Prime Time: Scared Shitless (2024)

The story of a plumber (Don, played by Steven Ogg) and his germophobic son, Sonny (Daniel Doheny), Scared Shitless is the kind of horror comedy you can easily imagine being pretty good when you think about the main elements. It has decent lead cast members (including Chelsea Clark and Marcia Bennett in main roles), it largely keeps all of the action in one location, and there are some decent practical effects bringing the central creature to life. 

Everything starts when Don and Sonny head along to an apartment building for a standard job. Don is trying to get Sonny to conquer his germophobia, and he thinks having him as his apprentice might just help. It turns out that their job isn't actually your usual plumbing job though, not when a creature seems to be moving around some of the pipes. Patricia (Clark) works in the building and wants discretion, but she may end up helping Don and Sonny when they all realise just how big a problem they might have on their hands.

Written by Brandon Cohen, expanding his short from a few years ago, Scared Shitless isn't helped by the fact that it's just a bit too under-written. Cohen has a fun idea at the heart of things, and benefits from the casting, but there's nothing here that's as funny or gruesome as it could be. Director Vivieno Caldinelli does well enough with the material, but what was needed was a much bigger selection of disposable characters and some more moments of bloody mayhem. Or maybe even some excessive amounts of fecal waste.

Ogg is a lot of fun in his role, being amusingly dry and dour for most of the runtime. Doheny plays his part well, being squeamish and jittery without spending every other minute fainting at the sight of anything that could contaminate his safe personal bubble. Clark is very easy to warm to, Bennett is a sweet and lovely resident who you don't want to see come to any harm, and the few other main characters are played by Lorna Wilson, Marty Adams, Donald Tripe, Mark McKinney, and Brynn Godenir. You may think that presents a decent selection of victims, but the film needed more bodies to be put in serious danger.

Undemanding horror comedy fans will find enough to enjoy here, especially when it comes to the presentation of the creature effects, but those who have seen a lot of films in this vein (and I count myself in that demographic) will be disappointed by the lack of creativity and style on display. Everything is okay, but nothing ever becomes more than okay. You can pick something better for your first choice when lining up an evening of viewings. If you're in a good mood then you could pick this as a secondary option. It might turn out to be a decent number two. 

5/10

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Shudder Saturday: Dark Match (2024)

A wrestling horror movie may not sound like a lot of fun, but I suppose if you like wrestling and/or horror then you may get something from it. That would be the theroy anyway, and the presence of Chris Jericho certainly shows that writer-director Lowell Dean wants wrestling fans to have fun with this. I'm not sure they will.

A group of wrestlers are signed up for a job by their pretty useless manager (Rusty, played by Jonathan Cherry) that will leave them fighting for a small crowd in the middle of nowhere. The pay seems decent though, but only until everyone figures out exactly what is going on. This isn't just a series of wrestling matches. It's all designed to appease a cult and progress their nefarious plan. 

Aside from Ayihsa Issa and Steven Ogg, who I am picking as nominal leads here, Dark Match suffers from the fact that too few of the characters are worth caring about. Cherry plays his part with gusto, and he's fun, but you don't care about him. Mo Adan, Sara Canning, Michael Eklund, Stephanie Wolf, Jonathan Lepine, Justin Lawrick, and even Jericho himself don't have enough to work with in order to stand out. Okay, the latter gets a scheming panto villain moment here and there, but it's not any fun. And this film should have at least aimed to be fun.

Despite the fact that I am not into wrestling, I see why people are drawn to it. The athleticism, the showmanship, the ongoing soap opera that sets up so many different battles with different stakes. Those who are really into it tend to be DEEP into it, which is why no 94-minute movie could hope to compare. There's no attachment to anyone here, despite some of their recent history being mentioned or hinted at, and that means it's hard to really feel invested in any of the wrestling matches.

Dean does okay with his budget and resources, I guess, but it doesn't take long to notice that the two main sets are the wrestling ring and a dressing room area. Things are shot clearly enough though, and the action is visible and easy to follow, if also disappointingly dull.

I didn't find this painful or overlong, but I did spend a lot of time just waiting for everything to be wrapped up so I could end it and get on with the rest of my day. And the ending was pretty dire, considering it just reminded me of a Tenacious D music video. So I won't ever want to rewatch this, and I cannot think of anyone I would highly recommend it to. Issa, Ogg, and Cherry are the highlights. Everything else is just a bit . . . blah.

3/10

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Shudder Saturday: V/H/S/99 (2022)

I'm not sure how others feel about it, but I am happy that the V/H/S horror anthology movie series has been allowed to go on for as long as it has, and long may it continue. After my disappointment with the third instalment, everything else so far has kept me very entertained, and it's almost as if each one now keeps trying to just get a little bit weirder and wilder, with the emphasis more on fun than nerve-shredding horror. 

We get five tales of terror here. First up is "Shredding", written and directed by Maggie Levin. This is all about an amateur band that decides to break into an allegedly haunted, abandoned, music venue and upset some spirits by rocking out on the stage. Then it's "Suicide Bid", a Johannes Roberts-helmed story of a young woman who reluctantly agrees to be buried alive in order to be accepted into the one and only sorority she has applied to join. "Ozzy's Dungeon" (directed by Flying Lotus, who co-wrote it with Zoe Cooper) is all about the host of a children's game show being tortured by the parent of a child who was seriously injured trying to complete the final challenge on his show. "The Gawkers" (directed by Tyler MacIntyre, who co-wrote it with Chris Lee Hill) has some young men trying to spy on an attractive new neighbour . . . with complete ignorance of the danger they will find themselves in. And then, last but not least, Joseph and Vanessa Winter (aka the Deadstream people) give viewers "To Hell And Back", which is basically summed up by that title.

The only reason I won't name-check everyone onscreen here is because there are too many people to consider, as is often the case with anthology movies, but Ally Ioannides, Steven Ogg, and Melanie Stone were the highlights for me. Ioannides plays Lily, the young woman desperate to join a sorority in "Suicide Bid", Ogg plays the host of "Ozzy's Dungeon, and Stone has a lot of fun as some kind of hell imp in "To Hell And Back". I must say, however, that it's great to not want to single anyone out in a negative way. The shooting style, and ridiculousness of everything, helps, but there isn't anyone here stinking up the place.

Two tales here stood out for me, and those were "Suicide Bid" (Roberts is someone I think always deserves more love from horror fans) and "To Hell And Back" (Joseph and Vanessa Winter really underlining their emergence as names to keep an eye on). "The Gawkers" ranks just below those, boosted by a finale that makes use of a classic monster in a fun and interesting way. Then it's "Shredding", a fun start to things that is undermined by the overuse of the VHS stylisation, and "Ozzy's Dungeon" brings up the rear, although it's still perfectly enjoyable.

Even people who are used to me being quite vague in my movie reviews may feel that I have given away even less than usual here. I am erring on the side of caution, but every part of this film is more enjoyable for the fact that you can quickly figure things out as things unfold. You know that the people involved want to revel in the chance to cut loose and throw around a decent amount of insanity and gore, and every little twist or tweak is always in service of the fun factor.

If you already like this series then you should enjoy this latest entry, particularly if, like myself, you have enjoyed the revival of some modern horror anthologies that seemed destined to end on a low note some years ago.

7/10

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