Shudder Saturday: Witchery (1988)

AKA Witchcraft AKA La Casa 4.

I had to rely on the internet for some information here, and I cannot guarantee that information is all as correct as it should be, so please proceed with caution. Not that I am too worried. A lot of the information was verifiable from multiple sources, and the cast is easy enough to confirm, but, like many Italian-helmed horror movies from this era, it's never too clear who should be credited for the authorship of the film, in both the direction and writing. 

The plot is enjoyable tosh, but I'll try to write a decent summary. Leslie (Leslie Cumming) and her photographer boyfriend, Gary (David Hasselhoff), are spending some time together on a small island, exploring a derelict hotel with a spooky reputation. Rose Brooks (Annie Ross) wants to buy the hotel, to renovate it and turn it into a profitable club, and is also visiting the island, with some of her family in tow (played by Robert Champagne, Michael Manchester, and Linda Blair), as well as an architect (Catherine Hickland) and an estate agent (Rick Farnsworth). With everyone in place, it's soon time for a mysterious lady in black (Hildegard Knef) to start killing off our cast members in a ritualistic manner that will help her to achieve her main aim.

Witchery is bonkers, but it's a good kind of bonkers. As slapdash as it often feels, particularly in the more random scenes that show people interacting oddly with one another, it actually circles back to the central narrative strand more often than you would think. The opening made me think I would be in for something that would make no sense at all, but it does. It's silly, and there is a lot of nonsense in every main sequence, but it comes together in a way that is unexpectedly cohesive and straightforward by the end. Others may disagree, especially if they want things neat and tidy (and if that's the case . . . Italian horrors of the 1980s are not for you).

The cast are a lot of fun, with both Hasselhoff and Cumming arguably the least interesting people onscreen. Hasselhoff does what Hasselhoff does, whereas Cumming has to spend her time being extremely timid and virginal while her pure aura draws demonic forces towards her. Ross is great fun, as is Champagne (playing her slightly icky husband), and Hickland adds the required dollop of extra sexiness to the proceedings. As for Blair, she's given the role with the most unintentional comedy, required to mill around at the edge of the action until she's required to put on a growling voice and glare at the camera with a harsh hairstyle summing up the darkness trying to keep hold of her soul.

Written by Daniele Stroppa, with Harry Spalding also credited in some places (as well as Claudio Lattanzi claiming that he worked on the story before it ended up in the hands of director Luigi Cozzi, who lasted a couple of weeks before leaving, to be replaced by Fabrizio Laurenti), this might not be any kind of forgotten classic, but it's entertaining enough throughout. The script isn't very strong, Laurenti doesn't have an abundance of skill or style, but the cast and the pacing help to make it an easy viewing choice for those who occasionally appreciate some cinematic junk food in their diet.

6/10

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Repossessed (1990)

Here it is, The Exorcist spoof you never knew you needed. Or wanted. It's strange to think that this was in UK video stores before The Exorcist itself was deigned suitable for British adults to view in a certificated video form in their own homes (you can look up the history of the film with the BBFC to see what I mean, although many horror fans will already know what I mean).

Anyway, written and directed by Bob Logan, this is a film that relies on two main bits of canny casting. First of all, Linda Blair plays Nancy Aglet, a woman who has her head turned by the devil. Second, Leslie Nielsen plays Father Mayii, the elderly priest who may be the one to save Nancy.

The story is all about Nancy, a married mother of two, becoming alarmed when she starts to utter profanities and spew pea soup. She asks for help from Father Luke Brophy (Anthony Starke), but this also brings her unwanted attention from two fake celebrities (played by Ned Beatty and Lana Schwab) who think they can cure her and get great ratings. Maybe the only one who can really help is Father Mayii, but he is reluctant to take the chance.

Logan throws everything he can at the wall here, and some of it sticks. You gets lots of obvious gags based directly on the source material (the "lick me" turn, as silly as it is, always makes me laugh), and you get lots of tangents, such as the scenes showing Father Mayii trying to get himself fitter and stronger. Unfortunately, the gags that miss the mark sometimes miss by a wide margin. Perhaps the worst moment has an incongruous rap interlude from Father Brophy, it's cringe-inducing to watch nowadays, but there are also a number of moments breaking the fourth wall that are never as witty as they think they are.

Kudos to Blair for accepting the role and having fun with something that derives comedy from her most famous performance, and Starke does well for a lot of his main scenes, but Beatty and Schwab are underused, while Nielsen is overused, often mugging and delivering his lines in a way that undermines the potential laughs.

Many people may still have fond memories of this spoof, but it doesn't hold up very well. The better gags still work, they just remain so few and far between, and nothing is done in a way that manages to distract from how cheap and careless it all is.

410

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Chained Heat (1983)

The Women In Prison movie. It's not for everyone, but certain viewers with a taste for the trashy will know that these movies often practically overflow with gratuitous nudity, sadism and sleaze. Which makes them very entertaining.

