Lake Placid vs Anaconda (2015)

The first feature directed by A. B. Stone and the last film written by Berkeley Anderson, to date, Lake Placid Vs Anaconda is a film as stupid and lazy as the title would suggest. 

Robert Englund returns to the role of Jim Bickerman, minus a couple of body parts after his close encounters in the last movie. This time he is helping to bag a croc for people that want to use them in a major experiment that also involves some very big anaconda (hence the title). It isn’t long until things go wrong, which then leads to people being threatened by the crocodiles, the big snakes, and sometimes both together. Rolling her eyes as the body parts start to pile up, Yancy Butler is also back, her character, Reba, now the local Sheriff. She ends up working alongside Tull (played by Corin Nemec) as they try to get to the animals before a group of teens get munched.

There are other things I could mention here, the ruthless scientist and her lackey being one of them, but all you really need to know is that this is another instalment in a movie series that should have really stopped after the first film. Varying levels of acting talent and poor CGI are the order of the day, although it has to be said that Anderson actually creates some decent humour when focusing on one or two “mean girls” who end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Englund is fun in his role, once again keeping an eye on whatever will get him a great payday, and Butler is just the same as she has been in all of her Lake Placid appearances so far. It’s not a nuanced performance, but I guess it works, especially if you like Butler. Nemec is appropriately bland and willing to play second fiddle, Oliver Walker is moderately amusing as an inexperienced Deputy, and Skye Lourie is okay as Bethany, the young woman who is supposed to be worth rooting for ahead of many other characters. 

Stone does what is required of them, helped at times by the script while hindered by the obviously tiny FX budget, but it is bizarre to see just how much of a wasted opportunity this is. Neither the crocs nor the snakes feel like the star of a movie that is clearly intended that way, and the pacing, music cues, and lack of gore mean that viewers never forget this is very much a TV movie.

Nobody would willingly choose to seek this out or watch it, it’s a film you catch accidentally while flicking between channels, and nobody would own it in digital form. Except me. I own it, and I just willingly watched it. And I believe I have one more dip left to watch in this series. So I will be getting to that soon enough.

3/10

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Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (2012)

Spoiler warning, this isn't the last film in the Lake Placid movie series. I am sure that most people wouldn't have been fooled by "The Final Chapter" sub-heading, especially horror fans who saw the same words used so memorably in the Friday The 13th movie series (for a film that currently has about 7 or 8 films after it already). I knew this wouldn't be any kind of proper finale, but I also knew that I would probably wish it WAS a proper finale. This is a series that really hasn't been served well by the people wanting to wring more and more money from sequels that provide nothing but diminishing returns.

The plot isn't even worth the time and space it would take to describe it. Suffice to say, a group of young folk end up beside the wrong lake, which means they could quite quickly become snacks for some hungry crocodiles. Looking out for the kids are Sheriff Giove (Elisabeth Röhm), Reba (Yancy Butler, reprising a character we all thought had died in the previous movie), and Loflin (Paul Nicholls). And Robert Englund plays a hunter/poacher called Jim Bickerman.

Writer David Reed is also returning from the previous movie, where he didn't do too bad a job, although I wish he hadn't. This is a step down, in terms of both the writing and the direction, the latter now in the hands of Don Michael Paul. Neither man does more than a perfunctory job behind the camera, obviously hoping that the wonky CGI and poor pacing will be made easier to accept by the main cast.

It isn't.

Oddly enough, there's at least some potential with the main adults. Röhm has a good presence, and her chemistry with Nicholls works quite well as their characters are pushed closer and closer together by the clumsy script. Butler is happy to once again ham things up a bit, although she has less scenery left to chew on whenever Englund has been onscreen ahead of her. Someone clearly forgot to tell Englund that he didn't have to play his character like a bastard cousin of Ahab. I'm happy about that though, because he certainly adds some fun. Poppy Lee Friar, Benedict Smith, Caroline Ford, Scarlett Hefner, and the rest of the younger cast members are sadly left hanging out to dry, not given any character depth nor any truly memorable moments, which means every scene they are involved in becomes a waiting game until we see some of the older characters back in action.

