The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

I don't want to seem too dramatic, but David Gordon Green has become a monster who must be stopped. I had worries about The Exorcist: Believer as soon as I saw the trailer (which basically sold the film as "if you thought it was scary to watch a young girl be possessed and endangered then wait until you see our film with TWO young girls being possessed and endangered). Those worries grew and grew as I watched what is now a new low point in a horror franchise that contains Exorcist II: The Heretic.

Here's as much of a plot summary as I can be bothered to give. Victor Fielding (Leslie Odom Jr.) is a widow, and a father to teenaged Angela (Lidya Jewett). Angela heads off into some woods with a friend, Katherine (Olivia O'Neill), and the two girls end up missing for three days. Once they're back home, Angela and Katherine start acting rather strangely. Victor is unable to explain the change in his daughter, as are Miranda and Tony (Katherine's parents, played by Jennifer Nettles and Norbert Leo Butz, respectively). It's not long until we have Ellen Burstyn being pushed onscreen, bringing her character of Chris MacNeil into a tawdry mess that doesn't deserve the sense of legitimacy that her involvement gives it.

I am not exaggerating when I say that there is almost nothing here that will impress horror fans. In fact, most of the script, in terms of both dialogue (don’t get me started on that line about the patriarchy) and plotting, is laughably bad, and the material isn’t helped by visuals that are ugly and underlit. One moment focuses on a battle between elements that made me feel as if someone had spliced in a cut scene from a Mortal Kombat game. The blame lies with Green, but also co-writer Peter Sattler.

Odom Jr. is the best thing here, and there’s also a solid supporting turn from Ann Dowd, but they are the only people worth mentioning. I don’t blame anyone else for their performances, especially the younger cast members who admirably twist and throw themselves around in the more physical moments, but I wish there had been a cast of characters worth rooting for. There isn’t. This is a brand name in search of a worthy film, and that search may continue for a long time yet.

Considering what he did with another iconic horror property, I am worried that Green has some plan to link things together and ret-con past glories into his new creation. That would not be good. The only way this film is effective is in showing everyone how Green completely misunderstands the original classic.

Almost aggressively dumb and unsubtle throughout, aside from an opening sequence that I admit gave me hope that I might be in for something decent, this is a film made by someone who was told all about The Exorcist, but didn’t actually watch the film. It’s a film that somehow feels both overlong and yet also rushing to get to the lengthy exorcism sequence we all know is coming in the third act. And as for the score, and the “cheeky” music cue interwoven throughout a couple of key scenes . . . sometimes you just have to end a review with something simple and crude to express your opinion, so I say “f**k off”. That goes for so many aspects of the film that the makers thought would be cute and/or clever. And it goes for David Green.

Excuse me, I am setting up a crowdfunding campaign to help me hire a young priest and an old priest to keep Green away from any more classic horror movies.

2/10

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Netflix And Chill: Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)

When Rian Johnson gave us Knives Out a few years ago, he served up a delightful murder mystery that made great use of some excellent plotting, provided numerous laughs, and allowed for everyone in the ensemble cast to have at least one or two moments to shine. I loved it, and I was far from alone in loving it. I'd say that a lot of people were looking forward to this follow-up, another case for the talented detective Benoit Blanc (Craig David) to crack.

Edward Norton plays Miles Bron, a super-rich tech "genius" who is gathering a number of people together on his island to take part in a murder mystery weekend. Most of the guests are his friends, but most of them also have a reason to relish his potential demise. They include Birdie Jay (Kate Hudson), a fashionista and social media personality, Duke Cody (Dave Bautista), a famous idiot who has found an audience for his idiotic agitation, Lionel Toussaint (Leslie Odom Jr.), a tech guy who actually ends up doing the work that Bron can then take credit for, and Claire Debella (Kathryn Hahn), a woman making moves in the world of politics. Janelle Monáe also turns up, not necessarily a friend, but certainly an integral part of the group, and there are a couple of other people present (Peg, the assistant to Birdie Jay, and Whiskey, the partner of Cody). The most important guest, however, is Blanc. And things take a turn for the mysterious when it is revealed that he wasn't actually invited. Who is really orchestrating the events of the weekend, and who will wind up dead?

It's hard to think of people hating this film. The cast and the quality of the film-making should please most viewers. It's also hard, however, to see how fans of the first film can consider this a superior mystery. Before getting into detail, it's overlong (by a good 10-15 minutes, and most of the opening act could be trimmed down easily), it's not as engaging or clever when it comes to the plotting, and most of the cast are sadly wasted.

Craig is clearly having a wonderful time in the central role, and that emanates from the screen, which is a big plus. Hudson also has a lot of fun, it's good to see Norton not in full serious mode (especially in the flashback scenes that have him sporting hair stolen from Magnolia's Frank T. J. Mackey), and Monáe sinks her teeth into a script that gives her a chance to shine bright, which she does with aplomb. Unfortunately, that leaves the rest of the cast floundering. Bautista can't do much with his underwritten character, nor can Odom Jr., and wasting Hahn this painfully should be punishable by public flogging. Henwick manages to shine in her supporting role, but that's more to do with her presence than the writing (for comparison, just look at the way Cline feels almost non-existent), and Noah Segan has no need to be in the tiny role that he's given.

I like Johnson, he's a film-maker who often mixes in just the right amount of cine-literacy (and he's been very open about this film being influenced by The Last Of Sheila) and sheer fun, but this feels like a mis-step, as if he's already forgotten, or didn't actually realise, what made the first film work so well. This lacks bite, it lacks enough solid laughs, and it lacks that important feeling of satisfaction that viewers should get when all of the pieces lock into place during the final act. Some of the silliness is deliberate, especially when Johnson is underlining the idea of people mistaking wealth for intelligence and class, but some of it feels out of place, almost as if Johnson was worried about people becoming bored. Which, ironically, leads to a few scenes which may leave some viewers bored.

Generally well-made, and with some delightful cameos, this is a nice bit of escapism for the swollen runtime. It's just a bit disappointing, especially when stood alongside the brilliance of the first film in the series, although it's not essential to have seen that before diving into this one. I'll still look forward to the next Knives Out mystery though, and I wouldn't be too pained if I was ever made to rewatch this.

6/10

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