A Minecraft Movie (2025)

Five writers worked on this screenplay. FIVE. And someone else helped two of those writers to come up with the story idea. So that's six people who had a helping hand in getting this into something resembling a movie. And the best they could come up with was a fan-pleasing collage of absolute nonsense that will leave viewers wondering why everyone involved just tried to remake The LEGO Movie, but make it shit.

Jack Black plays Steve, a man who is happy to find himself in the Overworld (AKA Minecraft world). Unfortunately, his happiness is curtailed when he is transported to the Nether, ruled over by a Piglin leader named Malgosha (voiced by Rachel House). Steve hides away the powerful artefacts that Malgosha wants to own, which are then found by young Henry (Sebastian Hansen) and a down-on-his-luck ex-videogame champ named Garrett (Jason Momoa). Henry is followed by his sister, Natalie (Emma Myers), and a friendly realtor named Dawn (Danielle Brooks). Meanwhile, one of the Overworld inhabitants ends up in our world, where they end up on a date with Vice Principal Marlene (Jennifer Coolidge).

Trust me, that made about as much sense to me while I wrote it as it did to you while you tried to read it. That paragraph may seem like a mess, but it's nothing when compared to the mess that is this movie. It's worth saying right now, however, that my own negative opinion of the film is redundant. It's already been a huge success, I am sure it will continue to be beloved by the fanbase for some time to come, and I am at the disadvantage of viewing it as someone with only the most cursory passing knowledge of the videogame it is based on.

I'm still allowed to complain about the time I wasted on this though, and complain I bloody well will. I'll give most of the blame to the writers, but there's a large part of me that suspects I should also save some finger-pointing for anyone who encouraged Black and Momoa to basically fool around in front of the cameras while they came up with numerous extra references and gags. This is a loud and busy film, for the most part, and Black and Momoa are the main reason for that. Whether you're a fan of the game or not, I'd love to hear from anyone who listens to the opening exposition dump from Jack Black's character and wants to try telling me how that was the best way to open this film. And yet . . . that opening soon becomes the only time that has Black being bearable.

Director Jared Hess can do quirky, of course. He's made it his brand for the past two decades, and a couple of the writers here are used to that (having worked with him on a couple of his previous projects), but A Minecraft Movie isn't the kind of quirky that we've seen in his better films. It's quirky in a way that feels far too random and incoherent, barely holding together as the thin plot moves from start to finish. Which may feel appropriate for those who know that Minecraft isn't really a story-driven game, but falls down for those after a movie experience that they can get their head around.

Hansen is decent as the one lead who feels like a fairly normal human, and Myers is really good as his concerned sister. Brooks is a lot of fun in her role, and manages to show how to be funny without shouting over everyone around her or gurning through an amusing selection of facial expressions (a la Coolidge, who I still enjoy here, but it's not her finest hour). House is always a fun addition, and her vocal performance is entertaining, and that covers the main performers who seem to stay at least somewhat tethered to something resembling a constructed reality. Momoa and Black are orbiting one another in a separate solar system from everyone else, a vacuum that ensures a deadening of their constant stream of blurted game-related terms and unfunny gags.

The score is bad, the visuals are . . . in line with the game (which gives them a great excuse), and the only time I really chuckled was during scenes with Coolidge falling for the odd-looking "escapee". Nobody will care about this dissenting opinion though. I'm not the target audience, and I'm not going to change the mind of anyone who IS. I've said it many times before though, you're allowed to enjoy something tailored to your own tastes and preferences while also wanting something that has been made with care and passion. This feels like it lacks both of those qualities, and I am surprised that Minecraft players have helped to make it such a resounding success.

3/10

If you have enjoyed this, or any other, review on the blog then do consider the following ways to show your appreciation. A subscription/follow costs nothing.
It also costs nothing to like/subscribe to the YouTube channel attached to the podcast I am part of - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCErkxBO0xds5qd_rhjFgDmA
Or you may have a couple of quid to throw at me, in Ko-fi form - https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews
Or Amazon is nice at this time of year - https://www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/ls/Y1ZUCB13HLJD?ref_=wl_share