlight was The Long Walk though, and it's something that fans of King's work wanted to see turned into a movie for decades. Here we are then, but is it any good?

The short answer to that is yes.

The premise is simple enough. America seems to have slid into some kind of horrible totalitarianism, with culture and free thought frowned upon as everyone struggles to make ends meet. This leaves many desperate enough to nominate themselves for a place in the annual event known as The Long Walk. The participants are all teenage boys, one from each state. All they have to do is walk at a constant speed of at least 3 miles per hour. That may sound okay to you, but they get three warnings if they fall below that speed, and then a bullet. There are no toilet breaks, no rest periods, no relief from pain, just walking. Always walking. Until there's only one left. The winner, who will receive a huge sum of money and one wish granted. Raymond Garraty (Cooper Hoffman) thinks he has a chance, and knows exactly what he wants his one wish to be. Peter McVries (David Jonsson) seems to be a good ally during the contest, but both young men need to remember that only one can survive to the end. Gary Barkovitch (Charlie Plummer) remembers this, and tries to goad others into wasting some of their energy, Billy Stebbins (Garrett Wareing) looks like a very strong contender, and others trying to stay on their feet include Arthur Baker (Tut Nyuot), Hank Olson (Ben Wang), Collie Parker (Joshua Odjick), and Thomas Curley (Roman Griffin Davis). 

Adapted from page to screen by JT Mollner, The Long Walk is directed well by Francis Lawrence (best known for helming a number of other movies about a deadly competition, a note that everyone is obliged to mention in any review of this film). There's only so much you can really do with the premise though. This is a film with a lot of conversations happening between people who are walking. It's punctuated by some sudden deaths, and those are sometimes delivered with maximum impact, but it's essentially a lot of walking and talking. Not great cinema, but still a great story nonetheless.

Lawrence has done himself a big favour with his casting. Hoffman does a fantastic job in his lead role, and Jonsson is almost equally good (if slightly hampered by the accent and occasional phrases that make him feel like he's mired in the bog of eternal King-isms). Plummer is even more hampered, but does well, and Wareing, Nyuot, Wang, and co. all do good work, especially when their full journey is shown via stages of physical and mental deterioration. Judy Greer has a couple of scenes that have her fretting over her son (Hoffman), something she does really well, and Mark Hamill is brilliantly cold and jingoistic as The Major, the military figurehead of The Long Walk and the one who will deliver the final shot before the winner is celebrated. 

I did really like this, and it's been good to see many others reacting positively to it, but I can't judge it on purely technical aspects. I think at least some of my reaction stems from finally seeing ANY adaptation of the story in film form. The material is strong enough to make up for any minor failings, and maybe the fact that it is here for us in 2025 will help us avoid making a reality that comes all too close to this kind of fiction. Or maybe we're all just too tired and befuddled to do anything other than keep walking toward a depressingly bleak future. 

8/10

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Mubi Monday: Sorry, Baby (2025)

If you're going to tackle the kind of subject matter tackled in Sorry, Baby then you need to be confident in your abilities. There's a delicate touch required to create something that ends up being smart, a bit funny, and often tinged with deep sadness. Writer-director-star Eva Victor has that delicate touch, leading to Sorry, Baby being one of the most well-crafted and brilliant feature debuts I have seen in years.

Victor plays Agnes, a young woman who seems to be most content when able to spend time with her friend, Lydie (Naomi Ackie). It soon becomes clear that something happened in the recent past to strengthen their bond even further, but what exactly that is won't be revealed until later in the movie. Lydie is in new and scary territory, in love with someone and pregnant via a sperm donor, but Agnes has now been made fearful of environments that she has been familiar with for years. And it's not fucking fair, not in the slightest.

Given how great her performance is here, and her mannerisms, I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Victor is actually the result of some mad scientist's attempt to clone Julianne Moore. That's a bit flippant, I know, but I mean it as a major compliment. Victor has that same ability to move between serious and more light-hearted moments with equal ease, and a relatively calm exterior that has the potential to crack and explode any minute. She's helped here by co-starring with the brilliant Ackie, and there are superb supporting turns from Kelly McCormack (being hilariously paranoid and always comparing herself to others), Lucas Hedges (a neighbour who may also be a potential partner), Louis Cancelmi, E. R. Fightmaster, and John Carroll Lynch.

You might already know what Sorry, Baby is really about, but I'm not going into any more detail here. The construction of the screenplay sandwiches the main event between scenes that show how Agnes struggles to deal with her new way of viewing the world, and whether or not she wants to spend much time outside of her own home. One scene in particular, showing Agnes almost processing part of her pain and thinking out loud when questioned during consideration for jury duty, is a masterful distillation of the trauma, scars, and repercussions stemming from one crime that has her still, somehow, giving equal consideration to how it will affect others around her.

Sometimes it's important to dive into more aspects of a film, especially when trying to convey to others just how good it is. Sometimes it's important to recognise that the film itself is just part of an ongoing conversation that needs to keep happening until our society undergoes a seismic shift in attitudes and morality. And there are times during that conversation when you should shut up and listen. Watching Sorry, Baby feels like a time for many to shut up and listen. And I would be doing it a disservice if I spent any more time here waffling on about my own reaction to it. 

Seek it out immediately. You'll be glad that you did.

10/10

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Netflix And Chill: Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight Part 2 (2021)

When I mentioned lining this up for a viewing after only recently seeing the movie that precedes it I was informed by at least one person that it was . . . something. And it sure is. Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight Part 2 is a really strange progression from the first film, but it also doesn't feel as if it's working against anything that was already put in place.

