Shudder Saturday: Tales That Witness Madness (1973)

If you can't settle on what one movie to watch at any time then you may as well pick an anthology movie. That is my motto . . . that I just made up for the sake of starting this review with some kind of justification for my choice here. But there's some truth to it. I always tend to enjoy anthology horrors whenever I stumble across one that I have yet to see, and the format allows me to remain optimistic even if one segment isn't working for me. Not every anthology is a winner though, and Tales That Witness Madness is one of the bad ones, which perhaps explains why I never made time for it before now.

The framing device may sound familiar to those who are fans of a certain other, much more celebrated, anthology horror film from the mighty Amicus (and it should be noted that this is decidedly NOT an Amicus film, despite sharing certain qualities). A psychiatrist (Donald Pleasence) is guiding a new colleague (Jack Hawkins) around the Asylum he is due to work in, and tales are told that show a number of key patients being housed there after incidents that would appear to feature the supernatural.

Although I was unfamiliar with writer Jennifer Jayne (credited here as Jay Fairbank), I was very familiar with director Freddie Francis, a legendary figure in British cinema who worked well as a director on films of highly varying quality, but who is also celebrated for his cinematography in films he didn't helm (perhaps most notably on The Elephant Man). Francis did some of his best work throughout the 1960s, especially when working with Hammer or Amicus, and initially seemed as if he was going to do just as well throughout the 1970s, but 1973 feels like the starting point for a downward slide. This may have been due to a lack of the right material, or it may have been the case that Francis was floundering, alongside many colleagues from the big British studios that he worked with, as great changes in the tastes and limits of acceptability rippled throughout the average horror movie viewers.

Aside from Jayne and Francis, this suffers from having a cast that just doesn't have enough star power to make up for the quartet of weak tales. Hawkins and Pleasence are very good, but sadly not onscreen enough, and other positives are Suzy Kendall, Joan Collins (hampered by the fact that she's in what is surely one of the most bonkers horror anthology segments ever), Kim Novak, and Leon Lissek. I am not saying everyone else is awful, although one or two are, but they're generally just there, unable to do anything to distract from the poor writing.

I was hoping that I would watch this and then be able to recommend it as a bit of a forgotten gem, but that was not to be. This is dire, although the first tale did remind me of a short story by Ray Bradbury, which gave me a glimmer of hope that was soon dashed, and the third tale (that one featuring Collins) is memorable for the hilarious lunacy of the central concept. Nothing here is really worth witnessing, sadly.

3/10

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Empire Of The Ants (1977)

There are a number of films that I saw at an impressionable age that I can never bring myself to criticise too harshly. Bad films, but films that thrilled and excited me when I was young enough to not see how poor the special effects were. The Giant Spider Invasion is one, Night Of The Lepus is another, and Empire Of The Ants certainly belongs alongside them, although it's the best of a bad bunch.

Directed by Bert I. Gordon (Mr BIG), this is the tale of a group of people who are being taken on a ride, literally, by a dodgy real estate dealer. Joan Collins is that dealer, named Marilyn Fryser, but even she wouldn't try to sell people properties that had been taken over by giant ants, which is a problem that crops up in the middle of her ongoing sales pitch. The motley group of individuals seek a safe passage away from the giant ants, but it may not be as easy as it looks. Even if they can get to a small town nearby.

If you want some ant-based horror movies then you have to look elsewhere (and I HIGHLY recommend the sublime Phase IV here), but Empire Of The Ants delivers pretty much what anyone might want from a 1970s movie that is aiming for moments of spectacle over anything believable. If the special effects had been a bit better then this could have been a decent little sci-fi horror movie. They're not though. Most scenes are shot with normal ants magnified in size and placed alongside the actors. Some of the scenes have the ants clearly separated by glass. And at least one memorable moment shows the little blighters are clearly interacting with miniatures and photographs.

Allegedly based on a short story by H. G. Wells (which I am assuming had the word "ant" in it, and that's all the connection needed to give it that label), the script, by Gordon and Jack Turley, is about as standard as you'd expect for this kind of thing, despite the enjoyable turn that the whole thing takes in the third act. This isn't an extremely tense or gritty film. It's basically an episode of something like The Love Boat, just with a bunch of big ants making things complicated for the assorted guests.

Collins is game enough in her main role, and she manages to stand out due to her status as THE Joan Collins, but the rest of the cast are interchangeable. Robert Lansing and John David Carson have moments in which they can be pro-active and manly, Albert Salmi is a local Sheriff, and the secondary female leads, because every female is secondary in a cast that bills Joan Collins at the top, are Jacqueline Scott and Pamela Shoop, who do just fine with what they're given. Special mention should be made of Harry Holcombe and Irene Tedrow, playing an elderly couple who separate from the main group at about the halfway point, with memorable results.

