For It Is Man's Number: October 2023

Tuesday 31 October 2023

The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

I don't want to seem too dramatic, but David Gordon Green has become a monster who must be stopped. I had worries about The Exorcist: Believer as soon as I saw the trailer (which basically sold the film as "if you thought it was scary to watch a young girl be possessed and endangered then wait until you see our film with TWO young girls being possessed and endangered). Those worries grew and grew as I watched what is now a new low point in a horror franchise that contains Exorcist II: The Heretic.

Here's as much of a plot summary as I can be bothered to give. Victor Fielding (Leslie Odom Jr.) is a widow, and a father to teenaged Angela (Lidya Jewett). Angela heads off into some woods with a friend, Katherine (Olivia O'Neill), and the two girls end up missing for three days. Once they're back home, Angela and Katherine start acting rather strangely. Victor is unable to explain the change in his daughter, as are Miranda and Tony (Katherine's parents, played by Jennifer Nettles and Norbert Leo Butz, respectively). It's not long until we have Ellen Burstyn being pushed onscreen, bringing her character of Chris MacNeil into a tawdry mess that doesn't deserve the sense of legitimacy that her involvement gives it.

I am not exaggerating when I say that there is almost nothing here that will impress horror fans. In fact, most of the script, in terms of both dialogue (don’t get me started on that line about the patriarchy) and plotting, is laughably bad, and the material isn’t helped by visuals that are ugly and underlit. One moment focuses on a battle between elements that made me feel as if someone had spliced in a cut scene from a Mortal Kombat game. The blame lies with Green, but also co-writer Peter Sattler.

Odom Jr. is the best thing here, and there’s also a solid supporting turn from Ann Dowd, but they are the only people worth mentioning. I don’t blame anyone else for their performances, especially the younger cast members who admirably twist and throw themselves around in the more physical moments, but I wish there had been a cast of characters worth rooting for. There isn’t. This is a brand name in search of a worthy film, and that search may continue for a long time yet.

Considering what he did with another iconic horror property, I am worried that Green has some plan to link things together and ret-con past glories into his new creation. That would not be good. The only way this film is effective is in showing everyone how Green completely misunderstands the original classic.

Almost aggressively dumb and unsubtle throughout, aside from an opening sequence that I admit gave me hope that I might be in for something decent, this is a film made by someone who was told all about The Exorcist, but didn’t actually watch the film. It’s a film that somehow feels both overlong and yet also rushing to get to the lengthy exorcism sequence we all know is coming in the third act. And as for the score, and the “cheeky” music cue interwoven throughout a couple of key scenes . . . sometimes you just have to end a review with something simple and crude to express your opinion, so I say “f**k off”. That goes for so many aspects of the film that the makers thought would be cute and/or clever. And it goes for David Green.

Excuse me, I am setting up a crowdfunding campaign to help me hire a young priest and an old priest to keep Green away from any more classic horror movies.

2/10

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Monday 30 October 2023

Five Nights At Freddy's (2023)

No Mubi Monday this week. I hope this shiny new film being reviewed will make up for it, especially when Mubi has a lot less horror movie content than most of the other big streaming services.

Based on the popular videogame series by Scott Cawthon, something I have very limited knowledge of (having seen it in passing during a time when my youngest daughter was a fan), Five Nights At Freddy's feels like it has been a long time coming. In fact, it took so long to be turned into a movie that we've already had a couple of films covering similar territory (one, Willy's Wonderland, more directly than the other, The Banana Splits Movie).

The main plot here is quite simple, as you might expect from a screenplay adapting a simple videogame. Josh Hutcherson plays Mike, a young man who ends up taking a job as a security guard at the long-abandoned Freddy Fazbear's Pizza restaurant. The place used to be a popular venue for children wanting to eat some food while enjoying the impressive animatronics. And then the horrible event happened, something that viewers find out as the film plays out, and as Mike starts to find himself in increasing danger. It's not just Mike that Mike wants to keep safe though. It's also his much younger sister, Abby (Piper Rubio). But there maybe something in Freddy's that wants Abby to join in with the fun and games.

Directed by Emma Tammi, who also helped to co-write the screenplay with Cawthon and Seth Cuddeback, I am sure of two things about Five Nights At Freddy's. First of all, it should please fans of the game series. Second, it's not very good. I didn't hate it, largely because I like Hutcherson (and I am also a fan of Matthew Lillard and Mary Stuart Masterson, both here in enjoyable supporting roles), but I never once felt properly drawn into the onscreen world. I know enough about the source material to recognise various details transplanted from game to film, and I am sure that there were many extra touches that went completely over my head, and staying faithful enough to the videogames (which, and please correct me if I am wrong, involve people spending a lot of time toggling between security cameras to keep enemies at bay) seems to have been a stumbling block when it comes to making a satisfying movie.

As well as those already mentioned, the other main character here is Vanessa, played by Elizabeth Lail. For as much as I liked everyone else, some more than others, Lail is sadly unable to do much with a character that feels more awkwardly shoehorned in than anyone else. She delivers some exposition, offers potential friendship to Hutcherson's character, and becomes increasingly involved in the second half of the movie in a way that makes her feel more like an interloper than someone worth rooting for. There are also supporting turns from Kat Conner Sterling, Michael P. Sullivan, David Lind, and Christian Stokes, but none of them are as memorable as the animatronics. Which is probably an extra way to keep fans happy.

As for the character and production design, all seems well. I know how recognisable and iconic the main characters are, they're enjoyably creepy and believable, and the film knows that the most important element is getting them exactly right. Tammi, working on something that's quite a change in direction from the other film I have seen helmed by her (The Wind, 2018), doesn't get much else right though, sadly. Things aren't bloody enough to make up for a lack of fun, nor are they fun enough to make up for a lack of blood. And someone forgot to tell people to make sure that the lighting levels are right, resulting in a number of scenes that will leave viewers squinting at murky, and almost impenetrable, visuals.

The other big problem here is the runtime. It's not wildly excessive, but 109 minutes feels a bit too long. Things aren't helped by the backstory for Mike, all to do with a younger brother who went missing years ago, when the film would be greatly improved by keeping things more streamlined and simple.

A lot of people will enjoy Five Nights At Freddy's. There's a huge fanbase already looking forward to welcoming it into their lives with open arms. I thought it was okay. The central idea, buried here under a lot of extraneous material, is a very good one, and the familiar faces in the cast helped to make it easier to sit through as I waited for the underwhelming third act to finish up. You know a horror movie isn't great when you find yourself wishing it had contained a few more jump scares.

4/10

Sunday 29 October 2023

Suitable Flesh (2023)

No Netflix and chill on the blog this week, mainly because I had the opportunity to cram some of the latest horror movies at a local cinema.

Loosely based on "The Thing On The Doorstep", a short story from H.P. Lovecraft I read many years ago now, Suitable Flesh is a horror film written by Dennis Paoli that feels very much like a new film from director Stuart Gordon, despite it actually being directed by Joe Lynch. I don't say that to unfairly compare the film to past glories. I say it as a very deliberate compliment.

