The HIlls Have Eyes Part II (1984)

Wes Craven gave horror fans two movies in 1984. One was the slasher classic, the birth of a new icon, A Nightmare On Elm Street. The other one was this, a very different kind of slasher, and a film not considered one of his best (to put it mildly).

A group of friends travel across some desert land as they try to get themselves to a bike race. Having got their timing wrong, it soon becomes clear that they need to take a shortcut if they want to get there on time. And that is how they end up in territory being overseen by members of the cannibal family last seen in The Hills Have Eyes. You'd think that the area might be a bit safer now, with most of the family seemingly dealt with by the end of the first movie, but that's not the case. There is still a very real threat there, thanks to Pluto (Michael Berryman) and a character known as The Reaper (John Bloom).

There are two big mistakes made here (not including the infamous moment in which we see the flashback of a dog). The first is deciding to connect this to the first one in ways that were unnecessary. Craven obviously wanted to say something interesting about those who survive such a traumatic experience, but it's a wasted bit of commentary, with the surviving character of Bobby (Robert Houston) simply used as a lead in to the events, and Rachel (Janus Blythe) too easily "tamed" after first being shown as Ruby in the original movie. The second big mistake is taking too long to set everything up in the first half of the movie. This is not a long film, it clocks in under the 90-minute mark, but it feels longer, mainly thanks to the uninspired mix of thin characterisations and flashbacks that make up the opening act.

Berryman and Bloom are both good in their roles, although Berryman isn't as good here as he was the first time around (made slightly less threatening and more pathetic this time), and they certainly fare better than the crowd of young folk who we're supposed to be rooting for, nominally led by Cass (a blind woman played by Tamara Stafford) and Roy (Kevin Spirtas). John Laughlin, Willard E. Pugh, Peter Frechette, Colleen Riley, and Penny Johnson Jerald are given far too little to work with, aside from one or two decent death scenes, and even Blythe suffers at the hands of a poor script that sets her character up to be more interesting than it is allowed to be.

Having said that, the film is not without some charm for fans of simple slasher fare. The larger cast means that you just know there are due to be at least a couple of extra death scenes, there's a score from Harry Manfredini that works well (even if, or because, it feels like it could have been lifted from any Friday The 13th movie), and Craven tries to put all of the pieces in place for a satisfying finale. He doesn't succeed . . . but at least he tries.

Far from essential viewing, this now sits as one of those many films dismissed by horror genre fans that isn't quite as bad as its reputation might suggest, but it's also not one that deserves to be reappraised as any kind of misunderstood classic. It's a weak sequel, mainly due to a weak script from Craven (and the fact that he was only given enough of a budget to film about two thirds of what he actually wanted to film), but those after a bit of dumb fun could do a lot worse.

5/10

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Dead By Dawn 2016: The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

Like it or not, The Hills Have Eyes is arguably almost single-handedly responsible for the "hillbilly cannibal" subgenre that has given us the Wrong Turn series, Hillside Cannibals, Jug Face and the comedic stylings of Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil. It's also the film that saw writer-director transition from the down 'n' dirty roughness of The Last House On The Left to a more polished approach that we see him stretching his legs in some strange and unique genre fare before becoming the franchise-spawner that he was by the late 20th century (a status I would have to acknowledge here, after his passing).

A family are travelling through a remote area of America when they find themselves targetted by a bunch of savage hill-dwellers. And that's really all you need to know about the film. It's a very pure set-up, allowing Craven to continue his look at the thin boundary between civility and savagery while also providing more than a fair share of shocks and tense moments. The film has dated, that's true, but it retains a rawness and off-kilter aura that makes it easy to hold up as a bit of a classic, albeit one with a few forgivable flaws.

Dee Wallace is one of the familiar faces among the group of potential victims, and she's always good to see onscreen for genre fans. But she's joined here by John Steadman, Russ Grieve, Virginia Vincent, and a few others. It's the villains of the piece, however, who are the real headliners, as evidenced by much of the marketing material. James Whitworth is Jupiter, the head of the violent and deadly family living in the hills. He's memorable, and suitably scary, but it's Michael Berryman who is rightly remembered for his portrayal of Pluto. Berryman mixes his unique appearance with animalistic behaviour that makes him fascinating to watch, even as things start to get worse and worse for the poor family being besieged by savages.