I know not to expect great things from these movies, I'm not a complete idiot (ahem, no need to look so surprised), but it shouldn't be so hard to make something moderately amusing and entertaining. They almost managed it with the previous film. They don't manage it this time though, and this isn't really worth your time. Unless your a masochistic completist. Like me.

3/10

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Lake Placid 3 (2010)

The third film in the series that seemed planned to squander all of the goodwill gained from the first film, Lake Placid 3 isn't terrible, but it's still a very far step down from that first film.

Colin Ferguson and Kirsty Mitchell play Nathan and Susan, a couple who end up taking over the lakeside property left by Sadie Bickerman (there's no substitute this time around, no Betty White or Cloris Leachman amusing viewers as a profane elder). Unbeknownst to Nathan and Susan, their son, Connor (Jordan Grehs) soon starts to amuse himself by feeding baby crocodiles. But baby crocodiles soon grow into big crocodiles. Nathan soon has his hands full, much to his disbelief, helped by Sheriff Tony Willinger (Michael Ironside) and a local hunter named Reba (Yancy Butler). There's also a selection of teens spending time at the lake, bumping up the potential bodycount.

Writer David Reed, who also delivered the next movie in this series, at least does a better job than his immediate predecessors with mixing the humour and the thrills, and director Griff Furst is used to the format for this kind of thing (just browse his filmography to see a variety of great titles that tell you exactly what you can expect from him, including the likes of Arachnoquake and Ghost Shark). He's hampered by the low standard in special effects that most SyFy Channel seem to have, but that doesn't stop him from working well with a script that aims for fun over any attempts at plausibility. 

Ferguson and Mitchell are about as bland as you can get, but that's all well and good when you have Ironside being very likeable in his supporting role, as well as Butler being amusingly over the top as someone who enjoys hunting any kind of prey, from the local wildlife to local young men. Grehs just has to be a kid with a secret habit of feeding crocs, which he does well enough, and Kacey Clarke, Mark Evans, Nils Hognestad, Brian Landon, and Angelica Penn play the main teens/appetisers.

Slight spoiler warning here, I guess . . . for anyone who enjoys the turn from Butler in this movie, you may be pleased to see that she is able to return for the next two films in the series, both of which also feature Robert Englund, despite her last scene in this film seeming to have quite an unambiguous fate. Mind you, expecting rigid continuity in a movie series about large killer crocs is probably like expecting to find a side of chips available for a quid in a Michelin-starred restaurant.

If you endured Lake Placid 2 then you might want to at least check this out. It's not one I would recommend to anyone else though. Only the hardiest of creature feature viewers need bother with it (and, indeed, with any other sequel entry in this snap-happy series), and anyone who wants to enjoy an all-too-brief sequence that features crocodiles on the hunt in a grocery store.

4/10

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Prime Time: Initiation (2020)

There’s an idea here that could have been developed into a good movie, but let me quickly state that this is not a good movie. Social commentary that falls flat, slasher movie moments that fall equally flat, Initiation is just a huge missed opportunity that seems too focused on depicting social media and shared text messages onscreen.

The ball really starts rolling when a young woman, Kylie (Isabella Gomez), ends up in a room full of young men, including Wes Scott (Froy Gutierrez). Taken home by a friend, Ellery (Lindsay LaVanchy), who also happens to be the sister of Wes, Kylie starts to worry the next day about just what may have happened.  It may be tied to a horrific “game” that the males play once a year, marking their victims out online with an exclamation mark, and Ellery has to accept the fact that her brother is complicit in a sexual assault, unsurprising as he was accused of the same thing just one year before. Then the killing begins.

Directed by John Berardo , who co-wrote the screenplay with Brian Frager and LaVanchy, Initation seems so focused on getting exploring the damage that can be done through social media that it forgets to deliver anything worthwhile, including a proper look at the damage that can be done through social media. It’s as if everyone was so happy to fill the screen with photos and messages characters send/receive on their phones and computers that they forgot all about what they were actually targeting with their material.

