Netflix And Chill: Cellar Door (2024)

What would you do if you could receive the house of your dreams for free, with only one main condition? It would depend on what that condition was, right? But if I told you that all you had to do was keep a cellar door closed, to never investigate that space, then you'd surely be tempted. That's the main idea at the heart of this film, hence the title.

Jordana Brewster and Scott Speedman are Sera and John, the couple who end up being offered a lovely house by Emmett (Laurence Fisburne). They are trying to heal and recover from a bad patch in their relationship, including a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, and John needs to distance himself from Alyssa (Addison Timlin), a young colleague he had an affair with, but now wants to leave in his past. Alyssa doesn't want to be left behind though, as her complaint to HR shows. Will Sera and John be able to get to the light at the end of the tunnel, or will the pressure of the situation drive one of them to look inside the cellar and break their deal with Emmett?

On the plus side, this is a lot better than the last film I saw from director Vaughn Stein (the very poor Terminal). It's not great, but at least feels more coherent, more logical, and satisfying when certain truths are finally revealed in the third act. Writers Sam Scott and Lori Evans Taylor deliver a solid enough framework, but neither Stein nor his cast do enough to imrpove upon the material. Things never seem to head down any truly dark path, leaving viewers with a tale that lacks any real tension or sense of urgency, despite the editing and score trying to make it seem otherwise.

Brewster and Speedman are fine in their lead roles, although both could have been replaced by much better choices. Timlin is asked to look pretty and be obstinate, which she does easily enough, but she's a bit wasted in her role. I could say something similar about Fishburne, giving the classic "you have me for one whole day, let's get this done" kind of performance that allows his character to cast a long shadow over the proceedings without making use of him in more than a couple of scenes. The other main supporting cast member is Randy Schulman, just used to provide exposition and regular updates on the turbulent time that Speedman's character is going through.

There's nothing here that is awful. It's just never able to become as good as it should be. That's down to the central idea, it's down to the casting, and it's down to the fact that nobody involved seems to have enough imagination or courage to commit to something stronger in content than a bland TV movie. Whatever imagery is evoked by the movie title . . . I can assure you that the film comes nowhere close to what you may be envisioning right now.

5/10

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Final Destination: Bloodlines (2025)

I have praised the Final Destination movie series before. Even the worst film in the series manages to be average, as opposed to painfully unbearable, and the last film was a surprisingly great return to form for a series that has consistently tried to deliver bloody fun to horror fans for the past twenty five years. I had mixed feelings about this latest instalment. On the one hand, more Final Destination movies could be a good thing. On the other hand, something bad would start to work against the goodwill that so many have for the series. Unlike the portents glimpsed by our main character here, however, all of the signs seemed good. Directors Zach Lipovsky and Adam Stein seemed to have a real love for the series, as evidenced by their inspired Zoom presentation that ultimately got them the job (read up on it, I hope we get to see it somewhere as a bonus feature one day), and writers Guy Busick and Lori Evans Taylor worked with Jon Watts on a story idea that would apparently please fans and relative newcomers alike. Then we got the marketing, which made great use of imagery associated with the films, particularly that Final Destination 2 opener.

Kaitlyn Santa Juana plays Stefani Reyes, a young woman we first see waking up from a nightmare at the end of a university class. That nightmare feels very real, and Stefani has been having it repeatedly for two months. It's not a premonition though, because it's all happening in the past, but it's odd that the young woman she sees in these visions shares the same name as her estranged grandmother, Iris (played by Brec Bassinger in the visions, and by Gabrielle Rose when shown in the here and now). Stefani starts to question her family about the problems that have kept certain family members away from one another, which leads her to discover a grand design by one Mr. G. Reaper to wipe out all of the lives that weren't supposed to exist if his earlier plan, to kill off a fancy restaurant full of patrons, had come to fruition. Stefani needs to figure out whatever pattern will decide the order of deaths in her family, and she hopes that there's some way to stop that big scythe cutting through their lifelines.

If there's one thing that the Final Destination movies does nowadays, one thing I hope we can all agree on, it puts the fun into funerals. This film leads characters from one tragic death to another, forcing everyone still living to eventually conclude that, yes, they are all being targeted by a vengeful and angry spirit of death. The opening disaster is top-tier stuff, although I would argue that Lipovsky and Stein make a rod for their own backs by starting things off with the kind of Rube Goldberg machinations that are normally saved for individual death scenes later in the runtime. There aren't too many surprises, which is more down to viewers now being familiar with the concept than any creative bankruptcy, but it's good to see that the screenplay at least tries a couple of small rug-pulls, some of which work better than others. Everyone is on the same page when it comes to the tone and delivering what audiences will want to see, and it allows the film to feel like the most self-aware and fun of the series. That doesn't necessarily make it the best, but it gives Lipovsky and Stein some strong cards that they play well. The timing couldn't have been better, considering the growth that you can see through their feature filmography throughout the past 10+ years. 

The cast all do a good job, despite the fact that they know they're just there to be involved in, or witness, memorable death scenes. Juana makes for a good lead, becoming more stressed without leaning too hard into full eye-twitching and head-shaking mode. She conveys the strength that her character needs, but is as vulnerable as everyone else when moving under the shadowy figure looking for ways to help shuffle her off the mortal coil. Teo Briones is a bit less enjoyable, playing her younger brother, Charlie, but that's fine when the film allows us to spend some time with other endangered family members played by Richard Harmon, Owen Patrick Joyner, and Anna Lore. Harmon is a highlight, thanks to the nature of his character and his delivery of some of the best lines in the film. Rya Kihlstedt and Alex Zahara are also dragged into the fatal danger zone, although both April Telek and Tinpo Lee only hang around long enough to witness some of the crazy carnage before they are unceremoniously shunted offscreen. There's also the expected cameo from Tony Todd, as poignant as it is enjoyable this time around due to the fact that it will stand as one of his final film roles. And what a touching send-off from the series it is.

I have criticisms, but they feel very minor when I consider how much I enjoyed this. The quality of the special effects varies wildly, especially in the CGI-heavy opening sequence, there are some inconsistencies with how things were laid out earlier in the series (easy enough to overlook though, and I am willing to consider that previous theories were put forward by people who didn't know they were mistaken), and the fact that we're supposed to believe that someone would shelter away from death in a house surrounded by multiple literal death-traps is an oversight that I wish they had managed to correct before getting the final draft of the screenplay written. I still had more fun with this at the cinema than almost any other horror movie I can think of in years. It's a crowd-pleaser, and I encourage absolutely everyone to get along and see it in the cinema if they can. It was made to be experienced with people communally enjoying the way it deftly dances between the humour and the bloodshed.

8/10

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