Prime Time: The Bluff (2026)

I like Karl Urban. I also tend to like Priyanka Chopra Jonas. And, good job for me, I like pirates. Despite the plot summary accompanying the thumbnail imagery of this one online, I didn't realise that The Bluff was a film set in the pirate-filled past until it started. Thankfully, Urban is such a good pirate that I soon knew I would have a good time with this.

Jonas plays Ercell, a woman with a disabled young son (Isaac, played by Vedanten Naidoo) and a strong-willed younger sister (Elizabeth, played by Safia Oakley-Green). She wants to keep both of them safe and protected when her home island is invaded by Captain Connor (Urban) and his crew. They're after some hidden treasure, of course, and they believe that Ercell is the one who has it. Maybe it was hidden away somewhere by her husband, T.H. (Ismael Cruz Córdova). Or maybe she did it herself, and is more than capable of defending it from those who would seek to steal it from her.

Co-written by Joe Ballarini and director Frank E. Flowers, there are no major surprises here in The Bluff, especially when you consider the billing order of the stars, and the only thing to differentiate from a hundred other similar movies are the stars and the setting. Those two factors are enough to make it feel a bit better than many other viewing choices though, especially when the pirates get busy delivering their pirate violence to those they consider to be standing between them and their payday.

Jonas is convincing when it comes to the physicality, very quickly asserting her skills and deadliness in an impressive sequence that shows her turning the tables on two home invaders, and she's good enough to keep viewers on her side as things ramp up and she has to become more and more resourceful and capable, and also a little bit fortunate. Urban growls and scowls in his usual manner, looking damn good in the pirate garb and being as entertaining as ever. Oakley-Green and Naidoo may be there to add some vulnerable people needing protection, which they do well enough, but there are more enjoyable supporting turns from Temuera Morrison, David Field, and those having fun using their cannons, muskets, and swords.

The action is depicted clearly enough, and there's a nice mix of smooth cinematic moves and occasional grisliness, and the 103-minute runtime feels just right, allowing for just enough character development in between the numerous set-pieces. Flowers may not be any kid of master of cinema, but he handles things well enough, and at least knows how to make the most of the two biggest names heading up his cast. The only major disappointment by the time the end credits roll is regret that Urban has never been cast as Blackbeard in a movie. Someone needs to get on that.

7/10

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Battle Of The Damned (2013)

Writer-director Christopher Hatton is a man after my own heart, judging by this enjoyable slice of daft entertainment. He's a man who writes a script that involves not-quite-zombies aka infected and some weaponised robots. He then gets Dolph Lundgren for the main role. Job done, basically.

Battle Of The Damned isn't, as you may already have guessed, high art. It doesn't benefit from a big budget or a deluge of original ideas. However, it benefits from Lundgren as the lead character, named Max Gatling (yes, his surname is GATLING), and pacing that helps it to play out as a pleasant diversion, rather than a bit of a chore.

Gatling has made his way into a dangerous city, full of people afflicted by a deadly virus, because he is tasked with collecting a young woman named Jude (Melanie Zanetti). Jude's father wants her back home, safe. While fending off the not-quite-zombies who keep rushing around him, Gatling finds Jude and explains the situation to her. Unfortunately, that doesn't take into account what Jude wants. She's been surviving, thanks to her inclusion in a group of survivors led by Duke (David Field). She also has a boyfriend (Reese, played by Matt Doran). Are they all going to make their way out of the city together, or is she expected to leave the others behind? It soon becomes clear what Gatling would prefer, but the whole operation starts to look more and more impossible with every passing minute. And then the robots appear.

Making the most of some great locations in Malaysia, from what I can gather, Battle Of The Damned is a film that can't ever overcome its shortcomings, despite trying hard, but throws enough elements onscreen that some of them stick. Hatton makes up for the technical aspect of the movie by making sure that there are just enough fun and/or cheesy moments throughout for fans of this kind of schlocky fare to enjoy.

In case I didn't make it clear earlier, Lundgren is the best person onscreen (but, of course, he often is). Zanetti and Doran are a bit . . . . . . flat, so it's good to have the character played by Field, who is at least a bit more interesting. Jen Sung, Lydia Look and Oda Maria make up the rest of the gang, with each one having at least one majorly cliched moment apiece.

I've gone on for far too long when all you needed to know was in the first paragraph. Not-quite-zombies, weaponised robots, and Lundgren being as tough as usual. Judge it by any standard criteria and it will be deemed a failure. Judge it as disposable fun for undemanding action movie fans and it does the job.

5/10

http://www.amazon.com/Battle-Damned-Blu-ray-Dolph-Lundgren/dp/B00GOYC3ME/ref=sr_1_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1404188216&sr=1-3&keywords=battle+of+the+damned

Feed (2005)

Directed by Brett Leonard and written by Kieran Galvin (based on an idea by the two leads, Patrick Thompson and Alex O'Loughlin), Feed is a standard thriller in many ways but it takes things to such extremes that everything soon becomes quite horrific. It's also, sadly, a bit muddled in pretty much every other scene. The movie clearly wants to do a good job, make some interesting points and mix a lot of psychology in there with the more visceral stuff.

The basic plot sees an investigator of cybercrimes (Phillip Jackson, played by Patrick Thompson) trying to capture a twisted sicko (Michael Carter, played by Alex O'Loughlin) and put him where he belongs. The sicko runs a website that features ladies of a larger size. Nothing wrong with that if that's where it ended. Oh no, Michael keeps feeding and feeding these women and eventually starts taking bets on just when they will die. Phillip becomes more and more determined, some might say obsessive, in his attempts to catch Michael but the potential killer always seems to be one step ahead of him. AND he finds it easy to justify his actions. Hell, even his victims don't really see what he's doing wrong. He looks after them, he shows them affection and he always, always feeds them.

It's an interesting idea and it makes for, as you might expect, a number of grodd moments but Feed fails to make the most of the interesting psychology that it has going on. The fact that those being fed are so content and don't even realise that they are being slowly but surely moved towards their death.

The varying quality of the acting doesn't help. O'Loughlin is the best onscreen, possibly thanks to getting most of the best lines in the script, and Gabby Millgate is very good as the latest food lover but Patrick Thompson is pretty lousy, Jack Thompson is just as bad and Matthew Le Nevez is just . . . . . . there.

Leonard doesn't do too bad in the role of director, he's just let down by the muddled script and the uneven acting. The first 5-10 minutes contain the best moments but there's enough unpleasantness in the story to make it worth a watch for those who can stomach it (no pun intended), the ideas of the story are interesting and the movie has a fair selection of interesting covers on the soundtrack to accompany some of the startling imagery.

Not awful but it could have been so much better.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Feed-DVD/dp/B000F7M6R8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1350028082&sr=8-1