Lake Placid vs Anaconda (2015)

The first feature directed by A. B. Stone and the last film written by Berkeley Anderson, to date, Lake Placid Vs Anaconda is a film as stupid and lazy as the title would suggest. 

Robert Englund returns to the role of Jim Bickerman, minus a couple of body parts after his close encounters in the last movie. This time he is helping to bag a croc for people that want to use them in a major experiment that also involves some very big anaconda (hence the title). It isn’t long until things go wrong, which then leads to people being threatened by the crocodiles, the big snakes, and sometimes both together. Rolling her eyes as the body parts start to pile up, Yancy Butler is also back, her character, Reba, now the local Sheriff. She ends up working alongside Tull (played by Corin Nemec) as they try to get to the animals before a group of teens get munched.

There are other things I could mention here, the ruthless scientist and her lackey being one of them, but all you really need to know is that this is another instalment in a movie series that should have really stopped after the first film. Varying levels of acting talent and poor CGI are the order of the day, although it has to be said that Anderson actually creates some decent humour when focusing on one or two “mean girls” who end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Englund is fun in his role, once again keeping an eye on whatever will get him a great payday, and Butler is just the same as she has been in all of her Lake Placid appearances so far. It’s not a nuanced performance, but I guess it works, especially if you like Butler. Nemec is appropriately bland and willing to play second fiddle, Oliver Walker is moderately amusing as an inexperienced Deputy, and Skye Lourie is okay as Bethany, the young woman who is supposed to be worth rooting for ahead of many other characters. 

Stone does what is required of them, helped at times by the script while hindered by the obviously tiny FX budget, but it is bizarre to see just how much of a wasted opportunity this is. Neither the crocs nor the snakes feel like the star of a movie that is clearly intended that way, and the pacing, music cues, and lack of gore mean that viewers never forget this is very much a TV movie.

Nobody would willingly choose to seek this out or watch it, it’s a film you catch accidentally while flicking between channels, and nobody would own it in digital form. Except me. I own it, and I just willingly watched it. And I believe I have one more dip left to watch in this series. So I will be getting to that soon enough.

3/10

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Drop Zone (1994)

Let's be clear from the very beginning. Both you and I know that Drop Zone, a mid-90s action movie that throws Wesley Snipes in a plot involving some skydiving criminals, isn't a traditionally great movie. Even if you've not seen it before, you have an idea of the kind of entertainment it is aiming to deliver. The important thing is whether or not it actually delivers.

If you don't want to read my full thoughts, the general answer is yes.

Things start with a major incident on a plane, one that sees Pete Nessip (Snipes) lose his partner/brother, Terry (Malcolm-Jamal Warner). This means the whole thing is personal, of course, which also means that Snipes has his badge taken off him, because he's clearly a cop on the edge. His main lead is the fact that these criminals managed to pull of their crime in such an audacious manner, signifying that they must be skilled skydivers. Pete makes contact with Jessie Crossman (Yancy Butler), a skydiver who may know some of the people involved, and he ends up joining a talented crew on a number of high-altitude exercises.

Directed by John Badham, a man with a very entertaining, but also very inconsistent, filmography, Drop Zone is a typical slice of action nonsense from this time. There's some very good stunt work throughout, but the only problem is the recurring inability to perfectly blend in the main actors during the few moments in which audiences have to see them close-up while they "skydive". Everything filmed at more of a distance is much better though. Writers Peter Barsocchini and John Bishop don't care much for anything that isn't a cliché, which makes the script as eye-rolling as it is amusing. Subtlety and smarts are kept to a minimum, but it's easy to forgive when the cast and action beats help to carry it all along.

Snipes is, and always was, a solid action hero. This isn't his best action movie role, that will always be his turn in Demolition Man, but he always seems capable of handling himself, even when he has to get to grips with skydiving. Gary Busey is the head villain, and he's a fantastic presence, relishing the opportunity to play another character who shows no mercy as he executes his criminal plan, and you also get a fun supporting turn from Michael Jeter. Butler is a bit of a weak link, I've just never found her an appealing presence (from the little I have seen of her work, which would be this movie and Hard Target), but it's another role hitting a number of expected beats. Kyle Secor is a highlight, playing a skydiver named Swoop, and everyone else does decidedly okay.

