Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (2023)

Although I didn’t feel optimistic about Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, I figured that it didn’t have to do too much to be an improvement upon the previous instalment in what has become another unnecessary expansion of a Stephen King property. Look, we all know that nobody was crying out for a prequel, but the premise always has potential for macabre fun.

Set decades in the past, of course, the tale focuses on a young Judson Crandall (Jackson White). Of course. He is keen to leave his home town, set to start life anew with his girlfriend (Norma, played by Natalie Alyn Lind), but things conspire against him. There’s a grumpy dog, to put it mildly, and a very grumpy young man who has recently returned from war (Timmy, played by Jack Mulhern).

Directed by first-timer Lindsey Anderson Beer, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Jeff Buhler, a lot of Pet Sematary: Bloodlines is easily enjoyable as a standard riff on the central idea. Unfortunately, as soon as you start to think about everything fully, about how the situation would affect the central character of Jud, the whole thing falls apart. The main idea of Pet Sematary can be reworked, but it feels wrong when viewers are shown a character that we know ended up voluntarily putting himself in the same dire situation more than once in his adult life. Fool Jud once, shame on you. Fool Jud twice, shame on Jud. The other big problem that the film has is the fact that a fair chunk of the final sequence is filmed while someone forgot to get the lighting right. I peered at one dark and murky scene after another while I tried to maintain consideration for characters who might be in peril. Or they might have gone off to do their weekly grocery shopping. I don’t know. Because I couldn’t see a damn thing.

There’s nothing else that stands out, for better or worse. The rest of the visuals, the effects, and the score are all perfunctory. Nothing feels cheap or rushed, nor does it feel like a nervous debut (I hope Beer is given a better opportunity with her next project), and it is helped by a cast that would all shine if the film around them was better.

White and Lind are both easy to root for, although we already know certain facts about their fate already, and there are also good turns from Forrest Goodluck and Isabella LaBlanc, two other “youngsters” who end up in serious danger, while Mulhern has to look mean and moody as everyone around him starts to realise how much he has changed. There are welcome supporting turns from Pam Grier, David Duchovny, Henry Thomas, and Samantha Mathis, each one doing their best to distract you from the flaws inherent in the screenplay.

Those flaws are unavoidable though, ensuring that this could never be viewed as a great film. If it wasn’t connected to other films then it might have fared a bit better, but it is, and it subsequently suffers from the connection that undermines it. It’s still better than the last film to have Pet Sematary in the title though, which allows it to be both disappointing and also a very minor success.

4/10

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Netflix And Chill: You People (2023)

An updated version of Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner with some additional commentary on cultural appropriation and white privilege, You People is the kind of film you will know you should love or hate based on the trailer alone. I thought it looked fun, I watched the film, and I had fun with it.

Jonah Hill plays Ezra, a Jewish man who is working in a financial role that he doesn’t really enjoy. What really makes him happy is a podcast he co-hosts with his best friend, a woman named Mo (Sam Jay), all about the commonalities and differences between white and black culture. Ezra also really enjoys an encounter with Amira (Lauren London), a beautiful black woman, that leads to a serious relationship, but that emphasises the differences between them more than any chat on a podcast could. Ezra gets a hard time from Amira's parents, played by Eddie Murphy and Nia Long, while Amira finds herself made uncomfortable and unhappy by the oblivious stereotyping and insensitivity of Ezra's parents, played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus and David Duchovny.

Directed by Kenya Barris, who has written numerous features and directed some TV show episodes before this, You People is a fun mix of Meet The Parents and that classic movie I mentioned in the first sentence. It's not as good as Meet The Parents, which puts everything in place and escalates the comedy in a much better way, but it's certainly a lot better than Guess Who (the remake/update of Guess Who's Coming To Dinner that tried to mine the topic for laughs without giving enough time to the more serious side of the situation). The biggest problem seems to be that the script was co-written by Barris and Hill, with the latter feeling like some idealised version of a white ally who knows enough of the music and fashion, and can play basketball well enough, to be viewed as safe and cool when compared to other "tourists". Maybe that side of things came from Barris, but it doesn't feel that way.

Am I saying that it hits a number of surprisingly similar beats to the much-maligned Soul Man? I might be. People will perhaps tell me off for that, but when you think of a few key scenes, they're either an inversion or recreation of moments from that movie. But I guess it's okay, because Barris is at the helm, and a number of transitions are given a funky, graffiti, style. And we get shown a lot of cool footwear. Seriously, WHAT is going on with the focus on the footwear here? Our two leads are defined by their footwear, they're used to show the passage of time in a relationship, and sneakers even tie in to the grand finale. Maybe finding true love is just meeting someone else who loves the same Nikes as you do and being brave enough to ask "shall we just do it?"

