Prime Time: Primal Rage (1988)

You can be forgiven if you haven’t heard of Primal Rage before now. I certainly hadn’t heard of it until a friend messaged me about it just a few days ago. Then I wondered how it had stayed off my radar for so long. Perhaps it was the generic title, two words that feel as if they have been mashed together at least a dozen times for a dozen different movies (there’s certainly at least one more recent film with the exact same title). Perhaps it was the fact that the plot was buried by a certain other horror movie that used the same starting point to go in a wildly different direction.

There's a lab in which some monkeys are being tested with some kind of rage virus. One monkey escapes a cage and bites a man who is there trying to investigate the situation, and that starts off a chain of events that will lead to more people being attacked, and the virus spreading. Which is going to make the upcoming Halloween party quite a lively one.

Directed by Vittorio (son of Carlo) Rambaldi, making his feature debut, this is hugely entertaining nonsense. The runtime is a perfectly-paced 90 minutes (give or take), the characters are memorable enough to identify throughout, but not so good that you would mourn them if they succumbed to the effects of the virus, and there is a fun third act that brings all of the main characters together for a violent confrontation that shows off some more of the makeup and effects that have been utilised well throughout the rest of the film.

The script, written by Umberto Lenzi and James Justice (credited together as Harry Kirkpatrick), is as silly as you want it to be. Our hero is a bit smug, but the featured bullies (yes, there are Neanderthal bullies) are so despicable that you automatically keep rooting against them, and the two featured female leads are good enough to hold your attention.

Patrick Lowe and Mitch Watson play their roles in a way that makes you wish more charismatic performers were chosen (especially true in the case of Lowe, who is the nominal hero of the piece), but Cheryl Arutt and Sarah Buxton help to make things more watchable, and Doug Sloan is a great presence in the role of Lovejoy aka leader of the bullies. There’s also a fun turn from Bo Svenaon as Ethridge, an unethical scientist, and at least one fake monkey has a feature role in one of the most memorable scenes.

I had even more fun with this than I thought I would. It sets up the plot and characters briskly enough, leaving plenty of time to have fun with the main concept (as well as also having time to insert scenes with a sleazy professor being sleazy). Who would have thought that a film about rage-infected monkeys spreading a virus to unfortunate humans would be so good? 

7/10

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Prime Time: Nightmare Beach (1989)

Nightmare Beach starts with an execution, the execution of a biker named Diablo. He claims to have been set up, and also vows revenge. Skipping forward a year, it's Spring Break time in Miami. Two friends (Nicolas de Toth and Rawley Valverde) join in with the drinking and partying, but soon find their fun being spoiled by a number of inconvenient deaths. Yes, a mysterious biker is picking off a number of revellers, often killing them with a fatal dose of electicity. It's eventually up to Skip (De Toth) and a young woman named Gail (Sarah Buxton) to uncover the identity of the biker, and try to put an end to his killing spree.

Released in 1989, Nightmare Beach feels every bit like a film made much earlier in that decade. It has a bit more of a sheen to it, perhaps, but the pacing and characterisations already feel quite archaic (especially most of the moments involving Valverde, the kind of guy who enjoys telling a woman that smiling more would make her much prettier). Perhaps that didn't seem so obvious back when it was released, and there are a number of films from the end of the decade, and even the start of the '90s, that feel almost designed as quintessential slices of '80s cheese. It makes the film impossible to take seriously now, however, but also helps to make it a hugely entertaining experience.

With direction credited to Umberto Lenzi, although it seems to have actually been helmed by writer Harry Kirkpatrick (AKA James Justice), with Lenzi servind in an advisory capacity, this is a real bag of mixed treats. People looking for a quality classic horror can skip it just now and look for something else, but those of us in the mood for entertaining trash? This is a perfect pick.

De Toth, Valverde, and Buxton are a mixed trio of central performers. None are really memorable, but they're fine. Genre fans will have more fun with the "old guard" onscreen here. You have a small role for Michael Parks, and fun turns from Lance LeGault, as a reverend, and John Saxon, playing a tough cop who may or may not have something to hide. Luis Valderrama is a biker spoiling for a fight, and Yamilet Hidalgo makes quite an impression as his fiery girlfriend.

Despite the attempted mystery element, it's hard to care about the identity of the biker. What matters here are the death scenes, all of them surprisingly impressive and somehow managing to feel different from one another while often managing to use the same method of murder. The pacing is perfect, with deaths interspersed by moments of humour and gratuitous sequences like a wet t-shirt competition (hey, it's Spring Break), and there are enough enjoyable random diversions (e.g. the plot strand with the thief that plays out and then just... ends) that will soon lead you to realise that this is not a film concerned with a cohesive narrative that makes complete sense.

It's a fun time by the beach, that's all. Watch it when you're in the mood for sand, sex, and senseless murders committed by a vengeful biker.

7/10

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Eyeball (1975)

Eyeball, directed by Umberto Lenzi (who also co-wrote the film with Felix Tusell), is a giallo film that almost slavishly follows the established rules of the form. If you know what to expect then you're going to have a lot of fun. If you are looking for some of the best examples, the more stylish and gorgeous ones, then this isn't the film for you.

The premise is simple. A killer starts to slice their way through the tourists who are all on the same coach trip. The killer wears red and has a thing for removing an eyeball from each of his/her victims. Who could be the knife-wielder? Is it Mark Burton (played by John Richardson), a man who thinks his own wife might be the culprit due to his infidelity with Paulette Stone (played by Martine Brochard)? Is it the clergyman who seems to be going out of his way to look more suspicious than most of the other tour group members? It could be anyone, although the list of possible suspects starts to narrow down as the corpses start to pile up.

Although you may struggle to figure out who the killer is, with the exception of viewers who may have an unerring nose for sniffing out culprits, it becomes more and more obvious as Eyeball plays out just who ISN'T the killer. If you're being shown someone close to every murder scene, if they are walking around under a mobile neon sign that says "killer, killer", then it's unlikely to be them. Both the script and direction play up this side of things, with Lenzi clearly setting out to make something fun more than something to be celebrated as a masterclass in tension and horror, and it is all part of the film's charm.

Richardson and Brochard are the leads, both doing decent work for this kind of film (including moments of overacting, of course, and some casual callousness towards others as the situation starts to get worse), George Rigaud is that twitchy and suspicious clergyman, Andres Mejuto is the Inspector trying to find the killer, and the stunning Mirta Miller plays a stunning female photographer. You also get Ines Pellegrini, playing a model being photographed by Miller, Daniele Vargas and Silvia Solar as a married couple, and Marta May as the wronged wife of Richardson's character, as well as quite a few others (special mention to Raf Baldassarre as the leering tour guide, Martinez).

There are so many things that Eyeball isn't. It's not the best giallo, it's not the best Lenzi movie, it's not the best cast, and not even the best film about a killer removing eyeballs from victims. But that doesn't really matter. What matters is that it IS an amusing bit of entertainment from start to finish. You could even say that it's . . . worth keeping an eye out for (bdaump-tsshhhhh).

6/10

There's a fine Blu-ray presentation here.
Americans can buy a version of it here.