Dark Angel AKA I Come In Peace (1990)

Although released towards the end of 1990, it's hard to think of a more brilliantly '80s action movie than Dark Angel AKA I Come In Peace. This has everything you could want from a Saturday night action film from that time, from the sharp fashions worn by our hero to the script that feels like an action movie cliche "greatest hits" mixtape.

Matthias Hues plays an evil alien, named Talec, who lands on Earth and starts leaving a trail of dead bodies in his wake. He pumps his victims full of drugs and then harvests the chemicals via a large needle that is stabbed in their head, with the end result being unsurprisingly fatal. Dolph Lundgren is Detective Jack Cain, a cop who ends up crossing paths with the alien as he tries to bring to justice the drug dealers responsible for the death of his partner. Cain is now partnered up with an uptight special agent named Arwood Smith (played by Brian Benben), but he won't let that stop him doing things his way. He's unorthodox but, dammit, HE GETS RESULTS!

If you measure Dark Angel up against a selection of outright cinematic classics (e.g. Casablanca, The Godfather, etc) then it's going to come up short. The script, written by Jonathan Tydor and David Koepp (using a pseudonym), is full of dialogue and characterisation that would make many cinephiles roll their eyes and chuckle, and the direction by Craig R. Baxley is competent, if a bit more restrained in places than I wanted it to be.

But it's also those exact same qualities that make the film so much fun. The action starts up quickly enough, the stereotypical leads are put in the right places at the wrong times, and there are enough set-pieces (either action or just showing the bad alien working on his plan) to keep things perfectly paced.

Although it's the general premise of the film that makes it such a fun ride, the other major plus point is Lundgren in the lead role. He remains a great action star but there are definitely some standouts in his filmography (and this is one of them). His performance is the one that carries the material from start to finish, other than Hues with his villainous turn. Benben is decent enough, but stuck in the role of unwanted partner who tries too often to stick rigidly to the rules, Betsy Brantley is as poorly served as you might expect the lone female figure to be in this kind of film, and Sherman Howard is underused as the head human bad guy Dolph really wants to get his hands on.

If you somehow missed this when it was first released then make up for that error now. It remains a lot of fun, especially for fans of Dolph.

7/10

There's a DVD here for UK fans.
Americanos can get it here.

Stone Cold (1991)

People who have met bikers in real life will be able to tell you that, for the most part, they're often a lovely bunch of people. Their image is enough to scare some folk, and they may not always want everyone knowing how nice they are, but I've yet to meet a biker with a bad attitude. In the movies, however, it's a whole different story.

Stone Cold is another movie that features a dangerous gang of bikers (who seem to be accompanied by an invisible lead guitarist wherever they ride). Led by Lance Henriksen (playing a character named Chains Cooper), this bunch are never happier than when they're making money from drug deals, shooting guns and just being as rowdy and violent as possible. Of course, with William Forsythe in the gang, trouble was almost guaranteed. Enter Brian Bosworth, an undercover cop who is tasked with getting enough on the gang to lock 'em up for a long time.

Never mind the cliche-ridden script by Walter Doniger, nor the dodgy fashion choices of Bosworth in the lead role, Stone Cold is all about macho men all squabbling with one another. There's one main female character, played by Arabella Holzbog, who manages to make a decent minor impact despite being cloaked in the fug of testosterone, but, from the opening sequence to the grand finale, this is all about alpha males, and all about showing Bosworth as the most alpha of them all.

Craig R. Baxley directs competently enough, compensating for the ridiculous aspects of the script by moving things along at a decent pace, and also revelling in some of the silliness. The first half of the movie, in particular, shows Bosworth puffing out his chest and beating his way into the biker gang in a way that delivers some decent action moments, while also providing no small amount of amusement.

But it's the cast making this truly memorable. Well, three of the main stars, at any rate. Bosworth may not be a great actor, but he has muscles, the ability to ride a motorbike, doesn't mind wearing some jewellery, and has a fine mane. Which makes him perfect in his role. Henriksen is a strong leader who often relies on his actions to speak louder than words, and Forsythe is at his barmy best, never warming to The Boz and always looking for an excuse to start trouble with him. Holzbog, as already mentioned, does well enough in her role, and Sam McMurray is entertaining as the agent helping to run the operation (a character who grows stronger as things move towards the finale).

If you're after a quality piece of cinema to echo through eternity then this probably won't be your first choice. But if you're after a fun action thriller with lots of bikers, a hero who owns a large pet lizard, and over the top moments in almost every main scene . . . . . . . . . well, this is exactly what you need to be watching.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Stone-Cold-Brian-Bosworth/dp/B000OPOAR0/ref=sr_1_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1400558003&sr=1-3&keywords=stone+cold

I WILL keep reminding people that every copy of my book sold gets a few pounds in my pocket, and gets you a good read (if I say so myself). So please feel free to remember me whenever you're visiting Amazon.

The UK version can be bought here - http://www.amazon.co.uk/TJs-Ramshackle-Movie-Guide-Reviews-ebook/dp/B00J9PLT6Q/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1395945647&sr=1-3&keywords=movie+guide

And American folks can buy it here - http://www.amazon.com/TJs-Ramshackle-Movie-Guide-Reviews-ebook/dp/B00J9PLT6Q/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395945752&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=TJs+ramshackle+mov

As much as I love the rest of the world, I can't keep up with all of the different links in different territories, but trust me when I say that it should be there on your local Amazon.

The Glow (2002)

A slick, enjoyable TV movie, The Glow benefits from some fun performances, an enjoyable premise and the way that the film unfolds with the viewers staying at least two steps ahead of the central characters.

Dean Cain plays Matt Lawrence, a man who is mugged while out jogging in the first scene of the film. He is approached, and befriended, by some elderly people who offer to let him use their home and telephone to contact his wife, Jackie (Portia de Rossi). By the time Jackie arrives, Matt has well and truly made friends with his saviours. In fact, they've all been getting on so well that Matt has been told about a vacant apartment in the block that could be just perfect for he and his wife. The other tenants own the block, and therefore keep the rents within reason, and really seem to take a shine to the "youngsters" so it's not long until Matt and Jackie cave in and accept the offer. But it also not long until Jackie starts to suspect that all isn't as it seems. Her elderly neighbours are quite obsessed with health and fitness, people start to go missing and events start to seem as if they are being manipulated to take both Matt and Jackie to a certain point.

Directed competently enough by Craig R. Baxley, and written by Gary Sherman (who adapted the book by Brooks Stanwood), The Glow is nonsense, but it doesn't put on any airs and graces. Despite the ridiculous premise, it plays everything straight and relatively safe. Think of it as an extended episode of Goosebumps for adults and you're on the right track.

Cain and de Rossi are okay in the lead roles, with the latter overacting just enough to add some amusement to the proceedings, but it's the older cast members who make this more enjoyable than it should be. Hal Linden and Dina Nerrill both have a twinkle in their eyes, and Grace Zabriskie plays a character with a tongue as sharp as her attitude. Sabrina Grdevich and Jason Blicker play the obligatory friends who get caught up in the situation as things eventually become clear in the second half, and Phoenix Gonzales and Nelson Tynes are two other, non-OAP, tenants in the building.

Although it doesn't include anything extra to spice up the material, this is solid entertainment. I was never bored, I wanted the central characters to realise what they were getting into as events unfolded, and I'd watch it again if it ever came on TV and I was too far away from the remote control. It's nothing special, but it's not bad. It's not bad at all.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Glow-uncut-english-audio/dp/B004XJ6SXW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1378899202&sr=8-1&keywords=the+glow