If you consider yourself a horror fan then I consider this essential viewing. Not just because of the influence upon the subgenre already mentioned, but also because of seeing a stepping stone in the career of Craven. It's fascinating to see someone manage to tone down a cinematic primal scream into something more acceptable to mass audiences while somehow not diluting the power of his work. If only more knew how to do it. But, then again, that's why Wes Craven was as revered as he was. And rightfully so.

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9/10

Smash Cut (2009)

As Smash Cut played out I knew that I should be rolling my eyes and grimacing at the mix of awful comedy and ridiculous gore I was watching. I knew that, I really did. But I enjoyed myself. The film wasn't good, by conventional standards, but it featured some familiar faces being silly and appearing to enjoy themselves and that was infectious. Of course, many other things are infectious that people don't want passed on to them so I'll forgive you if you decide to avoid this one.

David Hess plays a director who has had enough. He's often shafted by money men, he can never get onscreen what he actually envisions in his mind, audiences laugh at the end results and the critics have a field day as they shred his reputation. When he accidentally kills a young woman (Jennilee Murray) he realises what he needs to make his masterpiece. Real blood and gore. Real death. Reel death. But as he tries to get his film finished he is being watched by an undercover reporter (Sasha Grey) and a private detective (Jesse Buck).

An overt homage to the films of Herschell Gordon Lewis (the man himself has a cameo role and is the source of some choice quotes at the very beginning of the film), this is a cheap and cheerful slice of splattery madness. The script by Ian Driscoll isn't great, by any means, but it does have some amusing lines and references for fans of Lewis. The direction by Lee Demarbre is pretty slapdash, which is, of course, in line with the essence of the whole enterprise.

Hess goes over the top whenever he gets the chance, which is in almost every scene, poor Michael Berryman appears in a few scenes with a wig so horrendous that I started to suspect it may actually be an escaped Tribble and Mr. H. G. Lewis is really the only one of the big horror names to survive his limited screentime with dignity intact. Sasha Grey isn't terrible, but that may be more down to the fact that I've been, ummmmm, a fan of her work for some time as opposed to her acting skills. Jesse Buck basically gets to lark around for the entire movie, and he does okay. I guess. There are other actors, but none giving performances worth highlighting.

If you like the movies being homaged then you should get some pleasure from Smash Cut. If you don't, I encourage you to choose something - anything - else.

5/10

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The Lords Of Salem (2012)

Damn you, Rob Zombie, damn you. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to fall while stretching beyond your normal reach, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating when the end result is such a mess. I always think that a discussion of any Rob Zombie movie somehow requires an opening statement making clear exactly where I stand on the filmography of the man. I loved House Of 1000 Corpses and I loved The Devil's Rejects, and then it started to slip and slide downhill. I actually enjoyed the Halloween remake and I thought The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto was as hilarious as it was juvenile. It all started to go wrong with Halloween II (which I still gave a respectable 6/10). The Lords Of Salem is, without a doubt, his worst movie. The fact that it's so unoriginal isn't a problem. The other movies that he's done have all allowed Zombie to wear his influences on his sleeve. It's the fact that is so unoriginal without his own twist on the material, the fact that it's so visually inept and ugly and the fact that it's just inexcusably dull from start to finish. Zombie shows no progression whatsoever as an artist, and has actually gone backwards since his fantastic debut feature.

The story is all about a radio DJ named Heidi (Sheri Moon Zombie) who receives a record from a mystery band, simply calling themselves "the lords". When she plays the record she starts to feel funny, eventually experiencing strange visions that may be flashbacks to more violent time in Salem's dark history. Her colleagues (played by Jeff Daniel Phillips and Ken Foree) don't really notice anything unusual initially, but as things get worse they start to worry that Heidi has gone back to a drug habit after a long period of being clean. The one person who starts to piece things together is Francis Matthias (Bruce Davison), a bit of an expert in the local history. Unfortunately, Heidi is soon being "looked after" by three women (Judy Geeson, Dee Wallace and Patricia Quinn) and she seems to be heading towards some big trouble.

