Heaven Help Us AKA Catholic Boys (1985)

Set in a Catholic Boys' School in Brookly in the 1960s, Heaven Help Us takes the standard elements of any "coming of age" movie and bakes it in the greenhouse effect created by teenage rebellion coming up against overly strict monks. It benefits from a nice sense of time and place, an enjoyable soundtrack and a cast of '80s favourites.

Andrew McCarthy plays Michael Dunn, the new boy at the school who quickly has to learn how to fit in. He befriends Caesar (Malcolm Danare) and that seems to be his first mistake when he sees how Caesar is treated by the bullying Rooney (Kevin Dillon). Thankfully, the boys don't stay enemies for too long because they have a common foe in the shape of the monks running the school. Brother Thaddeus (Donald Sutherland) seems a bit strict when speaking to the boys, but isn't all that bad, and Brother Timothy (John Heard) is new to the school and pretty damn cool for a monk, but Brother Constance (Jay Patterson) is a real nasty piece of work, always ready to dish out punishments far outweighing any perceived crime. When out of school, the boys try to relax and enjoy time at a local hangout, where Michael meets Dani (Mary Stuart Masterson), but the hangout is not safe from the monks, who often raid the building as they attempt to catch wrongdoers.

Michael Dinner directs this charming slice of teenage turbulence, from a script by Charles Purpura, and he takes the standard storyline and mix of characters and elevates them with a superb cast. As well as those already mentioned there are roles for Shawn Wallace, Yeardley Smith, Patrick Dempsey and Stephen Geoffreys (stealing the show as a young man addicted to onanism).

Kevin Dillon may not be the best of the leading players, but his slightly weaker performance is compensated for by the work from everyone else involved. McCarthy is in great form here, especially during the powerful and pleasing final act, and Mary Stuart Masterson is wonderful, as usual (okay, I had a crush on her in the '80s, so sue me). Malcolm Danare is fine in his role while John Heard does such good work that it's a shame he didn't get more screen-time. Indeed, it's a shame that he didn't get many more roles like this one to remind people of how good he could be.

It's a tricky film to track down on this side of the pond (but it's also on YouTube in sections for those who cannot afford, or are unable, to get the DVD) but it's one worth trying to get hold of, even for just the one viewing to see if you agree or disagree with those who really like it.

8/10

http://www.amazon.com/Heaven-Help-Us-Patrick-Dempsey/dp/B0007TKNEC/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1357052451&sr=1-1&keywords=heaven+help+us

Meet Me In St. Louis (1944)

Based on the book by Sally Benson (which was based on her real life experiences), adapted for the screen by a large number of people and directed by Vincente Minnelli, Meet Me In St. Louis is one of those classic musicals that everyone seems to love, or at least like it a fair bit. Me? I liked it a fair bit. I won't rush to rewatch it but I may, one day, find myself looking it over if it's in a sale and then making a purchase.

Set in the year preceding the Louisiana Purchase Exposition, aka the St. Louis World's Fair, this colourful slice of sweetness is all about the Smith family and the events that shape their lives in this exciting time. Most of the focus is on Esther Smith (Judy Garland) as she falls for the next door neighbour (Tom Drake) and then engineers a number of potential romantic moments. Then there's Rose Smith (Lucille Bremer), a young woman who can't seem to get her boyfriend to pop the big question, despite the way their relationship has developed. Young 'Tootie' (Margaret O'Brien) is a typical little girl who tries to make some mischief whenever possible, but especially on Halloween. And, last and least, is Agnes (Joan Carroll), who doesn't really do all that much. Mr. Smith (Leon Ames) upsets the family with a decision to move everyone to New York, Mrs. Smith (Mary Astor) tries to keep everyone calm and grandpa (Harry Davenport) may not seem to be taking everything in but he has his moments when he knows exactly what's best for the girls.

The acting is all well and good for this sort of thing, all wide-eyed expressions and spadefuls of earnestness, and the look of the film throughout is very pretty but, for me, this isn't a film that always works as a great FILM. It's a very good musical, thanks to a couple of very memorable tunes, but the different vignettes that make up the movie are hit and miss and leave the whole thing feeling like some strange kind of anthology flick.

So, just what are the main songs that you may already know and love? Well, there's "Meet Me In St. Louis, Louis" (of course), "The Trolley Song", "The Boy Next Door", "Under The Bamboo Tree" and "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". In fact, because of the last song and the sequence that it appears in, many people class Meet Me In St. Louis as a Christmas movie. Whatever works for you is fine but it's just missing that little bit of magic for me, although that snowy section of the film is certainly a highlight. Fans of seasonal cheer can only be thankful that Garland didn't want to sing the original lyrics to O'Brien of "Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last"

It will always have its fans, and anyone who likes Liza Minnelli should also be thankful that her mother and father met during the filming and got married not long after, but I'll always have many other choices to place above it.

Perhaps it's all just down to the fact that I was always more of a Doris Day fan, happier when watching the kinda similiar On Moonlight Bay and By The Light Of The Silvery Moon. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Meet-Me-St-Louis-DVD/dp/B0001FYPZU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355355160&sr=8-1

Swing Shift (1984)

It's a sadly familiar tale, while a man is away fighting for his country, his good lady gets bored and lonely at home and ends up falling for the charms of someone lucky enough to not be in battle. The man in this case is Ed Harris, the woman is Goldie Hawn and the charming and lucky other fella is Kurt Russell.

Swing Shift has an easygoing charm to it even while it doesn't do that much at all. The drama isn't all that dramatic, the light moments of comedy are few and far between and any air of romance that might seep from each frame is polluted by the fact that this is a story about a married woman.

Hawn plays Kay Walsh, a woman who ends up discovering a whole new world around her when her husband (Harris) heads off to war and she lands a job at an airport plant. She becomes friends with the neighbour (Hazel, played by Christine Lahti) that her husband had always looked down his nose at and, more importantly, she starts to hit it off with Mike 'Lucky' Lockhart (Russell).

Written by Nancy Dowd, with some uncredited work from a couple of other folk, and directed by Jonathan Demme, Swing Shift is just a simple tale that is told well. It's completely unspectacular but remains worth a watch for a couple of reasons.

