For It Is Man's Number

Sunday, 10 August 2025

Netflix And Chill: The Tourist (2010)

A remake of a French film from five years earlier, The Tourist is a film that somehow gained a notorious reputation for just how bad it was. And I'm here to say that it's not actually that bad. It's not very good either, but it's a relatively easy watch with a couple of photogenic stars trying to deliver star turns amidst a number of plot twists that feel increasingly ridiculous as we hurtle towards the welcome relief of the end credits.

Angelina Jolie is Elise, a woman being constantly surveilled by people who want to catch her communicating with her ex, Alexander Pearce. Inspector John Acheson (Paul Bettany) is heading up the surveillance team, and he answers to Chief Inspector Jones (Timothy Dalton). Pearce is responsible for stealing billions of dollars from a mobster, Reginald Shaw (Steven Berkoff), but he's wanted by the authorities because he owes hundreds of millions in back taxes. As a ploy to keep the police on their toes, Elise chooses a random stranger (Frank Tupelo, played by Johnny Depp) to befriend on her travels. That starts everyone thinking that Tupelo is actually Pearce, which puts him in a lot of hot water.

Directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Julian Fellowes and one Christopher McQuarrie, The Tourist is arguably most hampered by the fact that it's not really any one thing. While it was nominated in the "musical or comedy" categories at the 2011 Golden Globes, it's not exactly a laugh-riot. It's also never too tense or thrilling, despite the director himself calling it a "travel romance with thriller elements" (according to Wikipedia, so feel free to take that with a pinch of salt). That's a real shame, especially when you have two stars who are more than capable of looking as if they can adequately deal with numerous onscreen death-defying escapades. It also makes it harder to be distracted as one coincidence piles upon another in each subsequent scene.

I didn't mind it though, and I'm used to watching films that I don't rush to place in any one category. There's something enjoyably old-fashioned about the structure, although it's harder for films to be sold as travelogues in an age when seeing the sights of the world is easier than it was back when every early Bond movie was the absolute height of the thrilling and the exotic.

Depp and Jolie are both decent enough choices for the lead roles. The former can do the slightly bumbling and befuddled act, the latter can seem graceful and beautiful and dangerous with seemingly very little effort. Bettany has to become more and more agitated as the film plays out, but it would have been better to see the mess around him increase exponentially with his irritation and anger. Dalton is used sparingly, but is an ever-welcome presence in movies, and Berkoff is unsurprisingly believable as a hard-hearted gangster out for vengeance. Rufus Sewell also has a couple of scenes, but his role could have easily been played by absolutely anyone, and the rest of the cast feels quite bland and anonymous (perhaps just to my unobservant mind, although it would seems like a decision was made to save money elsewhere to give the leads a bumper payday and pay for the scenic locations).

I'm never going to rewatch this, unless forced, and it's not one I'll ever recommend to others. I didn't find it a pain to watch though, and the 103-minute runtime passed by easily enough. It's light, daft, and completely implausible, but I could name you 100 other films that are similar, but with just enough minor improvements to help them avoid the reputation that this has.

5/10

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Saturday, 9 August 2025

Shudder Saturday: Another Wolfcop (2017)

If it wasn't immediately obvious from the title, this is a sequel to WolfCop, the lycanthropic comedy that became a bit of a cult hit back in 2014. As is the way of many sequels, this tries to give you everything you liked in the first movie, but just give you a bit more. You get a main premise with an even more outlandish idea at the heart of it, some more great gore moments, and an even wilder WolfCop sex scene. Yes, you read that right.

A number of the main cast members return, including one who you wouldn't necessarily expect to find a way back from their fate in the first movie. Leo Fafard is Lou Garou, the hard-drinking cop who quite literally embodies the fuzz sometimes. His previous partner, Tina (Amy Matysio), is now the new police chief. Things seem to be getting strange and dangerous in Woodhaven under the guidance of a wealthy businessman named Sydney Swallows (Yannick Bisson), and there may be a number of other shape-shifting villains to be dealt with. Lou and Tina will need help, which is available in the surprising form of Willie (Jonathan Cherry) and his sister, Kat (Serena Miller).

Once again written and directed by Lowell Dean, who has certainly found his greatest success with this character, Another WolfCop is a blast for those who were fans of the first film. Everything is slightly amplified in the best possible way, and it maintains a tone of consistent silliness from start to finish. There's even a celebrity cameo (Kevin Smith) to reinforce the idea of this "brand" now being a beloved new bit of cultdom. If you didn't like the first movie then you should go nowhere near this, but if you did . . . oh boy, does Dean have some treats for you.

Fafard is a good sport in the main role again, especially while having to spend more time in the full WolfCop make-up. Cherry and Miller almost steal the movie though, working with a few different, and brilliant, gags that I won't spoil by describing here. Matysio is solid, and keeps trying to admirably both work within the law and make use of a valuable badge-wearing werewolf, and Devery Jacobs does perfectly fine as a new police officer who ends up in danger. Bisson is surprisingly tame in his role, although he does what he needs to do, but at least we get some fun with Alden Adair's portrayal of a dangerous cyborg named Frank.

I think I remember when this was first released that many people said it was a bit better than the first movie. I would agree with those people. As long as you're ready for the tone of the comedy then you'll surely have a good time. If you want something that's more interested in delivering straightforward werewolf thrills, however, then you need to look at the many other titles that don't want to mix together lycanthropy, police movie tropes, and a multitude of Canadianisms. You'll have plenty to choose from, while fans of this very adult version of Paw Patrol will have to just wait and see if Dean decides to deliver a trilogy.

7/10

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Friday, 8 August 2025

The Amateur (2025)

There's a fairly decent idea at the heart of The Amateur, I guess, but it's weakened by some casting and the pacing of the whole thing. At least one character turn doesn't seem to make any sense, there are a few too many coincidences for something revolving around someone trying to out-think others, and you're likely to forget all about it within a week or two.

Rami Malek plays Heller, an employee of the CIA who seeks revenge after the death of his wife (Sarah, played by Rachel Brosnahan). There are some problems with his plan though. One, he's a tech guy, and not really any use out in the field. Two, the people responsible for the death of his wife are people that the CIA don't necessarily want taken out of action immediately. Three, putting himself in the field might be a very easy way for the CIA to ensure that he isn't able to bother them again.

Based on a novel by Robert Littell, The Amateur has been turned into a movie by writers Ken Nolan and Gary Spinelli. Those two writers don't have many real highlights in their pasts, which would explain the flat end result here, and director James Hawes, while a very competent film-maker, doesn't have the imagination or flair to liven things up. I will happily give Hawes a pass, considering the fact that he sat in the director's chair for the first season of the superb Slow Horses, but it soon becomes clear that this is an action thriller made by people who aren't quite attuned to the rhythms and requirements of blockbuster entertainment.