Zosia (Julia Wieniawa) is in police custody after the events of the first film. As are a pair of mutated killers. Sergeant Waldek (Andrzej Grabowski) takes her back to one of the main locations of interest to further investigate the killing spree, which is the start of everything going quite horribly wrong. There's a meteorite chunk that still holds the power to change those that come into contact with it, and it's not long until we have a new mutant killer for our main characters to deal with. Those main characters are now a young police officer named Adam (Mateusz Wieclawek) and his work partner, Wanessa (Zofia Wichlacz), as well as two hunters (Mariusz and Slawek, played by Sebastian Stankiewicz and Robert Wabich, respectively) and a frightened prostitute named Janeczka (Izabela Dabrowska). 

With Bartosz M. Kowalski back in the director's chair, joined by one returning writer (Mirella Zaradkiewicz) to help him with the screenplay, this is a wild and fun ride that I have to consider superior to the first film. While some may dislike the sharp turn that this takes, it at least tries hard to reframe the standard slasher movie antics and get viewers onside with some characters who would usually be left under-developed and used in very different ways. Seeing this film has made me much more eager to check out other films by Kowalski, who I now know can work with both the familiar and the enjoyably unexpected.

Every one of the main cast members does well, even when buried under make up that is used to transform them. Wieniawa carries the baggage of her survival of the first film, allowing viewers to keep hoping for the best as it looks like everything is about to go from bad to worse for her, and Wieclawek is suitably vulnerable and unprepared for everything that ends up happening around, and to, him. Others onscreen are often shown to be less capable than they like to make out, with darkly comedic results sometimes, but they're all given just enough time and focus to make you hope that at least some of them make it to the end credits.

Managing to balance things between fun gore gags and some unexpectedly bleak exploration of identity, loneliness, and how morality is seen very differently by people looking at it from diametrically opposed viewpoints, Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight Part 2 is an impressively unique work. It doesn't get absolutely everything right, and the pacing is the main area where things could have been improved, but it's well worth a watch.

7/10

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Shudder Saturday: Other (2025)

The last time I watched a horror movie written and directed by David Moreau it was the very surprising and excellent MadS. I had forgotten that he did that though, and was drawn to watch Other because of the lead role for Olga Kurylenko. That may have been a mistake.

Kurylenko plays Alice, a woman who has to head back to check things are in order after the death of her mother. Exploring her childhood home, she soon finds out that there's maybe something a bit wrong about the place. While revisiting a number of memories, Alice starts to process parts of her past that her mind once refused to accept.

Not only is Other bad, it's irritating. Moreau, "helped" in the dialogue department by Jon Goldman, seems to think that he's delivering a wonderful puzzle box to viewers. It's actually just an ugly paperweight, making use of familiar tropes and random inserted scare attempts until a final sequence that is quite laughable in how much Moreau seems to believe in it as a bit of a "gotcha" moment.

There are others in the cast, minor characters here and there, but it mainly rests on the slim shoulders of Kurylenko. As much as I often like her onscreen, she's not right for this role, often unable to give viewers a real insight into her character whenever she's not speaking to others about the situation. Part of the problem is due to the screenplay, admittedly, but someone stronger in the main role could have distracted viewers from some of that main weakness with a strong and mesmerising central performance.

I don't have anything good to say about this, although that's not to say that others may find something to like here. My opinion is affected by how much I disliked the film from the very earliest scenes, which meant that even potentially better moments in the second half didn't do enough to "move the needle" for me. It lost me from the start, and had no major moment that was able to ever regain my interest or goodwill.

If you're as tempted to watch this as I was then I implore you to watch almost any other David Moreau film instead. He can direct good movies. This just isn't one of them. As for Kurylenko, it's clear that she either needs strong enough material or a decent supporting cast to help her along.  She also generally does a bit better in action movies, which is maybe something I should keep in mind the next time I see her name used to promote any horror fare.

Pick any other movie to watch this weekend. Just don't pick Other. 

3/10

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The Iron Rose (1973)

If forced to come up with an opinion, and it definitely varies from film to film, I would have to say that, yes, I am a fan of Jean Rollin. I've known of his work now for about 30 years, finally diving in to explore his filmography after years spent sampling the more straightforward pleasures of other celebrated directors, and it has been nice to eventually see some of his films become available nowadays in presentations that actually treat his work with due respect.

The Iron Rose is a simple film, arguably even more focused on the dream-like/nightmare atmosphere and visuals than most of his other films. A man (Hugues Quester) and a woman (Françoise Pascal) go on a date that leads them to a walk through a large cemetery. It isn't long until they realise that they cannot seem to find their way back out again. That's really all there is to it.

While leaving behind the vampires that he had become known for, Rollin still stays well within his comfort zone here. That comfort zone just happens to be an obsession with death and the macabre. Do the main characters here have a real problem developing around them, or is it just some kind of self-made conundrum? And is the best way out of the scenario to struggle against it, or give in to the strangeness?

Both Pascal and Quester do very well to hold your attention, the former having to work that bit harder in scenes with her all alone, and the film doesn't need any other supporting characters. There are some figures shown here and there, opening sequence aside, but they're more like props being moved to emphasise the strangeness of the cemetery.

Inspired by the poetry of Tristan Corbière, with dialogue by Maurice Lemaître, Rollin excels here in creating something that is atmospheric and continually dances around between moments of joy and moments of terror, and sometimes both together. I know that this is something that could be said about almost any Rollin film, of course, but The Iron Rose is up there with his most successful creations, and certainly stands out from the pack by retaining his favourite themes without making use of fangs (or Brigitte Lahaie).