Reason one - this is the movie which led to Russell and Hawn starting a relationship and it adds a layer to the movie to see them in the very first stage of their romance. They work well onscreen together though it's not fair to assume that the chemistry is due to their relationship - e.g. Russell also had great chemistry with Stallone in Tango & Cash and they certainly weren't dating.

Reason two - the cast. No, I'm not just talking about the leads here. Hawn, Russell, Harris and Lahti are all very good but this is a film filled with great people in numerous small roles. Fred Ward reminds everyone of just how great he can be, Holly Hunter doesn't do too much but doesn't do it badly either, Reid Cruickshanks is one of those men that you think you don't know but you recognise as soon as he appears, Stephen Tobolowsky gets to be in the movie for about a minute and there's even a small role for Roger Corman. Belinda Carlisle even pops up as, of course, a singer. Blink and you might miss her but she IS there.

Reason three - wait, I said a couple of reasons. The two reasons above. Those are all that I can think of just now.

The movie looks okay, it's paced just right and the characters are, by and large, good fun to hang out with but the script doesn't exactly sizzle and there's nothing that feels really . . . . . . special. The direction from Demme is okay, I suppose, but he's done a much better job with most of his other movies, which can also be said for everyone else involved. Not exactly a ringing endorsement.

6/10

http://www.amazon.com/Swing-Shift-Goldie-Hawn/dp/B0000TG95Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1357052231&sr=8-1&keywords=swing+shift

The Graduate (1967)

It doesn't matter how many times it happens, I am still consistently amazed at my own ability to underestimate the sheer joy available from watching classic movies. I'd seen The Graduate before, many years ago, but lined it up for a rewatch without remembering just how great it was from start to finish and now a review seems pointless. Of course, I'm still going to try to do it justice but be prepared for something completely superfluous when coming along after the praise and respect that the film has already garnered over the years.

Dustin Hoffman, in a role that remains the one that defined his career, is Benjamin Braddock, a young man who has just returned home to very happy parents after graduating from college. Unfortunately, despite the good intentions and advice of everyone around him, Benjamin doesn't know what he wants to do next with his life. He's quite confused and things get more confusing for him when a family friend, Mrs Robinson (Anne Bancroft), intimates her willingness to have an affair with him. It's definitely a fun way to kill some time but a major problem arises when Mrs Robinson's daughter (Elaine, played by Katharine Ross) comes home and Ben is asked by his parents to take her out on a date.

Perfect, just perfect. That's what The Graduate is to me. If you've not seen it in a long time then reacquaint yourself with it as soon as possible. If you've never seen the movie before then stop reading this review and get your hands on it right now.

Hoffman and Bancroft are just superb, whether they're stuck in solo contemplation, interacting with other people or sharing the screen together in the moments of their affair that mix humour with a certain eroticism. Katharine Ross is very sweet as a young woman unwittingly caught in the middle of a horrendous situation. William Daniels and Elizabeth Wilson aren't onscreen for all that long but still do well as Benjamin's parents - proud of their son and showing him off to their friends and neighbours before trying to motivate him to start planning his future. Last, but by no means least, there's a great turn from Murray Hamilton AKA Mr. Robinson.

Of course, the cast get most of the praise (as well as Simon & Garfunkel, who provided the music that would make the soundtrack as perfect as any other aspect of the movie) but the people behind the camera deserve a fair few compliments too. The script by Calder Willingham and Buck Henry overflows with great lines and exchanges. Having said that, even the dialogue-free moments have plenty to "say" thanks to the direction of Mike Nichols. It's not always that subtle - Hoffman is often shown literally drifting through this time of his life - but every frame has plenty of information and detail in there, all conveyed through mise-en-scene. A better man could probably post a screenshot from every scene online and examine and dissect it to show the importance of almost every decision. I am not that man, you'll just have to trust me.

There's so much to say about The Graduate, including the way it hops around tonally without ever feeling inconsistent and messy, but I'll leave the longer essays to others with more time and intelligence at their disposal. I have to go and listen to some Simon & Garfunkel albums.

10/10

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Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

Based on a story by Topher Grace and Gordon Kaywin, Take Me Home Tonight is a 21st century John Hughes movie in the mould of Sixteen Candles and Ferris Bueller's Day Off and that, in case you didn't know it, is a good thing.

As well as coming up with the central idea, Topher Grace also stars in the film as Matt Franklin. It's 1988 and Matt has never realised his potential since he left MIT. He just can't bring himself to be passionate about the materialism surrounding him. Thankfully, there's a BIG party to attend that should take his mind off things for a while. He goes along with his friend Barry (Dan Fogler), who was JUST fired, and his sister Wendy (Anna Faris), who is considering throwing away a potentially great future to settle into the role of supportive partner to her boyfriend. The party should be a lot of fun but, more importantly, it should also be graced by the presence of Tori Frederking (Teresa Palmer), the girl with whom Matt has been in love with for many years. Everything is in place for a wild and crazy night and the four partygoers may just find that they look at the world a little differently in the morning.

Directed by Michael Dowse, with Jackie Filgo and Jeff Filgo responsible for spinning the story into a full screenplay, Take Me Home Tonight is energetic, funny and also quite sweet in places. But if you like your comedy a bit more raucous and illegal then never fear - there's also car theft, a LOT of cocaine and a weird sexual encounter between Barry and a character played by Angie Everhart.

The cast all do a great job. I've always liked Topher Grace and he's never turned in a performance yet that's changed my mind (do check out the excellent In Good Company f you've not seen it already). Anna Faris can do the light comedy stuff in her sleep but she doesn't go over the top here and her character is one to root for, as are all of the leads. Fogler is just hilarious and gets the lions share of the best lines, most probably due to some great improv. He also gets a great dance off sequence. Teresa Palmer is required to look lovely enough for Matt to desire so badly and she does that easily. She also acts just as well as anyone else onscreen even if she has the least to work with, in terms of character development (her character is already set, pretty much, but Matt has to find out about her while also aiming to impress). Michael Biehn is excellent as the father just wanting his son to try to do something with his life, even if he screws up in the process, while Lucy Punch and Michelle Trachtenberg play two very different party attendees. Oh, and Angie Everhart takes part in that hilariously weird encounter already mentioned above.