And, as much as I enjoyed his fine work in Mr. Robot, one of the main requirements of blockbuster entertainment would seem to be avoiding the casting of Rami Malek in a central role. He was the weakest part of the excellent No Time To Die, he was outshone by a cast of more memorable supporting players in the Night At The Museum movies, he's attached his name to Need For Speed, Battleship, and Dolittle, and I'll only give him credit for Bohemian Rhapsody because that felt like the one role he was actually perfect for. It's all well and good to have him supported by people like Rachel Brosnahan, Jon Bernthal, Adrian Martinez, Laurence Fishburne, Holt McCallany, Julianne Nicholson, and Michael Stuhlbarg, but not very satisfying when almost all of them are sorely underused.

It's easy to see the appeal of this. Make an action thriller hero who has to keep using his brain instead of brawn and/or firepower. It needed something else though. Either some shinier star power, some more inventive set-pieces, or a plot with many more interesting twists and turns. It's decent, staying pretty easily watchable for most of the runtime (which clocks in at about the 2 hour mark), but you may get to the end credits and decide that you could have picked a far better viewing option. I know I did.

5/10

Thursday, 7 August 2025

Bring Her Back (2025)

The sophomore feature from Danny and Michael Philippou, who impressed many horror fans with the superb Talk To Me, what you have here is something that solidifies their reputation, but also makes it interesting to see what will happen when they move away from the blend of horror and emotional gut-punch that they have now presented to us twice.

Andy (Billy Barratt) is the protective older brother of the visually-impaired Piper (Sora Wong). When their father suddenly dies while in the shower, the two siblings end up in care. It should only be for a few months, as Andy wants to be Piper's guardian when he reaches the eligible age in a few months. The pair end up in the home of Laura (Sally Hawkins), a carer who once had a daughter with the same kind of visual-impairment as Piper. Laura also has mute Oliver (Jonah Wren Phillips) in her home, as well as a major secret or two.

Not really a film full of surprises, viewers are clued in to the fact that something is a bit off from the earliest scenes, Bring Her Back is more interested in looking at the lengths that people will go to in order to keep their loved ones alongside them. While Andy and Laura are two very different people, in many ways, they are also two sides of the same coin. Both act as they act out of love for someone, both have are trying to tidy things up after making a bit of a mess (emotionally speaking), and both end up having Piper as the most important person in their lives.

Although not as consistently creepy and unnerving as their previous film, and a couple of traumatic moments feel as if the Philippou brothers may already be showing a bit of a pattern, this is undeniably impressive stuff for those after an original horror movie experience. That's not to say that it is actually all that original, nor will the horror be as effective for some as it will be others, but there has been enough care taken in the writing of the characters that it grounds the entire journey in a very plausible mix of grief, desperation, and madness. It's a very effective remix of familiar elements.

Hawkins is just as good as you'd expect her to be, and seems to relish the role, but it's a relief to see both Barratt and Wong being more than up to the task of sharing scenes with her. All three leads are quite flawless, as far as I'm concerned, and that's essential when the film stays so tightly focused on them for the majority of the runtime. Phillips is also very good, and is the centre of some of the most memorable moments in the movie, and Sally-Anne Upton does well with a minor character who could have very easily been exasperating.

This has the Phillipous at two for two, for me anyway, but the most interesting thing now is to see what they do next. They write and direct well, they get the right people in place behind the camera to ensure great work in the audio and visual department, and they have already given us a couple of real wince-inducing gore scenes, but can they manage to surprise people? That's the question I am hoping to see answered in the next few years.

8/10

Wednesday, 6 August 2025

Prime Time: War Of The Worlds (2025)

If I see anything worse than War Of The Worlds before the end of this year then I will be astonished. It's one of the most painful, but also laughable, movies I have seen in some time. Even the mega-flop of Megalopolis at least had some ambition, and a genuine feeling of someone trying to present a (misguided?) vision. This is just amateur-ish, uninteresting, and horribly cynical, especially when it comes to a third act that relies so heavily on some embarrassing product placement.

Presented as a "screenlife" feature (a film with all of the events depicted on one screen or another), although I am not sure it even manages to stay with that format for the 91-minute runtime, this shows a Department of Homeland Security officer (Will Radford, played by Ice Cube) doing his best to respond to unbelievable events when a bit of strange weather turns into an alien invasion. Tripods rise up, an attack begins, and Will tries to figure out counter-measures, while also trying to keep his adult children safe.

The feature directorial debut from Rich Lee, a man who has directed a multitude of music videos and worked on the visual effects on some big blockbusters through the past few decades, this is staggeringly incompetent in almost every way. The biggest problem is the screenplay, written by Marc Hyman and Kenny Golde (credited as Kenneth A. Golde). Obviously believing that they are being clever and relevant with their updated version of the classic tale, which has the alien invaders looking to gobble up massive amounts of data, Hyman and Golde show that they cannot manage to do well with either the dialogue or the plotting. Having Ice Cube in the lead role allows for him to blurt out some "Ice Cube-isms" (even if nobody else would describe them in that way), but that's all this has going for it. And that's nowhere near enough.

I tend to enjoy Cube in movies. He can do good work. Not here though. It's almost painful to watch him overreact and over-explain in every main sequence, making up for the fact that almost all of his activity is moving between a variety of windows and typing things out on his keyboard. Iman Benson and Henry Hunter Hall are the endangered family members, and both benefit from the fact that they don't have to carry so much of the movie on their shoulders. Which isn't to say they're actually good. Eva Longoria makes an appearance that amounts to a brief cameo, Andrea Savage is an expendable FBI Agent, and even Clark Gregg highlights the mishandling of the material in the moments that have him acting like a parody of his NSA Director character. It's also worth mentioning Devon Bostick, although his character is responsible for the worst parts of the film.

However bad you think this is . . . it's even worse. There's no real sense of spectacle or scale, no actual tension, and most of the runtime has the cast members acting as if they're just taking part in a table read before delivering the full performance at another time. As for one of the main turns taken by the plot at about the halfway point, it's just as cringe-inducingly bad as everything else.

There's a moral here about surveillance and the use of data, but the main moral I would offer people is to avoid surveilling this particular travesty.

1/10

Tuesday, 5 August 2025

The Naked Gun (2025)

I've seen a lot of love for The Naked Gun. I've seen people mention how they were pleasantly surprised by it. Some have laughed harder than they've laughed in years. Some say it's a perfect blend of homage and something a bit new.

I didn't love it, although I will say that a few moments surprised a big laugh out of me. It was certainly a bit better than I expected, considering my apprehension at the poor trailers.

Liam Neeson is Frank Drebin Jr. He ends up investigating some crimes that seem to incriminate the rich and powerful Richard Cane (Danny Huston). He also ends up connecting with Beth Davenport (Pamela Anderson), the sister of someone who recently died in mysterious circumstances.

Directed by Akiva Schaffer, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Dan Gregor and Doug Mand, it soon becomes clear that this is something made with the right intentions. While a couple of moments play with the action comedy style I was worried it would focus on, the rest of the film has the expected barrage of visual gags and wordplay, and there's an attempt to maintain an impressive gag rate for every part of the 85-minute runtime.