This is a bad film. And I'll never stop having a soft spot for it. The more I think about it right now, while wrapping up this review, the more I am smiling as I remember how enjoyably daft it is throughout. I recommend it to everyone, but I expect very few people to actually enjoy it as much as I do.

5/10

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The Stud (1978)

Based on a novel by Jackie Collins, and starring her famous sister, Joan, The Stud is almost exactly how you think it will be. Trashy. It's all about sex and power, with a main character who thinks he has a clear path planned out ahead of him, not knowing what his lifestyle could really cost him.

Oliver Tobias is Tony, the titular stud. He manages a nightclub, and has dreams of opening his own place one day. He thinks he can transfer a lot of the clientele, but other people believe he's spent far too much time being the plaything of Fontaine (Joan Collins), the wife of Tony's boss. Things are complicated when Alex (Emma Jacobs), Fontaine's stepdaughter, finds out about the talents of Tony, and decides to use him out of spite.

Directed by Quentin Masters (he only has four features to his name, this probably remains his most well-known), with credit for additional script work going to Dave Humphries and Christopher Stagg, the only people really making their mark here are the Collins sisters. Jackie writes the popular mix of sex and partying and rich people, and Joan has the perfect way of delivering the kind of dialogue that needs to be spoken with a conviction it never deserves. She's also happy to disrobe for a number of the sex scenes.

Although Collins is the star at the centre of the whole thing, Tobias does a good job as Tony. He's handsome enough, confident enough, and very cocky (no pun intended . . . okay, maybe it's a bit intended). And he shows his confusion and anger when it starts to become obvious that the life he has planned may be slipping out of his grasp. Jacobs isn't onscreen for long, but her character makes a strong impression, thanks to her urge to test out Tony. Sue Lloyd also livens things up, playing Vanessa, Fontaine's close friend, and the supporting cast is rounded out by the likes of Walter Gotell, Tony Allyn, Mark Burns, and one or two more faces who may be familiar to those of a certain age.

Another character worth mentioning is the music, with a number of popular disco hits interspersed throughout the soundtrack. It's a good mix, with tunes including Car Wash, Love Is The Drug, and Every One's A Winner, and more, perfectly summing up both the period of the film and the world through which the leads sway and strut.

Easy to remember for the elements that make it risible, The Stud is also better than you might think. If made for modern audiences, the second half would have more nightmare imagery and a feeling of things twisting from sexy fantasies to hedonistic hellscapes. It plays things a bit safe, not wanting to fully push away the viewers who enjoy the perks of the lifestyles on display, but it certainly tries to introduce a darkness that builds and builds to an unsatisfying, yet also very fitting, end.

6/10

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Saving Santa (2013)

Christmas movies are pretty easy to make, as are family movies. Well, that's what ABC and other channels, churning out numerous TV movies every year, would have you believe. And, in a way, they're right. Both require some kind of sweetness, a moral lesson to be learned (usually), and an environment for the main characters that is distinctly . . . . . . . . . . . movieland. The former also requires snow.

But making a GOOD Christmas and/or family movie, that's something different altogether.

Saving Santa is almost good, but it doesn't quite do enough to warrant any repeat viewings. It's the story of an elf named Bernard (voiced by Martin Freeman). Bernard likes to invent things, and always rushes to present his latest inventions to his peers, in the hopes of becoming more than just the elf responsible for clearing up the reindeer droppings. Unfortunately, there always seems to be some malfunction. This time around, the malfunction temporarily disables the cloaking of the North Pole base. It's not visible for long, but it's long enough for Neville Baddington (Tim Curry) to see it and make his move. He wants to get Santa and find out his secrets. He wants to know how he can make all of his deliveries in one night, so that he can use the same tactic to make his delivery company the fastest ever. The answer, as Santa shows Bernard during the calm before the storm, is time travel. Knowing the secret, Bernard decides to go back in time to stop everything going wrong. And that's when things start to get a bit complicated.

Although it's animated nicely enough, and the second half improves things greatly after a mediocre opening, there's just nothing here to make Saving Santa stand out. Freeman is fine in the lead vocal role, and Curry is great as the villain, but the support from Joan Collins, Ashley Tisdale and Tim Conway is as bland as the rest of the movie. Noel Clarke is fun, as the leader of a defence squad, but he's not in the movie for all that long, sadly.

The direction by Leon Joosen and Aaron Seelman is serviceable, I suppose, with the script by Ricky Roxburgh (based on a story by Tony Nottage) never rising too far above average. The time travel stuff starts to get more and more entertaining, and it's quite cleverly done, but the dialogue disappoints and none of the supporting characters, with the exception of reindeer Blitzen, make much of an impression.

