Prime Time: Royal New Year's Eve (2017)

Why did I decide to watch this? Simple. It was new year's eve, and this film obviously has some tie to that day. That's really the only reason to watch this.

Jessy Schram plays Caitlyn Enderby, a woman who is kept busy in her job by her demanding boss, Abigail Miller (Cheryl Ladd, and, just in case it's a detail added to ensure that people stayed awake throughout the film, I am sure that I saw her name spelled as Abigayle at one point). Abigail is the head of a high-fashion magazine, Applique, and she is looking forward to hosting some royalty at a major new year's eve party, where Prince Jeffrey (Sam Page) is rumoured to propose to Lady Isabelle (Hayley Sales). Caitlyn meets Prince Jeffrey when he's just trying to enjoy some time in the sity as Jeff, and the two get on very well. She also ends up showing off a dress of her own design that gets Lady Isabelle very interested, much to the chagrin of Abigail, who wants the party to serve as a springboard for her daughter's career.

With the steady hand of Monika Mitchell directing this and the experienced writer Rick Garman very much aware of the various plot beats that need to be hit on the way to the fairytale happy ending, it's hard to be too critical of Royal New Year's Eve for doing pretty much exactly what you expect it to do. When it comes to the many movies made in the past few decades about someone catching the eye of a stifled-by-duty royal then this isn't, on paper, much better or worse than any other.

The big problem is the cast, although it's not entirely their fault. Schram is an inoffensive and sexless lead, Ladd becomes a very tame Disney villain at times, and Nicole LaPlaca tries hard in the thankless role of the pleasant daughter not actually wanting her mother to use any sneaky and morally-dubious tactics in order to give her career a push. Crystal Balint is very good as the friend/colleague named Doris, and gets some decent moments in the second half. Page and Sales, however, have to spend their time delivering their lines in horribly fake English accents. Sales manages to at least stay consistent in her accent, but Page feels like he's overthinking every word, and even takes an occasional mis-step into Scottishness with one strange utterance in a coffee shop. As for Andrew Kavadas, playing a manservant named Barnaby, he's somehow quietly menacing in almost every scene, despite his character being nothing but quiet and pleasant throughout.

I didn't hate this, but I did spend quite a bit of time gently mocking it as things moved from one predictable moment to the next. Despite the focus on the looming new year's eve party, most of the set dressing is committed to making everything bright and Christmassy, which helps it to sit alongside the other comforting distractions of the season. If you can tolerate some of the accents, and the fact that Page looks like some mushed-together blend of Mark Ruffalo and Billy Zane, then you might enjoy this more than I did. I doubt anyone would consider it a good viewing choice though, even compared to other Hallmark movies filling up the schedules around this time of year.

4/10

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Netflix And Chill: The Knight Before Christmas (2019)

Netflix continue to try making their mark on the traditional Christmas movie market and, once again, there are a mix of pros and cons with their approach.

Vanessa Hudgens (who did such a great job in The Princess Switch last year) is a young woman, Brooke, who has everything in life, except for a man. And every woman needs a man, of course. Although... well, we will come back to this point soon. Anywayyy, that looks set to change when a Knight (Sir Cole, played by Josh Whitehouse) is sent forward in time by an old crone (Ella Kenion), enabling him to complete whatever quest he is supposed to figure out needs his attention, and enabling Brooke to realise that she doesn't mind the idea of true love.

Like almost every other Christmas movie they have produced over the past few years, with one or two notable exceptions, this one works in terms of the simple entertainment it aims to provide, yet feels as if those who made it were too wary to fully embrace the conventions of these specific types of movies. You get moments you expect, but you get them in a diluted, "diet soda", form. The sweetness and sense of immediate satisfaction are both there, they're just lacking the unabashed pure sugar rush.

Hudgens is good enough in the lead role, but it doesn't make the use of her talent that The Princess Switch did. That would seem to be the fault of writer Cara J. Russell, who has a fairly short list of credits, compared to the kind usually amassed by people in this field (although everyone starts somewhere), and perhaps that explains her approach to the material lacking a confidence in just how much viewers will welcome this kind of thing leaning hard into the expected "bucket list items". Director Monika Mitchell has a bit more experience, with both standard TV movies and Christmas TV movies, but doesn't show it here, which adds to the feeling that both she and Russell were slightly hampered by Netflix, who somehow seem to think that they can't just dive right to the ground and make snow angels while we look on and smile.

Although Hudgens is fine, Whitehouse can be given a little praise for his fun, light performance. Sir Cole may be ridiculously unfazed by things around him in the modern world (cars, TV, phones, Alexa, etc), but Whitehouse plays up the wide-eyed innocence of his character well enough. Emmanuelle Chriqui is the other main lead, friend to Hudgens and parent to the main child involved in the storyline (Claire, played competently enough by Isabelle Franca), and does well enough in her role.

It's telling that you can get all the way to the grand finale here without really knowing what the main lesson to be learned is, or even what quest Sir Cole needs to complete to make things right. Netflix want to hand you gifts, but they're not sure if you'll like them. So they make stuff, move towards embracing the home-made charm of it all, and then chicken out by polishing it up too much and packaging it with a gift voucher. You may read this and wonder what the hell I am on about, but if you're a fan of Christmas movies then you know I am right. Come on, Netflix, just knock back the eggnog, have the snowball fight, add more montages, wear the ugly sweater with pride, and stop pretending to be above it all.

5/10

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