Highlights include a wild montage sequence showing a whirlwind romance and a snowman being built, a gunfight with Drebin Jr. trying to keep things non-fatal, a running gag about coffee being supplied to our leads, and a genuinely fantastic twist on the standard "pretty boy in prison" speech. But you also get gags that inevitably repeat things that were better the first time around, a really weak sequence showing body-cam footage of Drebin Jr. searching for a toilet after poor diet choices, and a thermal imaging set-piece that reminded me of sillier, and more fun, shadowplay gags in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. It's also really disappointing to see them not do more with a character named as Not Nordberg Jr., when more laughs could have been mined from him denying his parentage (but maybe that's just me, and I don't blame the film-makers for staying away from what would have been a potential minefield).

Neeson and co. all do a good job, generally playing it straight, which was always the secret to making these films even funnier. It's just a shame that they make Drebin Jr. capable enough to fend off some villains on purpose, considering how often the original character would stumble his way into his main victories, but the combination of ineptitude and capability works for Neeson. Anderson is also a lot of fun, particularly when performing some jazz. Huston is amusingly suave and cocky, and there are strong supporting turns from Paul Walter Hauser (Ed Hocken Jr.), Kevin Durand (a henchman named Sig Gustafson), and CCH Pounder as the angry and exasperated Chief Davis.

It all could have been much worse, but I'm not sure if I enjoyed this more because of my apprehension and low expectations or if I am just one of the few not drinking the kool-aid. While I didn't hate it, I laughed much more at a few other comedies released in the past few years. In fact, I laughed more at every episode of Angie Tribeca when that used to be on TV.

5/10

Monday, 4 August 2025

Mubi Monday: The Living End (1992)

I am quite proud of myself nowadays. When I have a choice between a movie that can give me something predictable and familiar and a movie that can remind me of different lifestyles and viewpoints . . . I try to split my time between those two different kinds of art/entertainment. Okay, I spent yesterday watching Happy Gilmore 2. But today I watched The Living End, another great slice of nihilistic queer cinema from writer-director Gregg Araki. I may have some idea about what I'll get from a typical Araki movie nowadays, having seen and enjoyed a number of his other features, but his work is often quite a wild ride, and wittily transgressive.

Essentially the story of two lovers on the road, Jon (Craig Gilmore) and Luke (Mike Dytri), once our two main characters actually encounter one another and give in to the strong chemistry between them, this is also a fascinating look at how far people will go when they find something that might be worth living for . . . despite being handed what was once effectively a death sentence. Jon and Luke are both HIV-positive, and there wasn't as much knowledge or care available back in the late '80s and early '90s, when it was viewed by many ignorant homophobes as the "gay plague".

I have mentioned this before, perhaps repeatedly, but it's fascinating to see just how Araki started off so strong. While he obviously didn't have a big budget for the camerawork, audio, or even cast members, his directorial voice comes through every sequence loud and clear. Maybe that's to do with the fact that he had something to say that wasn't being represented in many other films, and those themes and conversations might also be why he's so often forgotten when it comes to discussing the influential film-makers who helped to shape the 1990s. While I may sound like someone desperate to earn some cool points after turning up late to the party, as ever, Araki is genuinely someone who should be mentioned by film fans just as much as Quentin Tarantino, Kevin Smith, David Fincher, et al. Maybe he is, and maybe I'm just in a film fan conversation bubble that doesn't make space for him. I don't think so though, but I would very much welcome people coming along to tell me I am wrong.

The cast may not be able to deliver much range and nuance, but both Gilmore and Dytri do well enough to keep putting Araki's message across, and they convincingly pounce upon one another when giving in to their obvious urges. Mary Woronov and Johanna Went have very fun cameo roles, Darcy Marta is sweet and easy to like in her role, and Nicole Dillenberg and Bretton Vail have their small amount of screentime overshadowed by the fact that they're playing a married couple named Barbie and Ken.

Despite the praise I have piled upon Araki here I should note the rough edges that may put off some viewers. The dialogue is sometimes overcooked and reminiscent of some melodrama from a bygone age. Jon and Luke aren't just how they present themselves in the here and now, they're "lovers on the lam" rushing between moments of potential violence and their own sexual gratification. The dialogue could often be ripped from a James Dean or Montgomery Clift movie, and I'm sure that's a very deliberate choice. There's also the picture quality. You can see everything that you need to see, but let's just say that this isn't the kind of film likely to be scrubbed up and given an IMAX release any time soon.

If it wasn't clear from my tangent praising Araki in this review, The Living End is a great little film. It's crackling with an energy and relevance, certainly in relation to when it was first released. It's part of an ongoing conversation that is bigger than film, and Araki shouts his talking points at us to make up for the many who either never found their voice, never found a decent platform, or never found anyone around them to actually fully open their ears and mind to what needed to be said.

8/10

Sunday, 3 August 2025

Netflix And Chill: Happy Gilmore 2 (2025)

If you ask any Adam Sandler fan what their favourite Adam Sandler movie is then you will likely get a variety of answers, depending on whether or not that person likes his comedy work or his more dramatic performances. But most would at least mention Happy Gilmore as a contender, which makes this a belated sequel with no small amount of pressure on it.

The years have passed, a tragic golf-related accident has caused the death of Virginia (Julie Bowen), and Happy Gilmore is left with a bunch of children and a whole load of debt. And a drinking problem. His years of golfing success are far behind him, but getting back on the fairway could be the solution to all of his problems. If he can stop drinking and return to the form of his glory days. He's older now though, although not necessarily any wiser.

Where Sandler used to get his friends together and film something in a sunny and picturesque environment (making it a bit of holiday time alongside the filming), he now tends to make films that have roles available to his family members. At least four of them appear here. His wife, Jackie, his daughters, Sadie and Sunny, and his mother, Judith. They don't spoil the film, generally doing great work, but it's worth noting because of how many times the Sandler surname pops up throughout the cast credits. Thankfully, the 114-minute runtime allows for a whole range of eclectic supporting players (sometimes literally), from a number of real-life golfers all joining in with the fun to returning favourites like Ben Stiller and Christopher McDonald. Benny Safdie has a blast as Frank Manatee, the douchebro looking to take golf somewhere new and exciting, Bad Bunny is a lot of fun as a waiter-turned-caddy named Oscar, John Daly plays a fictional version of John Daly, and Haley Joel Osment proves to be formidable competition on the golf course. I wouldn't have the space here to name everyone else onscreen, but some of the more memorable cameos come from Margaret Qualley, Eric André, Post Malone, Steve Buscemi, Eminem, Nick Swarsdon, Jon Lovitz, Boban Marjanovic, Ken Jennings, and Guy Fieri.

Although Tim Herlihy and Sandler are back on the writing duties, Kyle Newacheck is in the director's chair this time (with Dennis Dugan, director of the first HG movie, joining the names I just mentioned to have some fun in front of the camera). Newacheck does a decent job, delivering what is his best feature so far, but it feels like an easy gig. Once the screenplay was written, knowing how much of the film relies on goodwill and nostalgia, all Newacheck had to do was ensure that he had plenty of coverage while everyone was enjoying themselves. The jokes here are obvious and silly, but they're nicely in line with what we got the first time around. In fact, admittedly, many of them are just the same jokes, maybe slightly reworked, with flashbacks to remind people of what they laughed at the first time around.