The framing of the main narrative involves Heather Graham as Dr. Elizabeth Derby, a therapist who is locked up and being interviewed by a friend and colleague, Dr. Daniella Upton (Barbara Crampton). It turns out that Dr. Derby has been going a bit off the rails, to put it mildly, since her first encounter with a patient named Asa Waite (Judah Lewis). Asa kept making claims about out of body experiences, a problem that he kept linking to his father, Ephraim (Bruce Davison). Although it's easy to believe that Asa has mental health issues, it soon becomes easier for Dr. Derby to believe that there's something to his feeling of being taken over by another entity.

Made with what seems to be fairly limited resources (I would imagine that the budget went mainly on the cast and a couple of very impressive practical effects moments), Suitable Flesh won't necessarily draw people in from the opening moments. It takes a while to really settle in to what it wants to deliver, with that time laying groundwork that helps to acclimatise viewers to the wild ideas at the heart of the script. Paoli has adapated many Lovecraft tales before this one, of course, but he does some of his best work here when it comes to translating a head-scratching concept from page to screen in a way that doesn't lead to complete confusion and unintentional comedy.

Lynch does a very good job of working with everyone in a way that feels in line with the material. The emphasis here is on macabre fun, and the tone is perfect throughout, although it's just a shame that this is a film that has received comments for the amount of sexual content when it still feels rather tame compare to the films it is otherwise successfully emulating. Lynch keeps a lot of humour and transgressiveness onscreen, but there's a sense that he remains slightly restrained, trying to balance things out between the potential craziness and the ability to have the film be a marketable commodity.

Graham has a lot of fun in her lead role, going wonderfully over the top when playing the wilder incarnation of her character, I'd be tempted to even say that it is her best role in years, and Crampton is as good as she always is alongside her. Lewis moves between understandable nerviness and unnerving cool confidence, Davison makes a strong impression with his few scenes, and Johnathon Schaech is the confused husband of Graham's character, and someone who proves to be surprisingly easily seduced by some of the new ways in which his wife wants to fool around. Graham Skipper has a small role, a lot of fun as the kind of pathologist who eats his lunch over a corpse on the slab, and Hunter Womack is a likeable security guard who gets caught up in the escalating madness of a satisfying third act that pulls out all the stops.

Weird, wild, and brilliant, Suitable Flesh is a real treat for horror fans. The pairing of Lynch and Paoli is a rewarding one, I hope this isn't their only collaboration, and if they make any more vehicles for some of my favourite actresses then all the better.

8/10

Saturday 28 October 2023

Shudder Saturday: When Evil Lurks (2023)

For those who saw it, Terrified was probably one of the best horror movies of 2017. More people still need to see it though. Anyone impressed by When Evil Lurks, a film by writer-director Demián Ruga that manages to equal his earlier film, will have something extra to look forward to if they are a complete newcomer to his work. The two films together show someone capable of delivering intense horror experiences in very different ways, one being creepy and atmospheric while the other is visceral and punctuated by moments of shocking violence.

Starting in a small village, this is the tale of a possessed individual ready to give birth to an incarnation of evil. Some people try to improve the situation by moving the body far away from any populated area, but they lose it in transit. That starts a race against the clock, with brothers Pedro (Ezequiel Rodríguez) and Jimi (Demián Salomón) attempting to stop the spread of the evil as they try to protect family members.

Much more of a straightforward flowing narrative than his previous feature, not including his segment in Satanic Hispanic (which I have yet to see), this is a film that prowls across the screen like a dangerous animal. Viewers soon start to learn the rules of engagement, making everything that bit more intense when you realise how much trouble our protagonists are in.

The cast do a good job, spending most of their time trying to conquer a sense of rising panic as they figure out a way to stay out of the grasping clutches of a growing evil presence, but it also helps that they weren't too familiar to me (a comment on my own ignorance of their work, not a comment on however many film roles they may have had before this). There's a feeling that anyone could be removed from the action at any moment, and nobody seems destined for a life lived happily ever after. Rodríguez is a good lead though, and his character is the constant driving force of the film. That's not to say that he makes the right decisions, but everything he does is understandable and with good intentions.

Rugna seems to be having a lot of fun here, having given himself a perfect storyline that can allow him to set up some stunning set-pieces (and at least one moment here had my jaw hitting the floor in disbelief at the grimness and savagery of it). This is for viewers with a strong stomach, as well as those who don't mind films in which children are just as endangered as adults, and it certainly lives up to the hype I've been hearing for the past couple of months.

There are some minor complaints, including some supporting characters not given enough to do, and a third act that is quite a step down from everything preceding it, but I was pretty consistently impressed by this. It feels a bit different from many other horror films out there, it's genuinely disturbing at times, and it solidifies Rugna as a formidable talent within the horror genre.

8/10

Friday 27 October 2023

Annabelle Comes Home (2019)

There are many people who believe that they need to watch a movie at least twice to firmly form their opinion on it. I am not one of those people. I do have times when I am forgetful though, which leads to a gap of a year or two in between viewings, which makes me very late in actually offering up a full review. Bizarrely, my opinion usually remains about the same as it was during my first viewing. Sometimes, although it is very rare, my opinion changes. Having first seen Annabelle Comes Home a few years ago, I forgot to review it and thought no more about it, other than to dismiss it as a slick and silly mainstream horror. Having just rewatched it as part of my spooky season viewing choices, I actually now think it’s a pretty good film. Many hardened horror fans may roll their eyes and protest my opinion, but I stand by it.

The plot is quite simple. It all starts with the Warrens (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga turning up to remind you that this is part of a connected horror movie universe) taking possession, no pun intended, of Annabelle the doll. Locking her up in a glass case in their room of forbidden and dangerous thingummybobs, all seems well. But, gosh darn it, they head out one evening and leave their young daughter (Mckenna Grace) in the care of a couple a teen babysitter (Mary Ellen, played by Madison Iseman, who is then joined by Daniela, played by Katie Sarife). You would expect nothing to go wrong, especially after the Warrens specifically say “do not go into the room of forbidden and dangerous thingummybobs, it will not end well.”

Oops.

The only film to date directed by writer Gary Dauberman (and you have to think this is a reward for his work in helping to grow such a popular horror “franchise”), Annabelle Comes Home throws a lot of spooky stuff again at the wall here, and Dauberman can take comfort in the fact that at least some of it sticks. Although Annabelle herself remains the central baddie, there’s a variety of spirits out to terrorize and trick our young leads (even if some do a lot worse than others, with a certain canine presence being a rather dire addition to the roster).

Dauberman may not have the knack for clarifying the set-ups and geography of the location, those two things have helped James Wan maintain his position as a fan favourite to many modern horror fans, but he puts everything in place, provides a handful of decent characters, and crafts one or two moments that feel impressively creepy.

