Mad Heidi (2022)

While there has been a lot of fun delivered to genre movie fans by the past decade or so of film-makers emulating the grindhouse movie aesthetic, it has also given us some dross. A bad movie is not always improved by excessive gore effects and attempts to make it look old and damaged. 

Mad Heidi is advertised as the first Swissploitation movie, and it was realised with the help of a major crowdfunding campaign. If you know the classic tale of Heidi then you should enjoy it, but it’s also very accessible to those who somehow haven’t ever heard of the character. Sadly, it is also surprisingly boring.

Alice Lucy, an actress with a very small filmography you could check out in the space of an afternoon (not saying that as a criticism, it’s a note for anyone who wants to see her in other work), plays Heidi. Events conspire to make her a very angry Heidi, putting her on a path that will lead her to battle a dictator named President Meili (Casper Van Dien). Heavily-armed, skilled in a variety of combat styles, and with the potential to get oppressed people on her side, Heidi is a force to be reckoned with.

It’s hard to pin down quite why Mad Heidi doesn’t work for me. The tone is fairly amusing throughout, the onscreen world is set up quickly enough, and there are a number of cheese-based puns. In fact, a central part of the plot concerns weaponised cheese, which was ridiculous enough to make me smile. And, hey, a lot of Nazis get decimated. It just feels like there’s not enough in between the gags, gore gags or standard gags, and the film-makers rely on viewed being patient until they pull out the stops for a blood-soaked and gloopy finale, but that then feels like too little too late.

Lucy is fine in the lead role, as cute and light as Heidi should be, and then ready to cut up Nazis with a host of sharp weaponry. She’s a highlight, as is Van Dien, who overacts in a way that makes his character feel exactly as he should, a mad ruler struggling to keep the mask of politeness on his face as minor things start to become a major inconvenience for him. David Schofield is as welcome as ever, but sadly not onscreen for long, and Max Rüdlinger is an entertaining secondary villain. 

Directed by Johannes Hartmann and Sandro Klopfstein, who both also wrote the screenplay with Gregory D. Widmer and Trent Haaga (a man who has written some GREAT little movies), the overwhelming feeling by the time the end credits roll is one of wasted potential. The visuals often work well, the practical effects are enjoyably squishy and wet, and everyone involved gets into the spirit of the thing. It doesn’t come together though, and that is because of the script having too much randomness thrown in there, and all of it given equal weight by the directors. It’s like being cured of your sweet tooth by working in the chocolate factory and being told you can eat as much as you like. Sometimes less is more.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started watching Mad Heidi. I certainly didn’t expect to be bored though, and that was my mental state for a good chunk of the middle section. One or two highlights in the finale almost made up for that, but not quite. The game cast gain a lot of goodwill though. Just not enough for me to view it as anything more than just below average.

4/10

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Dead By Dawn 2018: An American Werewolf In London (1981)

Reposted from my Flickfeast.co.uk review.

Two young Americans, David (David Naughton) and Jack (Griffin Dunne), are trudging across the moors of Northern England when they are attacked by a large, deadly creature. Jack is killed instantly and David survives, only to be informed (by Jack, who is now cursed to wander the Earth as a member of the undead) that he will sprout fur and fangs at the time of the next full moon, hence the title. Despite this worry, David still manages to impress the beautiful nurse looking after him (Jenny Agutter) and gets his wicked way with our very own English Rose in a scene that fuelled many the fantasy of a young lad in the mid-80s. But will his happiness last? Is he going mad? Or will he, indeed, start howling at the next full moon?

If you haven’t seen this perfectly crafted horror-comedy (though director John Landis prefers to call it a horror movie that lets you laugh)  then stop reading this review and do so immediately. Now! It is a favourite for many, many people (certainly one of mine) and remains one of the best blending of those two genres ever made. I also think that this movie, alongside Scanners, helped to expand the newly introduced home entertainment market (thanks to the major rewind moments – Scanners had that exploding head scene and this movie has not only a naked Jenny Agutter but also THE finest werewolf transformation ever committed to film, for which I am eternally in awe of the magnificent Rick Baker . . . and we shouldn’t forget his sterling work in making Jack a very real, very decomposing member of the undead). Just watch it. Seriously. Now.

For those of you who have seen it or have just watched it for the first time, how many highlights can you think of right now? It’s a long and impressive list and, in a random stream of consciousness, I would have to plump for the following: the soundtrack filled with songs that have “moon” in the title, the adult movie titled “See You Next Wednesday” (a Landis trademark in-joke for some time), a young Rik Mayall on screen for seconds, “The Slaughtered Lamb”, the amusing comic relief from the staid policemen, Frank Oz in both muppet and non-muppet form, David Naughton checking his teeth in the mirror and THAT transformation sequence. Throw in an amazing finale set in Piccadilly Circus, genuinely good acting from all three of thhe main leads, a witty script full of love for the lycanthrope myths and great direction PLUS a hell of a lot more and you have the greatest werewolf movie ever made, for my money anyway.

10/10

Buy the disc here.
Americanos can get it here.