Just writing this review has brought a smile to my face and made me want to rewatch the movie and if that's not one of the best recommendations for a comedy then I don't know what is. I'm going to be buying this one ASAP and rewatching it whenever the mood strikes. I advise others to do the same. Or at least give it a watch if it pops up on the TV schedules.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Take-Me-Home-Tonight-Blu-ray/dp/B004V2U4IQ/ref=sr_1_2?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1348996092&sr=1-2

The Mummy's Shroud (1967)

Directed by John Gilling, who also wrote the thing based on a story by Anthony Hinds, The Mummy's Shroud is another one of those movies that makes you think carefully before writing a review whether it's worth expending any more energy on the thing. It's just so . . . . . . middling.

The second-last, and the least (Blood From The Mummy's Tomb was bad but at least had the gorgeous Valerie Leon in it), of Hammer's movies featuring someone swathed in bandages out to kill is a plodding, dull affair that provides neither the horror nor the entertaining drama of those that came before it.

The plot has nothing new in it as a bunch of people uncover a tomb and are then cursed to be killed by the all-too-lively mummy. That's it, with the one addition that someone holding the mummy's shroud and saying the right words can control the creature.

The cast are quite a mixed bag. Andre Morell is quite good but he's not onscreen for that long. I didn't like John Phillips much but his character, the selfish and callous Stanley Preston, was quite a bit of fun when on screen. Elizabeth Sellars is very good as his suffering wife. David Buck is a bit bland as the younger Paul Preston and Maggie Kimberly is a pretty translator. The best performance though, as many fans will be pleased to hear, comes from Michael Ripper and it's his presence alone that makes the film worth watching. His character, Longbarrow, is a weak, toadying man who tries to stay onside with the one person who may help him out.

Even the mummy is a disappointment this time around, the look of the thing certainly not up to the design of either of the first two movies and the backstory doesn't make the creature as sympathetic as it has been in other movies. Oh, it's supposed to, when it's told in the first few minutes of the film (with narration provided by someone who sounds like, but apparently isn't, Peter Cushing), but it doesn't.

I would wholeheartedly encourage everyone to avoid this one if it wasn't for that fantastic turn from Ripper. With that in mind, I have to warn anyone to approach with caution but to give it a watch if you're a fan of one of Hammer's star players.

5/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Mummys-Shroud-Blu-ray-DVD/dp/B0085MXQAG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1351953765&sr=8-1

The Monster Squad (1987)

Fred Dekker has, to date, only directed three movies. One of those movies was the very poor Robocop 3. Thankfully, his other two movies were two classic horrors that fans still hold dear almost 30 years after their initial release, Night Of The Creeps (this Bluray plays on all players) and The Monster Squad. While the former was a fantastic call back to the best of the '50s sci-fi horrors, The Monster Squad was a love letter to the big icons of horror, the monsters that Universal made into movie icons in the 1930s and '40s (and one from 1954).

Written by Dekker and Shane Black, The Monster Squad is all about a bunch of kids who make up the titular gang. They spend their time chatting about monsters and having fun but it's nothing serious, of course. That all changes when Dracula (Duncan Regehr) comes into town, bringing with him a monster (Tom Noonan) that was made by a certain mister Frankenstein, a mummy, a werewolf (Jon Gries) and The Creature From The Black Lagoon a gillman. He's in town because he's desperate to get his hands on an amulet that he only has a chance to destroy once every hundred years in an attempt to tip the balance of power in favour of all things evil. It's up to The Monster Squad to get the amulet and keep it safe.

The squad members are as follows: Sean (Andre Gower) the leader, Patrick (Robby Kiger) is Sean's best friend, Horace (Brent Chalem) is a bullied, overweight lad who finds acceptance in the club, Eugene (Michael Faustino) is the youngest member and Rudy (Ryan Lambert) COULD be the oldest and coolest member if he passes the entrance test and then stays interested in the activities of the group. While The Monster Squad is about the monsters, and while it has a number of great one-liners throughout the script, it's also very much about the kids and how they grow with the help of one another. Whether it's tackling bullies, learning methods of killing monsters or just spending time away from weary adults, the squad is always much more important than the childish escapade that outsiders choose to label it and it becomes, of course, an essential defence when evil forces invade suburban America.

Funnily enough, the movie actually holds up even better today than it did when released in 1987 because back then it seemed to me to be nothing more than an attempt to ride on the coat-tails of the great success of Ghostbusters. There was even the tagline that said "you know who to call when you have ghosts but who do you call when you have monsters?"

Perhaps others felt the same way. That would explain the relatively poor performance at the box office although there's also the fact that people might not have realised just who it was aimed at. While there isn't too much here to traumatise hardy children, it's not really one to stick on while babysitting some pre-teens (a fantastic sequence involving the werewolf holds up as a nice selection of grisly practical FX work). The reputation of, and love for, the movie may have grown over the years and it may be completely obvious now that it's aimed at true horror fans but it wasn't quite so obvious 25 years ago. Such is the way of marketing, I guess.

It certainly looks great throughout, making the most of that modest budget, and the performances are all wonderful. Regehr is superb as Dracula, Noonan is wonderful as Frankenstein's monster, all of the kids are great fun, Jon Gries is highly entertaining and Leonardo Cimino is excellent despite not being onscreen for all that long. I could mention so many others - Ashley Bank as little Phoebe, Mary Ellen Trainor and Stephen Macht as Sean's parents and everyone else who bagged a credit -but I'd just be boring you and taking up time that could be spent actually (re)watching the movie.

Suffice it to say, I'm sure that Messrs Dekker and Black will be pleased to know that fans of the film STILL grin from ear to ear whenever they hear or see a reference to the line "wolfman's got nards".

9/10

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New Year's Eve (2011)

New Year's Eve is a big, bloated, all-star romance that shows how different people reach big moments in their life on . . . . . . . . New Year's Eve. Written by Katherine Fugate and directed by Garry Marshall, it's happy sappy fluff of the highest order. Originally planned as some kind of continuation from Valentine's Day (which I have yet to see), things eventually changed enough to make this a standalone film although I'm sure that the two easily make up an acceptable double-bill for those who can handle the excess sweetness.

