Black Christmas (2019)

So here's the thing, Black Christmas is a bad movie. It just is. Sorry for those about to rush to defend it, I am about to quantify my judgement very shortly.

The third incarnation, I believe, of this horror tale of a group of sorority sisters being stalked by a mad killer, Black Christmas both stands and falls due to the way the material has been turned into something different from both of the previous movies bearing the same name.

Imogen Poots plays Riley, a young woman attending a college that seems to be gaining a bit of a reputation for sexism and misogyny. There's even a petition to protest the teaching tools of one Professor Gelson (played by Cary Elwes). There are other characters, and other plot elements, but the only one worth bothering about is Riley, and viewers learn that she survived an assault in her recent past by a boy who went on to continue living his life without a care in the world.

Directed by Sophia Takal, who also co-wrote the thing with April Wolfe, this version of Black Christmas is a film designed to display the everyday battles that women have to be involved in, just to have their views acknowledged, to maintain/gain their rights, and to stay safe. It's a horror film reflecting the "me too" movement, and one that also ensures you remember how pathetic it is to have to state "not all men". There are moments when that works well, it's not subtle about it, but it's also depressingly not unbelievable. Then the third act happens, and everything goes horribly wrong. The explanation of events is absolutely terrible, like something written by a child who didn't know how to end their story, and the more straightforward horror sequences completely lack tension or thrills.

This would have been much better if it hadn't been marketed as a Black Christmas movie. Make it a socially-conscious horror movie. Better yet, remove the traditional horror element, and show how life as a female college student can still be a complete horror movie. Any attempts to incorporate familiar elements are completely mishandled, and just fall flat. You don't get terrifying phone calls, you get text messages from anonymous numbers. You don't get impressive kill scenes, you get what feels like a number of sanitised, bloodless, ones.

Poots is good in the lead role, and is at the centre of all of the best scenes (while the makers understand what they're doing), but even she can't do enough to improve the awful mess that drags everything down as the plot unfolds. Aleyse Shannon, Lily Donoghue, and Brittany O'Grady are a number of the sisters, with none of them really standing out (certainly not for the right reasons), and Caleb Eberhardt is a good guy proving that there are one or two around, and they don't stand up to shout "not all men". Elwes is given a role that feels right for him, so that works, but nobody else is worth mentioning.

Although made with a degree of technical competence, and although I have mentioned the good points that are made, particularly in the first half, Black Christmas still ends up being one of the worst mainstream horror movies of the past year or two. It's a step down from Takal's previous effort, Always Shine, and I hope she does something next that can help us forget this one. It's so inept that it made me think fondly of the Glen Morgan remake, and that's saying something.

3/10

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Vivarium (2019)

The last time director Lorcan Finnegan worked with writer Garret Shanley, on their debut feature after collaborating on a fine short, Foxes, they gave viewers a film about someone finding strangeness and potential insanity in an isolated wooded area. This time around they give us a couple finding strangeness and potential insanity in a picture-perfect suburban home.

Imogen Poots and Jesse Eisenberg are Gemma and Tom, a young couple looking for their ideal home. They meet a strange agent, Martin (Jonathan Aris), and are then taken to a home in a street of identical homes, in an area full of identical streets. Martin then disappears, leaving Gemma and Tom to find their own way out of the neighbourhood. They can't manage it, and it soon becomes clear that they are somehow always fated to end up back at the front door of what is now their new home. No matter how hard they try to escape, they keep finding themselves back home. And then they receive a child.

That's pretty much everything about Vivarium, and the main plot is fully set up within the first 5-10 minutes. Although I would be hesitant to compare it to something like Blue Velvet, it certainly uses the fantastical concept to illustrate how much the dream of suburban contentment can soon sour and become a nightmare for those who are trapped in it (which, in this case, is a very literal situation).

Visually, you get an excellent exaggeration of most typical modern street layouts. All of these new homes look the same, the streets are the same, and every home even has one fluffy cloud-shaped cloud (you know what I mean) resting just overhead. Finnegan really does all he can to create a vision that is both uniformly mundane and also very creepy.

Shanley's script is a bit less satisfying, but I also admired the fact that he didn't set out to provide any answers for the non-stop string of oddities that make up the various plot points. The child alone (played mostly by Senan Jennings) is one major part of the movie that you never get an explanation for, which doesn't stop him being incredibly creepy and disturbing, but you also get no extra information about the motivation of certain characters, about the logic and physics of the environment, or even how certain things are always worked out (such as deliveries and repairs). Viewers are as bemused as the main characters.

Poots and Eisenberg are very good in the main roles, with the latter becoming more angry and aggressive than the former. They adjust to their new life quite quickly, but that's when they realise they have no choice in the matter. Jennings is excellent as the child, one of the most loathsome little people I have had to endure onscreen, and Eanna Hardwicke does a decent job as the grown-up version of the same character.