In this movie, Linda Blair plays Carol, the new girl in the prison. It doesn't take her long to get the attention of Ericka (Sybil Danning), one of the more powerful inmates. Ericka is involved in a bit of a feud with Duchess (Tamara Dobson), but the two women have mutual enemies, of course, in the shape of the warden (John Vernon) and his staff (mainly Stella Stevens). At least there's the suave Lester (Henry Silva) to help the ladies take part in a lovely care in the community scheme. Well, actually, to be completely truthful, he gives some of them nice dresses to wear and then makes them work as prostitutes.

With its great cast, hilarious lack of anything that makes sense (for example, the hot tub in the warden's office), and pleasing mix of, yes indeed, nudity, sadism and sleaze, this is a particularly fan-pleasing film that takes the recognised components of the niche sub-genre and ramps them all up for maximum entertainment value.

Blair does fine in her role, despite the fact that I don't think she's ever been that great an actress. Her fresh face, and willingness to remove clothing, stand her in good stead to play the innocent girl who may struggle to survive her spell behind bars. Danning is as mesmerising as she usually is, perfect for the queen bee role that she's cast in. It's a sin that she was never cast in a movie role opposite, or alongside, Dyanne Thorne (or am I on my own with that thought?). Dobson holds her own, admirably, whenever facing off against Danning, and makes for a worthy opponent. Robert Miano is a rapey guard, Kendal Kaldwell is a nasty guard who isn't averse to helping the rapey guard get his victims, Stevens is a decent villain, and both Vernon and Silva are enjoyably cringe-inducing in almost every scene they feature in.

Paul Nicholas cobbles everything together well enough. It's all a bit careless and loose, rough around all of the edges in a way that just makes it more endearing, and the script (co-written by Nicholas and Aaron Butler) is as crude, at times, as it is juvenile.

I had a lot of fun watching Chained Heat (hey, I didn't mean THAT . . . . . behave), and I think that anyone else with previous experience of this kind of film, as long as they know exactly what they're letting themselves in for, will find it equally enjoyable.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Prison-Triple-Chained-Jungle-Warriors/dp/B004XIWRW4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406070962&sr=8-1&keywords=chained+heat

Savage Streets (1984)

Linda Blair gets to be tough and sexy in this wild exploitation flick that's one of the more memorable entries in the rape 'n' revenge subgenre. Well, she tries to be tough and sexy. The fact that she can't quite manage to convey any real toughness is one of the many failings that works, somewhat perversely, to make this film more endearing and enjoyable than it has any right to be.

Blair plays Brenda, the top dog in her group of gal pals. She doesn't care about anything, except for her deaf sister, Heather (Linnea Quigley). She certainly doesn't care about the local gang of tough guys who try to occasionally pester her, and she shows that lack of care by taking their car for a joyride. Understandably irked by this lack of respect, the gang decides to get revenge in the only way they see fit. Yes, they rape Heather and land her in hospital with very serious injuries. That leads Brenda to snap. If people thought she was a badass before then they'll rethink that when they see just how badass she can be. In theory.

There's some nasty stuff on display here. For an exploitation film, a gritty revenge movie, this occasionally delivers the sordid content required. The rape scene is a particularly tough sequence to watch, yet it's clumsily juxtaposed with a gratuitous fight scene in a shower room that features Blair and Rebecca Perle as the centre of attention. This highlights the fact that Blair's character wasn't there when needed most by her sister, but it's obviously not done JUST for that reason.

Director Danny Steinmann (who also co-wrote the screenplay with Norman Yonemoto) follows the standard template for this kind of movie. Characters are introduced, with the villains clearly marked out as villains, and confrontations occur, leading to acts of violence that escalate, all the way to a finale that lets everyone go way over the line to get their own bit of justice.

Unfortunately, the whole thing is let down by some horrible dialogue, and some horrible acting from Blair. To look tough and/or sexy, Linda Blair obviously thought that she could act everything out by widening and narrowing her eyes, and smoking cigarettes. Oh, she's also given some swearwords, of course. But that's her whole performance. Robert Dryer, Johnny Venocur, Sal Landi and Scott Mayer are much better as the bunch of baddies, Quigley is very good in one of her first feature roles (as opposed to roles such as "Blonde In Spa" or "Model"), the other girls onscreen don't do too badly, and John Vernon gets to play the most hilariously inappropriate Principal in the history of cinema. The fact that he tells someone to "go fuck an iceberg" is the cherry on top.

If you like this subgenre then you'll like Savage Streets. If you don't then, well, maybe you'll still find something to enjoy here. It veers between the grimy and the hilarious in a way that creates a surprisingly enjoyable end product, although you may find yourself viewing it more as a comedy than a straight thriller.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Savage-Streets-DVD-Linda-Blair/dp/B004TJWGUK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1390837151&sr=8-2&keywords=savage+streets