Grace, Iseman, and Sarife are all likeable in their main roles, even when breaking rules that have been given to them for a very good reason, and Michael Cimino ends up being equally enjoyable in the role of Bob (a young man who has a crush on Mary Ellen, and inevitably turns up at the house when he would really be better off staying as far away from it as possible). Although not onscreen for long, Wilson and Farmiga have a couple of good scenes, and I didn’t mind the way they were used to effectively bookend the main story.

If you want something unique or terrifying then you already know to look elsewhere. This isn’t going to shake you to your core. It’s an enjoyable “ghost train” though, and makes great use of Annabelle by allowing her to be joined by a fresh selection of malevolent entities. Safe and somewhat predictable, admittedly, but also enjoyably atmospheric and spooky enough to make it a decent choice when you’re after some polished mainstream horror fun.

7/10

Thursday 26 October 2023

Psycho IV: The Beginning (1990)

Although I put it off for many years, and didn’t hear anything from people who might want me to prioritise this as a viewing option, I decided to finally watch the last of the films that make up the original Psycho film series. Considering the obvious diminishing returns of each instalment, although that is not to dismiss the greatness of the second film, I hoped that this would still provide me with some fun.

Listening to a radio show, about killers who have committed matricide, hosted by Fran Ambrose (CCH Pounder), Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins once again) decides to call in and share his own informed viewpoint. He doesn’t agree with the views expressed by one of the guests (Dr. Leo Richmond, played by Warren Frost), and decides to give listeners the benefit of his life story. This allows us to then see a young Norman (Henry Thomas) living with his mother (Olivia Hussey).

Written by Joseph Stefano, this is a largely disappointing finale for a very unlikely film series. I am not sure that any of us really wanted to see Norman’s childhood (not until they found a better way to do it anyway, with the Bates Motel TV show) and the third act tries to add suspense and twists that fall completely flat. Having said that, it still partially succeeds as an ending for the character of Norman, giving him a closure that feels deserved, for both himself and fans of the series.

Director Mick Garris doesn’t do anything great, although he’s slightly hampered by a script that feels very comfortably within the TV movie parameters it was given. Things feel as if they are being marked off a checklist, from character details to shot choices, but there’s some fun to be had as viewers watch the important moments that turned Norman into what he is/was.

Perkins is very good once again in the main role, but he’s consigned to a supporting role in his own story, setting the scene for the other main players. Thomas and Hussey do well enough, although both are a bit over the top at times, and the focus is on familiar references and touch points ahead of natural and realistic characterizations. Pounder is perfectly fine as the DJ, Frost doesn’t get to do much (seemingly only there to have a character similarly named to someone else from the very first film), and Donna Mitchell plays someone pivotal to the whole plot, but also disappointingly undeveloped. Maybe giving her a bit more material instead of making time for a John Landis cameo could have helped things slightly, but what do I know?

I can’t say I hated this though. It was a bit of a chore at times, and some moments came close to being laughably bad, but I was ultimately won over by a cast all trying hard with very uneven material. I might never rush to rewatch this, but I am glad I finally got around to it. There’s an inevitable sense of satisfaction after joining Norman for the full journey.

5/10

Wednesday 25 October 2023

Prime Time: Frogs (1972)

Some days you want to head to your local cinema to see the latest horror genre releases, some days you are browsing titles available online and see a thumbnail image for Frogs. I am not saying the latter is a good turn of events, but it’s how I ended up deciding to watch this movie. I knew nothing about it, aside from the title, but I was ready to be bemused and delighted. Well . . . I was certainly bemused.

I don’t even know where to begin with the plot summary for this. You may think you know the central plot idea, frogs gone wild, and it’s certainly part of the experience, but there are actually various creatures turning deadly here (including snakes and spiders). The main characters are a wildlife photographer, played by a discomfortingly bare-faced Sam Elliott, and a large family, headed up by patriarch Ray Milland, who live in the middle of a swamp area that is about to become much more dangerous to humans.

Directed by George McCowan, calling this balderdash is actually overselling it. McCowan doesn’t do much to help the material, the visuals are ugly and there’s not one bit of energy in any of the moments you might call set-pieces, and the script, written by Robert Hutchison and Robert Blees, isn’t even awful enough to laugh at. It’s just dull, with no characters to feel invested in and no real feeling of proper threat.

Elliott tries hard to be a solid central figure, even without the power of his moustache to help boost his screen presence, but he cannot overcome the weak material he has to work with. Milland is equally powerless, although he has one or two fun moments that allow him to grandstand in front of people who are forced to stay in his company. The rest of the cast includes Joan Van Ark, Judy Pace, Mae Mercer, Lynn Borden, Adam Roarke, and David Gilliam, none of whom really stand out. And numerous unidentified frogs, of course.

If you want a silly animal attack movie that is actually fun, but still quite awful, then I recommend Night Of The Lepus (the infamous “giant rabbit” movie). In fact, I recommend almost anything over this one, which is poorly-made and, worst of all, consistently dull. This would have been a very different film if directed by William Grefé, I know that much, and I think I will wash this one out of my brain by revisiting my Grefé boxset.

Awful stuff, and not just because they missed the opportunity to use the tagline “Frogs . . . everybody croaks.”

2/10

Tuesday 24 October 2023

Saw X (2023)

I think everyone knows what this is about by now, but stay far away from reviews if you’re a complete newcomer to the series. Everyone else will already know what they’re going to get.

Although this is called Saw X, it could easily have been called Saw 1.5. John Kramer aka Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) is dealing with a cancer diagnosis that seems terminal. There’s hope on the horizon though, a cure mixing therapy and unapproved drugs that means traveling to Mexico. Kramer heads there, pays his money, and starts to hope that he will be cured. As those who have seen the rest of the movies in this series will already know, there’s actually no cure. Realising the whole thing was a scam, Jigsaw plans to play a game with those who have made money preying on people in his situation.

With a number of inventive traps and a handful of potential victims, mainly people who you could easily view as deserving of their fate, Saw X is a satisfying extra instalment in this long-running franchise. There’s some good gore, an attempt to keep this rooted in the convoluted and dense continuity already established, and a finale that reveals a couple of extra details while the familiar music starts to build and overwhelm your sound system.

Director Kevin Greutert seems to be a good choice for helming these movies, having helped to bring things back on track with the previous instalments he directed, and the script, written by Pete Goldfinger and Josh Stolberg, manages to reframe our iconic horror villain as the hero of the hour without making it too intolerable. Despite the actions of various characters in the series, Jigsaw himself has always tried to set up his games with a strict set of rules (the main one being that anyone who survives is free to live their life with a renewed appreciation.

