Shudder Saturday: The Exorcism (2024)

Co-written and directed by Joshua John Miller, it's worth starting any review of The Exorcism by reminding people of who Joshua John Miller is. He's many things, including an actor, writer, and director. But, and it's most important in relation to this movie, he's also a son of Jason "Father Karras in The Exorcist" Miller. That's most important here because The Exorcism is very much in dialogue with The Exorcist. You could even consider one as an attempt to exorcise the spirits of the other, but maybe that's overthinking things.

Russell Crowe plays Anthony Miller, an actor trying to keep himself in order as he portrays a priest in a horror movie about an exorcism. The film is called The Georgetown Project, and it bears a major resemblance to the landmark horror film famously filmed in that area (although that film is namechecked, which means we're in a world in which that film already exists). Miller is trying to stay away from alcohol, trying to stay connected to his daughter, Lee (Ryan Simpkins), and trying not to be too disorientated by the content of the film, especially while the director (Adam Goldberg) keeps pushing him to tap into uncomfortable memories of abuse and pain.

The last time I watched Russell Crowe get involved with some demon-wrestling exorcisms was when I watched The Pope’s Exorcist. That film was fun, and Crowe seemed to be having a lot of fun in the lead role. This film is the polar opposite of that. Crowe isn’t having fun, and neither are viewers. 

Alongside Crowe and Simpkins are a great mix of players who all deserve better. David Hyde Pierce gets to utter dialogue that his most famous sitcom creation would justifiably ridicule, Goldberg is a cartoon depiction of an angry star director, Chloe Bailey doesn’t get enough to do, and there are irrelevant amounts of screentime for Adrian Pasdar and Sam Worthington. Simpkins probably fares the best, mainly because she’s at the heart of the drama without having to do all of the contorting and snarling that Crowe delivers.

Miller has done good work before this, and I am sure he will do something else worth my time sometime in the future, but this is truly dire. Maybe directing isn’t his strong suit, especially when you consider that this is only the second feature he has helmed in twenty five years. M. A. Fortin doesn’t help in his co-writing role either, despite being a long-term collaborator with Miller, which makes me think the biggest problem here stems from someone wrestling with a project that they cannot view with any objectivity. Miller is the reason this exists, and he is the reason that it collapses like an underbaked soufflé.

Although it’s all put together with the level of technical competence and polish that the budget allows, The Exorcism still manages to sink to the bottom of the 2024 horror movie barrel. And I can only hope that it stays there, perhaps pinned under anything else that we can send down there to ensure it doesn’t try to float back to the top.

2/10

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The Willies (1990)

A strange mix of comedy and horror aimed mainly at children (I would say the perfect age range for this is about 10-13), The Willies is an anthology film that makes the mistake of not maintaining the energy and fun of its opening sequence.

Sean Astin, Jason Horst, and Joshua John Miller are three kids spending a night together in a tent. Which means they obviously start to tell one another scary stories. After a few “appetisers” it is on to the mains. Story one involves a young, put-upon, school student who discovers a creature that will happily munch on anyone it catches. Story two involves a teenager who is obsessed with dead flies, even putting them into biscuits that he then tries to get others to eat. 

Written and directed by Brian Peck, an actor who has only helmed this one film, The Willies is easy to see appealing to younger viewers, if they can be patient through the less horrifying moments. Think of a cross between Goosebumps and any American TV show that just depicts a couple of main characters being deemed as outcasts in their school and you should know the tone. Peck does well when it comes to the scares, knowing just how far to push things with the tension and occasional gore effects, but he sets everyone up for some disappointment by presenting a strong opening that the rest of the film never equals.

The child actors already mentioned do just fine in their wraparound section. Ian Fried is a decent young lead, playing Danny Hollister in the first main story about the creature in the school, but Michael Bower isn’t given enough to help make him worth journeying with throughout the second story. Genre fans will have fun seeing the likes of Kimmy Robertson, James Karen, Kathleen Freeman, and a few other familiar faces in supporting roles.

I am fairly sure that I have heard some friends refer to this film with some fondness, and I guess seeing it at the right time would explain that. Although not a great anthology, nor a great kid’s film, it’s a fantastic gateway. But even then . . . you could always just pick the wonderful “Eerie, Indiana”.

6/10

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Teen Witch (1989)

I'm not saying Teen Witch killed the careers of those behind the camera, but it's the last film written by Robin Menken and Vernon Zimmerman, and the second-last narrative feature from director Dorian Walker. Some of the cast members have managed to continue their acting careers, which seems like a miracle when you see some of the stuff they have to do here.

Robyn Lively is Louise, a typical teenage girl who spends her time in the company of her friend, Polly (Mandy Ingber), swooning over Brad (Dan Gauthier), and wishing she was more popular at her school. After a bike accident leaves her a bit shaken up, Louise ends up encountering Madame Serena (Zelda Rubinstein), a woman that informs Louise that she's due to inherit some magical powers by the time she turns sixteen. When that happens, Louise finds that she can make herself popular, and put everything in place to give her a good shot with Brad, but at what cost?

Teen Witch is quite a mad film, and I immediately resented watching it as soon as the end credits started to roll. I may have been a bit too harsh though. It's very much a film from the 1980s, it's very much a film thinking it provides a story that teenage girls will identify with and enjoy, and it's unafraid to lean into the sillier moments (at least one of which, an impromptu street rap scene, is the stuff of cinematic legend).

Lively at least makes a good, personable, lead. Ingber is also very good, playing the typical best friend who has become resigned to accepting their station in high school, and at least enjoys the fact that she doesn't pander to her peers in an attempt to gain brownie points. Rubinstein is a lot of fun, and Gauthier, well, he just has to stand in the right spot and look like a handsome schoolboy/middle-aged yuppie. Dick Sargent being cast as Louise's father is a nice touch, Joshua John Miller is a pesky little brother, Shelley Berman and Marcia Wallace are teachers affected in very different ways by witchy powers, and Noah Blake and Megan Gallivan both get standout moments.

There are set-pieces here that have to be seen to be believed, and even then I cannot guarantee that you'll believe them, wild events that have no long-lasting consequences, and characters who learn an important moral lesson or two by the time everything ends. And these things irritated me while I was watching the film, but later struck me as elements typical to pretty much any teen movie. It still may not have worked for me (although I am far from the target audience), but it would be unfair of me to mark it down for elements that I have enjoyed in so many other teen flicks.

I was going to end this review by warning people away from Teen Witch. My view of the film has softened though. I think you should watch it at least once. You may even enjoy it. Whatever you think of it, you certainly won't forget it.

5/10

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