10 things that would prolong my lifespan in the movie world.

1) I would never, ever believe a woman who was totally out of my league would chat me up and want the pleasure of my company for any reason other than a) framing me for a crime b) killing me in cold blood or c) killing me in cold blood and framing me for a crime.

2) If ever being chased by a car I will remember the main things that nobody else ever remembers. A car has a much wider turning circle than a human being (you could just keep running in a tight circle less than a foot from the front bumber and that thing would never hit you) and, more importantly, I would get OFF the fucking road rather than keep running in a straight line in front of oncoming automotive death.

3) I would stay away from anyone who is making the transition from TV land to the big screen. They're normally part of a cast being murder death killed.

4) I'd avoid Texas.

5) A coward may die a thousand times while a hero dies only once but the cowardly deaths are not actual, physical expirations. I'll take those odds.

6) In the event of any major disaster, I will not put myself close to someone about to retire, about to get married, in love with a pregnant partner or desperate to redeem some past mistake.

7) Headshots all the way, hell yeah.

8) If someone ever asks me "what was that noise?" I would reply by saying "why don't you go and check while I stay here with my back against the wall, my gun at the ready and the door barricaded?"

9) I'd never, ever go anywhere that doesn't allow me to get a signal on my mobile phone.

10) I'd never change my name to Michael Biehn.

And that is how I'd ensure my survival. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah.