Prime Time: Worldbreaker (2025)

I thought I knew what I was getting into when I decided to press play on Worldbreaker. It looked like a low-budget and dubious sci-fi action movie. It had a main credit for Milla Jovovich. Yes, I've been here before, and I made my choice. Sadly, things were much worse than I expected.

I would explain the slight plot, but I fear that it would send us all plunging into a comatose state. There are nasty wee things attacking humans, and they can infect others with their scratches and bites. It's mainly men who end up transformed though, with women largely more resistant to whatever causes the dehumanisation. Willa (Billie Boullet) is a young woman being protected and trained by her father (Luke Evans), the two of them trying to survive on a small island, all while Willa's mother (Jovovich) is kept busy offscreen trying to lead the fight back.

I don't know what's happened to director Brad Anderson to take him so far from the heights of his earlier works, but I doubt anyone could do much to improve the screenplay from Joshua Rollins. This is lazy and careless stuff, with nobody able to do anything worthwhile with the central idea (armies of women leading a charge against an enemy that is much more harmful to the male population). The two biggest names in the cast are wasted in different ways, there's never any proper tension, and any action and/or bloodshed is hampered by an obvious lack of budget.

Boullet is the lead, and she tries her best with weak material. The performance from Evans highlights just how bad things are, with most of his dialogue so inane and risible that it feels as if it would work better in a spoof of this kind of thing. As for Jovovich, she was clearly available for one or two days, and the film is unable to stretch out the footage in a way that makes her feel like the formidable presence she is clearly supposed to be. Mila Harris plays the other main character, Rosie, but, like everyone else, she's also not really given enough to do.

Worldbreaker is a short film idea that needed much more work to flesh things out fully. Neither Rollins nor Anderson seem to have considered that, and neither of them do even half of the work required to turn things into a worthwhile feature. There's not one element here, from the score to the cinematography and editing, that manages to overcome the inherent flaws of the material, and would discourage anyone else from making time for this. Bad movies don't have to be unenjoyable. Low-budget movies don't have to be bad. This feels like a film made by people who didn't care enough to try and make the most of what was available to them, and they certainly didn't manage to make anything good or enjoyable.

2/10

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Monster Hunter (2020)

It's almost as if the way in which some people are easily pleased, and the way in which some people will tolerate any crap that is accessible enough, has created a monster in modern movie-making. And that monster is Paul W. S. Anderson. I'm exaggerating, of course, but not by much. Because Anderson has tended to make films that have allowed him to keep making films, and that has allowed him to assume that he's been doing something right. Which ensures that he has never attempted to correct any of his bad habits, with the two worst being his over-reliance on CGI and his inability to hold a shot for more than five seconds. I can overlook these things easier when I can still find enough to enjoy in his films, as is the case with the Resident Evil movies. It's a lot tougher in a movie like this.

Thankfully, or perhaps not (depending on your view), he keeps casting his wife, Milla Jovovich, in his movies, and that guarantees I will watch them. I like Jovovich. She's not the best actress ever, but she often does very well at being a strong and sexy heroine. Here she plays Artemis, a strong and sexy heroine. So the movie has that going for it.

Artemis is with a group of fellow soldiers when the group is transported to another world, one in which giant monsters can pop up out of the earth and pick off humans like scampering ants. There's also a character named Hunter (Tony Jaa) in this world, and it's not long until Artemis and Hunter start to work together in order to survive against the dangerous creatures around them.

That's really all there is to Monster Hunter, a film so light on plot that I am amazed it has a runtime of just over an hour and forty minutes. Although I am unfamiliar with the videogame source material, and others can judge for themselves if this is a good adaptation or not, Monster Hunter seems to have nothing else really going for it, cinematically. As usual, Anderson wants to provide some slo-mo action overstuffed with CGI (to be fair, the actual creature design here is very good) and wants to allow Jovovich to kick ass. He does that. He just does nothing else, and that includes creating a world that feels as if it expands beyond the perimeters of any screen edges.

Jovovich is sadly disappointing in the lead role, less convincing than usual and hindered by a weak script. Jaa fares slightly better, developing nicely as he and Jovovich learn from one another. There are some other people onscreen, but the only one of note is Ron Perlman, who is wasted in his small role.

A real waste of time, for both viewers and the people involved, this is infuriatingly horrible for almost every minute. Characters are thinner than rice paper, the plotting is lazy and careless (one of those scripts that you can easily imagine was written by an impatient child), and it fails to do what Anderson has sometimes managed with his other movies, which is to provide mindless and enjoyable entertainment that is best accompanied by popcorn and fizzy drinks. 

3/10

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Hellboy (2019)

Hellboy is the weakest film yet from director Neil Marshall, who has been away from cinema screens for far too long (his last solo project was Centurion, almost a decade ago). But a weak film from Neil Marshall is still something that I'll happily watch ahead of films from many other directors. Because Marshall has consistently provided me with entertainment, thrills, and some of the best moments in modern genre cinema. So, despite the critical and commercial failure of this movie, I was always going to give him my time.