The one, the only . . . ME. With that there John Landis.

Darkest Hour (2017)

Although both films are about a small, plucky bunch looking for a way to defeat a dark force that can often seem undefeatable, this is not a remake, or connected in any way, to the 2011 film starring Emile Hirsch. That was called The Darkest Hour, you see, and this is just called Darkest Hour. Although I am all for some crossover in the future that sees Churchill and co. fighting against invisible alien invaders.

Yes, in case you weren't already aware, this is a film about Winston Churchill, arguably the most famouse Prime Minister in history, as well known for his cigar-smoking and portly figure (think Hitchcock with a bow tie on) as he is for his quotes and speeches, with one in particular being the event that this whole film revolves around.

Directed by Joe Wright and written by Anthony McCarten, this is a slight step down for the former and a slight step up for the latter (can we all agree now that The Theory Of Everything, the previous film written by McCarten, wasn't THAT good?). About as solid as you can get, in terms of detail, performances, and the oh-so-Britishness of it all, there's no denying that the events shown here are very important, in relation to both Britain and the shape of the modern world, but it can be very hard to make the dusty, archaic environment of Westminster seem lively and cinematic. Let's face it, the general public have often seen snippets of political debates on TV and wondered how many of the MPs present could be diagnosed with early onset rigor mortis.

Thankfully, the cast help to make this more watchable than it otherwise would be. All the praise being heaped on Oldman, always worth your time in movies, is justly deserved. He's absolutely brilliant in the main role, nailing the attitude and determination of a man who, at times, had everyone rooting against him. Kristin Scott Thomas is supportive and good enough as Clementine, AKA Mrs Churchill, but she's given very little to do. The same goes for Lily James, playing a young secretary/worker who is given a second chance after an initial meeting with Churchill that doesn't go well at all. Faring much better from the script are Ben Mendelsohn, giving yet another superb performance as King George VI (that there fella who was the focus of The King's Speech), Stephen Dillane, and Ronald Pickup (playing Neville Chamberlain, the Prime Minister preceding Churchill). Politics was very much a boy's club back then, and this is reflected in the characters involved in the main strands of the story as it all winds towards THAT speech.

It's a shame that other aspects don't work as well as the performances. The script has a lot of great dialogue to work with, as you would expect, but falls down somewhat when trying to emphasise the pressure on Churchill, and the momentum that he needs to build in parliament. And a couple of weightier moments are resolved in a way that somehow feels like a bit of a half-hearted shrug. Despite the runtime just creeping over the two hour mark, it feels as if this is a film that could warrant an extra 15-20 minutes, but then you have to wonder if that would make the whole thing feel like a painful crawl. Wright does a capable job, doing what he can to keep things respectable while also engrossing and entertaining. There's just one or two elements that hold this back from being a great movie, despite that lead performance towering over everything.

Worth your time, as long as you know exactly what type of film you're getting. Just don't go into it expecting a reworking of that Emile Hirsch movie.

7/10

Order the bluray here.
Or, if in America, here.

F AKA The Expelled (2010)

Written and directed by Johannes Roberts, F (released in America as The Expelled), is a low-key horror movie that springboards from a "hot button" social issue and develops into something surprisingly memorable and chilling. One of a number of "hoodie horror" movies released in recent years, this stands out from the pack thanks to the execution of the material.

David Schofield (who, to me, will always be THAT dart player from An American Werewolf In London) plays a teacher, Mr. Anderson, who ends up being assaulted in his own classroom by a pupil. Moving forward to almost a year later and Mr. Anderson is a broken man. He's separated from his wife, scared of every shadow, barely keeping his job and only able to force his daughter (Eliza Bennett) to spend time with him by giving her detention. His paranoia means that nobody takes him seriously when, one evening, he starts to suspect that the school is being targeted by some particularly menacing kids.

Roberts may have created a lean, effective script but it's what he does with the material while bringing it to life from the page that shows his strengths as a director. The camerawork is smooth, with a number of scares created subtly in the background of the shot, and the score becomes more and more haunting and downright spooky as the horror of the situation becomes clear to those caught up in it.

Schofield is as great as you'd expect him to be, but the supporting cast all do pretty solid work alongside him. Bennett is stuck with being a slightly annoying teenager, but the character has good grounds for her rebellious behaviour and the whole stroppy act doesn't feel overdone. Emma Cleasby, Ruth Gemmell, Finlay Robertson, Max Fowler et al do just fine. The only person who struggles is Roxanne McKee, not through any fault of her own. McKee seems to be onscreen as a visual aid, not that I'm complaining too much, but her character - a very pretty P.E. teacher who spends time after the standard school day working out some more before hitting the showers - is the least believable of the lot.

Choosing not to spoonfeed viewers, F instead decides to leave certain elements unexplained, preferring to leave people with plenty to think about after the end credits roll. Some people won't like that. They'll want more backstory and more answers. I really appreciated it, and think that it's this non-conformist approach that takes F up a grade (no pun intended).

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/F-Blu-ray-David-Schofield/dp/B004EMRZQ2/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1379439004&sr=8-3&keywords=F