Hill and London are good in the lead roles, with the latter doing the important job of lighting up the screen and showing herself as a beautiful and strong young woman who has chosen someone that makes her happy. Despite the strand that allows him to be an ideal cool guy, Hill is a lot of fun when cringing at events unfolding around him, usually caused by one set of parents or another. That's where you get the real treats though. Long doesn't get as much to do, but Murphy enjoys another great role in what might yet be another resurgence in his lengthy film career. He's a stern figure for almost every minute, and enjoys trying to prove that Ezra isn't the right man for his daughter. Duchovny is hilarious with the way his character is always grasping for cultural references to use and rapper names to drop into conversation, but it's Louis-Dreyfus who gets more of the laughs, being the kind of person who doesn't realise how inappropriate they are being when trying to overcompensate for their ignorance of black culture. Both of the characters played by Louis-Dreyfus and Duchovny seem unable to view Amira as a strong and gorgeous woman without viewing her through an additional filter because of her skin colour. Jay is an extra shot of energy in her scenes, and there are a few effective bits of scene-stealing from Molly Gordon, in the role of Ezra's sister (a young lesbian who is already very used to their parents making them cringe).

You People is most interesting when showing people unaware of their own behavioural changes, or when Ezra is made to think more about his ability to comment on cultural aspects that he may never be fully immersed in. There are a good selection of laugh throughout, a number of decent soundtrack choices, and the runtime just manages to avoid feeling overlong, despite coming in at just under the two hour mark. It's a well-made comedy that allows some performers to remind you of why they have had such enduring careers. And I look forward to seeing more from London, who has had a decent film career already, but hopefully gets some more central parts after being such a star in this.

7/10

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Netflix And Chill: The Bubble (2022)

If you wanted to be particularly cruel about The Bubble, a star-studded and overlong comedy from Judd Apatow, who simply cannot make a film under 2 hours nowadays, and has clearly been having a lot more fun than most viewers over the past 5-10 years (although I did really enjoy The King Of Staten Island), then you could quite easily say that it feels like the best way to deliver a huge dollop of nepotism. This is underscored by the moment in which the movie turns into one extensive, elaborately-choreographed, TikTok video for a character, Krystal Kris, played by Iris "daughter of Judd" Apatow. I don't want to be particularly cruel about it, but I don't want to be particularly nice about it either.

Because The Bubble is bloody awful. It's largely unfunny, feels very smug for a lot of the runtime, and doesn't give you any characters to really care about. And the saddest thing about it is the fact that it wastes a great cast, all of whom seem game to make fun of themselves, and all of whom are then given the most careful handling, as if they are too fragile to handle some actual digs and humour.

The plot is simple. A group of actors are set up in a large hotel to film the latest instalment of an ongoing blockbuster franchise, Cliff Beasts 6. Each star has their own set of issues, but most of those issues are either underdeveloped or just not that great, comedically. Oh, and there's ongoing social distancing in place, quarantine rules, and tests for COVID.

Co-written by Apatow and Pam Brady, it's really hard to view this as anything more than a vanity project that goes for some easy options at a time when film-making has become even more challenging than usual (BECAUSE of the kinds of measures shown onscreen). This feels like a film that was hastily written around what was viewed as a winning central concept, clearly sold to the stars as something better than it ended up being. .

The cast are often trying their best, and the familiar faces are people I have enjoyed in many other movies. Karen Gillan, David Duchovny, Keegan-Michael Key, Fred Armisen, Peter Serafinowicz, and Kate McKinnon are highlights for me, while Harry Trevaldwyn, who I haven't seen before, was an absolute scene-stealer. There are a couple of fun cameos from John Cena and James McAvoy, but a less fun cameo from Beck, and everyone else varies between the poor (Pedro Pascal just isn't as good with the comedy, sorry) to the perfectly . . . okay. Leslie Mann and Iris Apatow aren't necessarily bad in their roles, but their casting feels like an excuse to make this a fun time for the family, rather than the best time possible for the viewing audience.