It doesn't really do enough to stand out from the crowd, but Drop Zone is the kind of film that you want to watch BECAUSE it's so similar to many other films from this time. It's unremarkable, yet that's part of the appeal when you're in the right mood.

6/10

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Mansquito AKA Mosquito Man - A New Breed Of Predator (2005)

It's a familiar premise to sci-fi horror fans. A dangerous killer is given a chance to reduce his prison/death sentence by taking part in a science experiment. Going along with things, the killer seizes an opportunity to escape, getting hold of a gun and causing havoc in a laboratory before crashing into an environment that contains a number of insects that were also a part of the scientific process. Some DNA alteration occurs, and the killer becomes a giant killer insect (a large mosquito, in this instance, hence the name). There's a determined cop after him (Lt. Thomas Randall, played by Corin Nemec) and a doctor who also seems to have suffered from the incident (Dr. Jennifer Allen, also the partner of the cop, and played by Musetta Vander). And there are a number of bodies that are starting to show up with a large amount of blood lost.

A creature feature made for TV, Mansquito (the better, original, title) is a really good example of this type of thing. It is, in fact, one of the best of these movies that I can think of, despite still suffering from that feeling of things being slightly padded-out in the second half. But the good stuff more than makes up for the weaker moments.

The screenplay is by Michael Hurst, working to a formula that has been successful on many different occasions (and also bringing some Cronenbergian body horror to the mix . . . I am pretty sure you HAVE to put those words together - Cronenbergian and body horror - it's some kind of rule), and the direction is from Tibor Takács, a man with a filmography made up of some interesting late '80s movies (and one late '70s debut), a bunch of creature features, and a growing amount of Christmas TV movies. He is, from my limited knowledge of his work, a fairly safe pair of hands, and he certainly shows here that he can make the most of some relatively limited resources.

Nemec isn't too bad in the "hero" role, personally invested in the whole situation because, of course, he helped catch the killer originally, and he also wants to keep his girlfriend safe. As the scientist who finds herself affected by the violent escapade, Vander is very good. She has a striking beauty that makes her stand out in every role, and she plays things well as her character starts to realise the full extent of the situation. Matt Jordon (billed as Mathew Jordan) isn't onscreen for long in his natural guise, but does just fine with what he's given, and you get Patrick Dreikauss and Jay Benedict as Detective Charlie Morrison and Dr. Aaron Michaels, respectively. The former is partnered up with Nemec's character, the latter is the boss of Vander's character, and doesn't take things too well when his potential experiment is ruined. Christa Campbell also gets her name quite high on the cast list, but she only has about a minute of screentime.

The real star, however, is the practical effects on display. Mansquito is a genuinely impressive creation. If you watch the beginning of the film and think the transformation is going to be a slow and steady one then think again. It only takes about 15 minutes or so for the full creature to appear, and it's glorious. A fascinating, ugly, horrifying, deadly creature out for blood. And if they ever want someone to consult on a belated, Scotland-set, sequel entitled "Midge Man" then I am all over it.

The title alone may be enough to put many off, and outlandish creature features are not for everyone, but if you enjoy solid sci-fi horror movies then you'll find plenty to like here. Especially in that better-paced first half. I would happily rewatch this. 

7/10

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Dragon Wasps (2012)

I have started noticing lately that there are a few golden rules to adhere to if you ever find yourself in a potential b-movie situation and want to avoid trouble. Dragon Wasps illustrates a few of them, which I will mark and then expand upon in footnotes.

An entomologist* named Gina (played by Dominika Juillet) is a young woman working in an area of rain forests*. She is, however, just there to find her father* as opposed to the real reason that she gave. When her friend, Rhonda (played by Nikolette Noel), finds out about this she has a bit of a moan and a sigh but then agrees to help find the missing man. It's not long until the two women find themselves in military territory but, thankfully, they manage to persuade a team* led by John Hammond (Corin Nemec) to help them on their quest. There are some local baddies in the area not afraid to shoot at the military but dodging bullets becomes a secondary concern when the sky suddenly fills up with . . . . . . . . . dragon wasps.*

It's hard to imagine how much further these movies can go. I'm still afraid of wasps (I'm a wuss in real life, I admit it) but the brains behind movies such as this one obviously don't think normal wasps are scary enough. So they make them big. And THEN they also make them able to shoot flames. I'm wondering just how long it is until we see the movie Gorgon Bees appearing on the Syfy Channel.