It is, of course, New Year's Eve. One man needs to get to a certain place by midnight to reunite with a woman he has fallen in love with, one woman ends up catering for a gig and party that features her ex-boyfriend as the main entertainment, one mother is determined to keep her daughter from making any big mistakes, a pair of strangers are stranded in a broken elevator, a young man sets out to help an older woman complete a fairly expansive "to do" list, two pregnant women end up with a chance to win a cash prize depending on who has their baby first, a man lies dying in his hospital bed and one woman feels the eyes of the world watching as she tries to ensure that the Times Square ball drops at midnight.

Imagine if Love Actually had been made in America. Then imagine that it was only half as good. You then have New Year's Eve. The writing is just weak and predictable, the direction is just dull and predictable and the only good points about the film come from the few cast members who do well. Zac Efron and Michelle Pfeiffer are fun to tag along with as the former tries to help the latter get through her checklist of special experiences. And then Josh Duhamel is at least likeable in his tale, he's the one trying to reunite with the woman he loves. And . . . . . . . . . . oh no, that's all. Aside from a few cameos from the likes of Hector Elizondo, Larry Miller, Matthew Broderick, Carla Gugino and Yeardley Smith, there is nobody else to praise.

Jessica Biel and Sarah Paulson may not be terrible but they're stuck in a terrible story (they're the two pregnant women). Robert De Niro, Cary Elwes and Halle Berry go through the motions in there tale, which is ultimately pretty dull. Sarah Jessica Parker often annoys me so while she wasn't the worst offender here I still can't say that I enjoyed her performance. Hilary Swank was dull but okay, Ashton Kutcher was okay but dull, Lea Michele was dull and dull and then we get a double whammy in the storyline featuring Jon Bon Jovi and Katherine Heigl. Thankfully, Sofia Vergara is also involved in their pathetic and uninteresting part of the proceedings so she at least brings a bit of energy to the screen.

Overall, this is something that most people will be able to sit through without smashing up their TV but few will end up revisiting. Unless they start feeling particularly masochistic every New Year's Eve.

5/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Years-Blu-ray-Copy-Region-Free/dp/B0058N2SIG/ref=sr_1_2?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1355677261&sr=1-2

Christmas Cupid (2010)

If there is anyone acting in movies lately who is more annoying than Christina Milian then I will be very, very surprised because I almost didn't make it to the end of Christmas Cupid simply because of her annoying and smug presence. She may have been easier to tolerate if the movie had been better but I doubt it.

The plot is a horribly modernised, warped version of A Christmas Carol in which successful and driven Sloane Spencer (Milian) ends up visited by the spirit of prematurely deceased starlet Caitlin Quinn (Ashley Benson, just about the only likeable presence in the movie) and warned that she needs to change her ways. Sloane has been a bad friend, a bad daughter and a bad person to fall in love with so her mistakes are to be pointed out to her by three ex-boyfriends (one from her past, one of her recent dalliances and someone from her future that she hopes she doesn't recognise). So it's kinda like a cross between Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past and Scrooged without any of the appealing elements of either, which I know may not be a lot in the case of the former film namechecked there.

The lazy screenplay by Aury Wallington is lazily directed by Gil Junger and the result is a Christmas film that actually makes you want to say "humbug", at the very least.

Where to begin with Milian? I guess to be nice about it all I could say that I prefer her singing to her acting. And I absolutely hate her singing. She's not helped by the fact that she's playing a character that viewers will struggle to root for but a better actress might have somehow made things more palatable. I've already noted that Benson is about the only likeable presence and she's good fun throughout but her performance is just too little among too much dross to make the movie much better. Chad Michael Murray needs to have a serious word with his agent because going from One Tree Hill and the House Of Wax movie to this is NOT the career path to move along. Burgess Jenkins, Ryan Sypek, Ashley Johnson, Jackee Harry and Patrick Johnson, on the other hand, were all people I'd never heard of before so if they don't move on to anything better I won't be particularly emotional about it.

But it all comes back to Milian - the biggest stench in the middle of a big cloud of . . . . . . stench. If there's any justice in the world then she won't act in any other movie ever again, leaving a role for someone else to take on. But the world is often a crappy place and isn't overflowing with justice. Exhibit A, I give you Miss Milian's career.

One to avoid unless you happen to be a teenager who just loves both Ashley Benson and Christina Milian. But if that's the case I urge you to seek at least some therapy.

2/10

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The Silent Partner (1978)

I couldn't remember every person who recommended me every different Christmas-related movie for me to consider watching but I do remember that this particular title was mentioned to me by my highly talented friend, Christianne (the quality of her writing and art . . . . it's just sickeningly good almost all of the time and makes me want to give it all up - anyway, here is her blog).

Sometimes all you want for Christmas is a good caper and The Silent Partner is a damn good caper. It stars Elliott Gould as Miles Cullen, a bank teller who, by a stroke of luck, finds out when his bank is about to be robbed by a man dressed as Santa Claus (Harry Reikle, played by Christopher Plummer). Trust me, it makes sense when you see the movie and everything falls into place rather neatly. Anyway, knowing that he is about to be robbed gives Gould an idea - he puts some money aside for himself and then just has to come up with a way of keeping it safe until he can move it and be a very rich man. Of course, the robber isn't best pleased when he hears on the news just how much he has supposedly gotten away with and so begins a game of cat and mouse between one smart bank teller and one vicious, and pissed off, career criminal.

I wouldn't blame anyone watching this movie for not having heard of director Daryl Duke. He certainly hasn't appeared on my radar before now but he does a perfectly acceptable job here. What's more interesting in the opening credits is seeing that the movie was adapted from the Anders Bodelsen novel by a writer named Curtis Hanson. Yes, Curtis "L.A. Confidential" Hanson. The source material may be strong and good enough in its own right but the script by Hanson certainly doesn't put a foot wrong, it's smart and playful for much of the runtime before moving into darker territory during the third act.