Maybe not one to select as your first foray into Rollin (there are two or three I would put ahead of it when it comes to being introduced to his work), but it's somehow contains both a sense of the familiar and a sense of the unique that should have fans ranking it very highly in any attempt to order his filmography. 

8/10

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Sick (2022)

If you think back to the peak days of the global pandemic of 2020 then it makes sense that it would inspire a slasher. Everyone was paranoid, many were isolated from others, and the majority of people were wearing masks anyway. This is the fertile ground explored by writers Kevin Williamson and Katelynn Crabb in Sick. 

After an obligatory opening sequence of tension and death, Sick starts properly when we meet two friends, Parker (Gideo Adlon) and Miri (Bethlehem Million, credited as Beth Million), who are about to quarantine together at a remote house by a lake. They are soon joined by DJ (Dylan Sprayberry). And . . . someone else.

The one thing I knew about Sick was that Kevin Williamson was involved. It's always going to get noticed when such a big name in the slasher sub-genre has a hand in another slasher movie. His involvement had me keen to see this, but I also knew to control my expectations. This was, after all, a slasher movie set during a period of time that many of us would probably prefer to forget. Thankfully, Williamson and Crabb set things up nicely, and gain some goodwill by having the first line of dialogue be someone asking about toilet paper in a store, and there's a tone throughout that respects what we all went through in 2020 while also highlighting how crazy it all was. Many people were driven a bit crazy by the whole situation, and I count myself among them.

Having been familiar with the work of director John Hyams in the action genre, it was a pleasant surprise to see his name pop up here. That's on me, considering his previous forays into thriller and horror territory (with at least one feature and some TV work to his credit, including the fun Z Nation and the fantastic Chucky show). Hyams works well enough with the material, although he doesn't get to show off any of his usual style and ability here. Backgrounds are used well, particularly during the many times that characters in the foreground are oblivious to movement behind them, but the main premise makes it a struggle for Hyams to keep things tense and lively enough throughout the 83-minute runtime.

Adlon and Million are decent in their roles, although it would have been nice to have some more established named placed in the middle of the proceedings, and Sprayberry makes the best of what he's given. Marc Menchaca and Jane Adams are both good value, and Joel Courtney gets to play someone who casts as large a shadow over everything as any masked murderer.

Despite dipping slightly in the middle, Sick works well thanks to a strong start and a great third act. The motivation for the murders is actually quite brilliant, and I was smiling at how obvious and well-handled it was as everything started to fall into place. There's nothing new here, but it feels fresh because of the specific time period. Although I would warn people that, obviously, this isn't necessarily something you'll enjoy if you're still recovering from the collective global trauma that saw so much pain, insanity, and death in such a relatively short period of time.

7/10

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Prime Time: House Of The Long Shadows (1983)

Despite the cast, I was never in a rush to watch this horror movie, the final feature directed by Pete Walker. I knew I would get to it eventually though. It's old-fashioned, creaks under the weight of the baggage being moved across every wooden floor, and also has a ridiculous framing device. I couldn't bring myself to dislike it though.

Desi Arnaz Jr. plays Kenneth Magee, a writer who makes a bet with his agent (Richard Todd) that he can hole himself up in dark and isolated house for 24 hours and come out with a novel akin to something produced by the Brontë sisters. It's handy for Magee that his agent has a key to such a location, and the bet is on. The house ends up being populated by a strange mix of characters though. Sheila Keith and John Carradine appear, claiming to be the housekeeping staff. Julie Peasgood appears, claiming to want to keep our lead from danger. Then along come Vincent Price, Peter Cushing, and Christopher Lee. It's a veritable cornucopia of horror movie legends.

Based on a novel, "Seven Keys To Baldpate" by Earl Derr Biggers, which had also been adapted into a successful play by George M. Cohan, the screenplay here, from Michael Armstrong is really just an excuse to make room for the many iconic actors to interact with one another here. This doesn't make for a great movie, necessarily, but it's impossible to watch this as a horror fan and not get some pleasure from it. And I'd argue that any scene involving the bigger names is better than any scene that focuses on Arnaz Jr. (who isn't terrible, but never feels like a good enough leading man).

Walker directs without any real relish, instead seeming to take on the role of mediator responsible for ensuring that all of the performers get their individual moments to shine. The film is about familiarity and comfort ahead of any actual scares, although there is some enjoyable atmosphere created by the central location. Will you care about the actual plot, or what dangers crop up around our "hero"? I doubt it, but that's not really the point anyway.

If you have read this far then you know why you will want to watch this. It's all in the second paragraph. This film allows you some time with some true genre greats, and that's the main thing going for it. Cushing may have to work with a strange speech affectation that stops him from being at his best, but he's still Peter bloody Cushing, a legend and a damn fine actor. Lee is as calm and quietly menacing as he so often could be, and Keith, Carradine, and Price all enjoy delivering an endearing helping of ham. Peasgood is decent enough, and Louise English and Richard Hunter turn up in time to provide more potential victims as the titular house aims to reveal some deadly secrets.

I was hoping this would be a bit better, but I was also aware of it not being beloved by many. It's a decent enough way to kill 102 minutes though, especially if viewed (as it should be) as a loving tribute to a number of the main cast members.

