Netflix And Chill: Beowulf (2007)

While long the film has languished on my shelf,
I now picked it on Netflix to watch for myself.
Leaving the bluray inside its case,
A sign of my movie collecting addiction disgrace.

Ere I was soon feeling slightly remiss,
Being presented the vision of Robert Zemeckis.
An epic poem is translated for the layman,
By writers Roger Avary and that Neil Gaiman.

Things start with Anthony Hopkins and Robin Wright,
Crispin Glover plays Grendel, who gives them a fright,
There's also John Malkovich, and plenty of mead,
Then Ray Winstone comes along to portray our lead.

The epic tale is told with motion-capture animation,
Allowing Zemeckis to show us his grand imagination,
But the end result is a massive misfire,
Despite showing our heroes fighting monsters with ire. 

Brendan Gleeson is here, and Angelina Jolie too,
Alison Lohman plays Beowulf's secret boo,
But none of them work as well as they could,
The technical gimmickry not doing them good.

There's a decent score here from Alan Silvestri,
I'm not sure how to judge the cinematography from Robert Presley,
Darkness and light are used to impress,
But the technique's not perfected, it's a bit of a mess.

There's no real sense of grandiose scale,
Most viewers will mark this as one giant fail.
Zemeckis is now much more devoted to tech,
His film-making style now a glossy pile of dreck.

Here there be dragons, and golden men born of flame,
But it's lacking in thrills and the director's to blame.
I knew when I bought this years ago it was a bit of a risk,
But now I know it won't be long until I resell my disc.

3/10

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How To Talk To Girls At Parties (2017)

It's the 1970s and three young lads (Enn, played by Alex Sharp, Vic, played by Abraham Lewis, and John, played by Ethan Lawrence) want nothing more than to revel in anything that retains the essence of pure punk and be allowed to revel in the company of girls that they fancy. Lost on their way to an after party, they end up in a building that houses a number of aliens. But they don't realise that the inhabitants are aliens. Enn meets the lovely Zan (Elle Fanning), who then runs away with him to see more of the outside world, and to experience some punk.

Based on a short story by Neil Gaiman, this is a blend of genres that will be familiar to anyone who has had the pleasure of reading his work. Gaiman loves to throw together different ingredients to create his own new recipes, and I am sure that the source material of this is very enjoyable. It's unfortunate that the film doesn't get things right when translating the material to the screen.

Director John Cameron Mitchell, who also worked on the script with Philippa Goslett, doesn't seem to know what to do with the story. Unable to decide on whether to focus on some comedy, the sci-fi elements, or the romance, or even the desperate need of the youngsters who found a voice in the sound of punk, he fails to find the right approach to anything, and is unable to compensate for it with required style and energy. To make a film that is so based around punk rock without a sense of energy is just, well, it would seem to be a difficult thing to do. Yet Mitchell manages it.

The script works when providing shorthand notes on the alien life cycles, but falters in so many other scenes, either by not making the dialogue sharp enough or just giving characters lines to say that feel tonally jarring compared to other moments in the film. Not that it's entirely unsuccessful. There ARE some genuinely good moments (most of the scenes featuring Nicole Kidman are great, and the very end of the film is surprisingly effective) but they make the lesser scenes all the more disappointing.

The youngsters all do decent work, even if Fanning feels less convincing when she's called upon to try her hand at singing like an actual punk, but it's the older cast members who help to save this from being unwatchable. Kidman, sporting a decent British accent too, is absolutely wonderful as an older punk who has sacrificed a hell of a lot in the hope of being present during great moments in punk history, Joanna Scanlan is good as the mother of Enn, and Ruth Wilson is great fun as a dangerous alien who seems to enjoy all of the life cycle her species goes through.

Some people may get more out of this than I did, of course, but it was hugely disappointing for me. Not being sure of the tone and focus is one thing, not making the best use of Fanning is another, but to not even have a good enough soundtrack to detract from those failings . . . well, that should have been avoided at all costs, considering the wild, strong spirit at the heart of the whole thing.

4/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.