I'm not going to waste time rating the various performances of everyone in the cast. Some do much better than others, but the film is anchored by Sandler doing his very familiar schtick. You'll already know if you want to watch it or not. Highlights are definitely Safdie and Bad Bunny though, but McDonald is very welcome whenever he appears, and I was surprised by how much I was able to laugh at lines delivered by the likes of Rory McIlroy and Scottie Scheffler. Scheffler may well be the ace up the sleeve for the third act of the movie, which is something I never expected.

There are a number of expected montage sequences, the soundtrack has the energy required to accompany the standard "underdog comes good" plotting, and if you're surprised by anything that happens here then I would have to assume that you forgot everything that happened in the first movie. There are times when I want something new, or something thought-provoking. This wasn't one of those times. I just wanted some more silly jokes about someone rough-around-the-edges being unexpectedly good at whacking a golf ball. I just hoped that it wouldn't disappoint those, like myself, who rated Happy Gilmore as one of Sandler's very best comedies. I wasn't disappointed. This was everything I wanted it to be. It was familiar, comfortable, and, most of all, it made me laugh. I'll still rewatch the first film more, but I would happily make time for this again whenever I'm in the mood for some crazy golf.

7/10

Saturday, 2 August 2025

Shudder Saturday: Monster Island (2024)

AKA Orang Ikan.

It may be all the review you need when I say that I was very surprised to learn that writer-director Mike Wiluan already had a number of features to his name before Monster Island. This feels very much like a debut. It's a decent enough idea without enough substance to make it bearable for even the relatively short runtime (it clocks in at about 83 minutes).

It's 1942, and viewers are introduced to a Japanese sea vessel that serves as a floating prison for some of the people on board. Dean Fujioka is Saito, a Japanese soldier who has been deemed a traitor. He's chained to a British POW named Bronson (Callum Woodhouse). When the ship is torpedoed, Saito and Bronson end up overboard. They come ashore on an island, quickly figuring out that they need to work together if they want to gain complete freedom, from one another and the island. There's at least one other figure on the island though. A monster who will try to maul and kill you before you can say "I didn't know we were near any black lagoon".

Having only heard about the central concept of this, I was quite optimistic about it. It didn't need a big budget. It didn't need any more added to it. Just put a bunch of people on an island and then have a monster endangering them. Simple. Sadly, Wiluan really drops the ball here. He doesn't have a good enough script, he doesn't have any big surprises in store, and, perhaps worst of all, he decides not to add more than a mere handful of potential victims to the film once the main characters, and the viewers, start to figure out how dangerous the island is.

The real shame of it is that Fujioka and Woodhouse don't do bad at all. The few scenes that work well are thanks to the exchanges between the two leads. They have the expected mistrust and reticence to stick together, but it's not overdone, and it is cast aside believably swiftly once they have bigger fish to fry (no pun intended). The others onscreen aren't very interesting, although I'll also mention Alan Maxson for his fine work in the monster suit.

There are some things to enjoy here. The practical effects are pretty good, and this approach is now appreciated much more than the easier (and cheaper?) option of the kind of computer work that the low budget would permit. There's also pleasure to be had in the moments that have Fujioka and Woodhouse becoming a formidable duo. It's just a shame that Wiluan doesn't fully invest in the potential fun of his premise. Monster Island needed a bit more of everything, but it particularly needed some more genre treats sprinkled throughout it.

4/10

Friday, 1 August 2025

Predator: Killer Of Killers (2025)

It has actually been a few weeks now since I watched Predator: Killer Of Killers, an animated entry in the franchise that seemed to delight many fans. I found a decent amount here to enjoy, but, if I'm being completely honest, I also found the very last act to be quite forgettable. I'm also a bit reluctant to give so much praise to something so obviously designed to please fans. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with pleasing fans, but there are times when this feels as if it is moving in a direction that is allowing the fans to think they have too much say and control in the direction of the franchise.

What you get here is an anthology that makes use of some ideas bandied around after the success of Prey. There are four main sections - The Shield, The Sword, The Bullet, and The Battle. The Shield is centred around a Viking warrior named Ursa (voiced by Lindsay LaVanchy). The Sword is all about a Japanese rōnin (voiced by Louis Ozawa) battling his brother. The Bullet shows is John J. Torres (voiced by Rick Gonzalez), a mechanic who ends up piloting a fighter jet in World War II. All of the main characters find themselves in trouble when they encounter a Predator, and things tie together nicely in last act.

Written by Micho Robert Rutare, developing a story co-written with director Dan Trachtenberg (sharing his directing duties with Joshua Wassung), there's nothing wrong with the ideas here. The animation is generally well done, although it took me a bit of time to get used to the style, the voice cast do good work, and it's not a film I would criticise when it comes to the technical side of things. It's just a shame that all of the anthology segments show the potential that everyone seemed aware of after the success of Prey, yet also shows a disappointing lack of confidence in great premises that could have easily been fleshed out into at least three separate features.

Although LaVanchy, Ozawa (who voices both of the main characters in his main segment), and Gonzalez all do what is asked of them, the dialogue is very much secondary to the set-pieces that feel ripped from the pages of some top-tier comics. It's good to have voice performances not distracting viewers with any familiarity (stunt casting would have been an irritation), although a small role for Michael Biehn subsequently feels a bit misjudged, and in line with just another fan note . . . adding an extra name that can be said in answer to a popular movie trivia question from the past couple of decades.

This is good. It was also a welcome surprise when it appeared on streaming, giving fans something to enjoy until the next live-action Predator movie hits cinema screens later this year. It's not great though. A couple of the big moments don't land as well as expected, and I have a niggling feeling that the very end of the film kind of undermines the endings of a few of the other movies in this franchise.

Some people won't watch this just because it's animated. They'll miss out. They won't miss out on anything unmissable though. This is fun and cool, but it's also arguably more disposable than any of the movies featuring this iconic sci-fi beastie (even the ones that are subjectively worse).

7/10

Thursday, 31 July 2025

Dangerous Animals (2025)

Even if I hadn't seen the trailer for this, something that sold me on it immediately, and even if I didn't know it was the third feature directed by Sean Byrne, I would have eventually made time for Dangerous Animals based on the fact that it's a shark-centric film written by a man with the surname Lepard. Hey, everyone knows how easily amused I am by now. That tickled me.

A bearded and scruffy-looking Jai Courtney plays Bruce Tucker, a man happy to take tourists out on his boat to give them a chance to encounter some sharks. Unfortunately for the tourists, their idea of a shark experience is very different from Tucker's idea. He's a very dangerous man, and he likes nothing better than making very particular home movies. He has Heather (Ella Newton) held captive on his boat, and she's soon joined by Zephyr (Hassie Harrison). Apparently the kind of loner who nobody will notice has disappeared, Zephyr may well be grateful for the fact that she just spent a night connecting with the now-smitten Moses (Josh Heuston). Moses suspects something is wrong when he sees Zephyr's van (which was also her mobile home) being towed.

This might be the first full feature written by Nick Lepard, but he doesn't make too many amateur errors. Helped by a fantastic, but small, cast, and a career-best turn from Courtney, Lepard manages to add just enough to his screenplay to offer a variety of different possible third act scenarios without making it feel bloated or much more implausible. Oh, don't get me wrong, it certainly gets unbelievable on a few occasions, but those moments happen once you've already settled in and grown comfortable with the genre staples being used.