Gould was the epitome of cool in the '70s and this has him exactly as he should be. Miles is not unflappable but he's always ready with an answer and always planning one or two steps ahead. Unfortunately, so is Harry but he does so using threats and violence as opposed to intelligence. From my limited exposure to Christopher Plummer's filmography, this is a bit of an unusually dark role for him but he's never unconvincing and makes for a very good villain. Susannah York plays Julie Carver, a pretty work colleague alongside Gould and she's fine in her role even if it's the poorest written of all the main roles. Celine Lomez does much better with her role, a woman named Elaine who gets friendly with Miles and may be genuinely wanting to cosy up to him or may be up to no good. John Candy fans may not want to rush to see this one just to make sure that they see everything he's ever done but he has a small role here playing someone surprisingly sweet and sad (I say surprisingly because the way he is treated by others is shown at times but never overstated).

The Silent Partner is, overall, an excellent thriller that deserves to be known by more people. I'd never heard of it when it was recommended to me and I now hope to recommend it to others. The only negatives I can think of are a) Susannah York's character and b) the fact that the first half of the movie feels a bit too carefree and light when considering the danger that the main character is in. Those are minor niggles but they're enough to take the movie down from classic to great.

8/10

http://www.amazon.com/The-Silent-Partner-Elliott-Gould/dp/B000MMMTCS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355722079&sr=8-1&keywords=the+silent+partner

Holiday In Handcuffs (2007)

If Holiday In Handcuffs was a layer of snow outside your front door on Christmas morning it would be yellow. It's a bad, lazy and unfunny film that doesn't even try to treat viewers as if they have more than two braincells (which may, in fact, be the case by the time the end credits roll). The plot is this - Melissa Joan Hart plays Trudie, a young woman who is due to take her boyfriend home with her for Christmas until he dumps her. This would normally be a bad thing to happen but for Trudie it's a bad thing coming after a number of bad things and she snaps. She just can't face going to visit her parents alone and so, of course, she kidnaps a man (David, played by Mario Lopez) and forces him to pretend that he is her boyfriend for the duration of the holiday trip. David is quite the catch and Trudie's mother and father (Markie Post and Timothy Bottoms, respectively) are happy to have him with them for their seasonal celebrations, even if he does react to uncomfortable social situations by "pretending" to be a kidnap victim.

I think that even that last sentence lets you know just how awful this film is. Yes, viewers are supposed to just accept that characters in this movie will believe that someone would pretend to be a kidnap victim as some strange joke they make when things get a little awkward.

Director Ron Underwood has fallen so far and it's sad to see. I mean, he's the guy who directed Tremors and City Slickers at the start of the 1990s and then he bottomed out, I suppose, with The Adventures Of Pluto Nash (which I've not seen yet, I'm simply going by its reputation) before concentrating on TV shows and TV movies like this one. Concentrating on TV shows and TV movies isn't the worst thing for a director to do but making something that stinks as badly as this is. It's not all Underwood's fault though, as the worst parts are the overall premise, thought up by scriptwriter Sara Endsley, and the increasing lack of plausibility and logic in every scene.

It doesn't help that the cast isn't great either. I've seen Melissa Joan Hart be a lot worse than she is here (in that awful Nine Dead, to cite the best example) but she's still pretty awful, as is Mario Lopez. The pair of them aren't helped, of course, by that script but it would still have been nice to see some chemistry or charm or just anything showing a spark of life in those dull eyes. Markie Post, Timothy Bottoms, June Lockhart (as grandma) and Layla Alizada (playing Trudie's friend) all fare a bit better but they're pulled down by the quicksand script. Kyle Howard and Vanessa Lee Evigan are stuck in the same boat while playing Trudie's brother and sister and I feel most sorry for Howard, who almost drags himself above the effluence in one or two moments but can't quite rinse off the bad smell. I went too far with my analogies in this paragraph but at least it saved me from having to use profane language.

I disliked Holiday In Handcuffs from, pretty much, start to finish. There were perhaps three or four moments that made me smile. Those few moments save it from an even lower rating.

3/10

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Snow 2: Brain Freeze (2008)

It may be someone new (Mark Rosman) in the director's chair for this TV movie sequel to the TV movie original but with Rich Burns returning for the writing duties and three of the main cast members returning, this mildly entertaining sequel feels like a brief meeting and cup of mulled wine with old friends. Not your best friends, mind you, but people that you don't rush to throw out of your house until an hour or two has passed by.

Tom Kavanagh is still Nick Snowden AKA Santa Claus and Ashley Williams is still Sandy Brooks but this time around the movie starts with them together, living quite a happy life among the snow and the reindeer. Well, there's the little matter of Nick being so busy with Christmas stuff that he forgets to have any Tinsel-tastic time with the lady in his life but, overall, things are fine. That changes after an argument that ends with Nick travelling through his magic mirror and then getting a knock on the head, making him lose his memory. Sandy has to find him and make him remember who he is but it's not that easy - he has to realise and believe in himself so that the magic of the holiday remains. And, hopefully, he can realise before the dastardly Buck Seger (Patrick Fabian once more) manages to exploit the situation and get his revenge for what happened during the first time that they met.

Although there are some new challenges facing the main characters, this is pretty much a re-run of the first movie. Fabian is still the nominal villain of the piece, young Alexander Conti plays a smartass kid this time around and there's an additional kindly old man (Hal Williams) who has always known about the real magic of Christmas.

The other factor that's just the same this time around is the likeability of the leads. Kavanagh is good, Williams is a little ray of sunshine (or a little star on the Christmas tree or whatever appropriate analogy works best) and Fabian is fun when he's involved in the antics. Conti and Williams don't really add much but the script doesn't treat them all that well so it's not really their fault.

Many people might not even rate this as average but I do, I think it's a standard puff piece lifted up by the three main stars and I might even watch it again one day. It's unlikely but I might.

5/10

http://www.amazon.com/Snow-Brain-Freeze-Tom-Cavanagh/dp/B002HQZX2U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355488806&sr=8-1&keywords=snow+2

Snow (2004)

Tom Cavanagh and Ashley Williams star in this pleasant enough Christmas fantasy film that almost rises above the level of average, thanks to the two likeable leads, but doesn't quite make it.

