Puppet Master: Axis Termination (2017)

And here we have it. I know that there is one more movie in the series, to date (that may be five more movies by the time you read this), but Puppet Master: Axis Termination tries hard to be the worst in the series. It's certainly on a par with the previous film, although it tries to distract viewers with some gratuitous nudity and gore.

I fear that attempting to describe the plot will result in me losing brain cells that I will never get back, so let me just say that a group of people are still out to stop a group of Nazis from using the puppets for their own nefarious plans. This group of people includes the character of Brooks (a tough military type played by Paul Logan, very similar to the character of Sgt Stone in the last movie) and a number of people with various supernatural abilities.

While he may do well in his role as businessman/carnival barker for Full Moon Features, Charles Band is a director who has long ago forsaken any ounce of talent and integrity for any quicker way to make a buck. Some may argue that he never had talent or integrity. Okay, I'm not entirely sure about the latter, but I'd point to the first couple of Trancers movies as evidence of the former. And I know some people still have a soft spot for Prehysteria! (which he co-directed) so we know that he once made some movies that people could enjoy. It just becomes harder and harder to remember them with each subsequent movie he helms.

The script by Roger Barron doesn't help at all, although I have to wonder just how much is developed from the fervent imagination of a writer wanting to try and use the puppets in a fun and entertaining adventure and how much is developed from the wide-eyed ramblings of Band, who probably thinks he is a one-man-idea factory, and the best person to steer this series back on to a track that he derailed it from in the first place. This is only the second script from Barron, who also wrote Trophy Heads (I cannot deny that I really want to see that), and it's clunky, ridiculous, nonsense that doesn't throw everything together in a good way.

At least the cast all do well. Wait, no, I am just kidding. The cast are almost uniformly atrocious. I may even forgive Greg Sesteros for his appalling accent in the seventh movie, it's nothing compared to the wildly uneven "Russian" accent being delivered by George Appleby, playing the good Doctor Ivan Ivanov (sheesh, even that name just smacks of utter laziness), or the . . . whatever accent that is supposed to be coming out of the mouth of Tonya Kay, one of the main Nazi villains this time around. I have enjoyed Paul Logan in a number of movie roles (nobody can kick a megapiranha in the face like he can), but he's not used properly here, placed far too often as the wisecracking cynic dragged involuntarily into a battle that utilises more magic than the guns he is more comfortable with. Nobody else is worth mentioning, because I'd rather not insult every single person involved with the movie.

Oh well, I am pretty confident that the next movie can't possibly be as bad as this one . . . can it?

2/10

There's a decent set here, for those who want the whole Axis saga.