The strangest thing about Dragon Wasps, however, is that it's not actually that bad. Oh, it's bad. I've not lost my mind after watching too many of these creature features. The acting from Nikolette Noel is pretty godawful and I can't really find anything too complimentary to say about Dominika Juillet or Corin Nemec either. In fact, the supporting cast members did a better job. Benjamin Easterday was fine, Cosondra Sjostrom was the prettiest soldier I have seen in some time (it's a shame that she didn't get more to do) and Gildon Roland was an intimidating villain.

Direction from Joe Knee was fine, I suppose, and the script by Mark Atkins and Rafael Jordan was mildly amusing in places. The pacing may not have been perfect but the special effects a) weren't as eye-searingly bad as is often the way of these films and b) weren't overused. Those big, bad dragon wasps get enough screentime but the movie isn't full of cutaway shots to them and a lot of the plot deals with the soldiers having to deal with the local guerrillas.

There are also some fun moments to do with the effects of cocaine, some fun incubation/hatching scenes and a nice line in over the top bravado from Nemec's lead character. The movie is bad but it has the good sense to be bad with some fun in the mix.

4/10

Footnotes.

*Entomologist - choose your career carefully. Never become an entomologist. Try becoming an etymologist instead. Nobody ever got themselves murder death killed by a mutated strain of words (well, if you don't think too much about Pontypool)

*Rain forests - there are some places on our planet that are safe and secure and rarely see problems caused my crazy local wildlife. Rain forests are NOT those places.

*Lost family member - give it up. They're either gone or in a very bad way or helped to cause the damn problem in the first place. Drop them like a hot potato and adopt other people who can fill that role. Preferably choose someone not working in the field of genetics.

*Enlisting army help - if you're doing something that you can ask the military to help you with then maybe you shouldn't be doing it.

*Last but not least - if you spot any bad CGI then run in the opposite direction. Those computer effects are probably out to kill you.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dragon-Wasps-DVD-Corin-Nemec/dp/B008H43XVE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1350378109&sr=8-1

Sand Sharks (2011)

Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the beach, along comes Sand Sharks to remind you that no environment is safe from the dangers of horrible CGI. It's a familiar story to fans of much better movies, including Jaws and Piranha, as a small seaside town is about to become the setting for a big, moneyspinning, party until one or two people go and spoil everything by getting themselves munched. By sand sharks, no less. These creatures, in case you didn't realise, are just like sharks except they can move through the sand as if it was water.

Corin Nemec plays Jimmy Green, the man hoping to keep the party going even when the lives of others may still be in peril, while Eric Scott Woods is Sheriff John Stone and Brooke Hogan (who seems to have an affinity with strange sharks - she was also in the dire 2-Headed Shark Attack) is a pretty scientist type who may be able to help save the day. Vanessa Lee Evigan is also trying to help keep things safe while the wonderfully-named Edgar Allan Poe IV plays the mayor and Robert Pike Daniel gets to embarrass himself enormously with a terrible riff on Robert Shaw's classic Quint character.

Director Mark Atkins and writer Cameron Larson get a few things right in this cheap 'n' cheerful flick but there are too many things working against them to help raise the movie above the level of the godawful. It's fun in places and lacks any sense of shame whatsoever as it references the best shark film of them all and also includes one or two nods, for some reason, to Apocalypse Now. The cast do okay with the laughable lines that they're given - as well as those already mentioned there are a few scenes for the lovely Gina Holden and amusing performances from Hilary Cruz and Delpaneaux Wills.

And that's it. Nothing else can be praised. The special effects are only special if you've not seen any other movie in the last 30 years, the comedy misfires a lot more often than it works, the few scenes that require literally tens of extras hardly feature anyone remotely convincing and the central idea is mishandled - it's just not treated with enough seriousness or humour to make it work as either a decent creature feature or a fun, tongue-in-cheek, b-movie romp.

I almost feel bad for giving this movie such a low rating, almost. It was fun and it certainly tried often enough to rise above the low budget and cheesiness with a bit of wit but even though I was never bored while watching the film I had to concede that I was laughing AT it more than I was laughing WITH it.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sand-Sharks-DVD-Gina-Holden/dp/B0062MCH60/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342212789&sr=8-1