Byrne handles the material well, managing to keep things nicely balanced between the grim and the bloody and the somewhat fun. The actual shark appearances also impress, with a variety of tricks and deliberate filming choices being used to keep the menacing predators feeling like a very real threat. While things may end in quite a predictable way, the pleasure comes from the inventive ways that both Byrne and Lepard keep viewers on their toes until it is time for the very last scenes.

Harrison is a decent plucky heroine, and very easy to cheer on as she keeps trying to hold her nerve in the face of ever-increasing peril. Newton may not be playing someone as courageous, but she is just as good in her role. Courtney is the star of the show though, giving a performance that puts him right alongside some of the most infamous cinematic serial killers. At least one moment might be a bit too obvious in homaging one of the best-known scenes of someone revelling in their macabre hobby, but I was happy to let that slide. I also have to praise Heuston, who starts the film seeming very disposable, deliberately so, and then becomes someone else that you want to see somehow make it through to the end credits, despite the odds being stacked against him. It’s good writing, but it’s also sold by a winning performance from Heuston.

It’s hard to think of Byrne ever giving us another film as good as his feature debut, The Loved Ones (still a firm favourite of mine). This doesn’t manage it. But there are times when it comes bloody close.

8/10

Wednesday, 30 July 2025

Prime Time: Shortcut To Happiness (2007)

AKA The Devil And Daniel Webster.

Based on a story by Stephen Vincent Benet, which was subsequently adapted into a play, "Scratch", by Archibald Macleish, Shortcut To Happiness (known in some other territories as The Devil And Daniel Webster) shows how strange and mesmerising it can be when life imitates art. The production history of this film, which was due to premiere in 2001 before financial issues and investors being investigated for bank fraud delayed things by a number of years, and led to Alec Baldwin removing his name as the director of a film that he claims was taken away from him in post-production, is more interesting than anything onscreen. But considering the plot is all about someone who wants success, and then finds that getting what he wants doesn't really make him happy, it's hard to hear about the troubles of this feature and not think of it as the end result of someone slightly tempting fate.

Because it's clear that Baldwin wasn't ready to direct a feature. Look, to be fair, maybe there's a better version of this with the right money in place and the right editing of the footage, but it's hard to see it as anything other than a huge disappointment, only of note because of some of the supporting players. It adds nothing to a familiar Faustian tale, doesn't ever get the tone right, and has a lead character that is hard to root for.

Baldwin plays Jabez Stone, a writer who isn't having much luck. He continues to write, but has yet to make any progress when it comes to getting actual sales and readers. That looks set to change when he meets The Devil (played by Jennifer Love Hewitt, who at least has a twinkle in her eye missing from many others onscreen). As his success builds, other things fall by the wayside. Things like friendship, good company, and his reputation. Julius Jensen (Dan Aykroyd) is a fellow writer and friend, but The Devil decides he must take a fall in order for Jabez to climb higher. The same goes for Mike (Barry Miller), albeit in a different way. Molly (Amy Poehler) seems to remain quite neutral, but even she states that she isn't as big a fan of the new Jabez as she was of the old version. Can anything be done to make the deal with the devil null and void? If it can be done, Daniel Webster (Anthony Hopkins) is the man for the job. Considering he's not a complete stranger to The Devil.

Pete Dexter and Nancy Cassaro may be unfamiliar writers to me, but I'm astonished that Bill Condon joined them for this project and was unable to salvage it. The whole thing is a messy mix of teenage-level philosophy conversations and utter smugness, livened up by the occasional scene that allows Hewitt to have fun. While some of the cast members can save individual moments, none of them can make up for the awfulness of Baldwin in the main role. Maybe he should stick to his strengths, considering how great he can be when he delivers cameo performances that allow him to almost steal entire movies away from featured cast members.

Aside from Baldwin, just bad, and Hewitt, who I wish was given this role in a far better movie, you have Aykroyd being a bit of a boor (which he does well enough), Miller being quite the downer (which HE does well enough), and Poehler being, well, barely present. Hopkins does a decent Hopkins turn, although it needed to be a bit MORE full-on Hopkins, not something I say often, and there's a disappointing waste of both Bobby Cannavale and Kim Cattrall.

There are times when everything about this seems designed to repel viewers, particularly an ending that presents the viewer with absolutely nothing worth mulling over as the credits roll. It's not clever, nor is it thought-provoking. It's just a final middle finger from a film that has already spent 106 minutes insulting anyone who continued to watch it in the hope that it would get any better.

3/10

Tuesday, 29 July 2025

The Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025)

Although they've never been my personal favourite superheroes, The Fantastic Four certainly hold a special place in the hearts of many comic book fans. They are, after all, often referred to as the "first family" of Marvel, and many other characters made their first appearances in Fantastic Four adventures. They've been ill-served at the movies though. In fact, most people can agree that the best Fantastic Four movie to date is actually The Incredibles. The Fantastic Four: First Steps hopes to change that though. It wants to be a fun slice of retro sci-fi adventure, establishing the main characters as new key members of the MCU.

So it's a shame that I left the cinema feeling more like shrugging than rushing to tell others to get along and see it.

It's quite a familiar set-up, behind the camera anyway. The writing team (Josh Friedman, Eric Pearson, Jeff Kaplan, and Ian Springer) has a mix of old hands and newcomers. Director Matt Shakman has no other movies under his belt, but he has been honing his skills in the land of TV, and has clearly shown something that made him seem to be a good fit for this property. Maybe his handling of the family relationships explored in WandaVision.

There's no need to give a plot summary, but I will nonetheless. Marvel tries to pretend that we're not getting any origin story here, with a lot of the background related by Ted Gilbert (Mark Gatiss) on his TV show, but it still very much feels like one, considering the standard structure about our heroes coming growing into their roles as they face a new and major threat. The threat this time is the planet-destroyer known as Galactus (voiced by Ralph Ineson), and his coming is heralded by the Silver Surfer (Julia Garner). The timing of this encounter would never be good, but it couldn't be worse as Sue Storm (Vanessa Kirby) prepares to give birth to a baby. Not only is Reed Richards (Pedro Pascal) worried about the fate of the world, he gets very anxious as he tries to baby-proof their home. That means smoke alarms that go off whenever Johnny Storm (Joseph Quinn) flies by and safety gates that are far too easily broken by Ben Grimm (Ebon Moss-Bachrach).

There's nothing really wrong with this movie. The cast are generally good, and a good fit for their roles (although I suspect Joseph Quinn must say a prayer every single day for the Duffer brothers taking his career to a whole other level thanks to his Stranger Things character), the retro look and feel is appropriate and sweet, and the grand plan is played out well enough. It just doesn't ever really impress. Maybe it's a case of superhero fatigue, although I didn't have that feeling with the other big superhero movie released this month, or maybe the central quartet are just a bit too bland in comparison to so many other options we've had in recent decades.

