Prime Time: The Escort (2016)

Michael Doneger plays Mitch, a young man who isn't where he wants to be in life, having just been fired from his job, as well as receiving constant criticism from his best friend, JP (Tommy Dewey), about his slight sex addiction issue. Tasked with presenting a worthwhile piece of journalism to secure a new job, Mitch ends up involved with Natalie, a high-class, well-educated escort who might actually cause Mitch to reflect on his own life as he finds out more and more about her.

What you get here isn’t new, and it is something we will see again and again. The Escort, despite trying to appear much more risqué than other films it could sit alongside, is a standard rom-com that had two seemingly incompatible characters realising just how well they can work together.

Director Will Slocombe tries his best, walking a fine line to portray some of the sexual encounters without it feeling gratuitous or too much like simple titillation, and he also seems to be working hard to make the best end product possible on a relatively low budget. There aren’t really any big names to help things along (although Bruce Campbell is very well used in his small supporting role, playing Mitch’s father) and the tone throughout is never radically altered in favour of an “easier sell”.

As admirable as not taking the easy option is, writer Brandon Cohen (fleshing out the story idea from Doneger) also does everyone a slight disservice by skirting around moments that could have easily increased the comedy quotient of the film. As already mentioned, Campbell is great, but he’s only onscreen for a few scenes. The same could be said for the character played by Dewey, someone who could have added some more friction and laughs, but is instead underused. And a cursing little sister (played by Rachel Resheff)? Yep, underused. The same goes for a landlord at the end of his patience (played by Juan Carlos Cantu). On the one hand, I get it. Keep the focus on Doneger and Fonseca. And try to stop this from feeling too close to a teen sex comedy. On the other hand, a rom-com really needs the rom and the com, and the latter could have really helped the former.

The leads are decent, but there’s a sad lack of chemistry between them. It is the supporting cast who have all the fun though, with everyone I just mentioned above doing generally great work. Dewey is probably the least effective of the main cast members, but that is the fault of a script that does even less with him than it does with the others. There are also a number of actors doing their best “major douchebag” turns while paying for the company of Fonseca’s character, which I guess helps to make her like our leading man more, by default.

Although I personally didn’t think the film needed to miss so many opportunities for laughs, I appreciate the attempt to present some young adults discussing various approaches to sex in a positive and open way. The Escort may not be a film to love, and I doubt I will ever rewatch it, but it certainly provides more talking points than your average rom-com. There just wasn’t quite enough honey coating the underbaked platter of genitalia-shaped cookies at the heart of it. And there’s another sentence I never thought I would write.

6/10

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Next Stop, Christmas (2021)

Written by Kari Drake and Duane Poole, Next Stop, Christmas is another Christmas TV movie that makes use of a time travel element. Which also means that it's another Christmas TV movie that makes use of Christopher Lloyd. The fact that it also features Lea Thompson in a main role gives it bonus points though, and creates some extra familiarity with one or two of the plot details (such as someone aiming to recreate a first date for their parents so that a loving relationship can be maintained).

Lyndsy Fonseca plays Angie Reynolds, a young woman who feels a tinge of regret one Christmas when she starts to think of what might have been. She is doing well in her medical career, but that is offset by her thought that she should have said yes when her boyfriend, Tyler Grant (Eric Freeman), proposed to her a decade ago. They are no longer in contact, although she sees his face anywhere because of his successful career as a sports commentator/presenter. Angie has also been saddened by the fact that her parents drifted apart and ended up separating. A big chance to change things is given to her, unbeknownst to her, when a magical train station “worker” (Christopher Lloyd) gives her a round trip ticket that takes her to that crucial holiday with the family . . . ten years previously. Can Angie accept her proposal now? Can she help her parents find their spark again? And will she reconnect with her best friend from childhood, Ben (Chandler Massey)?

While hitting a lot of the Christmas TV movie tropes, Next Stop, Christmas also manages to be genuinely entertaining, and occasionally properly amusing, throughout. It counts on viewers buying into the inexplicable magic of the main premise, but viewers have to do that with every Christmas movie, to some degree, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

The script hits all of the expected beats, but you also get some enjoyable pop culture references, and things are helped by the fact that Angie outright explains her situation to Ben about a third of the way into the movie, providing proof that eventually convinced him that she is telling the truth. The fact that our lead has to fix a situation in order to make a faded train ticket become fully visible is also a fun nod to the casting of Lloyd and Thompson (every time it was shown, I couldn’t help but thinking of that family photo in Back To The Future).