Bell is as good as ever in the main role, helped by the fact that he was already of a certain age when he first played the character, meaning he still looks the same nowadays and just has to cough and look ill in between his deadly lessons in morality. It’s a bit harder for Shawnee Smith, reprising a key role, to look younger than her years, but I appreciate that the makers of the film don’t try anything too silly to signify her youth (e.g. having her skateboard onscreen and talking in tiresome “coolspeak”). Smith does as well as Bell in terms of playing her character in line with how viewers know her from this time period. As for the potential victims, naming them in any kind of order might give an idea of their importance in the grand scheme, which is why I will just name Synnøve Macody Lund, the head of the whole operation and the one that we all know must be due a very special fate before the end credits roll.

The ridiculousness of everything is once again offset by the creativity and nastiness, a few moments here made me properly wince and wish for it to move away from the impressive gore effects, but it’s a shame that the pacing isn’t as good as it needs to be, although that is affected by the foreknowledge and familiarity that most viewers will have, which means a lot of time spent just waiting for the pieces that need moved into place for the grand conclusion. This feels unavoidable, admittedly, but the whole thing could have been streamlined by removing one or two moments of Jigsaw underlining his rules and methodology. And, I will say it, add another one or two victims to keep the blood and gore outweighing the screentime that doesn’t focus on deadly traps.

A good time for Jigsaw fans, even if it’s completely unnecessary and disposable.

7/10

Monday 23 October 2023

Mubi Monday: Blue Steel (1990)

It is a happy coincidence that I have spent the past few months hankering for a rewatch of Blue Steel and it has now appeared on the MUBI streaming service. I couldn’t remember many details, but I remembered liking it. I hoped it would hold up as a solid thriller.

It does.

Jamie Lee Curtis stars as Megan Turner, a young woman who we see at the start of the movie finally achieving her dream of becoming a cop. She is barely on the streets for a few hours when she foils an armed robber in a store (a small turn from Tom Sizemore). One of the customers lying terrified on the floor is Eugene Hunt (Ron Silver), a man impressed by Megan, and also impressed by the gun dropped by the robber. Taking the gun away for his own personal use, Eugene complicates the situation for Megan, who is subsequently investigated for shooting an “unarmed” man. And things get even more complicated when people turn up dead, shot with bullets that literally have the name of our heroine on them. What could make the situation even worse? Maybe Megan and Eugene becoming romantically involved with one another?

Co-written by director Kathryn Bigelow and Eric Red, Blue Steel is a 1990 thriller that feels as if it belongs in a later part of the decade. It has everything you expect from this type of thing, including a supporting cast of characters containing one or two people you know aren’t going to make it to the end, but one or two elements that help it to stand out from the crowd.

The first USP here is Ron Silver’s villain, equal parts charming and completely psychopathic. Silver is the kind of actor I miss nowadays, we don’t have a modern equivalent, and he is superb here, especially once he drops any facade and reveals his true nature, at a surprisingly early stage in the proceedings.

The second USP here is the brilliant commentary on the fetishization of guns. From the title to the opening credits, from the motivation of the villain to the changing power dynamics that depend on who is or isn’t armed at any one time, Blue Steel isn’t just a typical thriller with gunfights here and there. It’s a film that uses the broken mind of one man to show just how strange and dangerous the typical American “gun-worship” mindset is.

Curtis is fine in the lead role, if a bit unconvincing, but her main reason for being onscreen is to look attractive while holding an attractively alluring weapon (in the eyes of the villain anyway). Elizabeth Peña is the best friend, which immediately puts her in danger, and Clancy Brown is a gruff detective who enlists the help of our lead, which immediately puts HIM in danger. Kevin Dunn is a standard superior officer, reminding our lead of the rules and her duty, and there’s an enjoyable little turn from Richard Jenkins, the sharp lawyer defending his “innocent” client, as well as welcome, albeit brief, performances from Louise Fletcher and Philip Bosco, playing the parents who view the career choice of their daughter in very different ways.

Although it feels a bit flat during the final scenes, and those thinking Bigelow would throw more action scenes into this will be disappointed, Blue Steel works as well as it does because it never loses focus. It’s about a dangerous man falling in love with a woman, but he falls in love with her only because he sees her attached to a gun. And it’s a gun that drives almost every decision in this film, by being present or being absent.

8/10

Sunday 22 October 2023

Netflix And Chill: The Curse Of Robert The Doll (2016)

It has been about eight years since I watched Robert, a spooky doll movie made to cash in on the success of Annabelle. This was the movie for those who weren't satisfied by the shots of Annabelle sitting there and just looking spooky. This was the movie that said "of course the doll moves, and it kills, and there's no need to be ambiguous or atmospheric". Oh, and it was apparently based on a true story. Robert has since had a good four or five sequels (maybe more, maybe some are prequels, either way you can consider it a potential cash cow for someone) so I figured it was time to check out another instalment in the series.

Robert has been placed in a museum. A young woman (Emily, played by Tiffany Ceri) takes a job at that museum, spending her nightshifts cleaning the exhibit areas, and soon starts to get freaked out by the presence of the spooky doll. She has good reason to, because Robert is able to get out of his glass case and kill people. As the bodies start to pile up, Emily and the security guard she has formed a connection with (Kevin, played by Jason Homewood), needs to convince people of the reality of the situation, which coudl also convince them of her own innocence.

Once again written and directed by Andrew Jones, The Curse Of Robert The Doll is probably a tiny bit better than the first movie. Or it's maybe just as bad. I would be lying if I told you that I remember anything from my viewing of the first movie. There are at least two human characters here making a reappearance (Jenny Otto, played by Suzie Francer Garton, and a toymaker, played by Lee Bane), which makes me think that Jones has at least attempted to maintain some continuity here. Of course, that's easier to do when it's only the second movie in a series, but I've seen some sequels that immediately discarded everything we'd seen in the first movie (yes, Full Moon Features, I'm looking at you).

The acting isn't superb, but nor is it awful. One or two people stand out for the wrong reasons, but Ceri and Homewood do well enough in their roles, Steven Dolton is a typically gruff detective, and Nigel Barber enjoys a small amount of screentime as the owner of the museum that has "lucked out" in gaining possession of the deadly doll.

As well as the writing and directing duties, Jones also takes on the editing. His approach is quite crude and clumsy, and unhelped by the lacklustre cinematography from Jonathan McLaughlin or weak score from Bobby Cole, two names that appear again and again throughout the filmography of Jones.

Although it avoids being painfully bad, The Curse Of Robert The Doll is disappointingly lazy from start to finish. Even the doll itself doesn't look as scary or menacing as it could, and it doesn't have any sense of escalation. We know from the start that Robert is a dangerous killer doll, which leaves us just waiting for the main characters to get up to speed. They piece things together far too slowly, and the moments that show Robert in full-on menacing mode are just a bit silly.

3/10

Saturday 21 October 2023

Shudder Saturday: Night Of The Hunted (2023)

Director Franck Khalfoun has given us some great films. He made a strong debut with P2, and also gave us the impressive remake of Maniac. So it's a shame that he has helmed this, a remake of a Spanish horror movie, Night Of The Rat, that I have yet to see (and, sadly, only going by this mess, am now not in any rush to see either).

