976-Evil II (1992)

Well, it's pretty unlikely that people got to the end credits of 976-Evil and thought "that was great but I really want another movie using the same concept and throwing in a bit of astral projection madness" but here we are anyway with 976-Evil II, a movie directed by Jim Wynorski (a name familiar to purveyors of schlock and perhaps still best known for the fantastic fun of Chopping Mall).

The plot is so silly that you expect someone from the Monty Python crew to come along and stop proceedings at any moment. Mr. Grubeck (Rene Assa) is the latest person to be seduced by the telephone number that offers a very specific horror-scope for each individual and he's been on a bit of a killing spree. Apprehended by the police, things get confusing when the killings continue while Mr. Grubeck is safley locked in a prison cell. Will nobody put 2 and 2 together and realise that the killer can astrally project himself anywhere while he's asleep? Spike (Patrick O'Bryan) doesn't know exactly what's going on but he does know, from bitter experience, just how dangerous that 976 number is. Perhaps Robin (Debbie James) can help him put all of the pieces together before more people are dead.

While it follows on from the first movie in some ways, mainly the use of the phone number and the returning character of Spike, 976-Evil II could just as easily have been moulded into an original movie that could have been just as silly and unscary while not needing to tarnish the good name of a fairly decent movie. There are no characters you really get to care about (Spike and Robin aren't really great leads while the script meanders from one limp set-piece to the next), no impressive death scenes and no real sense of the fun that's obviously supposed to be coming from the screen.

I knew that the movie would have some issues when the first sixty seconds featured some gratuitous nudity. Hey, I'm certainly not averse to nudity (gratuitous or otherwise) but it's never a good sign when a) it occurs within the first minute and b) it's not followed up by plenty more. If you offer nothing else then at least have the decency to go all out with the gratuitous nudity. One fleeting glimpse of nakedness at the start of a film does not make up for 90 minutes of tedium.

There is some fun to be had with the supporting cast - featuring the great George 'Buck' Flower, the lovely Monique Gabrielle and a bizarre cameo role for Brigitte Nielsen - and one scene utilising a twisted version of It's A Wonderful Life is genuinely entertaining but the rest falls flat. The script, written by Erik Anjou and based on a story by Rick Glassman, is inept in a way that fails to raise even unintentional laughs while Wynorski provides uninspired direction.

In summation, I was genuinely more entertained by the last Jim Wynorski movie I watched, which was Cleavagefield.

3/10.

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976-Evil (1988)

Written by Brian Helgeland and Rhet Topham, 976-Evil is of interest to horror fans because it's the directorial debut of one Mr. Robert Englund. Yes, the one and only Freddy Krueger tries his razor-fingered hand at the horror movie game and shows that he's been learning more than just how to wisecrack and slash teens while hanging around on the set of numerous horror movies.

About 10 years ago I knew a woman who went through some personal upheaval and was distraught after her partner walked out on her. I used to visit and try to provide comforting words, all the while knowing how hollow and worthless they seemed. And the worst thing was that this poor woman wasted a LOT of money ringing up a certain "psychic hotline". I've never had much time for anyone who claims to have such powers in a way that can make them money, I think these people are manipulative opportunists (as opposed to anyone who believes that they have a certain gift and remains content to simply help others on occasion). So it was hard for me to sit there and listen to the nonsense that I was being told was "spookily accurate" when I could tell, from my unattached and unemotional viewpoint, that it was all bullshit. I could see just how much was wrong, how much was being interpreted by a desperate woman who wanted some answers to something she couldn't understand and how much was something anyone could say in a general statement to almost anyone on the end of a phone. Why tell you all of this? It's not a nice memory and there may be others reading this who have gone through the same thing. I don't mean to offend. I offer this up now because as well as being a standard horror movie, 976-Evil deliberately uses the murky, money-grabbing world of premium phone lines as a major stepping stone en route to a personal hell.

Young Hoax (Stephen Geoffreys) is a weak, bullied boy. He looks up to his cousin, Spike (Patrick O'Bryan), but also resents the fact that he seems to be the constant victim. Whether he's being given a kindly brush-off by Spike or having his head dunked in the toilet bowl, schooldays aren't exactly overflowing with happy memories for Hoax. So when he finds a card encouraging him to dial 976-Evil and find out his particular horror-scope he makes the call and follows the advice given to him. This advice works out well so he keeps using the service, eventually becoming consumed with a greed for the potential power to lash out and everyone who ever made his life miserable.

Starting off a bit unsure of itself, 976-Evil eventually builds into a pretty enjoyable horror film that rises above the small budget and has a bit of fun with the central concept. There aren't any huge set-pieces that will linger in the memory but there is a nice growing atmosphere of unease and danger as Hoax becomes more enamoured of the telephone service (think of young Arnie in Christine and you get the idea).

The cast are a mixed bag but Stephen Geoffreys is very good as Hoax, Sandy Dennis is entertainingly overbearing as Aunt Lucy and Patrick O'Bryan is acceptable enough. Lezlie Deane (who would go on to appear in an episode of Freddy's Nightmares and also the incorrectly-titled Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare) certainly has some screen presence and there's a small role for the superb Robert Picardo.  Jim Metzler and Maria Rubell may be rather bland but their characters help to dig up information around the sidelines just fine.

It's certainly not up there with the best low-budget, independent horrors but it's an enjoyable enough way to pass the time and shows that Robert Englund can do almost as well behind the camera as he does in front of it.

7/10.

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