Pascal, Kirby, and Moss-Bachrach are wonderful casting choices. Quinn does okay, but is arguably the weakest Johnny Storm onscreen yet (and, yes, I am including the Corman-produced film from 1994). Ineson and Garner are both brilliant, and there are also fine moments for Gatiss, Sarah Niles, Natasha Lyonne, and Paul Walter Hauser. Oh, and there's a cute little robot named H.E.R.B.I.E. Unfortunately, you get the usual tease during the credits, which is perhaps another reason for me leaving the cinema without the spring in my step that I have had after some other big movies from this year.

There's a suitably fantastic score from Michael Giacchino, a smattering of humour that felt a step removed from the winking punchlines that became the MCU standard for a while, and some genuinely impressive spectacle in the second half, leading to a super-sized finale. There are no surprises though, and no risks. Marvel wants to recalibrate, to get fans back on board with their cinematic outings, and this feels like a very safe and tame way to do that. I have no major complaints, but nor do I have any major compliments.

7/10

Monday, 28 July 2025

Mubi Monday: Parthenope (2024)

Writer-director Paolo Sorrentino is someone I always think I am more familiar with. I have seen a few films from him, but I am missing a couple of his more celebrated features. I think I am aware of the themes that he tends to explore though. Faith and religion are sometimes a focus, but he spends more time looking at how people change as they age, how things are reframed as individuals look back (either examining their own lives or examining the lives of others), and the inherent beauty and power of things that somehow don't change as the years fly by. I'm very open to being corrected on this, but I don't think I am speaking out of turn.

Parthenope is in line with certain things I have just mentioned. Ostensibly about a beautiful young woman named Parthenope (played mainly by Celeste Dalla Porta), the tragedy interspersed throughout her life somehow keeping her on a path that ensures she keeps making others happy while struggling to fully settle her own doubts and worries. Parthenope almost feels as if she is making it her purpose to facilitate the dreams and fantasies of others, even for people she is warned away from, but maybe she knows that helping others become happy will lead to her own eventual happiness.

While I am not always won over by the words written by Sorrentino, I am absolutely in awe of his vision and the fact that he tackles some weighty and thoughtful themes with a lightness of touch that makes them much easier to digest. He's helped here by Daria D'Antonio's cinematography, but arguably more so by his cast.

Dalla Porta makes a very strong impression in what is her first film role of any real substance. Parthenope has to be a figure both placed on a pedestal and dragged down to lower levels by those wanting to help or harm her spirit, and Dalla Porta moves through the film in a way that gives her a sense of being impervious to so much of the pushing and pulling on her. Silvio Orlando, playing Professor Devoto Marotta, is similarly cool to most of the people around him, but his connection to our main character, who impresses him with her knowledge and inquisitive nature, provides a perfect balance to the whole thing. Luisa Ranieri portrays someone who could so easily be a future incarnation of Parthenope, as envied as she is beloved by those wanting something from her, and there are very good supporting turns from Dario Aita, Daniele Rienzo (not onscreen for long, but arguably the most important figure in Parthenope's life), Peppe Lanzetta, and a handful of others.

There are a few other films I could mention alongside this one, but nothing that feels exactly like it. That's a very good thing. Parthenope feels familiar at times, but remains a unique, and ultimately uplifting, experience. Much like the titular character. The worst things happen when people start to judge (themselves or others), and I suspect that at least part of the messaging from Sorrentino on this occasion is to do with casting judgments aside. It doesn't often help you, and it certainly doesn't help you to connect with, and learn from, others. Unless they're really bad people, of course. Like, say, those who use their phones in the cinema once the film has started playing. In that case, feel free to judge away.

8/10

Sunday, 27 July 2025

Netflix And Chill: BlackBerry (2023)

Some technology stays with us for what seems like forever. Some of it comes and goes, having a shining moment before becoming an obscure novelty, and becoming the modern version of a tech antique within just a few years. Show someone a portable CD player nowadays and explain it to them. In fact, show someone the Sega Mega-CD. Remember that? My old flatmate had one. I'm not sure anyone else did. The world of the mobile phone is littered with other prime examples. Models that were once so ubiquitous, but are no longer around (unless re-released to appeal to nostalgia). The sturdy Nokia 3310 is one example. The Motorola Razr V3i is another. And there's the BlackBerry, the first device that I saw sold as letting you have the power of a computer in your pocket. I never had one, but I used to view all mobile communication devices as nothing more than accessories for yuppies and/or wankers.

Speaking of those kinds of people, here we are with a movie that tells us about the incredible rise, and just as incredible fall, of the device. Directed by, co-written by, and starring Matt Johnson, it shows how a couple of men (Mike, played by Jay Baruchel, and Doug, played by Johnson) were able to make their mark on the world once they allowed a wolf (Jim, played by Glenn Howerton) into their metaphorical hen-house.

Based on a book, "Losing The Signal", written by Jacquie McNish and Sean Silcoff, BlackBerry benefits from a great script co-written by Johnson and Matthew Miller, and a trio of fantastic lead performances from Baruchel, Johnson, and Howerton, the latter an absolute bulldog in human form. There's also the inherent nostalgia factor, of course, and it helps that the true story has enough fascinating twists and turns to build a movie around.

Howerton is the individual overshadowing all others here, and his constant aggression is very entertaining, mainly because of how others struggle to deal with him. While there are elements of the character that you know would appeal to Howerton, it also forces him to leave any comedic instincts at the door as he depicts someone so strong-willed and single-minded that he becomes quite monstrous. Baruchel does his usual slightly awkward schtick, but also convinces as his character ages up and loses most of his innocence and naivete. Johnson might give himself the role of the most sensible one of the three, but that also allows him to stay present throughout most of the runtime without usually being the focus of any one scene, which may have helped him to focus on his role behind the camera. Martin Donovan turns up for a scene or two, as do Saul Rubinek, Cary Elwes, Michael Ironside, and Rich Sommer, and everyone else does what is necessary to make the environment onscreen feel as busy as it needs to be.

I didn't think I would enjoy this, despite hearing some good word about it when it was released a couple of years ago. Considering my own views of the BlackBerry device, I wasn't sure what the film would offer me. It turns out that it's a bittersweet look at people trying to maintain some integrity and optimism in a world that only holds those values for as long as the profit margins remain high enough. BlackBerry celebrates innovation and the blood, sweat, and tears that workers put into a product they had faith in, but it also makes clear from the earliest scenes that innovators and hard workers need someone to get out there and negotiate with businesses, and sell the product, to make it a real success. It's a great shame that everyone can't share the same principles, but maybe that's why certain products crash down so low after such unexpeted highs.

Anyway, I'm off to use an online game emulator to play Snake. Because some days I am reminded of how much I used to enjoy playing Snake on my Nokia 3310.

8/10

Saturday, 26 July 2025

Shudder Saturday: Opera (1987)

It's been a while since I've seen Opera. It's been a while since I have watched, or rewatched (more often than not), ANY Dario Argento movie. I was moved to revisit this particular feature after mentioning it to someone who was just starting to explore Argento's filmography. I have always had a soft spot for it, although I was initially confused when I once thought I was revisiting it before pressing play on Dario Argento's The Phantom Of The Opera (a film made a decade later, and one that isn't half as good as this).