Cavanagh plays Nick Snowden, a man best known to children everywhere as Santa Claus. Nick has to make an unplanned journey when one of his reindeer is spotted by an unscrupulous hunter (Patrick Fabian), tranquilised and taken away to a city zoo. He needs to get the reindeer back for obvious reasons but he also just wants it out of the way from prying eyes as it's not quite learned how to fly yet but should be getting to that stage at any moment. Nick ends up enlisting the help of animal keeper Sandy Brooks (Ashley Williams) but he can only tell her so much. Who would believe that he's really Santa Claus and who would believe that he can use mirrors to travel between the North Pole and anywhere in the world? Well, maybe young Hector (Bobb'e J. Thompson) would but not many others.

Directed by Alex Zamm and written by Rich Burns, Snow is a decent little slice of family entertainment. Okay, so it does enough throughout to keep reminding you that it's a TV movie but it's better than a hundred other uninspired and unimaginative TV movies that have been churned out to fill schedules at this most wonderful time of year.

Tom Cavanagh may seem a bit bland to some people. Oh, alright, he IS quite bland, there's no denying it but I still like him nonetheless (mainly because I used to catch occasional episodes of Ed and then I also enjoyed his character popping up in Scrubs). Ashley Williams brightens up the screen so the movie is lifted slightly whenever she's involved, which is quite a lot, and Patrick Fabian is a fun "baddie". Bobb'e J. Thompson, despite his ridiculously apostrophised name, is good fun as the young smartass who has his heart in the right place.

There are plenty of snowy moments, some cute reindeer, fun with Santa making sure that nobody thinks he's Santa and at least one scene reminiscent of Ernest Saves Christmas ensuring that it's not all bad.

5/10

http://www.amazon.com/Snow-Tom-Cavanagh/dp/B001BAWKRE/ref=sr_1_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1355481332&sr=1-3&keywords=snow

The House Without A Christmas Tree (1972)

Directed by Paul Bogart and written by Eleanor Perry, adapting the book by Gail Rock, The House Without A Christmas Tree is a TV special that never breaks into anything remotely cinematic but doesn't feel any the worse for it.

The essence of the tale is, of course, the house without a Christmas tree. It's 1946 and young Addie Mills (Lisa Lucas) lives with her widowed father (Jason Robards) and her grandmother (Mildred Natwick). With Christmas fast approaching she tries to persuade her father to have a Christmas tree in their home. Her father, for reasons that he tries to keep buried, is adamant that they won't have a tree, there's no need for one.

If you can imagine A Christmas Story mixed with a pinch of The Waltons mixed with a pinch of The Little House On The Prairie then you'll have an idea of the tone and treatment of the material here. It borders on the overly sweet but doesn't quite tip over the edge, in no small part thanks to a decent performance from young Lisa Lucas and the usual greatness from Jason Robards.

Kathryn Walker and Alexa Kenin also do well as, respectively, a teacher and Addie's best friend but this is all about the three members of the Mills family and whether or not they will ever join in again with the standard Christmas traditions.

The different moments shown onscreen may not be exactly like moments from the childhood of every different viewer, of course, but there's certainly a lot to recognise and empathise with in the universal struggle that always happens when children get old enough to start questioning their parents and fighting harder to get their own way. The character played by Robards is, in many ways, even more childish and stubborn than his daughter but that happens sometimes, especially when it concerns matters of the heart, and it's that behaviour that keeps the audience onside with Addie, even when she's being a bit more precocious than your average little girl.

The House Without A Christmas Tree is sweet and, no doubt, some will find it too sweet. I thought it was just right and I'll admit it - come the finale I was almost a little watery-eyed. Ahem . . . . . . almost.

8/10

http://www.amazon.com/The-House-Without-Christmas-Tree/dp/B000SQFC3Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355721496&sr=8-1&keywords=the+house+without+a+christmas+tree

Jack Frost (1979)

There have been many, many movies over the years given the title of Jack Frost so let me quickly inform you now that this particular review concerns the lovely stop-motion film from Jules Bass and Arthur Rankin Jr. The two men are adored by a generation of Americans who grew up with their stop-motion creations playing on the TV, mostly at Christmas time. In fact, I hope that they're adored by more than one generation as their better known titles were released throughout a period of two decades.

Here in the UK we didn't really get the Rankin/Bass creations, which is a great shame. Oh, they may have been shown occasionally but they weren't the essential part of the holidays that they became in the USA. I only discovered them after a lot of online conversation with my many American friends led me to Mad Monster Party, which you should seek out immediately, and then I was lucky enough to find that LoveFilm had Jack Frost among their Instant selection (it's also on YouTube here for anyone eager to revisit it). Result.

What's the story? It's simple, Jack Frost (voiced by Robert Morse) falls for a lovely young lady (voiced by Debra Clinger) and asks to become human. He is allowed to become human but to stop himself reverting back to his frosty state he must acquire a horse, a house, a bag of gold and a wife by the first sign of Spring. It sounds difficult but Jack is up to the task, he hopes.

At approximately 48 minutes in length and interspersed by moments in which the viewers is told parts of the story by a groundhog names Pardon-Me-Pete (voiced by Buddy Hackett), Jack Frost never outstays its welcome. Romero Muller wrote the story and mixes the predictable with the pleasantly surprising. A few supporting characters, mainly a man who makes Snowflakes (named Snip), keep things entertaining and there's a classic baddie in the shape of Kubla Kraus (voiced by Paul Frees).

But the writing and characters and pacing are all secondary to the main draw here, the absolutely wonderful stop-motion animation on display. Despite my praise for this piece of Wintery entertainment, it's not perfect but the character design and animation makes up for that. I think that there's just something inherently rewarding about watching something that took such skill and patience to create and if ever a stop-motion work doesn't make me feel that way then, well, I'll be sure to comment loudly and vehemently on it (oh yes, check me and my bad self).

Jack Frost isn't up there with the very best of the Rankin/Bass films (TV specials, to be exact) but it's certainly worth watching if you know their style and enjoy stop-motion animation, as I do. And it's most certainly worth giving some of your time to during the Christmas holidays.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Jack-Frost-Video-DVD-conversion/dp/B001EINWJS/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1355442675&sr=8-11

Surviving Christmas (2004)

Surviving Christmas is one of those movies that has a lot going against it. It starred someone that people loved to hate (Ben Affleck), it didn't do well when it was finally released (ten months later than originally planned to avoid it clashing with Paycheck, another star vehicle for, yep, Ben Affleck) and it was shot without a completed script. That's why I was surprised that for the first half hour or so the movie was fairly enjoyable. I had a couple of laughs and I liked the premise. Then it started to pile on more "comedy" and more and more and everything began to slide and fall apart like some kind of spaghetti tower under a warm stream of water.

