Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (2023)

Although I didn’t feel optimistic about Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, I figured that it didn’t have to do too much to be an improvement upon the previous instalment in what has become another unnecessary expansion of a Stephen King property. Look, we all know that nobody was crying out for a prequel, but the premise always has potential for macabre fun.

Set decades in the past, of course, the tale focuses on a young Judson Crandall (Jackson White). Of course. He is keen to leave his home town, set to start life anew with his girlfriend (Norma, played by Natalie Alyn Lind), but things conspire against him. There’s a grumpy dog, to put it mildly, and a very grumpy young man who has recently returned from war (Timmy, played by Jack Mulhern).

Directed by first-timer Lindsey Anderson Beer, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Jeff Buhler, a lot of Pet Sematary: Bloodlines is easily enjoyable as a standard riff on the central idea. Unfortunately, as soon as you start to think about everything fully, about how the situation would affect the central character of Jud, the whole thing falls apart. The main idea of Pet Sematary can be reworked, but it feels wrong when viewers are shown a character that we know ended up voluntarily putting himself in the same dire situation more than once in his adult life. Fool Jud once, shame on you. Fool Jud twice, shame on Jud. The other big problem that the film has is the fact that a fair chunk of the final sequence is filmed while someone forgot to get the lighting right. I peered at one dark and murky scene after another while I tried to maintain consideration for characters who might be in peril. Or they might have gone off to do their weekly grocery shopping. I don’t know. Because I couldn’t see a damn thing.

There’s nothing else that stands out, for better or worse. The rest of the visuals, the effects, and the score are all perfunctory. Nothing feels cheap or rushed, nor does it feel like a nervous debut (I hope Beer is given a better opportunity with her next project), and it is helped by a cast that would all shine if the film around them was better.

White and Lind are both easy to root for, although we already know certain facts about their fate already, and there are also good turns from Forrest Goodluck and Isabella LaBlanc, two other “youngsters” who end up in serious danger, while Mulhern has to look mean and moody as everyone around him starts to realise how much he has changed. There are welcome supporting turns from Pam Grier, David Duchovny, Henry Thomas, and Samantha Mathis, each one doing their best to distract you from the flaws inherent in the screenplay.

Those flaws are unavoidable though, ensuring that this could never be viewed as a great film. If it wasn’t connected to other films then it might have fared a bit better, but it is, and it subsequently suffers from the connection that undermines it. It’s still better than the last film to have Pet Sematary in the title though, which allows it to be both disappointing and also a very minor success.

4/10

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Ambulance (2022)

Based on an 80-minute movie from over 15 years ago, Ambulance is Michael Bay once again being as Michael Bay as possible. And if you remember one thing by the time the end credits have rolled it will be just how much Michael Bay likes to use drones now.

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II plays Will Sharp, a young military veteran who is struggling to get the money required to get his wife the surgery she needs. He decides to visit his brother, Danny (Jake Gyllenhaal), and ask him for a big favour. It turns out that his timing couldn't be better/worse, as Danny is planning a large bank robbery that day and wants a man on the team he can fully trust. Danny has robbed many banks, and he doesn't like to hurt or kill people. Will reluctantly accepts the offer to get in on what could be a massive payday. Things don't go to plan, which leads to Danny and Will fleeing the law in an ambulance that still has a paramedic, Cam (Eiza González), inside, treating a wounded police officer.

Where Ambulance works best is in the relationship between Danny and Will, who may not be brothers in the strictest sense (Will was taken in by Danny's family when he was very young), but show, at every opportunity, that they absolutely consider themselves real brothers. There's also an interesting dynamic between the two when it comes to planning their endgame, with Danny constantly figuring out odds and options while Will just does whatever he can to keep others safe.

Gyllenhaal and Abdul-Mateen II are both excellent in their roles. The former is a blend of charm and danger, the latter is a man who immediately regrets a mistake he made. Both feel like a good fit, and they have nice chemistry with one another. González does equally well, working out her own best way to survive the situation while trying to keep a patient alive. She quickly sizes up who is the better of the two men, and it’s nice to have a central female figure in this kind of movie that isn’t “potential love interest”. Garret Dillahunt is great fun as the main authority figure pursuing the fleeing robbers, Keir O’Donnell is also very good, an agent from a different bureau who has a history with one of the brothers, and Olivia Stambouliah delivers a constant line of dry humour as a tech whizz assisting the police operation.

It’s just a shame that this is ultimately hampered by Bay doing what he does. Some parts still work really well - the bank robbery itself is a great mix of escalating tension (in some ways) and violence, there are some shots that throw viewers into, and under, carnage in a way unlike any others I can think of - and there’s certainly a good sense of momentum once the leads end up in their getaway vehicle. Sadly, overediting spoils a number of stunts, the constant drone camerawork becomes tiresome, even when it is delivering some stunning shots, and, perhaps ironically, the film could stand to lose at least twenty minutes from the runtime (ironic because of the overediting negatively affecting other aspects of the movie). There are also one or two characters too many (the two worst of them being a criminal kingpin and a cop out for revenge) and a grand final plan that seems to make absolutely no sense at all. I am not sure how the original film plays out, and I am keen to see it one day, but writer Chris Fedak must take the blame for some of the mis-steps here, flaws that really weaken what should have been a strong third act.

Michael Bay has his fans, I am sometimes one of them, and this has enough onscreen that will generally keep them/me happy. It’s just a shame that the concept couldn’t have been placed in the hands of someone with a similar sense of scale and bombast who could also maintain a sense of fluidity throughout. This is a film designed to flow, a river that develops from a trickle of water and ends at a dangerous waterfall. Bay ensures that it is simply a series of ever-increasing puddles, satisfying to hop from one to the other, but without any real, natural, connections between them.

6/10

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