This IS a riff on the classic Gaston Leroux tale, considering it's all about a mysterious figure who takes an unhealthy interest in a stage starlet (Betty, played by Cristina Marsillach). Not content with watching her from the wings though, this "phantom" likes to catch Betty, use some needles and tape to ensure she cannot close her eyes, and make her watch as he kills various people in front of her. You get deadly set-pieces, a killer who stays hidden for most of the runtime, and an absolute overdose of style. Peak Argento giallo, in other words.

As well as directing, Argento is also credited here for co-writing the screenplay with Franco Ferrini. It may not be the best screenplay, but it's also far from the worst, especially in comparison to other giallo and slasher films of this era. It's just a shame that Argento tries to give characters emotionally-loaded dialogue to match his swooping and gliding camerawork when the ideal approach would be a near-silent tale told through the gorgeous visuals.

Marsillach is fine in the role of Betty, and this is a cast that also has room for Daria Nicolodi (a friend named Mira), Coralina Cataldi Tassoni (a costumier named Giulia), Ian Charleson, Urbano Barberini, and Antonella Vitale, all potential victims or a potential killer, as well as a fun cameo from Michele Soavi (uncredited), but the real pleasure comes from Argento setting up one audacious sequence after another in a way that blends the traditional with the modern more effectively than some of his other work.

Even compared to other Argento delights, and I'm sure some will argue with me on this point, Opera feels dizzying and dazzling in a way that underlines his mastery of fluid camera movement, inventive and gory deaths, and the seriously macabre juxtaposed alongside entertaining absurdity. While not his very best film, I would nominate Opera as his best technical work. And I know it has some stiff competition.

If you haven't seen this one by now then do make it a priority. Okay, start elsewhere if you're completely new to Argento (Deep Red is always a winner, even if it's arguably the high point of his career), but you don't need to be an expert in his filmography to recognise his tricks and flourishes packed into every main scene here.

9/10

Friday, 25 July 2025

Karate Kid: Legends (2025)

Really? We're at a stage now in the Karate Kid universe where Ralph Macchio is able to show a thing or two to Jackie Chan? If you can accept that then you might be able to have some fun with Karate Kid: Legends. I'll admit that the whole thing was a struggle for me.

Ben Wang plays Li Fong, a young man who movies to New York with his mother (Dr. Fong, played by Ming-Na Wen). Li has made a promise to his mother that means he cannot fight, but the rest of New York isn't aware of that. Things start to look up when Li meets Mia (Sadie Stanley) and her father, Victor (Joshua Jackson). He even starts training Victor for an upcoming boxing match, but gets on the wrong side of Mia's ex-boyfriend, Conor (Aramis Knight). Things soon go from bad to worse. If only there was some upcoming fighting competition that could let Li prove his skills, especially after some time spent being trained by Mr. Han (Chan) and Daniel LaRusso (Macchio).

What you have here is a mixtape with some visual accompanying the music. I really don't mean that as a compliment. Writer Rob Lieber doesn't have too many features under his belt, while director Jonathan Entwistle is making his cinematic directorial debut here, and it's clear that they have been asked to put together something absolutely formulaic that can be overstuffed with annoyingly uncatchy soundtrack choices. Seriously, this soundtrack, and how songs are used, is one of the worst I have experienced in some time. Not necessarily because of the song choices, but because of the inability to let most scenes play out in a less obnoxious manner.

I have seen people praise young Ben Wang for his performance in the lead role. Sorry, I disagree with the majority on this one. Wang has the physical prowess, and he's certainly not awful, but he didn't ever fully win me over. Jackson and Stanley are much better, with the latter a particularly good choice for a main supporting/co-lead role. Knight is a decent baddie, and Tim Rozon does well as the determined adult helping youngsters to make bad choices in service of a "strong" reputation, and both Chan and Macchio bring some fun by bringing along their legacies (all legacies being equal, but some legacies being more equal than others). Wen is wasted, sadly, but does what is asked of her.

There's nothing inherently wrong with films that work with a proven formula, and Karate Kid: Legends has some good moments. It just doesn't get the mix quite right. Having Li train Victor is a fun twist on things, compared to previous entries in the series, but the third act montage moments serve as a reminder of just what viewers tune in for. It feels like the kind of entertaining stretching of body and spirit that feels essential to the "root for the underdog" martial arts movie designed to be satisfying family entertainment.

I would still recommend this to those after something light and easygoing, but it's not a patch on the originals. It's a bit more brash, a bit louder, and makes use of some videogame aesthetics in the final fight. None of those things actually make it a better film. They just make it feel as if it is constantly straining to connect with kids who can still find joy in the simple pleasures of a film that made everyone smile with the words "wax on, wax off".

6/10

Thursday, 24 July 2025

Ballerina (2025)

From the world of John Wick, that's what we were all sold on here. Okay, there's also the draw of Ana de Armas kicking ass while looking damn fine doing it, but this film definitely wants to please fans of Wick. Does it succeed?

After some scenes showing a girl called Eve having her childhood interrupted by the execution of her father, and then being given a home within the Ruska Roma organization, Ballerina starts to show the training and maturation of a skilled killer (De Armas). She wants revenge though, and that isn't allowed. The Director (Anjelica Huston) explains that the man who murdered her father is the head of a large group that they just tend to leave to their own devices. That doesn't satisfy Eve, however, and she soon embarks on a journey of vengeance that will only end in the death of The Chancellor (Gabriel Byrne) or her own demise. And her own demise might be facilitated by John Wick himself.

Apparently directed by Len Wiseman, but with extensive reshoots overseen by Chad Stahelski, Ballerina is a bit of a mess, but it's a hell of an entertaining one. The visual style and onscreen world-building keeps it nicely within the "Wick-verse", but writer Shay Hatten can't do enough to make anything feel truly consequential. A number of the action sequences feel shoehorned in because they needed to make the 124-minute runtime bearable (and even then, it's disappointing that one great moment isn't shown, the film making use of the aftermath for some humour and explanation of how skilled our lead now is).

The best thing that this film has going for it is De Armas, a star who still deserves a real blockbuster success built around her. She can handle the action, and also deals with the breadcrumbs of emotional baggage given to her character. Huston also does well, reprising her role from previous movies and being just as strict and severe as ever. Byrne is a decent villain, but really only powerful enough because of how many people he can mobilise and control to attack one enemy, and Ian McShane adds his usual suave greatness as the constant calm presence of Winston. Catalina Sandino Moreno is wasted, and don't even start me on the third act moment that is delivered without any care or impact, Norman Reedus also doesn't really register, and it's a sad truth to say that any time we get Keanu Reeves making a cameo just serves as a reminder of how much better the Wick movies are. Robert Maaser is an impressive henchman, particularly in the jaw-dropping moments that involve some powerful flamethrowers, and Ava McCarthy is convincingly vulnerable and sweet as Ella, a young girl who ends up in the clutches of the baddies, which gives an extra motivation to our deadly lead.

