Eyeball (1975)

Eyeball, directed by Umberto Lenzi (who also co-wrote the film with Felix Tusell), is a giallo film that almost slavishly follows the established rules of the form. If you know what to expect then you're going to have a lot of fun. If you are looking for some of the best examples, the more stylish and gorgeous ones, then this isn't the film for you.

The premise is simple. A killer starts to slice their way through the tourists who are all on the same coach trip. The killer wears red and has a thing for removing an eyeball from each of his/her victims. Who could be the knife-wielder? Is it Mark Burton (played by John Richardson), a man who thinks his own wife might be the culprit due to his infidelity with Paulette Stone (played by Martine Brochard)? Is it the clergyman who seems to be going out of his way to look more suspicious than most of the other tour group members? It could be anyone, although the list of possible suspects starts to narrow down as the corpses start to pile up.

Although you may struggle to figure out who the killer is, with the exception of viewers who may have an unerring nose for sniffing out culprits, it becomes more and more obvious as Eyeball plays out just who ISN'T the killer. If you're being shown someone close to every murder scene, if they are walking around under a mobile neon sign that says "killer, killer", then it's unlikely to be them. Both the script and direction play up this side of things, with Lenzi clearly setting out to make something fun more than something to be celebrated as a masterclass in tension and horror, and it is all part of the film's charm.

Richardson and Brochard are the leads, both doing decent work for this kind of film (including moments of overacting, of course, and some casual callousness towards others as the situation starts to get worse), George Rigaud is that twitchy and suspicious clergyman, Andres Mejuto is the Inspector trying to find the killer, and the stunning Mirta Miller plays a stunning female photographer. You also get Ines Pellegrini, playing a model being photographed by Miller, Daniele Vargas and Silvia Solar as a married couple, and Marta May as the wronged wife of Richardson's character, as well as quite a few others (special mention to Raf Baldassarre as the leering tour guide, Martinez).

There are so many things that Eyeball isn't. It's not the best giallo, it's not the best Lenzi movie, it's not the best cast, and not even the best film about a killer removing eyeballs from victims. But that doesn't really matter. What matters is that it IS an amusing bit of entertainment from start to finish. You could even say that it's . . . worth keeping an eye out for (bdaump-tsshhhhh).

6/10

There's a fine Blu-ray presentation here.
Americans can buy a version of it here.

Torso (1973)

Much loved by giallo fans, and yet another contender often included when discussing templates for the modern slasher movie, Torso is enjoyable, twisted stuff. It is, however, also a tad dull in places, leading me to wonder just what I was missing if I didn't immediately consider it an unmissable classic.

Suzy Kendall and Tina Aumont are two lovely ladies in a film full of lovely ladies. Yes, Torso throws in plenty of gratuitous nudity and, in the second half, a big excuse for a sleepover that puts a bunch of potential female victims together. There's also a killer on the loose, of course, and that makes the ladies afraid. So afraid that they continue to get naked often enough to keep viewers happy, in between the moments of tension and/or bloodshed. And that's about it.

Director Sergio Martino is a significant talent, capable of much better work than what's on display here, and he certainly knows how to make his films aesthetically pleasing for those who like attractive women (hint: he tends to employ attractive women and then encourages them to disrobe). Torso has some of his usual flair, here and there, but it's just a bit too clumsy and ugly in places to be considered a top-tier Martino flick, in my eyes. The script, co-written by Martino and Ernesto Gastaldi, works well enough when setting up the killings, and explaining the sleazy background motivator for our mystery killer, but there are moments when it can't maintain any momentum, becoming preoccupied with fringe characters, mainly lust-filled men, who are of little interest to viewers.

Kendall and Aumont, as previously mentioned, are lovely, and that's all that's really required of them. This isn't a film designed to showcase acting talent. It's designed to showcase the physical assets of those ladies, plus Angela Covello, Carla Brait, Conchita Airoldi and Patrizia Adiutori. There are some men onscreen too, mainly Luc Merenda, John Richardson, Roberto Bisacco and Ernesto Colli, and they're all perfectly fine as they do whatever happens to need done in between more scenes involving the ladies.

There are some nice moments of gore, and it's easy to see why this is considered such a major influence on the slasher flicks of the late '70s and '80s, but it's let down by the meandering moments that feel like padding, despite its lean runtime. Still well worth your time, but I just didn't get an all-time-great vibe from it.

Oh, and I can't finish this review without praising one of the main alternative titles that this was known by - "The Bodies Presented Traces of Carnal Violence". How beautifully evocative and unpleasant is that? Both poetic and painful, which sums up the best of Italian horror cinema right there.

6/10

http://www.amazon.com/Torso-Blu-ray-Suzy-Kendall/dp/B004WMOSLO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413583323&sr=8-1&keywords=torso

One Million Years B.C. (1966)

Take the eye-popping dinosaurs from Jurassic Park, add the violent apes from 2001: A Space Odyssey, throw in some tribal dancing from Apocalypto, narration from any BBC nature show and then add a pinch of symbolism with water being a portent for imminent danger and what do you get? Certainly not this film, although it does contain some of the aforementioned elements. That doesn't mean it isn't fun though.

This remake (and I haven't seen the original, a movie entitled The Cave Dwellers from 1940, so cannot compare - I didn't even know about it until checking out the details here) tells the tale of two brothers, both cavemen (so they have thick hair and beards, as does almost everyone else in the entire movie), who fight and grunt and generally get on each other's nerves as brothers do. When one meets another tribe he begins to discover new ways to handle situations and perhaps even a better way to deal with his own tribe. And dinosaurs fight each other or pick up some puny humans for dinner while people run around in fur pants or bikinis. That sums up the movie, basically.

There's also a love interest in the form of Raquel Welch, who is indeed beautiful (and absolutely iconic in that, arguably, most famous of movie posters), but I personally prefer the gorgeous Martine Beswick and hope other fans appreciate the charms of that woman. It's just a shame that director Don Chaffey and screenwriter Michael Carreras forgot to make an excuse to include any snoo snoo (Futurama fans should get that reference).

Poor John Richardson and Percy Herbert (who play the brothers, Tumak and Sakana, respectively), they must have known when they signed on for this film that they were going to be forgotten as soon as Welch and Beswick were onscreen.

So, you have a love interest, brotherly rivalry, peer pressure and dinosaurs. Nothing too impressive . . . . . but wait! Fans will be delighted to know that the dinosaur action is mainly provided by stop-motion legend Ray Harryhausen (though some are just provided by some trick photography) and very good they are too. It's not his finest hour but there are certainly enough little scenes in here to please those, like myself, who have always had a great affection for his work. It may be harder to appreciate in this age of such rapid technological advancement but it still retains a certain charm and care that, much of the time, a bunch of pixels can never replicate.

It's a lesser Hammer movie, but certainly not amongst the worst, and many people who grew up with the advertising imagery may well find they have an affection for the movie that has lain dormant until you end up seeing it once more, preferably on a big screen and with an understanding partner who will bravely model some fur garments afterwards.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Ultimate-Hammer-Collection-Disc/dp/B000HN31KQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369586652&sr=8-1&keywords=hammer+films