Snow White (2025)

There's something really annoying about watching a movie that has had the critical conversation around it hijacked by people frothing at the mouth while they misuse the word "woke" and then finding out that, sadly, it really is awful. Not for the reasons that the raving racists and misogynists would claim, but it's still very hard to defend.

Snow White isn't just bad. It's consistently awful in a way that feels designed that way. From the casting of Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen to the horrible CGI/motion-captured dwarfs, it's a live-action remake that serves no purpose, other than to drive viewers back to enjoy the animated classic once again. 

Everyone knows the story. I am not going to repeat it here. Rachel Zegler is Snow White, and she's the best thing in this. I'm not going to name those voicing the dwarf roles. The only other cast member to mention is Andrew Burnap, playing Jonathan (a replacement for the bland prince in the original movie).

Written by Erin Cressida Wilson, who has a number of much better movies to her credit that you should check out ahead of this one, and directed by Marc Webb, who also has a number of better movies you could choose ahead of this (hell, if Neil Breen worked on this then I would even be recommending a number of his past features), this is such a mishandling of the classic tale that it's only saved from being the worst of the worst by Zegler. There's no charm to it, no improvement offered by the move from animation to live-action, and it stands as the best argument yet against Disney rushing to remake so many of their classic works.

Zegler is a great talent, as she has also shown in a number of other recent projects. She also absolutely looks the part, and kudos to the make up and costuming department for their work on both Zegler and Gadot here, with them being allowed to impressively recreate some iconic looks. Someone else really needed to be cast as the Evil Queen though. Gadot isn't just bad, she's mistakenly given a musical number that also proves how ill-suited she is to anything that requires a bit of singing. I would rather listen to her joining other celebrities on another horrible and patronising rendition of "Imagine". As for Burnap, he's simply fine, if forgettable. I don't want to spend any time critiquing the dwarf characters, mainly because I am hoping to wipe them from my memory as quickly as possible.

It brings me no joy to be so scathing here. The backlash against this meant that I was rooting for it, particularly when that backlash was often most passionately supported by those who were just looking to push their own agendas, but if it quacks like a duck and tries, but fails, to walk like a duck then it is, in fact, a lame duck.

2/10

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Mubi Monday: Secretary (2002)

Sex. It's hard to deny that the world could be a better, happier place if so many people weren't so uptight about sex, whether that leads to them trying to move sex workers further and further to the edges of society, where they are more likely to be abused and harmed, or spending the vast majority of their time concerning themselves about the contents of someone else's underpants. And then you have the people who either judge others for their likes and dislikes, or spend a lot of their time unhappy because they haven't actively discussed some sexual preferences that give them more satisfaction than what some may call "vanilla" sex.

Secretary is about someone discovering themselves with the help of someone else, it's about a shared love of a certain lifestyle, or small choices made when the lifestyle allows, and it's a film that gets more right about the mindset of those involved than any of the few mainstream movies that have tried to venture into this territory (and it's ironic that James Spader plays a character named Mr. Grey).

Maggie Gyllenhaal plays a young woman named Lee who starts the movie by leaving an institution that has clearly been trying to help her with her mental health. Lee goes through some training to be a secretary, and then ends up in the employment of Mr. Grey (Spader). Things start off fairly standard, but one or two moments lead to both employer and employee exploring, and enjoying, a closer relationship that allows them to explore their shared kinks.

Based on a short story by Mary Gaitskill, which was adapted by director Steven Shainberg and writer Erin Cressida Wilson, Secretary is constantly walking a tightrope that it admirably never slips on. That's not to say it does everything perfectly, but it keeps moving without giving a second thought to any minor wobbles or near-misses. And the more troublesome elements, including the mental health background of Lee before she finds something that truly satisfies her while it scratches an itch she didn't realise was there, aren't so troublesome when you consider that a) a lot of people DO find themselves suffering mentally before they allow themselves to more fully explore something that easily makes them happier, and b) while Gyllenhaal is shown as submissive, to use one of the labels she is given, the script takes care to show that what is going on is communicated subtly between the two in ways that make it consensual, and also shows that submissives have just as much, if not more, control in any effective sexual dynamic.

Both of the leads are as good as you'd expect, with Gyllenhaal making a strong impression early on in her career while Spader does the kind of kinky SOB he's played effortlessly for decades (even in roles that didn't say anything about his character . . . he always played them like a kinky SOB). Lesley Ann Warren and Stephen McHattie are fine in their small supporting roles, the parents who are concerned about their daughter, but also don't necessarily know what's best for her, and Jeremy Davies is very sweet as Peter, a young man who may want to have a relationship with Lee, but may not be the right person to manage to scratch that constant little itch.

Although Secretary may seem, on the surface, as if it is designed to appeal to a very specific viewer demographic, that's not the case. You just need to adjust your perspective slightly. The script and direction work together to make everything clear, with wit and the nice subtleties of the character interactions helping everything along, and what you have is ultimately an offbeat, but still quite sweet, romantic film for those who don't really like romantic films.

And if none of it makes any sense to you, maybe read up further on kinks and fetishes, without judging others or eagerly dismissing it as evil filth. At the very least, you might read some unusual anecdotes from some very cool people.

9/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can get a shiny disc here.