Netflix And Chill: Bloodline (2018)

Seann William Scott plays Evan, a school counsellor who has a very direct way of helping some of his students deal with serious problems. He kills people, and it often seems to be people who fully deserve it. He's also about to be a dad, so spends his time caring for his pregnant wife, Lauren (Mariela Garriga), and dealing with his slightly overbearing mother (Marie, played by Dale Dickey).

Arguably a strange choice for the fictional feature debut from director Henry Jacobson (with the majority of his time over the past decade spent on documentary works), Bloodline is an enjoyable, grisly thriller that lets everything unfold with an unabashed lean into the macabre humour of the whole situation, whether that's Evan simply doling out fatal justice or his plans being interrupted by a request from his pregnant wife. Despite me only being familiar with the overall premise of the show, I can see this being the kind of thing to appeal to fans of the slightly similar Dexter.

Scott does well in the lead role, playing up his nicer side as he interacts with people on a day to day basis and going about his more bloody business with a very matter-of-fact approach to the deadly deeds. His killing time is him at his most assured, while the everyday life moments have him working harder than anyone else around him, something that is made clear without his performance becoming too over the top (just). Garriga has to play the vulnerable pregnant woman, for the most part, and feels like a passive character until events conspire to give her some knowledge she was previously not privy to. Dickey plays up her bad streak more than anyone else, being the kind of passive aggressive parent who spends a lot of time being critical while supposedly just trying to be helpful, but she's good fun in her role. All of the younger cast members do good work, and Kevin Carroll is the kind of weary and suspicious detective so often found in these kinds of movies.

The script, co-written by Jacobson with Avra Fox-Lerner and Will Honley, is a bit silly when you stop to think about all of the separate elements. Thankfully, it doesn't make you want to stop and think about everything too often. It just moves from one enjoyably twisted scene to the next, trying hard to keep things just as grounded as they need to be, and always poised to take one giant leap into entertaining absurdity. Whether you go along with it or not is a different matter entirely, and I can see people rolling their eyes and dismissing this as a truly awful viewing choice. Personally, I had fun throughout.

It's not really making any major comment on social issues, it's not asking you to overthink the central situations, all Bloodline wants to do is entertain you for the runtime. I think it does that. Some may want more gore, some may want more tension. It's not put together perfectly. But it's put together well enough for all it wants to do. I tentatively recommend it to those who want a movie not aiming to make them overthink things.

7/10

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Day Of The Dead: Bloodline (2018)

If there's one good thing that can come out of the release of Day Of The Dead: Bloodline it's the idea that I may not get constant grief from horror movie fans when I say, in hushed tones, that I really didn't mind the Day Of The Dead movie that came out in 2008. It got a lot of hate, and still does, but I enjoyed it as a simple bit of zombietastic fun, albeit one that sullies the good name of a Romero classic. But, trust me, it was a LOT better than Day Of The Dead 2: Contagium (2005). And it's a lot better than this eye-watering mess.

Talented director Hèctor Hernández Vicens (who made a great impression on me with The Corpse Of Anna Fritz) is going to have a struggle on his hands to make horror movie fans forgive and forget this. There are times when it doesn't seem like he should shoulder all of the blame, especially when you consider the weak script by Mark Tonderai and Lars Jacobson, but when poor choice follows poor choice, and is then followed by another poor choice, it's hard not to believe that Vicens is the one responsible for how ultimately awful this film is.

The plot is almost too dumb to even summarise. There's a zombie outbreak, of course, and Sophie Skelton becomes the main medical professional in a large shelter. Things happen, the safety of the shelter is placed in jeopardy, and Skelton ends up pursued by the zombiefied incarnation of the creepy man who lusted after her years ago (Max, played by Johnathon Schaech).

Where to begin here? The script that I already generously referred to as weak, when just calling it horrible would have been more appropriate? The decision to make the lead zombie threat an obsessed stalker/wannabe-rapist? The way the characters have been sketched to somehow ensure that viewers won't want to root for a single one of them? The nonsensical plotting, complete with an inserted sex scene that would have felt straight out of the European horrors of the '80s if it hadn't been so damn tame? There are a few decent moments of gore, but not enough to make up for the pain of the rest of the content of the movie.

And part of me doesn't really want to mention the cast, mainly because I try not to get personal and outright rude in any of my movie reviews (although I think it has happened once or twice). I don't have to worry, however, about singling anyone out here. Every single cast member is atrocious. Seriously. Not one person puts in a convincing, or even halfway decent, performance. It's as if Vicens asked them to forget anything they ever learned about their craft and give deliberately awful performances. I don't know why he would do that, but it's the only explanation I can come up with.

My rating for this film is incredibly generous, and I've ONLY gone as high as this because of three main factors: the gore, the fact that people were around to make sure that the equipment was all running properly, and the injuries/deaths that intermittently entertained me.

3/10

If you hate yourself then you can buy the film here.
American self-haters can buy it here.