Camille Rowe plays a young woman named Alice. We know a few details about Alice that are shown or told to us from the earliest scenes. She is supposed to be heading to an appointment at a fertility clinic, but she is also not necessarily as keen on the idea as her partner is, considering she seems to have just slept with a work colleague. Anyway, the film really gets going when Alice ends up at a gast station in the middle of nowhere, becoming the prey of a sniper who starts to speak to her through a walkie-talkie. That's the concept, and it is, in theory, a good one.

While Rowe does a good job in the lead role here, and while there are a couple of decent bits of bloodshed to punctuate the cat and mouse scenario, there's a disappointingly juvenile approach to the characters. For how good Khalfoun is as a director, his writing, with Glen Freyer (reworking that original screenplay by Rubén Ávila Calvo and David R. L.), is absolutely atrocious. Alice has to be full of flaws, a whole assemblage of traits that can continue to feed the rage of the sniper. That's bad enough, but the sniper himself is a complete caricature, the kind of guy who began his journey decades ago with conversations that ended with him saying "ït's political correctness gone mad", voted for Trump, gets enraged at the thought of someone specifying preferred pronouns, and wants to fight back against everything he perceives as "woke". IF viewers had more of an inkling that this was all an act, an attempt to fool our lead into misunderstanding their motivation, then that might be more interesting, and fun, but it doesn't ever seem that way. And neither Khalfoun nor Freyer given our lead enough time or energy to refute so much of the bile being spewed forth through that walkie-talkie.

I'll begrudgingly admit that the technical side of things is perfectly fine, with the lone gas station location and the nearby sniper location always shown well enough to maintain the correlation between the two. The audio and visual work is unspectacular, but always clear enough, and there's at least some extra solace to be gained from the fact that the runtime clocks in at just over 90 minutes. It also helps that Rowe is an appealing screen presence, otherwise this would have been completely unwatchable.

A real mess of a film, and one that suffers from the fact that those making it obviously believe they are delivering some kind of insightful commentary. Unfortunately, they end up embarrasing themselves by (inadvertently, I hope) presenting something that isn't too far removed from the kind propaganda piece that would be endorsed by the likes of too-stupid-to-be-that-smart-too-smart-to-be-that-stupid Ben Shapiro and co.

3/10

Friday 20 October 2023

Grimcutty (2022)

The first full feature written and directed by John Ross, someone who seems to have been learning his craft over a number of years spent directing TV episodes and short films, Grimcutty is a horror movie that shows a manifestation of fear created while kids and teenagers become more and more engrossed in an online trend.

Our lead character is Asha (Sara Wolfkind), a young woman who spends some of her free time making ASMR videos for her YouTube channel. She isn’t reaching a huge audience, but she likes to think she is making progress. Like many other teens, her phone is her everything, whether it is for communicating with friends or making and uploading her videos. But there are times when her parents (played by Shannyn Sossamon and Usman Ally) try to spend time as a family without any distractions from mobile tech devices. This becomes even more of a priority when they hear about Grimcutty, a social media trend that has children pretending they see a strange creature before then attempting to harm themselves. Except . . . They’re not pretending. Not sure they trying to harm themselves. Grimcutty is out to get them, but the parents can’t see it.

This is another film that I forgot to review when I watched it the first time around, and the only reason for that was time and scheduling. Having seen many other people dismiss this, I was pleasantly surprised by something that tried to make the most of a fairly silly premise. It gets straight into the Grimcutty scares, and the creature is an interesting sight, not a million miles away from Death Note’s Ryuk, before the plot takes one or two interesting tangents on the way to a horribly disappointing final act. I wonder if it is the finale that soured many others on it, or if it was just too tame for those looking for some better scares.

Working well enough within certain limitations, Ross convincingly shows some teens in terror and numerous parents succumbing to overwhelming fear and a need to protect their children at all cost. A couple of key scenes help to show how the Grimcutty issue is affecting local citizens, but you it would have been nice to see a much bigger picture (either within the same zip code or possibly even nationwide). Considering some of the central ideas, Ross does a pretty good job of presenting some disturbing/potentially triggering content with a lack of ambiguity around the main characters. Nobody here actively wants to harm themselves, we viewers always know that Grimcutty is making it look that way.

The cast are a mixed bag, but Wolfkind is excellent in the lead role. She is believable and easy to root for at all times, and I even enjoyed the small clips showing her ASMR work (not my thing, but I am sure fans of that content can take that as a small extra plus point). Sossamon and Ally are generally fine as the parents, although the latter has to spend most of the second half of the movie becoming twitchy and harmfully obsessed in a way the viewers know could endanger the lives of those he is wanting to keep safe. It’s a real shame, and I think keeping him more ignorant and helpless could have been a much better decision. Others do what they need to do, whether they are helping or hindering our lead, but the only other person I will namecheck is Callan Farris, playing the younger brother who makes up the endangered central family unit. Farris isn’t overused, and he feels just right for his role, and the fate of his character really helps to make the finale better than it otherwise would have been.

There are a number of different directions that this could have gone, and most of them seem better than what we ultimately got, but I still enjoyed this for what it is. There is at least one great idea at the very heart of it, a really good lead, and a central creation that sits perfectly between fanciful silliness and very real threat. While the flaws become more obvious as I keep thinking on it, I had a perfectly good time with this while I was watching it.

6/10

Thursday 19 October 2023

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama 2 (2022)

I have said it before, and I am sure I will say it again, but it is tough to spend time and effort writing a review of a film that itself doesn’t seem to have been made by anyone who cared about it. What Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama 2 has going for it is some name recognition, and nothing more. I am not even sure it can make the most of that, considering that the first film was also titled The Imp in some territories. But here we are, and here it is, and my sense of resentment is rising.

The plot is about as substantial as an anorexic amoeba, and all you need to know is that a group of people end up in a bowling alley that contains a cheeky creature looking to trick people by fulfilling their wishes in creatively negative ways. There’s some gratuitous nudity, one or two decent special effects in between a whole lot of dire visuals, and nobody onscreen that you will care about.

Written by Kent Roudebush, and the script for this doesn’t have me rushing to see whether or not he has any other credits to his name (I wouldn’t be surprised if this was either his first script or his one hundredth), the big plus here is the directing job for Brinke Stevens (who also cameos onscreen at one point, alongside another fave scream queen of mine, Michelle Bauer). Unfortunately, Stevens doesn’t do a very good job of directing, but her name attached to the project gives it an extra ounce of watchability, as does the small supporting role for Kelli Maroney. I don’t want to spend too much time criticising Stevens, it is hard to think of anyone doing much better with such an obviously limited schedule and low budget, so I will just say that I wish she had waited longer to make her feature directorial debut. Will I still sit through her next movie, Terror Toons 4, at some point though? Of course I will.

There are a couple of things I can be positive about. The short runtime helps make it a bit less painful, this barely manages to get over the hour mark, and when the imp appears (voiced by Derek Jeremiah Reid) he’s more entertaining than the rest of the cast combined. That is all though, and I am being very generous.

