There's something really annoying about watching a movie that has had the critical conversation around it hijacked by people frothing at the mouth while they misuse the word "woke" and then finding out that, sadly, it really is awful. Not for the reasons that the raving racists and misogynists would claim, but it's still very hard to defend.
Snow White isn't just bad. It's consistently awful in a way that feels designed that way. From the casting of Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen to the horrible CGI/motion-captured dwarfs, it's a live-action remake that serves no purpose, other than to drive viewers back to enjoy the animated classic once again.
Everyone knows the story. I am not going to repeat it here. Rachel Zegler is Snow White, and she's the best thing in this. I'm not going to name those voicing the dwarf roles. The only other cast member to mention is Andrew Burnap, playing Jonathan (a replacement for the bland prince in the original movie).
Written by Erin Cressida Wilson, who has a number of much better movies to her credit that you should check out ahead of this one, and directed by Marc Webb, who also has a number of better movies you could choose ahead of this (hell, if Neil Breen worked on this then I would even be recommending a number of his past features), this is such a mishandling of the classic tale that it's only saved from being the worst of the worst by Zegler. There's no charm to it, no improvement offered by the move from animation to live-action, and it stands as the best argument yet against Disney rushing to remake so many of their classic works.
Zegler is a great talent, as she has also shown in a number of other recent projects. She also absolutely looks the part, and kudos to the make up and costuming department for their work on both Zegler and Gadot here, with them being allowed to impressively recreate some iconic looks. Someone else really needed to be cast as the Evil Queen though. Gadot isn't just bad, she's mistakenly given a musical number that also proves how ill-suited she is to anything that requires a bit of singing. I would rather listen to her joining other celebrities on another horrible and patronising rendition of "Imagine". As for Burnap, he's simply fine, if forgettable. I don't want to spend any time critiquing the dwarf characters, mainly because I am hoping to wipe them from my memory as quickly as possible.
It brings me no joy to be so scathing here. The backlash against this meant that I was rooting for it, particularly when that backlash was often most passionately supported by those who were just looking to push their own agendas, but if it quacks like a duck and tries, but fails, to walk like a duck then it is, in fact, a lame duck.
2/10
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