Affleck plays Drew Latham, one of those handsome and happy self-made millionaires that only ever exist in the movies. After a wake-up call from his girlfriend (Jennifer Morrison), he is set to spend another Christmas on his own. Not really happy about that, he instead decides to offer a family a LOT of money if they allow him to spend Christmas with them. They live in the home that he grew up in as a child so it will be a way to relive some happy memories and remember what he once loved about family and loved ones at that special time of year. Inevitably, tempers fray, secrets are revealed and there are some scenes of a farcical nature.

Let me start by praising most of the cast members here because the cast is the best thing about the film. Affleck doesn't do great so those who hate the guy onscreen won't be won over. To be fair, he's stuck in one of those comedies that works under the mistaken impression that the lead character is always funnier if he's louder and more energetic than everyone else. That's not the case. Please stop thinking that it is. The rest of the cast, however, fare a bit better. James Gandolfini, in particular, is great as the grouchy head of the family trying to grit his teeth and think of the money he'll get for enduring this Christmas. Catherine O'Hara isn't too bad either though she's not given much to do with the obvious exception of a hilarious photoshoot that places Udo Kier in the role of quirky photographer. Josh Zuckerman is okay as the morose teenage son, Christina Applegate gets stuck with a lot of the worst moments in the movie due to the fact that she's the daughter and possible . . . . . romantic complication and Jennifer Morrison tries her best to be more than just a plot device.

The story may have originated with Deborah Kaplan and Harry Elfont but at least two other writers are credited with getting the script finished. That becomes more and more apparent as the movie progresses and then hits viewers over the head with a horribly clumsy and unbelievable third act.

Director Mike Mitchell should also shoulder some of the blame but there are times when he hits the easy notes with precision (the soundtrack, early exchanges between Affleck and Gandolfini and a few other decent moments) so maybe it all boiled down to those script problems. After all, his next movie was the very enjoyable Sky High. Oh, what the hell, in 2011 he gave audiences Alvin And The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked so, yes, let's just give him as much blame as the writers. He clearly has no moral compass.

Surviving Christmas is not entirely unenjoyable but it certainly tries hard to be. Casual viewers who flick through their TV channels and find that this is playing over Christmas would be well advised to watch it up to the halfway point and then turn it off before the rot sets in.

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Surviving-Christmas-DVD/dp/B000BNT96C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355437656&sr=8-1

Guns In America AKA Let's Be Reasonable.

For context, please read a full article on Kontradictions here (a really interesting read).

I replied a few days ago and was quite happy with my reply. It was fair, I thought, and tried not to cause a big argument with every pro-gun person who had already replied. But, perhaps just due to a delay or a mistake on my part, that reply never appeared. So I replied again, a lengthier reply with a bit more fire in my belly after reading so many replies that had ruffled my feathers (metaphorically speaking, I have no such decoration, sadly).

Anyway, fed up of awaiting moderation, I decided to get things off my chest here. Apologies for the non-Christmassy-ness of it all.

*********************************************************************************

Hmmm, it seems I am either blind or my previous comment didn’t appear, which I’ll assume was an accident/mistake on my part and not anything else, haha.

I commented previously (apologies if it’s visible to anyone and I just repeat myself) that the start of this piece is based on a serious flaw in the logic. Any man, woman and child of any age can access water and anyone can be exposed to toxins, either in a natural state or chemically made, so the fact that deaths from those things outnumber guns is kind of expected. In fact, they should outnumber deaths by guns by an even greater margin.

The people rushing here to say what an impressively FACTUAL and even piece this is compared to other mainstream news outlets are missing some major points like that one, which shows a bias (and a bias is fair enough, I have no problem with that – my problem is with the responding folks trying to say that this is a completely unbiased and level-headed piece).

The replies have seen mention of everything from the almighty creator, for those who believe in him, to Hitler. Which is unsurprising. People cling on to the second amendment like it’s etched in stone and gives everyone the right to walk around their own home dressed up like Rambo. It shouldn’t, let’s be honest there. We know that prohibition didn’t work all that well but remember when that was added as an amendment? And then removed?

Then we have that response from the NRA just the other day, seeming to forget that Columbine and one of the other shooting spree locations (sorry, I forget which one and am typing this quickly) HAD security/armed guards.

If we had less water-filled areas in the world and less toxins there would, guaranteed, be less drownings and less deaths by poisoning. Less guns will never eradicate the problem but it will go some way towards helping the situation. I said LESS guns, I didn’t say NO guns.

People ask about protection from drug-fuelled maniacs? Spend the money you saved for a gun on a really strong front door, get more police back on the streets, starts dealing with the drugs issue as a health problem instead of just a criminal one (though it does, of course, tear lives apart through crime) and that’s a different way forward. Protection for livestock, time on the range, proper hunting and probably one or two others I can’t think of right now are situations in which guns and people can work well together. In all other cases, I can usually think of a number of other ways in which progress can start to be made before the guns come out.

Mental health is also an issue as is the increasing divide between the rich and the poorest of the poor. People shouldn’t be saying that the problem is JUST a gun problem and, despite how they put their foot in their mouth at the conference, I actually feel a bit sorry for the NRA because if they worked harder to compromise then their many members, surely, make the right people to advise on checks, training, etc.

And before someone plays the “who decides if/when/how I can have and use a gun and who takes away my civil rights?”. Well . . . . . . you go through checks in many areas of life – driving, travelling abroad, job applications – so if those extra checks can be tolerated in those areas then being further checked to get a gun shouldn’t be a problem. It MIGHT even be a good thing.

We’re not immune here in the UK. Nowhere in the world has eradicated death and murder by guns, we are not in the world of Minority Report. But, as flawed as the system may be, many other countries have tried their best to improve the lifespan potential of their citizens.

Mrs. Santa Claus (1996)

Good ol' Angela Lansbury, she can do just about anything. She spent many years solving murders, of course, in Murder, She Wrote, she was a wonderful granny in The Company Of Wolves and her filmography is dotted with moments of greatness, such as her turn in the original The Manchurian Candidate. And then she has her all-singing, all-dancing Disney standing. Mrs. Santa Claus may not actually be a Disney movie but it certainly feels like one. A bad one, at that.