I guess anyone familiar with Full Moon Features will have an idea of what they are getting themselves into (and the emphasis has always been on potential profit ahead of everything else, in my view), but this is even worse than you could imagine. I felt sorry for everyone involved, and I hope they get a chance to work again on something that feels like a proper film.

2/10

Wednesday 18 October 2023

Prime Time: Dark Harvest (2023)

Based on what seems to be quite a popular YA book by Norman Partridge, Dark Harvest is a film with some nice moments of Halloween atmosphere to it, but not much else.

There’s a small town with a strange and deadly tradition that involves forcing a number of young men to fast before setting them on the task of stopping a supernatural creature named Sawtooth Jack getting from the cornfield to the town church. Many will die, but one person will be a victorious hero, allowing them to leave town and enjoy a much better life. Richie (Casey Likes) isn’t supposed to take part in the event, only one family member takes a turn and his older brother already won, and has been gone since that time, but he decides to break the rules, assisted by a young woman named Kelly (Emyri Crutchfield). As the night goes on, Richie starts to become more curious about the creation of Sawtooth Jack. There may be more than just a hibernating “demon” coming out into the open tonight.

Directed by David Slade, a director who came out swinging almost two decades ago with a double-whammy of Hard Candy and then the cinematic adaptation of 30 Days Of Night, Dark Harvest has a style and cool visual palette that feels very much in line with the cinematic signature of Slade, but it’s lacking something essential in the script.

The person responsible for getting this from novel to script form is Michael Gilio. Gilio was one part of the writing team responsible for Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Amongst Thieves, but he clearly works better with others than he does on his own. While some individual elements here work, mainly the scenes that put atmosphere ahead of the plot, most of the film is a disappointing mess, with poor explanations and unbelievable motivations built on a central idea that isn’t given enough proper care and attention. The script is a weak foundation, and nothing stays settled for too long before collapsing. The third act is fumbled and wobbly, undercutting a finale that ends up having no impact whatsoever.

It doesn’t help that the casting feels misjudged. Crutchfield is excellent, and it’s usually good to see Jeremy Davies (who plays the father to our lead) onscreen, but nobody else makes a strong impression. So it all rests on the shoulders of Likes, but Likes isn’t captivating enough to keep things watchable. If you can watch this without being bored at least once then please let me know your secret.

I cannot recommend this, and I really wish I could, but it at least has some great seasonal atmosphere running through it, and there are a few individual scenes that I really enjoyed (all of them involving Sawtooth Jack, a well-realised creation you might end up rooting for more than anyone else onscreen). Disappointing, but certainly not unwatchable.

4/10

Tuesday 17 October 2023

Psycho III (1986)

Where Psycho remains a monumental classic, and Psycho II remains an absolutely brilliant sequel, Psycho III is, perhaps inevitably, a bit of simple slasher movie fare. Norman Bates is back, he's still portrayed by Anthony Perkins, and circumstances are once again about to start testing his sanity.

Cleared of any wrongdoing after the events of the previous movie, Norman is trying to live a fairly normal life, running the motel while keeping himself to himself. Unfortunately, some other people won’t let that happen. There’s an opportunistic drifter, Duane (Jeff Fahey), a troubled fallen nun named Maureen (Diana Scarwid), and a reporter, Tracy (Roberta Maxwell), who is curious about whether or not Norman should be viewed as fully rehabilitated and ready to participate in society after his violent past.

As well as returning to his most famous movie role, Perkins also takes on the directing duties for this instalment. He doesn’t do a bad job, helped by his knowledge of the character and the setting, but there’s a feeling throughout that viewers are in the hands of someone not entirely confident in their own abilities.

That might also stem from the script, written by Charles Edward Pogue. Most fun when it leans fully into the sleazier moments and the slasher movie set-pieces, it keeps stumbling when weighed down by the legacy of the movies it is following. The moments most obviously reworking scenes from the first film are the weakest, it’s always a bold move to play around with such iconic imagery, but kudos to both Pogue and Perkins for taking on the assignment.

As for the cast, Perkins is once again wonderful in the main role. Norman has always been a mesmerising mix of vulnerability and danger, and the biggest strength of this film is the way it manages to maintain that mix for most of the runtime. Scarwid and Maxwell both do fine, although the former is much more passive than the latter, but the other highlight is Fahey, portrayed as a con-man who uses his gorgeous good looks to make up for his clumsy attempts at charm. Fahey steals the movie once or twice (one particular moment, featuring his naked form and a pair of lamps, shows both actor and director at their very best), but the script manages to avoid letting him become the focus for too long.

While not as good as the previous two movies in this franchise, Psycho III is worth watching, especially if you like the character of Norman and want to see him in another pickle (to put it mildly). Perkins tries hard to mix more modern sensibilities with the classic suspense that Hitchcock would have supplied, and the macabre humour running throughout is another big plus, but he falls a bit short of delivering something completely satisfying.

6/10

Monday 16 October 2023

Mubi Monday: Eve's Bayou (1997)

Note: I have watched/reviewed all of the standard horror movies available on Mubi just now, which is why there may be a few non-horror blog entries this month. Mubi is great for many reasons, but it is not exactly overflowing with lesser-known horror options. Although some would argue that this has enough interesting elements to count, at least as a supernatural thriller.

I find myself, once again, in the position of finally getting around to a film that many people had been telling me to watch for years. Which wouldn’t necessarily be so bad if the films didn’t live up to the hype, but they so often do. This one certainly does.

A tale of memories, community, love, and lore, Eve’s Bayou shows us family life through the eyes of young Eve (Jurnee Smollett). Living in a busy home with her siblings, her parents, and one or two others (it is hard to keep track, considering how busy the house seems and which version of the film you watch, as the director’s cut has a whole extra character in there), Eve absorbs everything around her, for better or worse. She knows that her parents, played by Samuel L. Jackson and Lynn Whitfield, love one another, but she also knows that her father is a philandering scoundrel. He is also charming, and beloved by many due to his work as a local doctor, but philandering doesn’t lead to a consistently happy home life. Eve learns to compartmentalise her concerns, but that becomes more difficult as her father’s behaviour seems to get worse and worse.

Written and directed by Kasi Lemmons, her feature debut in a directorial role, Eve’s Bayou is undoubtedly a bit of a modern classic, as well as being a beautiful and complex look at memory, manipulation, family, and the power of visualization and belief.

Set in Louisiana in the 1960s, the atmosphere and specificity of the setting are essential to the tale being told, and somehow help to soften the edges of something that could otherwise have been too hard to stomach, but the central themes explored will be sadly familiar to many (particularly women) around the world.

