Showing posts with label tracey fairaway. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tracey fairaway. Show all posts

Thursday, 19 April 2018

Patchwork (2015)

Patchwork is a strange film, one that lives up to the title in more ways than one. Being more than slightly influenced by the great Frank Henenlotter, this is a horror comedy that just doesn’t really know how to get the ratio right when it comes to the different ingredients. Some of the comedy is amusing enough, but it’s never as funny as it could be, some of the gore gags are good, although surprisingly restrained, and the enjoyably wild premise is treated in a way that feels far too sensible for what should be an outrageous tale.

Directed and co-written by Tyler Macintyre (Chris Lee Hill is the other writer), Patchwork is all about a young woman who wakes up one morning to find out that she has been stitched together into one body that also includes two other women. This is shown with some decent practical make up and scenes that show the three female personalities presented as individual, whole females (played by Tory Stolper, Tracey Fairaway, and Maria Blasucci). The women want to find out what happened to them, and set off to retrace their tracks while viewers are shown various flashbacks that tease out the full story.

With decent performances from all three leads (particularly Stolper), and solid work from everyone else involved, and a fun structure that allows for some enjoyable reveals as things unfold, Patchwork is certainly a cut above many other low-budget films you could pick from the past few years. Everything is put together well enough, and it all feels cared for and polished.

Unfortunately, that care and polish may be a contributing factor to it never working as well as it should. This is a film that, for me, should feel a bit grimy and rough around the edges. It should have scenes practically overwhelmed by bloodshed and wallow in the potential tastelessness of the premise. There's certainly one scene that comes close to doing that, and it's a funny one, but nothing else comes close, which is a shame.

Macintyre and Hill show great potential, developing the feature from their short of the previous year (which also featured Stolper), and they managed to take a small step up with their next feature (Tragedy Girls), but this is a case of unfulfilled potential, which isn't something I expected to say about a horror comedy featuring three women stitched together into the one body. Maybe they'll do better when they come up with Patchwork 2: Battle Of The Sexes, because surely the next step is to merge a man and a woman and let gory hilarity ensue.

6/10

Americans, buy things here. Both options get me coin.


 

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)

"Hello,my friends. I want to put on record that the flick out there using the word Hellraiser IS NO FUCKIN’ CHILD OF MINE! I have NOTHING to do with the fuckin’ thing. If they claim its from the mind of Clive Barker, it’s a lie. It’s not even from my butt-hole.”

That was the tweet from Clive Barker, some time ago, that gave horror fans a heads up for the latest instalment in the Hellraiser franchise. If you can somehow read that message and not figure out how Barker feels about the movie, or what he thinks the movie will offer fans, then you need to read it again, but this time with your eyes open. It's clear that the movie isn't welcomed by the man who created the original idea that would spawn a novella, a British horror movie classic, a new horror icon and much, much more.

After watching this piece of crap, I want to make it clear that it's also not welcomed by me. I'm known for my generous spirit when it comes to reviewing films. On a good day a movie like this might still be able to claw some extra points simply because the camera was pointed the right way and the actors stood where they were supposed to stand. Today is not a good day.

Hellraiser: Revelations not only fails as a horror movie, it's never scary and the gore isn't impressive, but it's also one of those rare movies that goes out of its way to insult fans. Anyone who loved any of the previous movies, even the more risible sequels, will find something to take issue with here. Ironically, anyone who does buy the DVD is in for a truly interactive experience because opening the box WILL lead to a whole lot of suffering. Even managing to run for 75 minutes, at a push, this is a trial.

The story, though I don't even care to relate it, revolves around Steven Craven (Nick Eversman) and his friend, Nico Bradley (Jay Gillespie). The two head to Mexico for some heavy drinking and even heavier debauchery and end up with a Chinese puzzle box. They then disappear. Cut to - two couples about to enjoy a meal together. They are the parents of Steven and Nico, joined at the dining table by Steven's sister, Emma (Tracey Fairaway). It's a mix of horribly unbelievable moments and bad acting until something interrupts their planned melodrama and then everything starts to get . . . . . . . . REALLY unbelievable and badly acted.

I genuinely despair for people who throw this stuff together and think that it's acceptable horror fare. The script by Gary J. Tunnicliffe is consistently awful, either laughably bad or laughably cowering in the shadow of that classic first movie that launched the series. The direction by Victor Garcia goes hand in hand with the script, helped to scrape the bottom of the barrel by the painful acting from everyone involved. Eversman and Gillespie are both bad enough, as is Fairaway, but I almost feel sorry for Stephan Smith Collins, stuck with the thankless task of portraying Pinhead (the role owned by Doug Bradley since the first film). Almost. 

I try to see the silver lining in almost every situation, I really do. In fact, the fact that I don't give this the lowest score possible shows me being kind once again. Rating it as a movie that has been made, it gets a couple of points. If I rated it as a fecal-encrusted slap in the face to all fans of the Hellraiser movies, it would definitely get a zero. It should never have been made, it doesn't deserve your money and I hope those involved have the good grace to apologise and learn from their mistakes. Or, at the very least, pack their bags and live on the streets until they regain their reputations by becoming regional finalists in the underground bum fight scene.

2/10

http://www.amazon.com/Hellraiser-Revelations-Steven-Brand/dp/B0056P6SOG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373323888&sr=8-1&keywords=hellraiser+revelations