6/10

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Ick (2024)

I think it's safe to say that Joseph Kahn is quite a divisive director. He certainly has a unique style, one that has been suited better to some films (Bodied) than others (Detention). And he also gave us Torque, which is a whole separate issue. Here he is now with Ick, co-written by Kahn, Dan Koontz, and Samuel Laskey, a sci-fi horror comedy that makes use of 2000s nostalgia and modern-day CGI.

Brandon Routh plays Hank, a man who hasn't had his life turn out the way he hoped it would. An American Football star for a while, injury on the field put a stop to his big dreams. He ends up as a science teacher, stuck in the small town that he hoped to eventually see dwindling in the rear-view mirror. There are regrets, particularly over how things went wrong with his high school sweetheart (Staci, played by Mena Suvari). There's also the Ick, a strange plant-like thing that landed in town years ago, but is now entering a new growth stage, allowing it to infect and use humans in zombiefied and mutated form.

There's fun to be had here, and some of the main sequences are filled with great inventiveness and spectacle, but the main thing working against Ick is the lack of any real horror or tension underpinning things. The leads are shown to be pretty impervious quite early on, especially while running through scenes that show the Ick grabbing and destroying others around them with speed and ease. This isn't a film to keep you on edge, but nor is it fun enough to rely on the gags being good enough for most viewers.

Routh is great in the lead role, and I was very happy to see him do something that made such good use of him, and his young co-stars (Malina Weissman, Taia Sophia, Zeke Jones, and Harrison Cone) all do well to match him. Weissman is a strong co-lead, and Cone deserves extra praise for being such an enjoyable and hateable "faux sensitive" dudebro. Suvari and Peter Wong do well in their supporting roles, the former helping to boost the nostalgia factor, and the other main star is the Ick itself, well-realised by a whole team of workers.

Sadly, the film doesn't ever feel truly deserving of the cast. It's paradoxical that Khan and co. are so interested in hurtling along from start to finish that what could have been energetic and exciting ends up feeling like a bit of a slog instead. I enjoyed individual moments, especially when certain people would meet a sticky end, but once you've seen one Ick attack you've pretty much seen them all. Perhaps if the premise had made more use of the zombiefication, as it does when our hero is hounded by two local cops, then it could have been a better film, but it doesn't.

Still, it's slick stuff, helped along by a soundtrack full of firm favourites from the turn of the century. I will recommend it to those that want something disposable and, well, a bit icky in between some more worthwhile horror movie viewings, but it's a shame that the end result isn't better. It really should have been. 

5/10

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Mubi Monday: The Lunchbox (2013)

Most rom-coms or romantic dramas feature some important mistake or miscommunication. This is often vital in connecting the leads, as is the case here. The Lunchbox is based around a mix-up caused by the dabbawalas (a Mumbai food delivery system that collects lunches from homes to deliver to people at their workplace - like a personalised UberEats), and it's arguably as plausible and effective as any other plot device I have seen used in this genre.

Ila (Nimrat Kaur) is a young housewife hoping to regain the attention of her husband (Rajeev, played by Nakul Vaid) by reaching his heart via his stomach. She hopes to do this by making some truly delicious lunches, infused with great taste and heaped spoonfuls of love (the latter being metaphorical, of course). Unfortunately, the lunches end up going to Saajan (Irrfan Khan) instead. Saajan is heading towards his retirement, but not before he has to train his replacement, Aslam (Nawazuddin Siddiqui). Letters are soon being exchanged, starting a proper connection between Ila and Saajan that will deepen over time, and at least one cold soul starts to thaw as they are forced to interact more with some people who help to show some of the many pleasures that life can still offer.

I'm not familiar with the work of writer-director Ritesh Batra, nor would I call myself anywhere near familiar with the varied and rich selection of films made in India (although I have seen some great ones over the past few years, and need to start getting better at taking note of directors and stars), but The Lunchbox sounded like something I might be entertained by. I was right. I think there are one or two contrivances used to maintain the premise throughout, but the central characters are so easy to root for that you soon stop thinking of any flaws in the logic to focus on the hope that circumstances can bring the two together for more than just lunchbox letters.

Considering his role as the elderly, and wiser, figure, I assume that Khan is someone already well-known to those who have enjoyed far more Hindi-language movies than myself. He's quite wonderful in his role, whether being obstinate and abrupt with people or finally allowing for some joy in his life. Kaur is a wonderful co-star, especially while she gets to be the heart and warmth of the movie (assisted in a number of amusing scenes by the disembodied voice of "Auntie", a superb vocal performance from Bharati Achrekar) as she looks to make some positive changes in her life. Siddiqui is also very good, delivering a performance that avoids him being too much of an irritation even as Khan's character views him that way. Vaid is suitably easy to view dispassionately, and Lillete Dubey, Denzil Smith, and Shruti Bapna all do their bit in shaping the paths of our leads.

Although it's a romantic drama, The Lunchbox is also a look at characters who maybe just need advice and support more than they need a relationship. I didn't watch this and automatically think that this man and woman had what was needed to complete one another, but that didn't have me any less invested in their journey. Some may be a bit disappointed by the third act. I thought it was exactly how it should be. Lovely stuff, and I highly recommend it to everyone. 

9/10

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Netflix And Chill: Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight (2020)

A Polish slasher movie that has more than a hint of the Wrong Turns about it, Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight is another one of those films that I had thought I'd already watched. Once I double-checked my lengthy viewing history, I realised that it would be new to me. So this seemed like a good time to make time for it.