All of the cast do great work, with a consistency that makes me reticent to name some while missing out others (simply to avoid regurgitating the entire cast list). Jackson is the dark heart of the film, a thundercloud that also helps to create rainbows, and he gives what could be considered one of his very best performances. Smollett effortlessly carries the weight of the film on her young shoulders, a delight for every minute of her screentime and the best filter/buffer between the reality of the situation and the way viewers are shown things playing out. Whitfield is very good, although given one of the more thankless roles, Debbi Morgan excels as an auntie who may be gifted or cursed, or may just live a life full of timely coincidences, and Meagan Goode does a great job of portraying Eve’s older sister, Cisely, a young woman who eventually confides in Eve something that will change all their lives.

Lemmons has enjoyed a solid acting career for a number of years, but nothing she has done in front of the camera comes close to rivaling her work here. This is an astoundingly assured directorial feature debut, put together with great care (from the script to the cast, from the pacing to the score), and it is a film I am already looking forward to rewatching. The more I think about it, the more I think this might have just rocketed in to become one of my favourite films of all time.

10/10

Sunday 15 October 2023

Netflix And Chill: Killer Book Club (2022)

I retain a sense of optimism every time I dive into a film I have heard very little, and sometimes even nothing, about. This could be the gem that I can recommend to everyone else. This might be the best surprise of the year. That sense of optimism hasn't diminished, despite the real gems being few and far between. Killer Book Club is a film that had been on my radar for a month or so now, and I'd heard from a couple of people who quite enjoyed it. Sadly, I thought it was terrible.

After a prank goes wrong, leading to the death of a professor, a group of university friends vow to keep their grim secret just between themselves. Unfortunately, before you can say "I know what you did last semester", someone seems intent on avenging the death. It's a killer in the same clown outfit that the group were all wearing when they killed the professor. The killer is also letting people know what they are up to by detailing the kills in a book that is being published online, one chapter at a time. The main target seems to be Ángela (Veki Velilla), and she may have some dark secret in her past that is now endangering everyone around her.

Written by Carlos García Miranda, making his feature writing debut (I think) after years spent on shorts and TV episodes, Killer Book Club is a disappointingly straightforward and tame teen slasher flick at a time when there really needs to be something more to offer audiences who have seen the sub-genre go through a number of transformative phases throuught the past four or five decades. The design of the killer isn't impressive enough, the kills are shot with an emphasis on blood splashing around, but very little that is nasty (the best little gag simply reminded you of something done much better in Hot Fuzz), and the big finale feels far too close to another big slasher movie title, which doesn't help your enjoyment of the film while you're being reminded once again of a far superior film.

Director Carlos Alonso Ojea seems to think that the imagery and derivative storyline is enough to entertain horror movie fans. It's not, but he brings nothing to the table. I would politely suggest that any one of at least a dozen other Spanish directors could have done something better with this. I would also suggest a similar replacement scheme for the cast, who are all unable to do anything to overcome the weak script they have to work with.

Velilla is a disappointingly weak lead, to the point where I kept wondering if she was cast to enable some kind of surprise switcheroo at any point. By default, however, she stands out more than Álvaro Mel, Iván Pellicer, Priscilla Delgado, Hamza Zaidi, María Cerezuela, and anyone else onscreen.

People may think I have been too harsh on this, especially if they view it as a fairly inoffensive time-waster, but this is something that sums up the worst, and most cynical elements, of horror movies that are often served up to fans who will "eat up anything". We're in the middle of a great time for horror right now, and films like this bland and dull piece of crap are a complete waste of your time.

3/10

Saturday 14 October 2023

Shudder Saturday: The Puppetman (2023)

Director Brandon Christensen makes movies that I like, and he's been doing so for a while now. I wouldn't say that he's been improving with every film he makes, but he has certainly maintained a consistency over the past few years that have marked him out as someone I should be keeping more of an eye on.

The Puppetman is a good, if slightly silly, concept. A man is on death row for murder of his wife many years ago. His daughter, Michal (Alyson Gorske), knows that something very odd happened on that day, and she soon starts to learn about a presence that can jump around and force people to act against their own will. It uses people as puppets, if you will. As people around Michal start to die in a variety of grisly "accidents", she starts trying to figure out how to convince people of what is really happening, and how to put an end to it.

With a screenplay also co-written by the director, alongside Ryan Christensen, and story input from Matt Manjourides, The Puppetman confidently moves between impressive moments of tension and slightly ridiculous plot beats that are handled with just the right level of seriousness to make them palatable. Nothing feels too overly earnest, but it's not being mocked either, and everything gets more exciting as Michal starts to find her situation more unbearable and hopeless.

The runtime is 96 minutes, a sweet spot that allows time for the plot to unfold nicely without feeling stretched too thin, and everything is polished enough to show a budget put to great use, while also having a few rough edges to remind you that this certainly isn't a slick and mainstream release. And when you get to the death scenes, oh boy, that's where you can see that they have pulled out all of the stops. There are a few moments here that are brilliantly gnarly. Yes, I would have liked to use words here that didn't make me seem like a blogging version of Bart Simpson, but "brilliantly gnarly" seems to be the most appropriiate phrase.

Gorske isn't a bad lead, and she certainly stands out more than most of the younger supporting players around her (with the exception of Angel Prater, who does very well in the first third of the film), and there are decent turns from Michael Paré (a cop who quickly finds out what is going on), Caryn Richman (a medium who may be able to help, if she can keep people, including herself, alive long enough), and Zachary Le Vey (the imprisoned killer).

Maybe helped by the fact that I had no expectations going in, I do try to avoid expectations with most movies I watch, but hadn't even heard of this before today, The Puppetman is a film I thoroughly enjoyed, and it's one that I recommend to horror fans after something new and a bit different from the usual selection of evergreen zombie movies, monster flicks, found-footage shenanigans, and attempts to replicate the work of James Wan.

7/10

Friday 13 October 2023

Haunted Mansion (2023)

Is there really any point in discussing the plot of Haunted Mansion? I am going to say no. The whole thing is summed up by the title. Most people are aware of it, either from the previous movie version or the theme park ride, or both, and all you need is a good enough reason to trap a group of characters, both living and dead, in the titular location.

Writer Katie Dippold and director Justin Simien may not seem like the first choice for this kind of thing, but they work together brilliantly to deliver something that has the perfect mix of heart, humour, and ghostly delights. A lot of this is thanks to the cast (and this is a movie that even finds a role for Jared Leto without making him seem so obviously Jared Leto), but there should be an equal amount of praise given to everyone behind the camera, from the costumers and special effects teams to the production designers, sound crew, and beyond.

Rosario Dawson and Chase Dillon are the mother and son who end up in the haunted mansion, enlisting the help of others when they realise that they cannot leave. Well, technically, anyone who sets foot in the mansion CAN leave, but they end up taking a ghost home with them, being haunted and spooked until they return themselves to the mansion. That happens to the characters played by LaKeith Stanfield, Owen Wilson, Tiffany Haddish, and Danny DeVito, each one becoming coming along to the hub of paranormal activity with some of their own baggage in tow.

