The Seventh Curse (1986)

Starting this review feels surprisingly daunting. As wild and enjoyable as it is, The Seventh Curse is also one of the most absolutely bonkers movies I have watched in some time. I want to sell it to other people, but I don’t want to spoil any of the treats contained within.

Let’s try a very basic plot summary. We get a lot of exposition in an extended flashback sequence. Dr. Yuen (Chin Siu-ho) is working away in the middle of a jungle area when he encounters a group of people conducting a ritual sacrifice. Not having any of it, Dr. Yuen interrupts the ritual and saves the woman who was due to be sacrificed. This is when he is given a blood curse, a series of explosive wounds that will harm him before the seventh results in death. The woman he saved manages to buy him a year of extra time, but that year is almost up. Dr. Yuen has to return to the jungle and defeat the powerful sorcerer who cursed him.

None of the above paragraph really gets to the heart of how truly mad The Seventh Curse is, although I hope you can imagine a lead character suddenly being pained by an explosive squid giving the impression that his body is being destroyed by strategic wounds signifying a countdown to death. There are some great action moments, the kind of sequences stuffed full of people you just know hurt themselves for the sake of the cinematic spectacle provided, and practical effects that make you think this was co-created by Frank Henenlotter.

Although I have seen a few other movies from writers Wong Jing and Yuen Gai-chi, this is my first from director Lam Ngai Kai. Considering I own at least one other title from him, and have already had The Cat recommended to me numerous times, it certainly won’t be my last. Kai gives equal time to every mad idea written into the script, ensuring that any weaknesses are overlooked in favour of the constant sense of, to use the technical term, whatthefuckery.

Siu-ho isn’t the strongest, or most charismatic, lead, but he is being followed by a character who is played by Maggie Cheung, which allows her to shine in a way that otherwise wouldn’t have worked if the Siu-ho had been dominating the screen. Chow Yun-Fat also has a supporting role, but it’s far from his best onscreen action, and you get Dick Wei and the brilliantly-named Elvia Tsui joining in with the fun, the latter especially entertaining as the evil sorcerer.

I don’t think this is one of my best reviews, apologies for that, and it can be harder to write about these films when you find it impossible to truly convey the full experience. Because a lot of this could be viewed as bad. The plotting is ridiculous, the characters are a bit weak, and people get themselves out of perilous situations in ways that are, let’s not pretend otherwise, frankly preposterous. But that all becomes part of the fun. As soon as you realise how the film is playing out then you can decide whether to go along with it or not. If you decide not to then that’s your loss. I had fun with it, and just writing about it now has made me want to revisit it already (partially because some of the scenes I have remembered already feel like the product of some wild fever-dream).

7/10

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Prime Time: City Hunter (1993)

I had somehow not seen City Hunter, despite being a big Jackie Chan fan, and despite being aware of it as "the one in which Jackie Chan appears in one scene as Chun Li". Having now seen it, I now know why I never got around to it. It's not really worth bothering with, and is really built up from all of the worst parts of Jackie Chan movies (horrible jokes, worse dialogue, and not enough action).

Chan plays Ryu Saeba, a cocky detective who spends his time chasing women and trying to look cool. He also looks after a relative of his dead partner, and regrets the promise that he made to not hit on her. Ryu is hired to track down Shizuko Imamura (Kumiko Goto), the daughter of a wealthy businessman, and ends up on a cruise ship that's about to be taken over by terrorists (headed up by Richard Norton).

Written and directed by Wong Jing, based on the popular manga, City Hunter aims to be a light and enjoyable bit of entertainment from the very beginning, with Chan explaining some backstory and his character directly to the camera. Perhaps if they'd decided to keep that style throughout then this would have been a better film, but things move into more traditional narrative style, although you often get punchlines to moments that feel like an obvious wink or smile to viewers.

Chan is saddled with the worst character he has ever played onscreen, in my experience of his filmography anyway, and cannot do enough to overcome the general cloak of douchebaggery that he has to wear throughout. It's still great to watch him when he fights, which doesn't happen often enough, but his dialogue is even more cringe-inducing than usual, with most of his sentences either being sexist, creepy, just outright irritating, or horribly homophobic. I get it. The humour is different. It should still make people laugh though, and I really don't see how anything here would do that.

Joey Wong has to pout and stamp her feet as Kaori Makimura, the young woman who was essentially raised by Ryu after the death of his partner (yes, there's extra creepiness in their relationship that we're just supposed to ignore), but Goto gets to do a little bit more with her role. Norton is a scenery-chewing villain, as you want in these movies, and Gary Daniels gets to enjoy a couple of good moments as his main henchman. Leon Lai plays a gambler on the cruise ship who has exceptional skill with playing cards, and both Chingmy Yau and Carol Wan add to the complement of beautiful women given rather thankless roles in the film.

There ARE a few good fight sequences, including one that has Jackie emulating a set-piece from Game Of Death as that film plays on a big screen behind him, but not enough to warrant sitting through the worst parts of this film. The plotting is awful, there's never a feeling that anything is really at stake, the humour falls flat, and I cannot recall the last time I watched a film with such an unlikeable central character. I did enjoy that Street Fighter sequence though, even if I knew I'd end up seeing Chan as Chun Li.

4/10

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