There's great stuff to be mined from this kind of scenario, from the actors feeling privileged enough that they don't think they should need to adhere to social distancing rules to the lengths a studio will go to in order to get more content out there after such a lean spell, but this doesn't succeed. Part of the problem, perhaps, is making the film being made such an obviously stupid one (seriously, it's maybe less substantial than Monster Trucks), but I think the biggest problem is Apatow, someone who continues to move further and further away from any place where he can be self-critical and disciplined. 

It gets one point for every time I laughed.

3/10

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The Craft: Legacy (2020)

Written and directed by Zoe Lister-Jones, The Craft: Legacy is a film I had been putting off watching for a while. The trailer didn't really sell me on it. Nor did the fact that it was making use of a title that many view as a beloved 1990s teen horror. I have never loved The Craft as much as many others do, mainly because I've never been a big fan of Robin Tunney and I've also never been a teenage girl, but I can absolutely see why so many enjoy it. Especially female viewers. It's also helped immensely by a wonderful performance from Fairuza Balk (although pretty much all of the non-Tunney leads are great).

The Craft: Legacy doesn't have anything that the original had, in terms of working for the intended audience or having any of the cast members stand out. It's not quite as bad as the last incarnation of Black Christmas, but it's close.

Cailee Spaeny is Lily, a new girl in town. She has moved with her mother (Helen, played by Michelle Monaghan) as her mother looks to start the next stage of her life with her partner (Adam, played by David Duchovny). It's not long until Lily becomes the sought-after fourth for Lourdes (Zoey Luna), Frankie (Gideon Adlon), and Tabby (Lovie Simone). Working together, the girls can cast quite a spell or two on those around them.

It's slightly disheartening to find that this movie really is just as bad as the trailer made it out to be. It's a cynical attempt to cash in on a couple of potential markets, and it's extremely lazy throughout. It says something that a few of the better moments involve Monaghan and Duchovny, the main adults, when things should really have been set up to showcase the younger stars.

Not that the cast do a terrible job. They're just poorly served by a script that gives them no chance to make any real impact. Spaeny is at the centre of the plot, but could hardly feel less like a vital lead character. As the other three have to act in orbit around her, everyone suffers. Nicholas Galitizine doesn't do bad in his role, a young man named Timmy who becomes a much more sensitive soul after a spell is cast upon him, but it never has any ring of truth to it.

The fault seems to lie squarely with Lister-Jones, who may have taken this job as a stepping stone to something that interested her more. She doesn't seem to have any handle on the characters, or the material, and the final result is a teen drama with supernatural elements delivered by someone who seems completely disinterested in what's going on.

Given a different name, this would have come and gone without anyone noticing. But tie it to The Craft and there's much more reason to dislike it (not least of which is a third act bit of plotting that will make most viewers roll their eyes).

3/10

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The Joneses (2009)

David Duchovny and Demi Moore head up this sharp comedy drama about a seemingly perfect family who move into a new neighbourhood and start convincing all around them of just what needs purchased to be living the American dream. The truth is that the family doesn't somehow keep buying everything that becomes the next big thing, they are paid to advertise everything that makes up their lifestyle to ensure that it IS the next big thing. Including their fake teenage son (Ben Hollingsworth) and fake daughter (Amber Heard), this family is out to prove just how great they are in this particular field of stealth marketing.

Written and directed by Derrick Borte (developing the whole thing from a story by Randy T. Dinzler), The Joneses may not be quite as sharp or clever as it could be, but it certainly tries to stand out from the pack with the mixture of sly wit, intelligence and thought-provoking ideas on display.

I'm a big fan of Duchovny, so the fact that his character was really the heart of the movie (he's an ex-salesman new to this particular way of shifting products) was a big plus for me. Moore can be good in the right roles, and this is a good role for her to play with. Heard and Hollingsworth are both just fine as the teenagers who start to upset the status quo with standard teenage turbulence. In supporting roles, there are fantastic performances from Gary Cole and Glenne Headly, as the neighbours most dazzled by the Joneses, and a solid turn from Lauren Hutton, playing the area manager keeping an eye on all of those sales figures.

While there are times when The Joneses seems unsure of exactly what it wants to be, as the plot develops and things move to an impressive third act, it becomes apparent that the film has been as honest and direct as the main characters have been secretive and slippery. It does dance around tonally, but it does so with great success, moving from lighter scenes to the darker material that makes up more of the second half. It's selling a seemingly ridiculous, but undoubtedly interesting, premise, and I happily bought it.

And, yes, I fully appreciate the irony of that last sentence.

8/10

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