There are some individual, good moments in The Lords Of Salem. It's not an irredeemable disaster, and it's not something that I'll refuse to ever rewatch, but those overlooking the many major flaws to praise it as Rob Zombie's homage to Euro-horrors are setting a lot of future newcomers up for a big fall. Zombie himself described it (in this clip) "as if Ken Russell directed The Shining" and mentions Polanski as another influence. He's not actually far off the mark, but none of those filmmakers would have a transition quite as clumsy as the sequence that introduces Heidi's place of work and colleagues and treats the audience like hyperactive children. Frustratingly, he shows in some other shots that he can do much better. Some moments do have a nice, controlled approach to both the shot composition and camera movement, but it's usually not long until he slips back into his old habits.

A lot of detractors of the film, or Zombie in general, have been quick to criticise Sheri Moon Zombie in the lead role. She's not that bad. Indeed, none of the actors (many of whom are firm favourites among horror fans, surprise surprise) do a bad job. Geeson, Wallace and Quinn, in particular, provide the most fun and seem to attack their roles with relish. Meg Foster also appears in a small, but vital, role and Sid Haig and Michael Berryman put in cameo appearances.

The soundtrack is pretty good, with one or two standout tracks, and the quality of the sound design serves as a reminder that this is a film from a man who knows what he's doing by now (in terms of the basic technical aspects, at least).

I enjoyed a few scenes, I was impressed by one or two creepy moments and in the first half hour of the film I was hoping that it would improve and build to something truly memorable. That didn't happen. The fact that it all came so completely undone didn't make me angry, it just left me disappointed. Other people already gave up on Rob Zombie a few years ago, but I keep giving him one more chance. I know that he's capable of some great stuff. The Lords Of Salem sees him trying hard to refute that.

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lords-Salem-Sheri-Moon-Zombie/dp/B00BIODT0A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370338335&sr=8-1&keywords=the+lords+of+salem

Mask Maker AKA Maskerade (2010)

There's no need to tread softly here or sugarcoat the message, Mask Maker is a bad movie. I don't care about the feelings of those who made it because they didn't seem to care at all about the feelings of anyone forced to watch their rubbish.

The story is all about Jennifer (Nikki Deloach) being given a house by her boyfriend (Evan, played by Stephen Colletti). It's a present for her birthday, he managed to get the property and 40 acres of ground and everything inside the house for $10,000, and the aim is to put enough work in to renovate the property and then sell it for a tidy sum. Because that makes the most sense. As opposed to other ways to use the $10,000. It's not as if Jennifer and Evan are a bit of a shaky couple who may not stay together further down the line. Oh, hold on, yes they are. That's made clear during one of their conversations in the first 15 minutes of the movie. Yes, things start at that level of unbelievability and get worse from there. A bunch of dull characters join the lead couple, a couple of familiar faces show up for cameo roles (mainly Treat Williams in a very small role and the great Michael Berryman) and someone goes out of their way to mention quite early on that there is no phone reception in the area.

Director Griff Furst, who also wrote the screenplay with Eric Miller (and Miller was helped in an earlier stage of the writing by Jake Kennedy - did this rubbish really need three writers?), doesn't seem to be trying for most of the runtime. Things are only ever livened up by the lowest common denominators - gore and gratuitous nudity - and even then the film struggles to hold your attention.

The cast try but are hampered by the material that they're working with. It's just too ridiculous and at times bordering on parody. Nikki Deloach is a decent leading actress until the final act, when things are stretched way beyond breaking point, and Anabella Casanova and Mariah Bonner are both pleasingly attractive and not allergic to some fleeting moments of being nekkid. Stephen Colletti, Ross Britz and A. J. Allegra are disposable males, overshadowed by the likes of Terry Kiser and the more famous names already mentioned above (Berryman, in particular).

If it had at least tried to do something with conviction then Mask Maker could have been a lot more fun. Instead, it fails to recreate the slasher thrills of the video nasty era (unlike Hatchet which, while I didn't love it, gets things just right) and it doesn't have the intelligence or humour to invest the stale material with something that could transform it into more than a poor pastiche of 101 better movies. Jonathan Breck is wasted as the main villain and the moment near the end of the movie that lifts a trick directly from Friday The 13th Part 2 should be enough to make you laughingly dismiss the whole thing, if you still had any hope left that there would be some redemption.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mask-Maker-DVD-Nikki-Deloach/dp/B0076VJ2ZK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342624388&sr=8-1