And let's not mention the truly awful songs that punctuate proceedings every now and again. It's enough to make you want to stuff plum pudding in your ears. There are much worse movies to watch if you have undemanding children wanting to watch something new, but it's certainly worth trying to convince them that they should just rewatch the delightful Arthur Christmas instead.

5/10

http://www.amazon.com/Saving-Santa-Martin-Freeman/dp/B00GFUB21U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385982579&sr=8-1&keywords=saving+santa

Fear In The Night (1972)

A psychological thriller by Jimmy Sangster, Fear In The Night is yet another in the long line of Hammer movies often overlooked by fans of their horror movies featuring the archetypes of the genre. I was looking forward to seeing this one, not expecting anything great as I had heard nothing about it beforehand, but I was definitely intrigued.

The plot sees young Peggy (Judy Geeson), recently recovered from a nervous breakdown, joining her husband (Ralph Bates) on the grounds of the school where he works. The school is presided over by Michael Carmichael (the ever-watchable Peter Cushing), who stays there with his wife (Joan Collins). As fragile as she is, Peggy is made even worse when attacked by a mystery assailant. And the worst thing is that nobody will believe her, simply putting it down to recovering, shaky nerves.

While it's not a very remarkable entry into the psychological thriller subgenre, this movie does a number of things quite well. Geeson gives a decent performance as the young, nervous, often child-like, wife. Bates is solid and Collins is pretty good. Cushing is, it goes without saying, great. Before the twists and turns start to occur the pacing of the film also works just fine, drawing you into a mysterious atmosphere of unease and doubt while flagging up some, admittedly easy to spot, future plot developments.

It's also surprisingly bleak in places, rather nihilistic and hopeless for a Hammer movie - another point worth noting and another aspect that impresses when weighed against many other films released by the studio.

Sangster is a better writer (he co-wrote this screenplay with Michael Syson) than he is director, from what I have seen of his work, but he's capable enough and frames his material adequately, if nothing else. Fear In The Night ends up as a movie worth seeing, though perhaps not worth seeking out ahead of many other psychological thrillers you could give your time to.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Ultimate-Hammer-Collection-Disc/dp/B000HN31KQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1375707468&sr=8-1&keywords=hammer+box+set

Tales From The Crypt (1972).

It’s an anthology horror movie from Amicus (contrary to popular belief the studio DID make other types of movies  but they will forever be tied to their portmanteau legacy) and based, of course, on the popular E.C comics of yesteryear. As well as Tales From The Crypt, the movie also takes some story ideas from The Vault Of Horror, another popular title, but I couldn’t tell you which story comes from which source as I am far from an expert in comic books.

What I can tell you is that Freddie Francis once again directs from a screenplay by Milton Subotsky, as was the case with Dr. Terror’s House Of Horrors, and the results are almost as enjoyable.

The framing story concerns a number of people who get lost while wandering around a crypt area, funnily enough, but the fun is to be had in the separate, twisted tales that The Crypt Keeper (Ralph Richardson) reveals.
Story 1 – Joan Collins plays a nasty woman who bumps off her hubby on Christmas Eve but then finds herself trapped and unable to call the police when a madman dressed as Santa comes prowling around the house.
Story 2 – Ian Hendry plays a husband about to secretly leave his wife and kids until fate intervenes.
Story 3 – The ever-brilliant Peter Cushing plays an old man who upsets his affluent neighbours by not selling up his house, looking after a number of noisy dogs and being loved by the local children for the re-conditioned toys that he gives out to them. The affluent neighbour plans to spoil everything for the old man but things, inevitably, go too far.
Story 4 – A fun, knowing take on the classic horror tale, “The Monkey’s Paw”, that revolves around a husband and wife who may have found a way to make wishes come true.
Story 5 – Last, but by no means least, is the tale of Maj. William Rogers (Nigel Patrick), a man who becomes the head honcho at a care facility for the blind and who ends up causing so much upset that the residents (led by Patrick Magee) plan a particularly nasty bit of revenge.

Tales From The Crypt is one of the better anthology movies from this period thanks to it’s decent cast, the choice of tales and the fact that five stories are crammed into it’s 90-odd minute runtime so you’re never far away from either an enjoyable set-up or gleefully nasty punchline. The script and direction are acceptable, if unspectacular, but the main plus point here is in the delight the film takes in it’s own nastiness. This is a horror anthology movie a step or two ahead of the more austere entries in the subgenre and anyone meeting a sticky end meets a very sticky end indeed. Which makes for a lot of fun.

7/10. 

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