Pet Sematary (2019)

You probably already know all about Pet Sematary. You may have already seen this movie. Or you saw the trailer, that gave away one big twist that the film used to distance itself from the 1989 original. Or you saw the 1989 original (lots of people view that one with fondness). Or maybe, just maybe, you read the book before any of the movies appeared. I was in a peak Stephen King period at that point in my life, devouring many of his works, and read it as soon as I could. I was old enough to enjoy it and still young enough to somehow miss the obvious fact that it was the ultimate way for King to rework one of his favourite ever tales, "The Monkey's Paw".

Jason Clarke and Amy Seimetz are Louis and Rachel, a married couple with two children, Ellie (Jeté Laurence) and Gage (played by twins Hugo and Lucas Lavoie). They have just moved in to a new home, somewhere that seems potentially idyllic for them. If it wasn't for that road nearby that sometimes has large trucks hurtling down it. There's a friendly neighbour (Jud, played by John Lithgow), at least, and he is the one with some extra information when they discover that somewhere on their land is the titular "pet sematary". Tragedy strikes. The nearby ground has powers. Sometimes dead is better. All of those three things will converge in the second half of the film.

It's a shame that Matt Greenberg helped to write the screenplay for 1408, one of the better Stephen King adaptations in the last fifteen years. A shame because that may lead you to believe that his work here, fleshed out by Jeff Buhler, will be good. It's really not. In fact, it's ridiculously lazy in places. Whether making changes to the source material that don't seem to be for the better or failing to shake off the spectre of the original film, Pet Sematary shambles from one bad decision to the next. It's telling to say that some of the better moments here feel so enjoyable because they could easily have come from any late '80s/early 90s Stephen King movie adaptation.

The casting is the best thing here. And that's working around the fact that the lead actor is Jason Clarke, a man who surely owes his career to being occasionally confused for Joel Edgerton by harried casting agents. I've seen him do decent work onscreen but he's rarely the best choice for any lead role, and doesn't have much charisma that you expect to find in most leading men. Fortunately, Seimetz is much better, and you have Lithgow doing the best he can to put his own spin on the character of Jud (no small feat when you remember how great Fred Gwynne was in the original). The children are also very good, with Laurence given more opportunity to shine than either of the Lavoie twins. And kudos to the cats involved (oh, animal lovers be warned, the death of a cat is the real turning point in the plot).

Directors Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer have done some great work together. Starry Eyes remains a film I will happily recommend to any horror fans after something different. Seeing them churn out something so ill-judged and poor is slightly depressing. It made a profit, although I am not sure if it was a good enough profit to please those who keep count or just enough to ensure people kept their jobs, so I am sure that they will get more work after this. I just hope they go back to doing something of their own creation.

The original novel or the 1989 movie, take your pick. Both of those options are much better than sitting through this. And I couldn't even be bothered to mention the new incarnation of Zelda (played this time by Alyssa Brooke Levine), all too familiar to fans of the original, but also with another pointless change that adds nothing to this empty experience.

3/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.

Bonus Review: Starry Eyes (2014)

Starry Eyes is a smart, disturbing horror movie that cuts away a layer of plastic coating to show the flesh and bone of wannabe stars. That flesh and bone can be, more often than not, dead and broken, but it's still there. It still makes up part of a business constructed on hopes, chance, exploitation, entitlement, and vanity. Not ALL of it is that way, but most of it is.

Alex Essoe is the young woman who keeps trying to battle her way through her dayjob, while simultaneously looking for that big break into the movie business. She ends up auditioning for a breakthrough role with a couple of people who insist on pushing her way beyond her comfort zone. As the process moves further along, things get stranger and stranger. But it IS a great part.

Playing out like a cross between "Son Of Celluloid" (from the incomparable Books Of Blood, written by Clive Barker), Mulholland Dr. and any number of Cronenberg movies, Starry Eyes is a bold movie that won't be for everyone. Thankfully, those who like it should REALLY like it.

Kevin Kolsch and Dennis Widmyer share both the writing and directing duties, which allows them to give each other a pat on the back. There may be moments of surreal madness here and there, especially in the third act, but it's all held together by a sharp script, one that constantly delivers seemingly innocent lines of dialogue all coated in a thing film of venom.

But that script would be nothing without the capable talents of the main performers, who help to clarify the meaning of each sentence, and even each word, uttered. Their body language turns almost every compliment upside down, and makes every innocent question an exploratory probe for anything that can be exploited. Essoe is the centrepiece, of course, and gives the kind of brilliant, brave performance that the film deserves. Pat Healy and Noah Segan both do fine with supporting roles. Both actors probably rank as the most recognisable faces in the cast, and both are given one or two great scenes apiece. Maria Olsen and Marc Senter are suitably off-kilter as the people looking to cast a movie, and Louis Dezseran is slightly creepy and able to make your skin crawl even as he flashes his showbiz grin and attempts to convince Essoe's character that he can help her out if he knows that she's willing to go further than anyone else. Amanda Fuller, Fabianne Therese, Shane Coffey, Natalie Castillo, and Nick Simmons flesh out the cast, all portraying young hopefuls who want to break into the world of movies, but hopefully on their own terms.

Add the moody score by Jonathan Snipes, impressive work on every technical aspect (from cinematography to editing to lighting, etc.), and an ending that manages to leave you thinking about everything without also becoming frustrated, and you have something pretty special. In fact, it's my new favourite horror of the year, and I highly recommend it to all genre fans who are willing to try something a bit different from the norm.

9/10

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