All of the action is staged well, and it's all enjoyable enough, but things only feel truly inspired in an extended third act that makes great use of an interesting setting and a whole swathe of enemy combatants to deliver the kind of unique and inventive fights that have been a hallmark of this franchise. It's also good to be invested in something that feels as if, either way, there will be a consequential resolution to everything.

I enjoyed Ballerina, despite how it may seem from what I have said here. While there are things I have misgivings about, there's a consistency in the gorgeous cinematography, the excellent score, and the choreography and composition all working to keep De Armas framed as the star that she is. I just wanted it to be a bit better, and maybe there will be a step up in quality if we ever get a sequel to this. I'll rewatch this in the meantime, but I'll only after I have rewatched the superior John Wick movies first.

7/10

Wednesday, 23 July 2025

Prime Time: Mannequin (1987)

I used to love Mannequin. I'm not ashamed to say it. I could happily rewatch it many times over one weekend. I was young. I was more innocent. I was stupid. Watching it nowadays, after a verrrrrrrry long gap, it soon becomes clear that Mannequin is a bit rubbish. There are still some things to like about it, but you really have to sift through a lot of dirt to find the tiniest little grains of gold.

Andrew McCarthy is Jonathan Switcher, a young man who ends up being unable to hold down a job. He's not being lazy or unrealistic, oh no. He's just an artist, and he needs to do something that helps to fulfil his artistic soul. This is frustrating for his girlfriend, Roxie (Carole Davis). Things change, however, when Switcher saves Claire Timkin (Estelle Getty) from a falling sign outside a department store. It's basically her department store, and she offers Switcher a job. He starts off as a stockroom worker, but eventually meets a mannequin (Emmy, played by Kim Cattrall) that comes alive at night and helps him become a celebrated window dresser. This pleases the flamboyant Hollywood (Meshach Taylor), but displeases the greasy and gurning Richards (James Spader). It also displeases B. J. Wert (Stephen Vinovich), the owner of a rival department store who was ready to buy his ailing competitor at a bargain price.

It's unsurprising to see that this was actually the first theatrical feature for director Michael Gottlieb, who also co-wrote the screenplay with fellow newbie Edward Rugoff. It's a bit more surprising to note the few punchlines that still work though. For example, there's the typical '80s horndog (Armand, played by Christopher Maher) who thinks he is about to have his dreams come true at one point . . . only for his night to fall a bit flat. He may then immediately seek to blame someone else, but it's good to see this being the end of a series of "gags" that were all based on his constant harassment of a woman he wanted to sleep with. Then there are the moments of physical comedy supplied by G. W. Bailey, playing a security guard not a million miles removed from the character her portrayed in the Police Academy movies. Mind you, the gags that work are still not good enough to distract you from the fact that Emmy was "made" by Switcher (a mannequin he worked on for a long time before inevitably being fired), and does everything she can in order to support him and improve his life. She resorts to her unmoving mannequin state when anyone else is around, and seems content to be kept in stasis in between nights she can spend with our leading man.

McCarthy is, just like this movie, someone I used to like a lot in the 1980s. I still like some of his performances, but he's unable to do enough here to make his character as appealing as he should be. He has a few character quirks (drives a motorbike, wears trainers with his trousers, etc.), but there's nothing about him that feels truly special. Cattrall, on the other hand, is wonderful, and does her best in a role that surely didn't seem as good on the page. Her character works so well because of the combination of beauty, energy, and fun that Cattrall tends to carry into everything. Taylor isn't very good, but he definitely makes an impression, and the third act allows him to show how supportive and open-minded good friends should be with one another. Getty is perfectly fine, Davis does well, even if she just has to be the girlfriend who is viewed with disdain for, ummmmm, being successful and responsible, and Vinovich is a decent enough big bad boss ordering his minions to use dirty tricks. It's Spader and Bailey who stand out though, the former giving a performance up there with the greasiest and smarmiest of the decade, which is really seeing something. Replace his character with Jeffrey Combs from The Frighteners and you don't change the film much, that is how entertainingly over the top he plays it. Bailey is helped by the fact that he's accompanied by a, hmmm, "beloved" dog for most of his screentime, but he's an enjoyably inept menace throughout, even if, or perhaps because, his performance doesn't well with the tone of the rest of the movie.

You get a bit of "My Girl" on the soundtrack, and "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" (performed by Starship) plays over the end credits, but the other songs featured here are very forgettable, even when used for the expected montage moments. The department store setting is shot impressively for a few decent scenes, but a lot of the film feels thrown together, without any thought for real texture or plausibility (e.g. the apartment that McCarthy seems to live quite comfortably in, despite his poor record when it comes to employment). Can you ignore all of the ridiculousness to find some enjoyment here? I think so, especially if you're a fan of Cattrall. It's difficult though, and weird to watch this nowadays and think of it being a decent box office success (it certainly did well enough to help Starship have a hit song on their hands). Still . . . I can't hate it. And I could probably rewatch it, if forced. Although how knows if I will still be thinking that way when I finally get around to watching the sequel.

6/10

Tuesday, 22 July 2025

The Rebrand (2025)

I went into The Rebrand wanting to like it, having heard it was a darkly comedic thriller about an online lifestyle influencer couple. Thankfully, I did like it. It was a close call though, and I'm disappointed that I didn't like it more, especially considering the wonderfully unhinged performance from Nancy Webb that carries the whole thing.

Webb also co-wrote this with director Kaye Adelaide, which perhaps explains why she ends up having the most fun. It's all about Blair (Andi E McQueen) and Thistle (Webb), the couple who hire a videographer (Nicole, played by Naomi Silver-Vézina) to help document what is supposed to be a triumphant redemption arc after their recent fall from grace. Nicole is also heavily pregnant, and bisexual, both traits that seem to provide occasional distractions for Blair and Thistle, although it sometimes seems as if they are more interested in the videographer than they are in the actual films being created.

There are a lot of individual moments here that are brilliant, particularly when playing around with the kind of tropes we see in thriller and horror movies. One scene having a couple of characters trying to escape in a car is hilarious and unnerving in equal measure, and I wanted more scenes like it. Unfortunately, The Rebrand doesn't have quite enough consistency, and a lot of other scenes just feel like filler. That wouldn't be such a bad thing if the filler felt honest to the characters, but there are far too many incidents that have the leads making the kind of amateur errors you just know aren't committed by those used to the online influencer life (even if they're not holding on to all of the marbles they may have once had).

McQueen is fine, as is Silver-Vézina, but it's Webb who walks away with the film. Everything else in it feels as if it is struggling to be just above average. Webb feels as if she starts at a 10/10, maintains that throughout, and ends at just the same level. Her performance is so great that her reappearance after any scenes without her presence always provides a much-needed shot of energy.

I don't want to take anything away from Adelaide, who does very good helming her first feature, but it will be very interesting to see what she does next, and how effective it is if she doesn't have such a strong personality to collaborate with. I'll look forward to that, but I'm even more eager to see what comes next from Webb, whether behind or in front of the camera (or both).

If I have any influence at all then I hope that others make time for The Rebrand. It's likely to work for some people better than it worked for me . . . and maybe that's just a sign of how determined I am to keep my life as far away from the insidious stealth-ads/negging of social media influencers as possible.

6/10