Aside from the character played by Gomez, nobody makes a strong impression. Nobody, whether they are supposed to be good or bad. I liked seeing Yancy Butler and Lochlyn Munro, but just because of the recognition factor, nothing to do with the characters they play. One of the other main actors shared a surname with the director, which I suspect explains his inclusion, and I think that sums up the approach to making this. It feels like a group of people who were lucky enough to get a budget allowing them to turn their pet project into a feature.

It may not be entirely bloodless, but Initiation will certainly disappoint anyone seeking it out as a standard slasher. The runtime clocks in at just under 100 minutes, and the first half really drags. Absolutely nothing stands out, except the staggering ability the film has to have nothing standing out.

Lacking any courage, in terms of both the commentary on culture and the “boys will be boys” mantra that has people overlooking so many serious assaults and in terms of standard slasher movie fare, Initiation is so weak that it has me hoping those involved work with much stronger individuals, or people with much clearer vision, on any future projects. This is an initiation to avoid.

3/10

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Drop Zone (1994)

Let's be clear from the very beginning. Both you and I know that Drop Zone, a mid-90s action movie that throws Wesley Snipes in a plot involving some skydiving criminals, isn't a traditionally great movie. Even if you've not seen it before, you have an idea of the kind of entertainment it is aiming to deliver. The important thing is whether or not it actually delivers.

If you don't want to read my full thoughts, the general answer is yes.

Things start with a major incident on a plane, one that sees Pete Nessip (Snipes) lose his partner/brother, Terry (Malcolm-Jamal Warner). This means the whole thing is personal, of course, which also means that Snipes has his badge taken off him, because he's clearly a cop on the edge. His main lead is the fact that these criminals managed to pull of their crime in such an audacious manner, signifying that they must be skilled skydivers. Pete makes contact with Jessie Crossman (Yancy Butler), a skydiver who may know some of the people involved, and he ends up joining a talented crew on a number of high-altitude exercises.

Directed by John Badham, a man with a very entertaining, but also very inconsistent, filmography, Drop Zone is a typical slice of action nonsense from this time. There's some very good stunt work throughout, but the only problem is the recurring inability to perfectly blend in the main actors during the few moments in which audiences have to see them close-up while they "skydive". Everything filmed at more of a distance is much better though. Writers Peter Barsocchini and John Bishop don't care much for anything that isn't a cliché, which makes the script as eye-rolling as it is amusing. Subtlety and smarts are kept to a minimum, but it's easy to forgive when the cast and action beats help to carry it all along.

Snipes is, and always was, a solid action hero. This isn't his best action movie role, that will always be his turn in Demolition Man, but he always seems capable of handling himself, even when he has to get to grips with skydiving. Gary Busey is the head villain, and he's a fantastic presence, relishing the opportunity to play another character who shows no mercy as he executes his criminal plan, and you also get a fun supporting turn from Michael Jeter. Butler is a bit of a weak link, I've just never found her an appealing presence (from the little I have seen of her work, which would be this movie and Hard Target), but it's another role hitting a number of expected beats. Kyle Secor is a highlight, playing a skydiver named Swoop, and everyone else does decidedly okay.

It doesn't really do enough to stand out from the crowd, but Drop Zone is the kind of film that you want to watch BECAUSE it's so similar to many other films from this time. It's unremarkable, yet that's part of the appeal when you're in the right mood.

6/10

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June-Claude Van Damme: Hard Target (1993)

Jean-Claude Van Damme starring in a film that is yet another version of The Most Dangerous Game, what could possibly make this any better? Perhaps the fact that it was also John Woo making his first feature in America, after amassing such a loyal fanbase of his Hong Kong films. Would we get some impressive slo-mo moments, two guns being fired while characters dive across the screen, and doves flying into the air? Of course we would, which makes Hard Target a film that provides just as much fun today as it did when first released a quarter of a century ago (yes, it's been 25 years).

Van Damme plays the wonderfully-monikered Chance Boudreaux, a drifter in New Orleans who cannot get himself back into a job he has been selected for until he earns enough money to pay his union dues. But he can't pay those dues until he gets a job, of course, so finds himself in a vicious circle. For about half a minute. The chance to earn some money comes about when a young woman (Natasha, played by Yancy Butler) wants to hire someone as she searches for her missing father, an ex-veteran who fell on hard times. The pair start to do their amateur detective work, eventually piecing together evidence to realise what viewers have known from the very beginning; Natasha's father was paid by people who then chased him down and killed him before he could reach a designated safe point.

