They Will Kill You (2026)

As anyone who has been keeping track of my movie viewings will know, this is the reason I recently revisited Why Don't You Just Die! I had enjoyed the trailer for this movie, and wanted to see how director Kirill Sokolov would do with macabre fare that seemed to be aimed at a more mainstream audience (aka his English-language debut). The verdict? He doesn't do a bad job. I wouldn't call They Will Kill You great, but it certainly has one or two moments of greatness in it.

It's a familiar tale, at least on the surface. A group of rich and powerful people need to kill someone in order to retain their status. They're all inhabitants of one large building, and Asia Reaves (Zazie Beetz) is the new housekeeper who ends up being their new target. Asia has a hidden agenda though, and she's also very good at staying alive while dealing savagely with anyone silly enough to attack her.

Co-written by Sokolov and Alex Litvak, this may have underperformed at the box office, perhaps due to how close it was released to what seemed a very similar film (Ready Or Not 2: Here I Come), but I hope people will give it their time at home. There are a couple of twists and turns that make it much more fun than expected, and the violence on display is often as entertaining and inventive as it is savage and bloody.

Beetz is a very good lead, easy to root for and easy to believe as someone capable and deadly. It helps that the ensemble cast also includes Patricia Arquette (dubious accent choice and all), Paterson Joseph, Heather Graham, Tom Felton, Angus Sampson, and the voice of James Remar. There are many others too, including Myha'la, playing a character who provides the main motivation for the leading lady. Not everyone is at the same standard when it comes to the performances being delivered, but those who add to the fun far outweigh the few who don't.

I admit to not being won over by this from the very beginning. It seemed like it was a half-baked idea that would barely hold my interest for half an hour, let alone a full 94 minutes. The first couple of twists and turns were executed well enough to perk me up though, and then I was delighted by some superb gore gags and wonderfully-choreographed fight scenes until the curtain was pulled back for a final act that keeps delivering more of the same, but also adds even more insanity to the mix.

Sokolov proves himself as someone to absolutely keep an eye on. He has a great sense of the cinematic, is able to create stylish mayhem on a relatively low budget, and accompanies his visuals with some appropriately driving soundtrack choices. I may have been keen to see this, but I'm just as keen to see whatever he ends up doing next. And I wouldn't be disappointed if it was some contrived sequel to this. Maybe titled They Will Still Kill You. 

7/10

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Fackham Hall (2025)

All you need to know about Fackham Hall is that it's essentially a silly parody of Downton Hall fare. Imagine that kind of period piece drama given the Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker treatment and you're in the right area. Director Jim O'Hanlon has a pretty good body of work to his name already, including a couple of enjoyable Christmas movies and an episode of Hemlock Grove. (anyone else remember Hemlock Grove with fondness, or is it just me? and where the hell does Hemlock Grove "live" nowadays?)

The main cast members are Thomasin McKenzie, playing Rose, Ben Radcliffe, playing Eric, and Damian Lewis and Katherine Waterston playing Lord and Lady Davenport, respectively. Others onscreen are Tom Felton (as Archibald), Emma Laird (as Poppy), and Jimmy Carr, who also helped to co-write the screenplay, cameoing as a vicar who keeps breaking up his sentences in ways that make his speeches to the congregation hilarious inappropriate.

While there is a plot here, it's really all about throwing a lot of gags around and hoping that some of them land. The good news is that many of them do. They may not be the best gags, nor the most hilarious, but I ended up surprised by how much of the 97-minute runtime I spent consistently chuckling at the entertaining silliness being put before me. Jimmy Carr, Patrick Carr, Tim Inman, Andrew Dawson, and Steve Dawson are clearly comfortable, and skilled, when it comes to constructing a selection of jokes. The fact that the plot is slim enough to leave plenty of room for them, yet also constructed well enough to feel like the bones of a proper film, is impressive.

Considering some of his past work (especially having helmed a number of episodes of A Touch Of Cloth), it's no surprise to find that O'Hanlon has a good handle on the material. What is surprising is just how many of the leads trust themselves, and one another, to play things wonderfully straight in the midst of all the stupidity. McKenzie is particularly good in her role, as is Waterston, and they're rivalled by both Radcliffe and Lewis, although the latter can't resist adding a bit of extra ham to his performance at times. Felton almost unsettles things, but just stays within the perimeter of permissible parody behaviour, and things are quickly back on track whenever the focus moves to someone like Laird, Lizzie Hopley, Sue Johnston, or Tom Goodman-Hill (as Inspector Watt, called in when a corpse really puts a dampener on things for those at the titular hall).

It may rarely feel like a proper feature, more likely to be stumbled upon by viewers when it appears somewhere on a streaming service, but it does exactly what it sets out to do. If you know what to expect then you should laugh as much as I did. If you're after something a bit more clever and cinematic then I would encourge you to look elsewhere.

I started this review thinking that I would ultimately finish it off with a "good, but I won't rush to rewatch it" comment. In fact, thinking about how amused I was for the duration, and considering how that is a pleasant distraction from the madness of the real world, I might give it a rewatch soon. There might even be a number of little jokes that I missed the first time around. Which means I MAY one day return to edit this review/rating. I doubt it, but it could happen.

7/10

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The Apparition (2012)

There are a few bells and whistles on this movie in an attempt to supplement the supernatural stuff with some pseudo-science, but viewers won't be fooled for a second. This is a simple ghost flick, and it's a simple ghost flick that never does enough to raise it above the level of average. That's a great shame, because it has the potential to be something really good on a number of occasions.

Ashley Greene and Sebastian Stan star as Kelly and Ben, a young couple moving into their new home. It's not long until things start to go bump in the night. The couple seem to be perplexed by just what is going on, but Ben may know a bit more than he's letting in, especially considering the frantic messages that he's been receiving from Patrick (Tom Felton), an old friend that he doesn't seem to want to speak to any more.

With its familiar structure - opening scares, calm introduction to main characters, building of tension, standard third act stuff complete with twist that can be seen coming a mile away - and the fact that it's covering some well-worn territory, it's no surprise that The Apparition fails to stand out from so many other modern horror movies. Writer-director Todd Lincoln has a few good ideas, and creates some great moments of quiet unease in the first half of the movie, but it soon becomes apparent that he can't sustain that quality for the entire movie. When things start to unravel, it's fast and unpleasant, dragging the film down and never recovering.

Greene is a decent actress (she's an actress that I really like, at any rate) and she does a perfectly adequate job here, as does Sebastian Stan. Felton is . . . . . . . . another matter entirely. I want to like Felton, I really do, but he seems intent on filling up his post-Potter career with either bad movies (like the godawful 13 Hrs) or mediocre-to-poor performances in good movies (Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes). He breaks the pattern ever so slightly here by giving a mediocre performance in a mediocre movie.

This isn't a painful viewing experience, it's relatively short at about 82 minutes, but it's not one that I can imagine anyone revisiting. It's not good enough for horror fans, and I doubt that it's even good enough for the more casual horror viewer.

5/10

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