Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

It's very hard for me to now look at Muppet Treasure Island and wonder why I didn't enjoy it so much when I first saw it. The presence of Kevin Bishop aside, who is at least much more bearable as a child actor as he is in adult form, this is a typically enjoyable Muppety adventure, based on the famous tale by Robert Louis Stevenson. The worst thing I can say about it is that it isn't The Muppet Christmas Carol.

Kevin Bishop plays young Jim Hawkins, a boy who ends up in receipt of a treasure map that he then takes on board a ship, The Hispaniola. The crew seem like a decent lot, especially that charming fellow named Long John Silver (played by Tim Curry), but there's mutiny and plundering in the air. And a small dose of cabin fever.

Brian Henson is credited as director, although there seems to have been a lot of work done by David Lane, and three writers put the script together, giving audiences the standard mix of fun characters, gags, and musical moments. The songs here may not be as memorable as some, there's only one that I can remember right now (to do with the aforementioned cabin fever), but they're serviceable enough and interspersed sparingly throughout the proceedings.

Bishop isn't as annoying as some child actors, which is a plus, and Curry adds another excellent performance to his CV with his portrayal of Silver. There are also small roles for Billy Connolly and Jennifer Saunders, both fun to watch even if they're only onscreen during the first quarter of the film. As for the Muppets, you get most of the usual suspects: Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, Rizzo The Rat, Sam The Eagle, Dr Bunsen and Beaker, and the grumpy old fellas who comment on what's going on (Statler and Waldorf). Another point against the film, however, is the fact that they're not given as much screentime as they get in other films. Miss Piggy, for example, appears onscreen about 20-25 minutes before the very end, while both Kermit and Fozzie are given lead roles that still somehow leave them feeling like minor players in this tale (because the focus is always on the main human characters).

Okay, having started with such optimism, I can now remember why I didn't love this the first time around. It's all down to the fact that there's more time spent with humans than Muppets, or so it seems, and there's a distinct lack of really memorable moments. Which still doesn't make this a terrible movie. It just stops it from being one of the better Muppet movies.

6/10

The movie is available in this set here.
Americans can get the movie here.

Keith Lemon: The Film (2012)

I don't like Keith Lemon. In fact, I don't like any of the characters that have been created by Leigh Francis. So it's only fair to state that right up front. "But why did you even watch the film?" people will ask. Well, I never make my mind up until the end credits roll. Of course, I knew I wouldn't be the target demographic for this movie, but I also wasn't the target demographic for many other movies that I have watched and ended up enjoying. There was a chance that I would enjoy Keith Lemon: The Film.

I didn't. But there WAS a chance.

I'm sure that most fans of the character will rate this as at least a solid 7/10 movie, okay, so those people can skip the rest of my review and head off to the sun-kissed land in which Keith Lemon is funny and lots of other things go on that I just don't understand.

In fact, the movie is so depressing that I'm not doing a full review. What I'm going to do is very briefly describe the premise and then simply list every "celebrity" cameo that I can recall and leave others to judge.

Keith Lemon dreams of the big time, of course. It looks like it will never happen, despite the support of his lovely girlfriend (Rosie, played by Laura Aikman) and his friend Duncan (Kevin Bishop, a man as painfully unfunny as Leigh Francis, but also without any of the strange likability that Francis has . . . . . . . . strangely, I don't like the comedy that Francis provides but I like the sweet core hidden beneath the stupidity and crudity). Things turn around, however, when he meets Archimedes (Verne Troyer). Archimedes can fix things, and it's not long until Keith Lemon has wowed everyone with The Lemon Phone, The Keith Lemon Phone. He has lots and lots of money, lots and lots of time with Kelly Brook (played by Kelly Brook, putting on a brave face while involved in many of the worst moments) and no care for those who stood by him before he made the big time.

Written by Francis and director Paul Angunawela, I will admit that the obvious digs at Apple were pretty amusing (Keith finds himself with a phone that nobody is interested in, until he sticks a lemon on it). It's just a shame that the potential inherent in that approach to the material was ignored for a mix of catchphrases, horrible gags based around sex and euphemisms and cameo appearance after cameo appearance from z-list celebrities who I don't really enjoy seeing on TV, let along in movies.

So . . . . let's list off those names/faces I can recall (despite trying to forget) and wrap this thing up, eh.

Keith Lemon: The Film also "stars" . . . . . . .

David Hasselhoff.
Paddy McGuinness.
Emma Bunton.
Melanie Chisholm.
Jedward.
Gary Barlow.
Vernon Kay.
Fearne Cotton.
Holly Willoughby.
Jason Donovan.
Peter Andre.
Rizzle Kicks.
Tinchy Stryder.
Billy Ocean.
Gino D'Acampo.
Chris Moyles.
Ronan Keating
Denise Van Outen.
Phillip Schofield.


If you read that list and spent most of your time saying "WHO?" then that is the correct response. Hopefully, that's what everyone will be saying when, a few years from now, they hear the name Keith Lemon.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Keith-Lemon-The-Film-Blu-ray/dp/B008LU8PK8/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1371149886&sr=8-8&keywords=keith+lemon