Each to their own, but I am surprised that this seems to have been dismissed, and even disliked, by so many. I cannot help wondering if more people need to actually sit down and watch this, perhaps letting their opinion of the film be tainted by the previous one. I admit that I also found enough in that Eddie Murphy vehicle to enjoy, but I am starting to think less of it now that I have had so much fun with this version. If you have younger viewers who are already wanting some spooky viewing choices then this gets things pretty spot on, with the ghostly goings on nicely tempered by moments of humour that don’t unbalance and upset the atmosphere.

Stanfield is a very good lead, working hard to portray someone equally mystified, scared, and buoyed by the idea of such active spirits. Viewers know from very early on that he has been drowning in grief, and the mansion may give him a way to deal with that. Dawson is in protective mother mode, Wilson does his familiar optimistic schtick, and both DeVito and Haddish add to the fun in a way that keeps things lively without ever stealing the focus away from the main characters. Dillon is the one most likely to steal any focus, giving a performance that is sweet and entertaining, and his nervousness is often the funniest part of the first half of the film. Leto gets to be the villain of the piece, a ghost scarier and meaner than the others, and Jamie Lee Curtis is a good casting choice for the role of Madame Leota (mainly seen as the head in a large crystal ball).

I had a great time with this. The more I think about it, the less I can think to criticise, and this is coming from someone who isn’t exactly a big fan of Leto or Haddish. The emotional manipulation works, the ghosts are a perfect mix of phantasmagorical fun and age-appropriate scariness, and the comedy kept me chuckling away when it was supposed to. All in all, this is great family entertainment for those brave enough to wander through the mansion.

8/10

Thursday 12 October 2023

Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (2023)

Although I didn’t feel optimistic about Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, I figured that it didn’t have to do too much to be an improvement upon the previous instalment in what has become another unnecessary expansion of a Stephen King property. Look, we all know that nobody was crying out for a prequel, but the premise always has potential for macabre fun.

Set decades in the past, of course, the tale focuses on a young Judson Crandall (Jackson White). Of course. He is keen to leave his home town, set to start life anew with his girlfriend (Norma, played by Natalie Alyn Lind), but things conspire against him. There’s a grumpy dog, to put it mildly, and a very grumpy young man who has recently returned from war (Timmy, played by Jack Mulhern).

Directed by first-timer Lindsey Anderson Beer, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Jeff Buhler, a lot of Pet Sematary: Bloodlines is easily enjoyable as a standard riff on the central idea. Unfortunately, as soon as you start to think about everything fully, about how the situation would affect the central character of Jud, the whole thing falls apart. The main idea of Pet Sematary can be reworked, but it feels wrong when viewers are shown a character that we know ended up voluntarily putting himself in the same dire situation more than once in his adult life. Fool Jud once, shame on you. Fool Jud twice, shame on Jud. The other big problem that the film has is the fact that a fair chunk of the final sequence is filmed while someone forgot to get the lighting right. I peered at one dark and murky scene after another while I tried to maintain consideration for characters who might be in peril. Or they might have gone off to do their weekly grocery shopping. I don’t know. Because I couldn’t see a damn thing.

There’s nothing else that stands out, for better or worse. The rest of the visuals, the effects, and the score are all perfunctory. Nothing feels cheap or rushed, nor does it feel like a nervous debut (I hope Beer is given a better opportunity with her next project), and it is helped by a cast that would all shine if the film around them was better.

White and Lind are both easy to root for, although we already know certain facts about their fate already, and there are also good turns from Forrest Goodluck and Isabella LaBlanc, two other “youngsters” who end up in serious danger, while Mulhern has to look mean and moody as everyone around him starts to realise how much he has changed. There are welcome supporting turns from Pam Grier, David Duchovny, Henry Thomas, and Samantha Mathis, each one doing their best to distract you from the flaws inherent in the screenplay.

Those flaws are unavoidable though, ensuring that this could never be viewed as a great film. If it wasn’t connected to other films then it might have fared a bit better, but it is, and it subsequently suffers from the connection that undermines it. It’s still better than the last film to have Pet Sematary in the title though, which allows it to be both disappointing and also a very minor success.

4/10

Wednesday 11 October 2023

Prime Time: Totally Killer (2023)

While I completely understand the shorthand that people have used to describe Totally Killer - most people refer to it as Back To The Future crossed with Scream - I have to start this review by saying that it's also being slightly oversold by people who are keen to recommend it to other horror fans. This is a fun film, and should be enjoyed by anyone who enjoyed the likes of Happy Death Day and Freaky, but it's not quite as sharp or clever as it could be.

Kiernan Shipka plays Jamie, a young woman who is fed up of her over-anxious mother (Pam, played by Julie Bowen) and uncool father (Blake, played by Lochlyn Munro). Pam has good reason to be anxious though, especially around Halloween. She is the lone survivor of a killing spree 35 years ago that left her friends dead. And the killer may still be looking to get "the one that got away". One thing leads to another, and Jamie ends up making use of a time machine to head back to 1987, where she hopes to help the teenage version of her mother (Olivia Holt). It turns out that her mother was quite a Mean Girl type in her schooldays, which makes it tougher for Jamie to befriend her and save some lives. She also needs the help of Lauren Creston (Troy Leigh-Anne Johnson) to fix what is now a broken time machine. How will Lauren known what to do? The machine was based on her own ideas, made by her future daughter (Amelia, played by Kelcey Mawema).

Directed by Nahnatchka Khan, her second film after the excellent Always Be My Maybe, the emphasis here is on entertainment. Everything is bright and lively, and any excuse to highlight the '80s aesthetics and attitudes is pounced upon. Although the script was written by three people - David Matalon, Sasha Perl-Raver, and Jen D'Angelo - it feels like everyone worked together well and knew what to do with the tone of the whole thing. It still surprises me, however, that there wasn't a bit more to this, either in terms of the joke count or the potential time-travel repercussions. While perfectly enjoyable in the moment, Totally Killer is almost instantly forgettable. And I am not sure the final scenes actually work, but I would probably need a large whiteboard and a week with Christopher Nolan to try properly piecing it all together.

Shipka is decent enough in the lead role, although she feels quite interchangeable with a number of other potential actresses, and the film spends most of the runtime with her and the excellent Holt. Johnson does well, and should be thankful that she gets to do enough to make an impact, which is more than can be said about so many of the other supporting players. While nobody is bad, it’s hard to always match them up with their apparently predestined role in the unfolding chain of events.

I should say that one of my gripes with the film is somewhat addressed by the script, with the main character able to convince people of her time-travelling mission simply and quickly enough to get back to the slasher plot strand. This is not a complex sci-fi movie. It is a film aiming to make the most of a great concept, and it does a decent job of that.

There could have already been more though. More tunes from the ‘80s, more wonderful fashion choices, more bloodshed and kills, and more jokes layered throughout each scene (few things made me laugh more than our lead’s first encounter with an ‘80s mother, inconsiderately hotboxing her kids with cigarette smoke as she drives around town).

Most people should enjoy this. It’s a good time. It’s just not the total success it could have been.

7/10