Purple Rain (1984)

Prince, strangely enough, is one of the few well-known musical artists I've seen live. He played at Meadowbank stadium almost 20 years ago and I was hanging about outside with some friends. Some people had to leave the show and handed their tickets over to security guards who then handed them over to the pretty French ladies that my friend and I happened to be standing beside. The pretty French ladies didn't want to go in so, much to the dismay of the security guards, they kindly gave the tickets to my friend and me who then wandered in to battle through the crowd and see the Purple One do his thing. He was okay. The guy can play a mean guitar and has some absolutely brilliant songs in his repertoire, but he's not a great performer to enjoy live, especially when trying to get the audience to call out his name, despite having changed it at that point to the famous symbol (ironically, this was not too long after his hit single "My Name Is Prince"). Buy some Prince CDs and stick them on when you want to chill out or, even better, when you're having a special, indulgent evening in with a partner. He's like an inverted version of Barry White - tiny, thin and with a voice that can squeal all the way to the high notes.

Anyway, I digress slightly. That first paragraph may seem unimportant, but it does set things up for this review, which is, after all, about a film that was nothing more than a star vehicle for Prince. I think it's important to put forward my view on the entertainer, I think he's done some cool stuff, but he's never really struck me as a cool dude. He's more like a cross between David Blaine and a runaway Ribena berry, but maybe that's just me. Hopefully, you at least now know how apprehensive I was when I popped the Blu-ray of Purple Rain into my player.

Thankfully, the movie was surprisingly enjoyable. I'm being serious. A lot of the content is easy to point and laugh at, but there are a few surprises here and there (mainly concerning what a shit Prince, playing The Kid, is) and the soundtrack is as good as you'd expect.

Directed by Albert Magnoli (who also wrote the screenplay, with some material contributed by William Blinn), the story is a standard tale of a troubled rocker (guess who?) journeying towards his big moment of success. The lovely Apollonia Kotero plays Apollonia, a young woman who arrives in town and also wants to make her way up the showbiz ladder, and Morris Day plays . . . . . . . . . Morris, lead singer of The Time and the man who wants to get rid of The Kid. Meanwhile, The Kid also has problems at home as fights continue between his abusive father (Clarence Williams III) and his poor mother (Olga Karlatos), because all 26-year old wannabe rock stars still live with their parents.

In between scenes of enjoyably surprising raunchiness and moments of unexpected violence towards women (okay, it's not shocking when compared to other movies that I've seen, but it's pretty shocking when it's in a film starring bloody Prince) there are plenty of things to point and laugh at. The flirting between Prince and Apollonia is hilarious, especially in the scene which has Prince taking away Apollonia's ankle jewellery and generally being a bit of a dick about it. Any scene that features Morris Day talking to someone, anyone, else is teetering on the edge of comedy greatness - I genuinely now wish that Morris Day was in every other movie ever made. Prince getting emotional as his parents fight and his father gets abusive, Prince being cool and enigmatic, Prince treating his band members like shit. In fact, almost every scene with Prince that doesn't have him playing music is entertaining for all the wrong reasons.

However, the acting and storyline are secondary elements here. As with any movie of this type, it's the music that makes or breaks the film and this soundtrack is a beauty. You have the title track, of course, but you also get "Let's Go Crazy", "When Doves Cry", "Father's Song" and "I Would Die 4 U" to name a few (of the best). On top of those great Prince tracks just try to keep your feet from moving around while you enjoy two numbers performed by The Time ("Jungle Love" and "The Bird"). I'd only ever heard of Morris Day and The Time when they were mentioned, and appeared, in Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back, but now I'm a big fan and I'll be checking out more of their music.

If you don't like Prince at all then don't check out Purple Rain. It's a star vehicle and it plays out exactly as any star vehicle should. The rest of the cast are a mixed bunch, and the leading man can't really act all that well (though he's not atrocious), but this is about throwing a bunch of great songs together and creating moments that allow them to be given centre stage. Give it a chance one day if you're feeling particularly funky.

5/10

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Tango & Cash (1989)

In 2010 The Expendables came along to make action movie fans practically drool with excitement from the opening scene to the closing credits. It was a Sylvester Stallone action movie that catered to fans of a certain kind of dumb fun, fans of 80s action that saw the collateral damage go through the roof as people like Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, etc, did whatever it took to get the bad guy. The Expendables was a homage to those films. The funny thing is that Stallone already starred in the ultimate homage to the 80s action movie, it's just that he actually did it in the 1980s before the affection had grown into nostalgia and before sly wit (no pun intended) could help viewers deal with the many cheesy moments.

For anyone doubting that this is the ultimate homage to 80s action movies I present the following facts. The film stars Stallone and Kurt Russell, two superb stars of the decade (in fact, the Russell role was originally intended to be played by Patrick Swayze, which may have caused all time and matter to grind to a halt in 1989). The main villain is played by Jack Palance but there are also roles for James Hong and, a man synonymous with the 1980s, the late, great Brion James. Oh, Robert Z'Dar also plays a hardass baddie. Is that 80s enough for you yet?

No!! Well, just check out who else we have onscreen in non-villainous roles. A young and beautiful Teri Hatcher is captivating. Geoffrey Lewis is great in his small role. And then there's Michael J. Pollard, who was also so great in Roxanne and a number of other movies.

The script is full of typical buddy-cop moments as Tango (Stallone) and Cash (Russell) are thrown together, framed and subsequently have to spend the rest of the movie throwing snappy insults at each other while trying to prove their innocence and nail the bad guys. Police brutality is the norm when these guys want to get results, plenty of things explode and our heroes get things down through a mix of casual violence and unbelievable luck.

Want some more 80s moments? How about Stallone replying to some cop saying that he thinks he's Rambo with the line "Rambo . . . . . . . is a pussy"? Or even the great little "I hate Danish" line that provides a sly dig at his past relationship with Brigitte Nielsen.

Tango & Cash wasn't a very easy shoot, with director Andrey Konchalovsky being replaced towards the end of the shoot by Albert Magnoli and the script by Randy Feldman not being completed by the time that principal photography began. I'm not sure what the film resembled once the shooting was over but it was shaped and polished by editor Stuart Baird into what you see today, and I like it.

It's ridiculous, completely implausible, and totally enjoyable. If you love anything about the 1980s then you will surely love Tango & Cash. Oh, and the music is by Harold Faltermeyer. Oh yes. The ultimate homage to the movies spawned by the decade of excess, even if it wasn't intended that way.

8/10

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