Nightwish (1989)

Written and directed by Bruce R. Cook, his second of only two films he directed, Nightwish is just the right kind of bonkers for anyone hankering for that wonderfully silly ‘80s horror vibe. It was suggested to me after I laid some praise on Spookies, and it’s easy to see why. 

The plot concerns a careless professor taking a bunch of students to a house that they’re going to investigate. There’s also a machine that has people trying to control their dreams and deal with their fears. What that means is that you get a feature mixing supernatural shenanigans, a hefty dose of treachery, and even some potential alien activity. It’s best described as From Beyond crossed with The Legend Of Hell House, via a number of X-Files episodes. 

Although he continues to take things further and further into the realm of the ridiculous, Cook actually does a decent enough job with his writing and direction. The science is all for the sake of the movie, aka completely unbelievable, the characters are bearable enough to care about, but also disposable when the threat of death grows, and there are some fun effects dotted throughout. The dialogue is also in line with how the film is playing out, which means that you shouldn't come here if you're in the mood for some Shakespeare, but it's perfectly fine for a fun genre film.

Brian Thompson is probably the biggest name in the cast, but he only has a few minutes of screentime, effectively bookending the central section of the film. Jack Starrett is the professor, and enjoys taking his performance from calm civility to dangerous "captor" once others start to become reluctant about everything going on. Elizabeth Kaitan and Alisha Das are the main ladies, Donna and Kim, and both do fine in their roles, while other people hang around and wait to be imperilled. 

There's so much going on here that it's impossible for me to figure out just how much to put into this review. I worry that mentioning too many details will have you expecting one specific kind of film while Nightwish actually wants to deliver about ten different film plots to you. It's a gleeful mish-mash of stuff that could have easily been reworked into parody, and I admire the fact that it seems to be playing the whole thing relatively straight, despite sometimes getting very close to The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Special effects from KNB help, but not as much as the overall feeling of an earnest desire to entertain. It's all very silly, and doesn't once even accidentally get close to creating any tension in the second half, but it's an easy one to watch and enjoy. If you're not smiling by the time you get to the inevitable stinger in the final scenes then I don't know what to tell you . . . we're just very different people who can take movies in very different ways.

7/10

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June-Claude Van Damme: The Order (2001)

The Order is another Van Damme film directed by Sheldon Lettich (who worked on about seven of them altogether, mainly as director but a couple of times with a writing credit only) and it's one of his weaker efforts. There are times when it skirts close to the fun adventurous tone that is clearly being aimed for but many more times when it just falls flat, even while viewers chuckle at Van Damme trying to evade aggressive captors while he's dressed up as a Hasidic Jew.

A plodding prologue shows viewers what happened many years ago when one Christian Crusader (played by Van Damme) decided to break off from the main group and bring together members of each religious order for a better way forward, guided by sacred texts that he was inspired to write. That man was killed, the last chapter of the sacred texts lost, and the potential new religion almost snuffed out before it had a chance to flourish.
In the present day, Van Damme plays Rudy Cafmeyer, a thief who might just end up searching for the sacred texts and encountering the small remnants of the loyal religious order when his father (Vernon Dobtcheff) goes missing on a visit to Jerusalem.

The Order could have gone in two directions. Either a fun romp that puts Van Damme out of his depth while a very few recognise him as some kind of chosen one who will find the sacred texts, perhaps, or a darker thriller, showing an organisation that has grown in power and influence over the years. Instead, it picks a third option that misguidedly mixes a bit of both. You get the fun moments, and Van Damme gets a few fight scenes, but you also get scenes that show Brian Thompson taking charge of the order and looking to move things forward with a less passive attitude than his predecessors.

I have mentioned this a few times now, and take no pleasure in it, but this is another film that is hindered by the fact it was made at a time when Van Damme seemed unable to emanate the charisma that had helped him to sell many of his earlier films. That sometimes doesn't matter when the rest of the cast work well, but they aren't good enough here. Thompson does well with his scenes, I always like to see him onscreen, and Charlton Heston appears for a few minutes, but neither Dobtcheff or Sofia Milos (playing a female officer tasked with looking after Van Damme's character until he can be deported) are very good.

The script, co-written by Les Weldon and Van Damme, isn't very good either. It tells viewers everything they need to know but does it in a way that is both clumsy and dull. It's also surprisingly humourless in scenes when you suspect a different leading man could have been given some fun dialogue and interactions with other characters.

All in all, this is a pretty bad film. The blame can be shared equally between director, writers, and star. Which means more blame gets heaped on Van Damme because he wears both his star hat AND co-writer hat when he wasn't really up to the task of either role.

3/10

I couldn't find many decent versions of the movie on disc so here is one Amazon.com link.

