Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama 2 (2022)

I have said it before, and I am sure I will say it again, but it is tough to spend time and effort writing a review of a film that itself doesn’t seem to have been made by anyone who cared about it. What Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama 2 has going for it is some name recognition, and nothing more. I am not even sure it can make the most of that, considering that the first film was also titled The Imp in some territories. But here we are, and here it is, and my sense of resentment is rising.

The plot is about as substantial as an anorexic amoeba, and all you need to know is that a group of people end up in a bowling alley that contains a cheeky creature looking to trick people by fulfilling their wishes in creatively negative ways. There’s some gratuitous nudity, one or two decent special effects in between a whole lot of dire visuals, and nobody onscreen that you will care about.

Written by Kent Roudebush, and the script for this doesn’t have me rushing to see whether or not he has any other credits to his name (I wouldn’t be surprised if this was either his first script or his one hundredth), the big plus here is the directing job for Brinke Stevens (who also cameos onscreen at one point, alongside another fave scream queen of mine, Michelle Bauer). Unfortunately, Stevens doesn’t do a very good job of directing, but her name attached to the project gives it an extra ounce of watchability, as does the small supporting role for Kelli Maroney. I don’t want to spend too much time criticising Stevens, it is hard to think of anyone doing much better with such an obviously limited schedule and low budget, so I will just say that I wish she had waited longer to make her feature directorial debut. Will I still sit through her next movie, Terror Toons 4, at some point though? Of course I will.

There are a couple of things I can be positive about. The short runtime helps make it a bit less painful, this barely manages to get over the hour mark, and when the imp appears (voiced by Derek Jeremiah Reid) he’s more entertaining than the rest of the cast combined. That is all though, and I am being very generous.

I guess anyone familiar with Full Moon Features will have an idea of what they are getting themselves into (and the emphasis has always been on potential profit ahead of everything else, in my view), but this is even worse than you could imagine. I felt sorry for everyone involved, and I hope they get a chance to work again on something that feels like a proper film.

2/10

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Shudder Saturday: Scare Package II: Rad Chad's Revenge (2022)

The fact that I have a daily blog is only part of my reason for reviewing movies. The main reason is the fact that I watch so many movies, because I am both compelled to do so, and love doing so, and reviews can remind me of my thoughts on everything I watched. Which is why I try to review everything I watch, whether it is in-depth or in capsule form. So I dived into Scare Package II: Chad's Revenge after reading a review of Scare Package, and reminding myself that I enjoyed, but didn't exactly love, it. 

What we have here is another anthology of horror tales, all of them also overflowing with humour and meta commentary, couched this time in a Saw-like framing narrative, as the mourners attending the funeral of Chad end up forced to watch some short films in between engaging in some deadly games. As well as Chad, there are a couple of other characters returning from the first movie. But who will be left alive by the time the end credits roll? And why does Chad still command so much attention from others, despite the obvious obstacle of him being dead?

Although not everyone comes back to work behind the camera on this, both Aaron B. Koontz and Cameron Burns, the main creators of the concept, once again curate a fine selection of tales from a variety of talented people, including themselves (of course),  Alexandra Barreto, Anthony Cousins, Jed Shepherd, John Karsko, Ryan Schaddelee, Rachele Wiggins, and Jed Shepherd. In fact, and there's no need for me to beat about the bush here, everything here is better than what we were given in the first package. The main storyline feels less smug, the jokes and references all land better, and you get a general feeling of the central idea having been given a shot in the arm. It's so good that I'd happily now pick up both Scare Package movies in a nice double-bill set.

I won't go through every one of the segments individually, but highlights include a brilliant parody that blends Stand By Me with Re-Animator (as well as adding a touch of The Fly), the frankly near-flawless "Welcome To The '90s", which uses genre tropes to explore the changes to horror movie final girls over the years, and a reunion for most of the women who were last seen onscreen together in Host. And the main Hellraiser gag in the third act made me laugh harder than any other comedy horror moment I can think of from the past year or two, as ridiculous as it was.

The cast provides a good mix of the familiar, either due to their involvement in the first film (Jeremy King, Zoe Graham, Byron Brown, etc) or their standing in the horror genre (Kelli Maroney, Graham Skipper, Maria Olsen, and one or two others), and everyone feels very well-suited to their roles, whether they are playing a killer, an expert in horror lore, a potential survivor, or a frustrated participant in a deadly game.

I am still not sure if this just caught me in a much better mood than the first movie or whether it really was such a step up. Every gag (comedy and gore) feels like it lands, the energy of each sequence helps it to feel perfectly paced throughout, and I could have easily rewatched it as soon as my first viewing was over, knowing I missed some details and jokes that will reward repeat viewings. I hope this ends up released on some double-bill with the first movie, and I would now be eager to see if they could successfully pull off a third instalment.

8/10

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Chopping Mall (1986).

When a shopping mall decides to turn it’s security over to laser-armed robots and a bunch of youngsters decide to stay in the mall to party late at night what’s the worst that could happen?

Director Jim Wynorski (who co-wrote this with Steve Mitchell) is someone I tend to like, despite most of his output being movies that you only watch for giggles when you have enough alcohol to accompany the experience. How can you not like a guy who made Scream Queen Hot Tub Party? Chopping Mall remains one of his best films though, to be fair, I’ve only seen this one and Vampirella and have yet to catch the delights of titles such as The Da Vinci Coed and The Bare Wench Project. Hell, I kinda want to see Cleavagefield purely based on the cheeky title.

But I digress.

The reason why Chopping Mall works so well is pure and simple: it’s fun. The robots can grab with pincers, electrocute people and fire their lasers while those stuck in the mall can panic and try to figure out how to defeat the three metal psychos. Wynorski doesn’t let things like logic or believability get in the way here but that’s okay because the whole thing is set up simply to maintain the mall-set carnage. So we have lasers that can sometimes make someone’s head explode and then simply give someone a small burn, we get large robots being able to creep up on wary victims walking backwards and the superb moment when an angry young man jumps into some small mall cart to ram a robot in a supremely pointless moment of self-sacrifice.

It must also be said that Wynorski knows what horror fans can enjoy. We get a smattering of gratuitous nudity, a bit of intentional comedy here and there, as much variety as possible in the death scenes and small roles for Mary Woronov and the legendary Dick Miller.

The cast are all there to be chased down and scared by the killbots but everyone does just fine with the material. The guys are all pretty forgettable and bland (though each one has a certain defining characteristic) but the female contingent includes Kelli Maroney (familiar to fans of Night Of The Comet) and Barbara Crampton (best known for her work with director Stuart Gordon).

And the killbots? Well, they’re basically a cross between Johnny 5 and Sir Killalot from Robot Wars. They don’t look like speedy, stealthy killers but they certainly do look like they could cause a lot of pain and damage if allowed to. Which the director does, no problem.

I know, deep down, that I shouldn’t like this as much as I do. I know that many others won’t really like it as much as me. But they can write their own review, this one is mine.

7/10. 

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