I'd recommend Vivarium if you're after something far removed from the norm. Just don't expect answers to any of the questions it puts forwards.

7/10

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Dead By Dawn 2016: Green Room (2015)

AKA that film that features Patrick Stewart as the leader of a bunch of neo-Nazis. AKA "Do you feel lucky, punk?"

Written and directed by Jeremy Saulnier, who previously gave us the excellent Blue Ruin (and before that gave us Murder Party - which I have yet to watch), Green Room could accurately be described as a snarling beast of a film. It feels raw and visceral throughout, and not just because the main protagonists are members of a punk rock band who prefer their vocals to be primal and full of anger.

The band is made up of Alia Shawkat, Anton Yelchin, Joe Cole, and Callum Turner. They're not having a very good time, having to siphon petrol to keep their van on the road and being interviewed by someone who no longer has a show on air . . . . . . . . and can't get them the decent gig that they thought they were travelling to. To make amends, they are offered a gig elsewhere. It's the middle of nowhere. Most of the audience seem to be of a certain political leaning, to put it nicely, but the band figure that they can insult them, play a few songs, and make out with a few hundred dollars for their troubles. Which isn't bad at all. And then someone pops into a room backstage and witnesses some people around a fresh corpse. Which is when things start to go from bad to worse to the stuff of nightmares.

Green Room is a lean, nasty, grimy thriller that feels very much like something from an earlier decade. Thankfully, it manages to feel that way without making too many obvious nods and winks to viewers. The most obvious jumping off point would be the classic Assault On Precinct 13, and one or two other John Carpenter movies, but these characters, and this level of violence and brutality, could have stepped out from any number of xploitation movies from the '70s and '80s.

But I don't want to spoil your expectations with hyperbole here. Don't go into the movie expecting a) wall to wall violence and b) nastiness unlike anything you've ever witnessed before. No. What Saulnier does so well is litter his movie with moments to make you wince and scenes that often take a left turn when you thought they were moving right (no pun intended).

All of the aforementioned cast members do a very good job, even when jumping around and trying to look like punk rockers, and Patrick Stewart certainly makes a great impression with his relatively limited amount of screentime, but there are also fantastic turns from Mark Webber and Macon Blair, to name but two of a handful of people I could have singled out. Imogen Poots is a bit out of place here, but I like her anyway and she's not exactly stinking up the entire film. She just doesn't really seem to fit into this world.

If you're hoping for another Blue Ruin then this isn't for you. But if you're hoping for a film that uses fight dogs, box cutters, guns, fire extinguishers, and plenty of fake blood then get to this as soon as possible. Personally, I think this is the better film. But that just says a lot more about my mental state than the difference in quality between the two. 

9/10

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That Awkward Moment (2014)

That Awkward Moment is a rom-com aimed at guys. It has moments of bawdiness, but at heart it's just a sappy look at how love can affect even those who try to cut themselves off from it. Buoyed by some decent central performances, this is enjoyable, if forgettable, stuff. Despite the fact that I won't seek it out for repeat viewings, I will happily watch it again if it ends up playing in the background one day while I intended to focus on something else.

Zac Efron is Jason, the seemingly typical young man who starts to blanch whenever women try to define their relationship with him. He just wants to have fun. As does his friend, Daniel (Miles Teller). His other friend, Mikey (Michael B. Jordan), is settled down and happily married. Until the moment that he finds out his wife (Jessica Lucas) has been seeing someone else. Which leads to the three men hitting the town. Hard. They have an accomplice in the form of the lovely Chelsea (Mackenzie Davis), a pretty female friend who seems to enjoy helping them reel in more conquests, and there's only one rule they agree upon: no relationships. Which is when Jason meets Ellie (Imogen Poots).

Efron, Teller and Jordan have a lot of fun here, as is made even more obvious in some amusing outtakes that appear during the end credits. I've always tended to enjoy all three actors (despite Teller annoying the hell out of me in 21 & Over - which seems to have been a blip) and they work well here, both individually and whenever onscreen together. The ladies may be dream ideals, with tacit approval being given to some behaviour most would disapprove of, but Davis and Poots both manage to make the best of their roles. They may put up with more than most, but they also put the men squarely in their place when needed. Addison Timlin is another ideal girl, basically the female equivalent of Jason, and it's interesting to note that the only main female character not shown to enjoy the "cheeky charm" of the menfolk is Lucas, who plays a bit of a baddie.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, this is the type of film that you should know beforehand whether you're going to enjoy or not. Yes, the trailer has most of the funniest moments in it. Yes, the whole thing is predictable from start to finish. Yes, it's also pretty unbelievable (especially the plot development that concerns the character played by Davis). It's also consistently amusing, moves along at a decent clip, and strides ahead of the other main Efron comedy of last year (Bad Neighbours AKA Neighbors).

6/10

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