A group of teens are placed in the middle of some woods without their phones, it's a tech-detox kind of camp deal, and that's all the prep required for this horror. Different groups head off in different directions, and our main characters soon start to feel uneasy about their surroundings, a feeling that worsens when some lumbering killer starts to kill them off. 

Directed by Bartosz M. Kowalski, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Jan Kwiecinski and Mirella Zaradkiewicz, this is a strange film to evaluate. It's decent enough, especially when it comes to the pacing and the main death scenes, but just lacks that certain something to make it a bit more memorable. I think the problem lies with the lack of character development, but I'm willing to acknowledge that most slasher movies aren't exactly known for that aspect. Maybe it's easier to note as a major flaw when nobody feels like a lead though, and that's the case here. One person becomes a lead, by default, as the very end of the movie plays out, but that stems from their ongoing survival, as opposed to them having any more presence or backstory, or depth, than anyone else onscreen.

The main cast members are Julia Wieniawa, Michał Lupa, Wiktoria Gąsiewska, Stanisław Cywka, Sebastian Dela, Gabriela Muskała, Michał Zbroja, Mirosław Zbrojewicz, and Piotr Cyrwus, and I won't single any of them out here because, well, the film barely singles any of them out as they all wander around the woods and seem equally primed to be bumped off. Nobody is bad, and I didn't mind spending time with the group, but nobody is given any real opportunity to shine. 

It's easy to overlook weak writing or thin characterisations when the kills are good enough though, which is what slasher movies are all about, and Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight just about does enough to keep horror movie fans happy. It's just a shame that the pacing couldn't have been a bit better, with some of the 102-minute runtime feeling as if too much time is wasted with connections and backstory that aren't worth the time given over to them, but the third act at least delivers some moments to reward your patience.

While not even close to being up there with the best of them, nor even something I would label an underseen gem, Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight just about did enough for me to get me interested in seeing the sequel that was made one year later. And I'll hopefully share my views on that film in about a week. 

6/10

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Shudder Saturday: V/H/S/Halloween (2025)

Did I ever expect the V/H/S horror anthology series to become something of a tradition around this time of year? I did not. Am I happy enough with this development? I am. Which is why I was happy to get around to watching V/H/S/Halloween, despite being hugely disappointed by the previous entry in the series, V/H/S/Beyond.

It's the normal format. You get half a dozen stories with a wraparound tale interspersed between each one. Each story is distinctly pumpkin-flavoured this time around, and the wraparound tale - showing a group of people testing out a new fizzy drink on some unsuspecting subjects - is my favourite of the entire series.

Although the various segments vary wildly in tone, from the Willy Wonka surreal silliness and the body horror of "Fun Size" (my personal favourite, written and directed by Casper Kelly) to the very dark and disturbing "KidPrint" (written and directed by Alex Ross Perry), everything has a sense of belonging to the bigger picture. That's all thanks to the easy linking theme of Halloween, with many of the segments allowing the film-makers to simply revel in all of the seasonal atmosphere. Once Bryan M. Ferguson has set the tone with the first of the wraparouns sections, Anna Zlokovic starts things strong with the bonkers "Coochie Coochi Coo". Things then seem to settle down a bit with "Ut Supra Sic Infra" (co-written by Alberto Marini and director Paco Plaza), but there's an ending that delivers exactly what you expect from it. Then it's "Fun Size", perfectly placed in the middle of the movie. "KidPrint" comes along after that, one that some will find hard to stomach as things get worse and worse, before the whole thing ends in a double-whammy of the hugely entertaining "Home Haunt" (co-written and co-directed by Micheline Pitt-Norman and R. H. Norman) and a superb wraparound punchline.

There's not too much else to say about this though, and it can often be difficult to fully review and discuss anthology horror movies. The point of them is to draw you in and lead you to a great ending with every segment, which this does. To say too much about any one tale is to spoil the potential delight. Just know that this is a very strong entry in this series, and perhaps my new favourite. While everyone will inevitably react to the different segments in different ways, those who know the vibe and aesthetic of the films will be unlikely to be disappointed by this. The main concepts are often built around a great mix of fun and frights, the acting feels better than it has been in some of the previous instalments, and the end result is just a perfect horror "mix-tape" that will be even better to watch as you're sitting in the dark with the glow of a candle-lit pumpkin creating some lively shadows in the corners of the room. 

A huge turnaround from the last movie, although I may eventually rewatch that one and revise my harsh opinion of it, this not only kept me very entertained throughout, it had me wishing we could fast forward to next year and see what we'll get next in this series. I raise a hot cup of pumpkin-spiced latte to all involved.

8/10

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Them! (1954)

Anyone who has watched more than one episode of Archer, the very funny animated show about a dysfunctional, and often drunk, secret agent, should be all too aware of what you can do to get ants. Sugar spillages, sweet treats left around, just wandering around making funny noises while waggling discarded car radio aerials from your head, all of these things can attract ants. It wasn't just Archer that told us about this though. Back in 1954 we had Them! to thank for alerting us to the ant menace. These weren't any normal ants either. They were gi-ants.

While the cast here includes James Whitmore as a Sergeant, Edmund Gwenn and Joan Weldon as two scientists who are also father and daughter, and James Arness, the real reason for watching Them! is the giant ants, which are actually shown onscreen earlier than I thought they would be. The film is presented as a mystery for a number of the early scenes, but all of the clues are there to point towards the kind of creatures shown on the movie poster. What begins in the desert landscape of New Mexico will end in the very different terrain of L. A. in a film that holds up as a classic of the "oversized beastie" sub-genre.