Like many other people, I really liked Hard Target when I first saw it. But I believe that I liked it then purely for the Van Damme factor. I wasn't familiar enough with John Woo to know of his style, I hadn't seen too many previous incarnations of this material (apart from The Running Man, which managed to feel a bit removed from the original idea because of the additional comments on the media and manipulation of the masses), and nobody else in the cast made much of an impression, simply because I was waiting for the next scene that would put Van Damme front and centre again.

Rewatching the movie with more knowledge tucked away into my brainparts has led me to find even more reasons to keep it marked as a fun action thriller, and one I am always happy to revisit. Van Damme may have the top billing but he's not the star here. The star here is Woo, clearly having a lot of fun with the cast and resources at his disposal. His style is stamped all over this, almost from the very first scene, as a statement of intent. "I have come to your shores," it says, "and this is why you wanted me here in the first place, so take it or leave it."

The script, by Chuck Pfarrer, is focused more on fun than any sense of realism, allowing for some decent exchanges between all of the main characters, and also some absolutely wonderful lines uttered by Lance Henriksen (the main villain).

Speaking of Henriksen, he almost steals this entire movie, which is easier for him to do as Woo balances things between allowing his leading man to have some leading man moments and allowing himself plenty of Woo-isms. Henricksen and Arnold Vosloo have a lot of fun with their roles, Van Damme gets to deliver some impressive smackdowns (including a great moment that sees him dealing with a rattlesnake), Butler does okay in her role (it's a bit underwritten but far from the worst female role in the action genre, especially from this time, and I can't help thinking a more recognisable actress could have lifted things slightly), and there's good support from Willie C. Carpenter, Kasi Lemmons, and the great Wilford Brimley.

Booby-traps, armed people riding motorbikes to track their potential victims, grenades being lobbed around with a distinct lack of real care, and let's not forget a damn fine mullet being worn by Van Damme, this has all of these treats and a lot more. Watch it, enjoy it, and rewatch it whenever you feel the urge. Which may happen more often than you expect.

7/10

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Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (2013)

A fun, modern take on the classic fairytale, with more than a dabble of weed sprinkled through it, Hansel & Gretel Get Baked isn't a movie that I could ever call a great movie, but it's certainly much better than I expected it to be.

Molly Quinn is Gretel, a bit of a pothead who starts down a path towards trouble when she goes looking for her pothead boyfriend, Ashton (played by Andrew James Allen). Ashton had been going to pick up some great new weed, something being grown by a little old lady from Pasadena (yes, the song is mentioned). Unfortunately, that little old lady is a witch (Lara Flynn Boyle) who lures in her victims and uses them to help her turn back the clock. Gretel knows that something is up but doesn't realise the full situation. And neither does her brother, the non-potsmoker Hansel (Michael Welch).

Director Duane Journey uses a decent cast, a fun script (by David Tillman), and occasional decent gore effects to put together a fun movie that should please horror fans who don't need every movie to be chock full of tension and/or bloodshed. The way in which the main elements of the classic tale are adapted for the modern setting are fun, though nothing here can be described as subtle or sophisticate. What the hell, people could say the same about me. This is a film to be watched with snacks and the beverage of your choice, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Quinn is a perfectly decent Gretel, Welch does okay even though he's not onscreen that much, and Bianca Saad heats things up a bit as a girl named, well, Bianca who ends up helping Gretel after her own boyfriend also goes AWOL. Everyone else does well enough, including Lochlyn Munro and Yancy Butler as a pair of police officers reluctant to waste any time trying to find someone they simply assume is not where he should be because he's stoned. And then there is Lara Flynn Boyle. She's good, but that's mainly thanks to the script giving her most of the best lines. Other aspects of her performance show that, sadly, her best performances may be far behind her.

It's not going to win over any fans who like their horror dark and smart, but if you're an easygoing, unfussy viewer then you may just find this to be an amusing enough way to kill 90 minutes.

6/10

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