Witchcraft X: Mistress Of The Craft (1998)

It's odd when you watch a film and think you recognise someone but can't remember exactly where you last saw them. And it's even odder when you realise that you haven't seen that person in any other films. It turns out that you've been friends online with them for many years. That is what happened while I was watching Witchcraft X: Mistress Of The Craft.

And that is the most interesting aspect of the movie, and also of this review. Fortunately, I don't think the person will bother reading this review but I hope they will shrug and forgive me if they do. I'm not going to single them out for criticism but I really can't think of anything here to focus on as a positive.

I really don't even want to bother explaining the horrible, laughable, slight, plot. Let me just say that it involves a lot of bad acting, people approaching others while baring plastic fangs in their mouths, random sexy times, and more bad acting.

I guess this would be classed as an erotic horror, like most of the other Witchcraft movies. Which makes it strange that I have been more aroused by leaflets posted through my door that advertise current deals at my nearest DIY store. And as for the horror side of things? Well, you get more atmosphere and chills from watching and rewatching the video to Everybody (Backstreet's Back).

Written and directed by Elisar Cabrera, I can only assume that the action was moved to the UK this time around to save money on what was already a cheap film series. Cabrera isn't even savvy enough to go out and get some easy filler shots of London, and the same can be said about the use of the bigger names in the cast.

Casual viewers won't recognise anyone in this movie but horror fans will be pleased to see Eileen Daly and Emily Booth credited. There are also roles for Wendy Cooper, Stephanie Beaton, and Lynn Michelle. Nobody is picked for award-winning skills, but at least the females can prove pleasingly attractive while the male side of the cast doesn't seem as intent on providing an equal amount of eye candy for viewers wanting some hunks.

It's interesting to continue working my way through this series, to think that I have seen the worst it can offer and then be shown that I was absolutely wrong. I would really love to figure out who used to eagerly await these titles being released, what they enjoyed most about them, and whether or not they still view them with any affection. Until that happens I will continue to be bored, annoyed, and occasionally mildly amused while I work my way through the rest of these films.

1/10

Would you like to spend far too much money on this film? Here you go. But you would be better checking out the film on Amazon Prime and just using that link to order other, better, movies.

Pervirella (1997)

Pervirella, like many other movies, is something that I can't help liking in spite of just how many huge flaws it has. It's a daft film, it was made for a budget that clearly wouldn't pay for one day on any blockbuster film set, and it's pretty crude, in terms of the technical stuff and the onscreen content. But it has Emily Booth as the titular character, and a supporting role for Eileen Daly. And there also happens to be a fair bit of gratuitous nudity.

The basic story concerns an evil Queen Victoria (Sexton Ming), the lovely Pervirella (Emily Booth, billed as Emily Bouffante), and an underground movement called The Cult Of Perv. Pervirella is a sweet girl, but she's a dangerous nymphomaniac whenever a protective necklace is removed from her person - something that comes in quite handy as she joins some explorers on a quest for some magical elixir and to meet some other people who like to shed their clothes as often as possible.

Directed by Alex Chandon and Josh Collins, who also wrote the movie (with additional material by Jason Slater and Nico Rilla), this is an enjoyable pastiche for those who fondly remember the wide variety of movies that came from the UK in the '60s and '70s. Familiar studios (Hammer and Amicus being the main two) provide the main adventuring element, while a number of sex comedies from the past provide the sauce that covers every scene. Love it or loathe it, it's a film stitched together to make a very British patchwork.

Emily Booth is the main draw here, and does just fine in her role. She's not asked to deliver any lengthy speeches, or to emote in any way that isn't completely over the top, but she's asked to go along with the ridiculous material, act very naive, and not worry about the many times in which she loses some of her clothing. And, in that regard, she's a great success. Ron Drand is okay as Professor Rumphole Pump, a classic British adventurer type, Sexton Ming is amusing as the evil Queen, Eileen Daly is a welcome presence, as always, and David Warbeck is very funny as the smooth and heroic Amicus Reilly. Fans of UK comedy/TV will be able to point and laugh at VERY brief cameos from Mark Lamarr and Jonathan Ross.

If you want something that feels like a proper movie then you should give this a miss, but if you're a fan of the movies that Chandon and Collins throw into their bubbling caldron then you might end up having some fun. Pervirella is a labour of love. It uses a mix of model work, some of it good and some of it intentionally, and hilariously, obvious, it uses plenty of cheap tricks to realise each sequence, and it slips some T & A into proceedings every 10 minutes or so. So it's no surprise that I like it.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Pervirella-DVD-Emily-Booth/dp/B00005TRZJ/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1393867500&sr=1-1&keywords=pervirella

Cradle Of Fear (2001).

A modern spin on the kind of anthology movies that Amicus used to churn out years ago (there's even that old staple tale of the "haunted limb"), Cradle Of Fear puts a modern, goth coat of paint on things and throws in some more gore and nudity but it's quite a traditional piece of work at it's black heart.

The title of the movie is only a few letters removed from the band Cradle Of Filth and it’s their leading man, Dani Filth, who takes the role of the evil figure linking all of the four stories (although more is quickly revealed concerning an evil hypnotist/sadistic killer who seems to be getting revenge on those who helped to get him incarcerated).

The first story is all about a sexy clubber (Emily Booth) who meets up with a mysterious stranger and goes back to his for a night of passion. Things soon turn a bit dark and scary and the next day is one full of freaky imagery and a sense of foreboding as she worries about what has been done to her.

The second story concerns two young women robbing an old men and how that goes horribly wrong.

The third is the “haunted limb” tale already mentioned above. It features a man who wants to regain a full left leg and the woman in his life, played by Eileen Daly, who just wants him to be happy.

And last, but by no means least, we have a tale of internet horror with a young man who stumbles upon, and becomes obsessed by, a site known as The Sick Room. The site allows users to decide just how, where and how violently random victims are attacked while the camera keeps rolling.

Framing things, we have that deadly stranger (Filth) and the story of the cop (Edmund Dehn) determined to put a stop to the evil murderer/hypnotist known as Kemper (David McEwen).

Alex Chandon directs, from his own writing, and while the movie is far from perfect it actually turns into something very good after it’s shaky start. This is helped by the building of tension in the surrounding storyline and the lead-up to the best story of the four featured. It’s also helped by the fact that the movie tends to pace things just right and throws in some violence and/or nudity often enough to keep things constantly entertaining during the two hour runtime. Shallow I may be but the fact that I have a crush on Eileen Daly vastly improved the tale that featured . . . . . . . Eileen Daly and the first story having Emily Booth in it (the UK horror hostess who would make my “Top 5 women I could get a free pass with” list and I’d even get it laminated . . . . if only my fiancé didn’t mind) made the whole thing worthwhile anyway. Both of these lovely ladies being nekkid may seem a bonus for some, I’m far too professional to dwell on such a feat of cinematic greatness. 

 

I digress. The gore on display ranges from the laughably inept to the impressively nasty and the fact that there’s just so damn much of it helps to build an impression of a movie that can just manage to become more than a sum of it’s parts. There’s a loud, heavy metal (for the most part) soundtrack, the acting isn’t the best in the world but most people do enough to get by and the twisted stories may be a touch predictable but I couldn’t help enjoying Cradle Of Fear for the entertainingly nasty work it was. In fact, I enjoyed it quite a lot.

7/10.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cradle-Fear-DVD-Dani-Filth/dp/B000062Y3A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1360779688&sr=8-1