Based on a story by George Worthing Yates, adapted and worked into screenplay form by Russell S. Hughes and Ted Sherdeman, Them! benefits from great pacing, more ambition than many of these films would have in subsequent years, and moments of mayhem that, despite being dated, still hold some power when watched today. Director Gordon Douglas does well with material that could have easily been mishandled, keeping things nicely balanced between the mystery, thrills, and the exposition. There's an energy and momentum to the whole thing, and it's somehow also light enough without injecting any forced and eye-rolling humour into any of the main sequences.

Considering how long I waited to finally get around to this, even after finding out about some of the main plot beats and the excitement of the third act, I was expecting to come away from this slightly underwhelmed. That wasn't the case though. This remains very deserving of a special place in the hearts of film fans, and those who love it will struggle to find anything coming close to it. You can get a fantastic film full of normal-sized ants with Phase IV, but your decent overgrown ant movie choices really boil down to just Honey, I Shrunk The Kids and Empire Of The Ants . . . none of the other attempts to wander through this territory have worked for me.

Everyone who is into their monster movies has already seen this by now. I am surely the last. But if you're a newcomer to creature features, or if you've just delayed this for as long as I did, then I highly recommend it. From the concept to the finalised special effects, from the sound design to the spectacle, it's just an absolute winner from start to finish. Get this cast and crew in place . . . and THAT'S how you get ants.

8/10

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The Toxic Avenger (2023)

While it's hard to deny that we live in some truly dire times (I mean . . . *gestures at everything around us*), it's also pleasing to note that we now live in a world that has given us a new Toxic Avenger movie. And not just any Toxic Avenger movie. This is written and directed by Macon Blair, and has a cast that includes Peter Dinklage in the main role, Jacob Tremblay, Taylour Paige, Kevin Bacon, Elijah Wood,  Julia Davis, and Sarah Niles.

Dinklage plays Winston, a man who will eventually be transformed into the titular (anti/super)hero, although his character is brilliantly portrayed by Luisa Guerreiro. Anyway, Winston is trying to bond with his step-son, Wade (Jacob Tremblay), both still grieving the loss of the main woman they loved, but has his standard routine of drudgery and self-doubt interrupted by a chain of events that lead to his body being dumped into a load of toxic sludge. And that's when The Toxic Avenger is born, just in time to help a plucky investigative reporter (J. J. Doherty, played by Paige) reveal the truth about a corrupt pharmaceutical company headed by Bob Garbinger (Bacon).

The first thing I want to say about The Toxic Avenger is that it's a bit too long, the runtime is just over 100 minutes, and it could have moved things into place in the first act much quicker than it does, but there's a very satisfying pay-off for most of the plot points set up here. While I enjoyed a lot of it, I feel that the pacing really works against it, and others may well feel the same.

Everything else I have to say about the film is pretty positive though, despite me not being as completely won over by it as others were. The cast is uniformly great, with Paige being an essential strong heartbeat for a film so populated with over the top villainy and silly grotesqueries. Dinklage has a lot of fun as the loser who watches his life go from bad to worse to toxic, Tremblay is able to be both a bit sullen and very vulnerable, as required, and Bacon, Wood, and Davis are a dangerous trio that wouldn't look out of place in a big-budget Batman movie. It's Toxie front and centre, but Paige plays her part so well that she helps to ground the ridiculous gore and gags, reminding you that there are people onscreen who are desperate for help . . . even if it comes in the shape of a very unlikely "hero".

It may keep itself slightly distanced from the worst elements of Troma Entertainment, where the main character originated, but fans will be happy to find that it has a spirit, and a commmitment to excessive amounts of gore and bodily harm, that aligns it nicely with body of work we've had throughout the decades from "Uncle Lloyd" and co.

There's room for improvement here, and room for even more detached limbs and geysers of blood, but Blair has done a hell of a job to walk a perilous tightrope. This should please both fans of the original movies and relative newcomers who go into their viewing with some idea of what it's aiming for. I'll be rewatching it, probably more than I would ever rewatch any of the other movies in the series, and I encourage others to at least throw some rental money towards it. How else am I going to get my long-gestating Class Of Nuke 'Em High remake made?

8/10

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Prime Time: Teenage Zombies (1959)

Did I expect this to be an actual zombie movie? No, I did not. I might be stupid, but I'm not THAT stupid (sometimes). I saw this title as I was scrolling through Prime Video looking for my next viewing choice and I figured I might have some fun with it. It would at least be a bit groovy, surely.

Written and directed by Jerry Warren, who helmed about a dozen movies with similar titles that clearly promise more than is delivered, this is the tale of some bland teens who take a rowboat over to a small island and end up trapped by Dr. Myra (Katherine Victor). Dr. Myra wants to create an army of zombie slaves, but she also has a gorilla as one of her test subjects.

There's something mesmerising about this film, despite it being absolutely awful. The runtime feels a bit longer than the 73 minutes, the plot is akin to something Enid Blyton might have written down on a napkin during a Halloween fever dream, and none of the main actors are given enough to work with, aside from Victor. Warren clearly decided he would make a film, any film, and sell it to audiences based on a title alone, which is exactly what he did. I'm not sure if he ended up making any money from it, but I wouldn't be surprised if he saw a small amount of profit before everyone realised that they'd been enjoyably hoodwinked.