June-Claude Van Damme: A.W.O.L: Absent Without Leave (1990)

AKA Lionheart.

If there's one thing that Jean-Claude Van Damme loves more than kicking people in the face it's kicking people in the face for the sake of helping out others. He has played a lot of characters through the years who were hunting down bad guys, but he's also often played someone who ends up fighting to help a loved one/family member. A.W.O.L. (as I will be calling it, it's all I remember from the VHS box years ago) falls into the latter category, and it succeeds because it's so unabashedly sweet and emotionally manipulative. That, and the fact that it features plenty of enjoyable fight scenes.

JCVD plays Lyon, a soldier who goes AWOL when he hears about the death of his brother, leaving one woman a widow and one little girl without a father. His brother's widow doesn't really want his help, at least not initially, which is a bit of a pain in the ass, because Lyon is being pursued by military folk who want to drag him back, and he's also quickly made a name, and some money, for himself in an underground fight club scene. His body is being put through the wringer, but it will all be worth it if he can stick around long enough to earn one big final payout.

Apparently based on an earlier screenplay by S. N. Warren (his only film credit, from what I could see), this has been crafted into a perfect star vehicle by the lead and director Sheldon Lettich. It's obvious that both men are savvy about how to appeal to a wide demographic here. The fights feel slicker, with more moments in which the lack of actual contact seems obvious, than in Van Damme's earlier movies, the story allows for moments when people can have actual feelings, and the leading man shows his butt.

Acting is as you'd expect, certainly from Van Damme, who once again offsets his limitations by playing someone almost naively good-natured. Harrison Page is a good "sidekick", playing a man who helps out Lyon while also seeing the chance to make some decent money, Deborah Rennard is enjoyably cool and powerful as Cynthia, the woman in charge of the fights, and Brian Thompson is always a welcome presence, even if he's sorely wasted in his role (seriously, you get Brian Thompson in an action movie and don't really throw him into the actual action?).

My memory may be hazy here, I was a teenager and have never spent my days trying to "take the temperature" of the state of the movie business, but this movie felt like the final push that turned Van Damme into an action star for both male and female viewers. It has a lot of elements that were already in place - his martial arts skills, his looks, his good guy roles - but it packaged everything in a more appealing way, with a dash of everything to make it a great choice for a date night movie.

And, you know what, it's STILL a great choice.

7/10

There's a blu available here.
Americans can get a special edition here.

¡Three Amigos! (1986)

Steve Martin, Martin Short and Chevy Chase play The Three Amigos, actors who temporarily ruled the roost at the box office before being canned by an irate producer (Joe Mantegna). Martin is Lucky Day, Short is "Little" Ned Nederlander and Chase is Dusty Bottoms, but the three men have been together so long that they simply ARE The Three Amigos. When a young woman (Carmen, played by Patrice Martinez) sees them in action on the silver screen she doesn't realise that she is watching a work of fiction. Desperate to save her town from the evil clutches of El Guapo (Alfonso Arau), she writes to the amigos and asks for their help. So begins a (Western) comedy of errors, as the stars think that they are being asked to ride into town, put on a fun show, collect a nice sum of money and then leave.

Featuring three comedy stars, arguably, at the height of their cinematic fame and a director (John Landis) on a bit of a hot streak, ¡Three Amigos! mixes plenty of quotable lines with some great characters and moments of delightful absurdity. It also, of course, references plenty of classic Western tropes and moments, with the main premise sharing a lot of common ground with Seven Samurai (remade many times, most famously as The Magnificent Seven).

Martin, Short and Chase work brilliantly together, with each of their characters being a slightly different shade of stupid. And they're nicely in synch with one another, whether giving their special salute or singing "My Little Buttercup" to a saloon full of patrons. Patrice Martinez is a lovely damsel in distress, though not a completely helpess figure, Philip Gordon is amusing enough as young Rodrigo and there are small roles for Joe Mantegna, Jon Lovitz and Phil Hartman in the first act of the film. But the heroes are only able to step up to the mark if they have a good enough villain, so it's good that Alfonso Arau is very good in the role of El Guapo. He's equalled, and perhaps even slightly overshadowed at times, by Tony Plana (playing Jefe, the right hand man to El Guapo).

The script, written by Martin, Lorne Michaels and Randy Newman, may be relatively mild but the comedy is just as effective. It may feel slightly old-fashioned on many occasions - with the musical moments, selection of crowd-pleasing displays and the feeling that the movie is inseparable from the main characters in the way that both are happy to mug and dance around to be loved - but that's no bad thing when it's this entertaining.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Three-Amigos-Steve-Martin/dp/B00004Z2YX/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374257264&sr=8-1&keywords=three+amigos