For It Is Man's Number: jonathan hensleigh

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Thursday, 4 June 2026

Armageddon (1998)

The odd thing about rewatching Armageddon, a film I have watched a number of times before, is that it is somehow both worse and better than I remember. It's quite ridiculous, but manages to be ridiculous in many right ways to balance out the times that it's ridiculous in many wrong ways.

Most people know the story. There's a giant rock hurtling towards Earth. The only way to save our planet is to travel into space, land on the giant rock, and drill down into it to plant some major explosives. There's no way astronauts could manage that. The world needs the best drilling workers, and those drilling workers come in the shape of Harry S. Stamper (Bruce Willis) and co. There are some lame attempts to make things tense, there's plenty of heroism and "America: F**k Yeah!" throughout almost every main sequence, and you get to remember how much you love or hate Aerosmith singing "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing."

It might be Jonathan Hensleigh and J. J. Abrams credited in the writing department, with a bit of input from Tony Gilroy, Shane Salerno, and Robert Roy Pool, although I couldn't say how much any one person added into the mix. It's easy to see the overwhelming stamp of director Michael Bay all over it though. There's no subtlety, of course, and no desire to keep the action clear and watchable. In fact, I would argue that Armageddon is at its worst when viewers have to suffer through the poorly-shot and messily-edited action beats.

Willis may not be doing his best work, but he's fine in blockbuster star mode. Ben Affleck, playing the younger and more hot-headed "drill Jedi", who also happens to be in love with his boss's daughter, Grace (played by Liv Tyler), is also fine, although he has never been as comfortable in these kinds of films as he is in less mainstream fare. Tyler does what is asked of her, and is a welcome presence, despite being constantly pushed offscreen by the tide of testosterone. The supporting cast is pretty great though. Billy Bob Thornton does well, Will Patton and William Fichtner are both as dependable as ever, and there's a lot of fun to be had with any scene involving Steve Buscemi and/or Peter Stormare. You also get Owen Wilson, Keith David, Michael Clarke Duncan, Jason Isaacs, and very brief appearances from Eddie Griffin, Grace Zabriskie, Udo Kier, Shawnee Smith, and Matt Malloy.

There's plenty of impressive hardware on display, the bombastic score from Trevor Rabin ensures that nobody gets to forget the heroism and machismo of our main characters for even one minute, and John Schwartzman tries hard to impress with cinematography that is undermined by the horrible editing so familiar to anyone who has watched any other Michael Bay movie.

Armageddon is not good, but it's comfortingly ridiculous for a lot of the bloated 151-minute runtime. I would put almost every other Bay movie ahead of it, and there are a number of Bruckheimer-produced movies from this time period I would also put ahead of it, but I cannot deny that I can still happily sit down with it once every ten years or so, like treating myself to an unhealthy bit of fast food that makes me hate myself as soon as I've swallowed the last tasty morsel.

7/10

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Friday, 18 April 2025

The Saint (1997)

There are many films you could choose to watch if you're in the mood to remember the great talent of the late Val Kilmer, who we lost just a couple of weeks ago, but I decided to finally watch The Saint. Having not given it much thought throughout the decades since it was released, I picked up a digital copy of the movie ages ago for less than the price of a cup of coffee. Now seemed as good a time as any to finally get around to watching it.

Kilmer is the titular character, AKA Simon Templar AKA a variety of false names always referencing saints. He's a master thief, as well as a master of disguise, and aiming to hit the magic number of $50M in his bank account to afford him a relaxing life of retirement. That's why he takes on a lucrative job that requires him to steal the ground-breaking work of Dr. Emma Russell (Elisabeth Shue) and help a powerful Russian (Ivan Tretiak, played by Rade Serbedzija) monopolise the modern miracle of cold fusion. Things are complicated by pesky feelings though, and it becomes clear that Mr. Templar will struggle to get to the end of this particular adventure with his halo intact.

There's some talent here, certainly when it comes to the people behind the camera. Writers Jonathan Hensleigh and Wesley Strick have been responsible for a wide variety of films that, whether good or bad, have often been interesting, at the very least. Director Phillip Noyce can do tension and intelligent thrillers, and was coming off a great run of features helmed between the late '80s to the mid-1990s, but none of his skill is on display here. It's obvious that the script isn't strong - it's muddled, lacking action, and even fails to make Templar appealing beyond the natural charm of Kilmer - but very disappointing that Noyce couldn't figure out how to create something that would be able to distract us from that big problem.

Kilmer cannot carry the film alone though, but he's forced to. As much as I enjoy her work, Shue is not served well by having to portray someone smart enough to turn the theory of cold fusion into a reality, yet also silly enough to be taken in by Templar in one or two of his more ridiculous disguises. She needs to be both the valuable "asset" and the standard love interest, although I will admit that it was a pleasant surprise to see a third act in which Kilmer's character only survives thanks to her assistance. Serbedzija is stuck playing a dull villain, in line with the dullness of almost everything else in the movie (from the visuals to the other characters), Valeriy Nikolaev gets to have a bit more fun as the angry son/henchman, and Alun Armstrong, Tommy Flanagan, and Emily Mortimer all appear onscreen just long enough to look slightly embarrassed about being there.

There's a decent score from Graeme Revell, although even that pales in comparison to a soundtrack that includes tracks from Sneaker Pimps, The Chemical Brothers, Daft Punk, David Bowie, and Orbital (delivering a superb reworking of the familiar theme tune), and a couple of nice moments just before the end credits roll that will leave you wishing that the rest of the film played more into the iconography of the character. That's all I can compliment though, aside from Kilmer.

3/10