David Harbour is the actor now taking on the main role, and Ian McShane is his father figure, but this will all feel very familiar to fans of the property. All you need to know is that an evil sorceress, a "blood queen" named Vivienne Nimue (Milla Jovovich) is trying to come back and get her revenge, despite having been dismembered and her body parts placed in different locations, and part of her plan involves Hellboy taking charge of Excalibur and unleashing a kind of hell on Earth. Hellboy is helped in this adventure by a young woman who can communicate with the dead (Alice, played by Sasha Lane) and a skilled soldier type (Ben Daimio, played by Daniel Dae Kim).

I could spend just as much time writing about all of the little mis-steps that stop this from being a great movie, but I am choosing instead to try and heap a little praise upon it. Enough people have told you why you should give it a miss. I am going to try and convince you to give it two hours of your time.

First of all, forget the previous Hellboy movies. They are fantastic, and few people have the same attention to detail when it comes to creating cinematic worlds as Guillermo del Toro. So it's important to remember that as you go into this. It's not a Del Toro film, and it's not trying to be. I think too many people gave this a viewing while still holding on to their love (and well-earned love, at that) for those other movies.

Second, this is a good cast. Harbour does well in the main role, and McShane has become a master of stealing scenes while appearing in smaller roles in recent years. Jovovich has a blast as the big baddie, and is especially fun in the roles that have her still waiting for her body to be fully assembled. It's a shame that Lane and Kim aren't as much fun as they could be, let down by a script that doesn't seem to know what to do with them for large sections of the runtime, but that's compensated for by the performances from Sophie Okonedo, Thomas Haden Church (in a brief cameo), and Stephen Graham, voicing a "henchman" creature named Gruagach.

Although the script by Andrew Cosby may not be as strong or interesting as it could be, everything moves along energetically enough, with some fun set-pieces interspersed throughout that allow Marshall to deliver some blood and guts around people who roll their eyes and swear at the monsters attempting to push them off their mortal coil.

The special effects are varying in quality, the score from Benjamin Wallfisch is foot-stampingly good, and the whole thing is just a flawed bundle of messy fun. Which is sometimes the best kind of fun (hey, get your mind out of the gutter). Give it a watch and you may agree.

6/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy the movie here.

Ultraviolet (2006)

Apparently, writer-director Kurt Wimmer is very unhappy with this film because it was completely re-edited by the studio and reduced from a two hour movie to one that runs for 88 minutes. I know how he feels as I'm also very unhappy with this film. Whether or not an extra half hour of content would make me any happier is a risk I'm not prepared to take, even if a full director's cut is ever released. I can't see how any extra footage could make up for the bad acting, bad special effects and uninteresting characters on display here.

The movie starts off with some voice-over narration from Milla Jovovich about the state of the world that she's living in, but this isn't Resident Evil. We then get our first glimpse of Milla, clad in some tight leather clothing and ready to kick ass with some superhuman strength and skill, but this isn't Resident Evil. People are being affected by a disease of the blood and Milla is determined to fight against an evil corporation that is trying to use the whole situation to its advantage, but this isn't Resident Evil.

Milla plays Violet, a beautiful hemophage (AKA basically a vampire) and member of an underground resistance movement who boldly strides into the Archministry and intercepts the delivery of a weapon designed to destroy her and all of her kind. However, it turns out that the weapon is a small boy (played by Cameron Bright) and Violet starts to think that maybe, just maybe, he can be used to help the hemophages rather than kill them off. Nerva (Sebastien Andrieu) doesn't think so and, as he is a superior member of the same resistance movement, Violet finds herself battling with her own kind as well as the soldiers working on behalf of Vice-Cardinal Ferdinand Daxus (Nick Chinlund), the head of the Archministry.

Almost everything about this movie, with the exception of the lovely leading lady and one or two nice visuals, is horrible. Not just horrible, but horrible in a way that actually hurts your senses. You can feel your eyes start to burn as every scene has more and more bad CGI crammed into it. Your ears may try to separate from your head and crawl off into a gutter somewhere rather than listen to most of the godawful dialogue. Then there's the acting, which is so bad across the board that I thought I was watching a parody. Indeed, Nick Chinlund's turn as the villain could be replaced by Will Ferrell's performance as Mugatu (from Zoolander) and the film would be improved 10%. The only person who comes close to escaping with a shred of self-respect still intact is William Fichtner, though it's too close to call. Cameron Bright at least has the excuse of being young here. Someone like Sebastien Andrieu does not.

The action sequences could have been decent, with Wimmer again using the Gun Kata style that he'd showcased in the enjoyable Equilibrium, but yet again, excessive CGI and over-editing spoil the result. With no action to enjoy and a selection of uninteresting characters that nobody will care for, the only asset the movie has is the lovely Milla. As much as I like watching her on-screen, that's just not enough to save this from being a complete waste of your time.

2/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Ultraviolet-DVD/dp/B000HT1WYW/ref=sr_1_2?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1358400784&sr=1-2