Lansbury plays the titular character, a woman who has stood behind and supported her husband (played by Charles Durning) for many years, working just as hard to make Christmas what it is while receiving no credit for it. She yearns to travel and have an adventure. So she does. Yes, Mr. Santa Claus takes the reindeer and goes off on a little trip of her own. Unfortunately, one of the reindeer has a bit of trouble which means that Mrs. Santa Claus may have to extend her time away from hubby. As long as she can survive Manhattan and get back before Christmas then everything will still be okay.

Set in the early 1900s, there's just nothing here to make this a worthwhile viewing for anyone but the most undemanding musical fan. Yes, it's a musical. However, the songs by Jerry Herman leave a lot to be desired, I can't think of one that I actually enjoyed and now can't remember any of them (which is a small blessing). That wouldn't be quite so bad if the writing by Mark Saltzman provided some entertainment but it doesn't. Director Terry Hughes takes those negative qualities and somehow makes them worse, populating the movie with a number of poor actors and actresses.

Lansbury is fine in the lead role but she doesn't have the spark that she once had, it's as if she's going through the motions. Her manner is all just too artificial, perhaps simply too sweet in these more cynical times to be believed. Durning isn't onscreen for long but he's fine, as is Michael Jeter (playing an elf named Arvo). The same can't be said for the likes of Debra Wiseman, David Norona, Terrence Mann, Lynsey Bartilson and Bryan Murray, all playing their characters in an annoying and amateurish manner that would look bad even in a particularly cheap episode of Dr. Who (now now, many people love Dr. Who nowadays but you can still tell whenever there's that one episode that didn't get the same budget as the others).

Despite the fact that I hated the movie, I will say that some of the production values were okay and that it's always good to see Lansbury in a role that doesn't have her solving murders while writing books (god, I used to hate that show). I've heard from other people who have thoroughly enjoyed this but I honestly can't figure out how their minds allowed that to happen. Watch it if you like but don't say that you weren't warned.

3/10

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Twice Upon A Christmas (2001)

Everyone returns for this sequel to Once Upon A Christmas and, as you might expect, it's slightly inferior to the first movie but gets by thanks to familiarity with the characters and the lovely Kathy Ireland as Kristen Claus.

After the events of the first movie, Kristen has no memory of her life or who her father is. She is happy with the Morgan family but worries about knowing so little about herself. When Bill Morgan (John Dye) proposes to her it should be a joyous occasion but, instead, it reminds Kristen of her unknown history. She agrees to marry Bill on one condition, her background comes to light before the day of the wedding - Christmas day. Meanwhile, Rudolfa Claus (Mary Donnelly Haskell) is trying, once again, to usurp her father and change Christmas completely.

Tibor Takacs is the director again and Steven H. Berman is the writer so it's no surprise that the tone of the movie is exactly the same as its predecessor. It's also no surprise to find that everyone onscreen slips easily back into their uncomplicated roles. Kathy Ireland is still a welcome plus point in the lead role while John Dye, James Kirk, Kirsten Proust and Wayne Thomas Yorke are all smiling, happy and loving family members. The biggest problem here is the potential for boredom to set in as these characters had, essentially, completed a more interesting arc in the first film.

For those who enjoyed the first movie, this at least has the good grace not to move the goalposts or to try and run off in an entirely different direction. It may suffer slightly because of that but it at least goes along with consistent logic and keeps the characters true to how they were (for the most part).

A Christmas cookie sequel to a Christmas cookie first film, these aren't going to become enduring festive favourites but they're also enjoyable enough to pass the time when nobody can find the TV remote control and nobody wants to search for too long amidst the cloud of sprout-powered flatulence. I'll probably never watch these movies again but I didn't want to gouge my own eyes out with ceramic snowmen while they were on.

4/10

http://www.amazon.com/Once-Upon-Christmas-Twice/dp/B000HWZ4JI/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1355419056&sr=8-4&keywords=twice+upon+a+christmas

Once Upon A Christmas (2000)

Santa Claus (Douglas Campbell) is a bit fed up in this TV movie. He just feels that people aren't as full of Christmas spirit as they used to be and that the Naughty list keeps getting longer and longer each year. In fact, he wants to just pack it all in and stop providing Christmas to all when so many don't seem to deserve it. His daughter, Kristen (Kathy Ireland), is more optimistic and thinks that those who are still on the Nice list should still get the Christmas due to them. She's so optimistic, in fact, that she makes a bet on it. She bets that she can move any family from the Naughty list onto the Nice list. If that happens then it's all go for another Christmas. Unfortunately, she gets the Morgans, a family who don't seem to have had any Christmas spirit for many years. Can Kristen turn that around?

John Dye plays the inattentive father of the Morgan family while James Kirk and Kirsten Prout play the troublesome children. They all do what is required of them but that's not a hell of a lot. Luckily, the film is lifted every time the lovely Kathy Ireland is onscreen although she's also a bit sugary sweet at times. Indeed, the whole film adds plenty of schmaltz and eye-rolling character developments when it can but that, to me, is a given in many Christmas films. Elsewhere, Rachelle Carson has a small role as a potential new lady for Mr. Morgan and Wayne Thomas Yorke is okay as the uncle who just seems to hang around the house and not teach the kids to behave themselves but Mary Donnelly Haskell is the most fun as Rudolfa Claus, the daughter of Santa who would happily make the most of a chance to make Christmas into something else entirely.

Director Tibor Takacs does nothing to elevate the material here, written by Steven H. Berman, but he at least just goes along with it all and creates a standard fairytale feeling for the whole thing. That's all this is. A princess in disguise finding some commoners and trying to help them without revealing her true identity. If you accept that as soon as the opening titles appear then you won't be surprised by the constant . . . . . . niceness of it all. Nothing edgy or unpredictable here, thank you very much.

Far from essential Christmas viewing, this is a relatively painless TV movie that may keep the family amused for 90 minutes if there's nothing better scheduled at the same time. Mind you, I can't think of any Christmas TV schedule that would let that situation arise.

5/10

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