Don Sullivan, Paul Pepper, Brianne Murphy, and Mitzi Albertson play the four teens who initially encounter our entertainingly mad doctor, and they're soon joined by Jay Hawk and Nan Green (playing Morrie and Dotty, respectively, two friends who might just be able to save them). But show me headshots of everyone right now, moments after I have just finished watching this movie, and I wouldn't be able to tell you just who played who. They're not individuals here, rather one group of "teens". I might be able to recognise Victor though, and am not averse to checking out the rest of her filmography, including other Warren-helmed features. She may have made her acting debut in the dire Mesa Of Lost Women, a film I did see once many years ago, but can at least be very proud of her voice acting in the animated Godzilla TV show that first appeared in the late 1970s.

Would I recommend Teenage Zombies to anyone looking for a decent horror movie, or even just a decent movie? Of course I wouldn't. I would recommend it to those who can tolerate amusingly crude "home-made" film-making and entertaining whackiness though. There are some dull moments, but I've endured many films in this vein that were much more lethargic. And I suspect that's the same for many other horror movie fans out there. Although, and I cannot stress this enough as I end this review, this is not even remotely scary or atmospheric, which may be enough to entirely dissuade people to even consider it as a horror movie (but the zombiefication and angry gorilla are enough for me to acknowledge it under that very wide genre umbrella).

3/10

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The Conjuring: Last Rites (2025)

And here we are, at last, with the last entry in The Conjuring movie series. Yeah. Sure. If you believe that then I have a lovely bridge to sell you. But let’s take things at face value for now.

You should know what to expect by now. People are affected by spooky shenanigans. Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine Warren (Vera Farmiga) eventually turn up to help them, and the Warrens have never encountered a ghost that they couldn’t actually label a demon. The movies allow them to be presented as Super-Exorcists. Meanwhile, reality has left viewers more and more equipped to see the Warrens as con artists, at best, and very dangerous and exploitative abusers, at worst. This time around they are assisted by their equally "gifted" daughter, Judy (Mia Tomlinson), and it's the Smurl family who are at the mercy of horrible demons.

I could spend the majority of this review mentioning the screenplay by the three writers (Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing, and David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick, none of them strangers to the extended Conjuring cinematic universe) . I could throw a bit of shade at director Michael Chaves, who has been allowed to helm this after two of the weakest movies in that aforementioned selection of films. I could also point you towards The Haunted, the 1991 TV movie that generally does a better job of showing the real-life case this film is based on. That film has lead roles for Sally Kirkland and Jeffrey DeMunn, has Stephen Markle and Diane Baker portraying the Warrens, and is a more completely satisfying telling of the tale.

I could do all of those things, but it would only allow me to delay myself admitting that this is decidedly okay. I would probably enjoy it a lot more if it didn't seem so determined to get us all to buy into the "cult of the Warrens", but there are some individual scares that are effective and fun. There's also a lot of stuff that will have you rolling your eyes, and I thought it was bordering on parody to have Ed Warren uttering multiple warnings to people about their special relic room chock full of allegedly haunted and cursed objects.

Wilson and Farmiga can do this in their sleep by now, but they never feel as if they're sleepwalking through the whole thing. The dialogue is bad, and there isn't a scene that isn't overstuffed with ridiculously melodramatic lines about demons and souls and love, but both Wilson and Farmiga play it all as admirably straight as they have done throughout the other movies in this series. Tomlinson also does well, and Ben Hardy works nicely alongside her (he's a young man brave enough to consider marrying into the Warren family). As for the Smurl family members, the cast all do well enough, but are overshadowed by the shadows and spectres whirling around them for most of the runtime.

I didn't like this. I wouldn't recommend it to horror fans. It's hard to deny that it works how it is intended though. It's a mainstream chiller punctuated by some jumps and spooky moments, and many will consider it a perfect viewing choice when looking for something to watch and be thrilled by on a dark night in front of the TV. I just wasn't impressed. Maybe the next movie in this series will work for me. Oh, of course, I almost forgot that this was the last one. Hmmmmm. We'll see. Don't be surprised if we hear news in the next few years that we're getting something titled "The Conjuring In Connecticut".

4/10

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Bad Seed (1934)

AKA Mauvaise Graine.

If you want me to watch a film then telling me that Billy Wilder is involved is one easy way to do it. I was tempted by Bad Seed anyway, it seemed like a fun little crime flick, but then saw that it was the directorial debut of Wilder (credited here alongside Alexander Esway, although the involvement of Esway has since been mentioned as a way to simply secure financing).

Pierre Mingand plays our lead character, Henry, a young man who is upset when his father (Paul Escoffier) decides to stop funding his happy-go-lucky lifestyle and takes his car away from him.  Henry has a date to keep with a young woman, which is part of his motivation for stealing the car when he sees it parked up with the keys left in it. This sets in motion a chain of events that get Henry involved with a gang of car thieves, and has him growing close to Jeannette (Danielle Darrieux), the sister of young compulsive tie-thief, Jean (Raymond Galle).

While this is a feature debut, while it's a French film before he found his feet in Hollywood, and while it's a pretty lightweight bit of fluff, I would argue that there's still something here to signify the talent of Wilder. The dialogue may be more sparse than usual, but it's often quite sharp and witty (co-written by Wilder, Jan Lustig, Max Kolpé, and Claude-André Puget), and things are presented with a great blend of economy and assuredness.

Mingand is a decent leading man, and the rest of the cast make up a memorable selection of supporting characters as things start to focus in on the relationship between him and Darrieux, who is also very good at portraying someone criminal enough to be dangerous, but also happy to one day leave that life behind her. While I have already named Escoffier and Galle, it's also worth adding a compliment or two for Michel Duran, Georges Malkine, and Gaby Héritier, as well as Marcel Maupi, who plays someone desperate to see results from the police when he becomes a victim of car theft.