Director Dustin Rikert isn’t new to this kind of stuff, although his filmography has a varied mix to it, and he does well with the material, simply allowing the lead characters to have much more fun when not attached to any of the main supporting characters.

Fonseca is a very likeable lead, one of the best I can think of when it comes to these movies, and she works well with an equally-likeable Massey. Freeman needs that big flaw that allows our lead to see where her heart may truly lie, but he’s not stuck with being a massive jerk. He’s not actually that bad, the main problem being his constant attachment to his phone as he is offered a major career opportunity. Lloyd is a fun presence, appearing every so often looking not entirely unlike Tom Hanks in The Polar Express, and the film is boosted by his role being more than just a point-scoring cameo. Thompson is also very much welcome, even if she is playing a woman who seems quite unhappy for most of the movie, and the rest of the cast does just fine, although the only other standout is Erika Slezak as Aunt Myrt (a woman famous for her wonderful Christmas parties).

Once again, I must remind people that Christmas TV movies are films I compare to a standard set by other Christmas TV movies. By that criteria, this is a great success. It’s still as predictable as you expect, but the journey of discovery is a lot more entertaining than the same kind of journey shown in so many other movies made to fill the schedules at this time of year.

7/10

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The Ward (2010)

AKA an excuse to post lots of pictures of Amber Heard. I strive to provide good reviews and interesting writing here on my blog but I'm as weak as most men when it comes to the lovely Miss Heard.

Of course, The Ward isn't just about Amber Heard, although she takes the lead role and is the focus of almost every scene. More importantly for horror fans, this film was a return to movieland from director John Carpenter. A return to directing features after quite a long hiatus and, to some, a return to form. Personally, I'm one of those who suspect that the positive reception given to the movie by the fans is based more upon a sense of relief that the thing wasn't awful as opposed to the movie being all that great. Because it's not. 

Don't get me wrong, the movie is enjoyable enough from start to finish. It's got some great atmosphere, decent performances and most of the scares are well executed but the whole thing is actually quite a fumbled piece of sleight of hand. Watch it once and you'll enjoy it as a bit of fun but repeat viewings show up a number of glaring flaws and massive plot holes. That doesn't stop the movie from being a decent horror (if we horror fans were to pick apart every flaw and plot hole then we'd be left with only one or two movies to watch, surely) but it does stop it from being up there with the past glories that Carpenter has given audiences.

The story is all about Kristen (Amber Heard), a young woman who is found by the police as she watches a house burning down. To be more precise, she watches the house burn down that she set fire to. Why? Who is this young woman and what has she been through? Hopefully, she will find answers while under the care of Dr. Stringer (Jared Harris). That's if she can keep her temper under control and play nice with the other inhabitants of the ward. Oh, avoiding the dangerous spirit trying to kill people would also be a good thing.

There are good performances from all involved here (Amber Heard is particularly good but Jared Harris is also excellent). The main girls in the ward are played by Mamie Gummer, Danielle Panabaker, Laura-Leigh and Lyndsy Fonseca and they all do fine, even if I can't bring myself to actually enjoy any performance from Panabaker - who, to my mind, seems to be one of those starlets thrust upon us just because someone has deemed it her time to be classed as a "star", god forbid that people reach such a position by having actual talent and personality.

The script is okay when it comes to individual snippets of dialogue but the plotting and overall construction of the movie are where the big flaws appear. Thankfully, it does enough to keep viewers interested and involved throughout and it's just a shame that everything couldn't have been tightened up slightly.

A haunting score accompanies the visuals and the direction from Carpenter is promising, we can only hope that he comes back soon with material worthy of his talent. The scares, whether they are simple jump scares or moments that build up a feeling of dread, are expertly crafted and these reassuring moments elevate the movie to just above average.

If you were waiting for something like a return to form from John Carpenter after his past few movies (the poorly received Vampires and Ghosts Of Mars, in particular) then this may well be something that you like more than I did. It's certainly better than those other movies in terms of acting quality and the translation of the material but it just doesn't do enough to make up for the fact that the plot elements are tired and have been used in a number of superior films.

6/10

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