It's all quite predictable, and all quite safe (this is a crime thriller with some main characters you hope will see the error of their ways and start a new chapter in life before the end credits pop up), but it's also very easy to enjoy, particularly in a couple of main scenes that show how brazen the car thieves are. I would say that this is ripe for a modern remake, but suspect that it's a bit pointless when you consider how many of the individual elements here have been recycled and reworked in a variety of movies, from crime thrillers to rom-coms. If anyone DOES want to have a go at it . . . I'll be interested in seeing the final result. It might be hard to beat this version though.

8/10

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Netflix And Chill: Theatre Of Fear (2014)

AKA The Midnight Horror Show.

I'm sure I've been quite mean about writer-director Andrew Jones before, and it will undoubtedly happen again if I watch more of his movies (which I will, I have the memory of a goldfish and often jump into my movie viewing choices without too much forethought), but it does give you reason to pause and reconsider your approach when you find out that the man you're about to perhaps harshly judge died in 2023 at the young age of 39. I was genuinely sorry to find that out, and decided it needed mentioning here, along with the fact that Jones was certainly prolific, at the very least, having helmed 21 low-budget British horror features in 15 years.

Having said all that, this is another poor one though, and there's no easy way to sugar-coat the pill. Jones was someone who seemed to enjoy making movies, despite the fact that he was never able to rise above the many limitations working against him.

What you get here is a very standard set-up. There's a family of travelling performers who like to lure innocent victims in and kill them. The Moreau family (headed up by Doctor Deimor Moreau, played by Jared Morgan) seem to have been doing this for a while, and don't look ready to stop any time soon. Some feel more strongly about it than others though, and they may all end up being forced to stop when someone ends up hunting them down to avenge the recent death of a young woman.

What should be a fun and easy watch is, sadly, dragged down by a whole heap of issues. What should be an opportunity for some interesting visuals, at the very least, is presented in a load of shots that are drab and framed to cover up the varying quality of the production design and the special effects. The characters aren't given enough to do (although both Lee Bane and Nathan Head benefit from being allowed to portray the more memorable family members). There's none of the blend of menace and glee that you'd expect from this type of thing, and certainly none of the atmosphere you would expect to be created from the classic juxtaposition of theatrical merriment and sadistic horrors.

Morgan, Bane, and Head are okay, if I'm being kind, and Sam Harding and Shireen Ashton can also be damned with the same faint praise, but what was really needed here was someone not afraid to deliver something much bigger than the film surrounding them. It would absolutely have unbalanced things, but something being unbalanced is better than something being tiresome, and completely forgettable as soon as the end credits have rolled.

I'd advise everyone to stay away from this one. It's less Something Wicked This Way Comes and more Something Tiresome Is Here To Be Endured. And everyone reading this can consider my final rating to be generous, considering the context I mentioned in the opening paragraph.

3/10

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Shudder Saturday: House On Eden (2025)

I've said it before, I'll say it again, and there may be one day when I listen to my own advice. Found footage horror movies are often full of red flags to warn you of how bad they can be. If it has the same writer, director, and star then that can be a red flag. If all of the main characters are simply named after the actors portraying them then that can be a red flag. And if they feel the need to go into some kind of "night vision" mode in the first half then that can be a red flag.

House On Eden is written by, directed by, and stars Kris Collins, who also stars onscreen as a character named . . . Kris. Kris is part of a trio of vloggers who aim to find haunted locations and make videos there. The other two alongside her are Celina (played by Celina Myers) and Jay (played by Jason-Christopher Mayer). The thin plot sees them looking for, and finding, a house in the middle of nowhere that seems to be abandoned, and yet also looks as if it has had people living in it until fairly recently. Kris had previously heard about the house from others, and she knows it is the perfect place to look for ghosts and get some decent video footage. 

There are one or two moments here that are effective. That is almost impossible to mess up when you're delivering a found footage movie set in a fairly spooky location, although one or two movies even manage that. They're obvious, but that doesn't make them any less effective when they happen. I also liked what was trying to be done with the backstory, even if it was all handled with the subtlety of a neon-lit hand smacking viewers in the face.

That's about all of the good stuff though. The rest is pretty poor. Collins does the worst work, I guess, because she wrote a weak screenplay that barely maintains the fairly short 78-minute runtime, she has characters whirling their cameras all over the place as if they were on some kind of funfair ride, includes footage that adds extra scare attempts or atmosphere without having any of the characters check it back, and doesn't even manage to present us with characters who are convincing enough to care about. There's also, sadly, no context for the found footage, which underlines the laziness of it all. The style was picked for convenience, and maybe to keep the budget low, but has no consistency nor any way to add much power to what we're watching (beyond that feeling of closeness and immediacy which is built in to it).

I found out after watching this that Collins is a "social media personality". That explains a lot, and I can imagine that she didn't have to spend too much money on extra equipment while shooting this. Celina Myers AKA CelinaSpookyBoo is also a "social media star", as well as an author, and Mayer seems to have been cast because of his experience with filming and editing. Some of these people may be used to doing online skits. None of them are good enough to lead a movie, especially a horror movie that has so little going for it elsewhere.

I'll hopefully go back to forgetting Collins and co. in the next few days, although I can always check back on this review when I want to remind myself about it often being a very bad idea when people want to try and parlay their social media presence into a movie career. 

3/10

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