Ani-MAY-tion: Planes (2013)

It isn’t always as straightforward as this, but the life of a cinephile is a life of finding films through various connections (directors, stars, writers, cinematographers, composers, themes, etc.). That is all part of the fun, and many connections lead you towards developing a taste for a full and varied smorgasbord of filmic delights. Which is why I ended up watching Planes, and will soon be watching the sequel next week. Planes is a spin-off from Cars, set in the same onscreen universe . . . but with the characters this time around all being, yes, planes.

Dane Cook plays a small cropdusting plane named Dusty Crophopper. He dreams of one day being a celebrated racing plane, but he may not have the ability to really compete with the champions. He also has a fear of heights, which is a bit of a problem for someone wanting to race through the skies. Finding someone willing to mentor him makes his dream edge closer to reality though, and it isn’t long until Dusty is causing quite the stir in the racing world. He’s still viewed as a novelty, but someone has to be last. And it’s the taking part that counts.

Writer Jeffrey M. Howard has a difficult job here. It’s an obvious template being used, and keeping things nice and simple can help keep younger viewers engaged, but it doesn’t ever feel as if it has been given enough care and polish. Things feel a bit rushed in the opening act, none of the characters feel developed enough, and there’s also the problem of Cook not really being a great fit for the lead role (although I have enjoyed him enough in live-action films over the years).

Director Klay Hall ensures that the basics are all delivered competently enough (there’s nothing to complain about when it comes to the visuals, but also nothing to really praise) and at least serves up something that aims to be just the right mix of fun and drama for the target demographic. A couple of the set-pieces work quite well, and older viewers will enjoy a couple of cameo voice roles for people who famously portrayed pilots of the kind of planes they portray here, but it generally lacks some extra ingredient to make it all feel worthwhile. Maybe that is down to the casting.

I have already criticized Cook, who doesn’t work in the lead role, and there aren’t too many cast members I want to rush to praise. Stacy Keach is pretty good as the gruff mentor, Brad Garrett is fun (although I thought he was Elliott Gould until I checked the credits), and Carlos Alazraqui provides a number of laughs. John Cleese works because he is recognizably John Cleese, but none of the female cast members get to make an impact, which is a real shame when you have Teri Hatcher, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Priyanka Chopra in your cast. As for Roger Craig Smith in the role of Ripslinger, the champ who you just know will play dirty to win, he’s sadly nondescript and non-menacing.

It looks fine and didn’t cause me to feel as if my time was wasted, but I won’t ever consider giving this a rewatch. And I am now more apprehensive about the sequel than I was last week.

5/10

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A Kiss Before Christmas (2021)

It’s a very familiar tale. As Christmas approaches, someone starts to wish that they had made some different decisions to take his life to a better place. But what would that perceived betterment cost?

James Denton plays Ethan Holt, married to Joyce (Teri Hatcher). They have two older teenage children and a decent life, but Ethan feels as if he has been stuck at a career plateau for quite a few years now. Granted a standard Christmas wish by a Santa figure (aka SANTA, played by John B. Lowe), Ethan gets the career trajectory he feels that he missed out on, but no longer has his content family life. 

Director Jeff Beesley has been churning out movies like this for a couple of years now, before that having delivered a greater variety of TV shows and non-seasonal fare. Writers Mark Amato and Tracy Andreen have a bigger list of little crackers to look over, a number of them that I have already seen and reviewed, and they are very comfortable with the general beats that these movies should hit. Although this has a male central character going through a major life lesson, as opposed to a successful businesswoman, there’s a lot of comforting familiarity here. You have good Christmas feeling throughout, at least one montage, and that bit of magic the whole plot turns on.

Denton is a decidedly okay lead, a character defined by the changes around him and his quest to ensure that all’s well that ends well, but Hatcher is the more obvious star. She still has a great presence onscreen, and does a fine job without ever giving the impression that she is just coasting through the whole thing. Marilu Henner is a good big boss figure, someone with great success who remembers that profit doesn’t always have to ruin the lives of others, and Rod Wilson plays the kind of manager who wants results at any cost, which leads to Denton’s character wrestling with his conscience as he tries to plot his best career path onwards and upwards. Lowe makes for a good Santa figure, as wise as he is mischievous (aren’t they always?), and other supporting players do just fine in their various roles.

Managing to somehow paradoxically be a bit different from the many other TV Christmas movies made this year and yet exactly the same, A Kiss Before Christmas is another safe and dependable choice to let play out on your TV while you either prepare for Christmas Day or relax with some calorie-loaded treats and hot chocolate.

5/10

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Tango & Cash (1989)

In 2010 The Expendables came along to make action movie fans practically drool with excitement from the opening scene to the closing credits. It was a Sylvester Stallone action movie that catered to fans of a certain kind of dumb fun, fans of 80s action that saw the collateral damage go through the roof as people like Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, etc, did whatever it took to get the bad guy. The Expendables was a homage to those films. The funny thing is that Stallone already starred in the ultimate homage to the 80s action movie, it's just that he actually did it in the 1980s before the affection had grown into nostalgia and before sly wit (no pun intended) could help viewers deal with the many cheesy moments.

For anyone doubting that this is the ultimate homage to 80s action movies I present the following facts. The film stars Stallone and Kurt Russell, two superb stars of the decade (in fact, the Russell role was originally intended to be played by Patrick Swayze, which may have caused all time and matter to grind to a halt in 1989). The main villain is played by Jack Palance but there are also roles for James Hong and, a man synonymous with the 1980s, the late, great Brion James. Oh, Robert Z'Dar also plays a hardass baddie. Is that 80s enough for you yet?

No!! Well, just check out who else we have onscreen in non-villainous roles. A young and beautiful Teri Hatcher is captivating. Geoffrey Lewis is great in his small role. And then there's Michael J. Pollard, who was also so great in Roxanne and a number of other movies.

The script is full of typical buddy-cop moments as Tango (Stallone) and Cash (Russell) are thrown together, framed and subsequently have to spend the rest of the movie throwing snappy insults at each other while trying to prove their innocence and nail the bad guys. Police brutality is the norm when these guys want to get results, plenty of things explode and our heroes get things down through a mix of casual violence and unbelievable luck.

Want some more 80s moments? How about Stallone replying to some cop saying that he thinks he's Rambo with the line "Rambo . . . . . . . is a pussy"? Or even the great little "I hate Danish" line that provides a sly dig at his past relationship with Brigitte Nielsen.

Tango & Cash wasn't a very easy shoot, with director Andrey Konchalovsky being replaced towards the end of the shoot by Albert Magnoli and the script by Randy Feldman not being completed by the time that principal photography began. I'm not sure what the film resembled once the shooting was over but it was shaped and polished by editor Stuart Baird into what you see today, and I like it.

It's ridiculous, completely implausible, and totally enjoyable. If you love anything about the 1980s then you will surely love Tango & Cash. Oh, and the music is by Harold Faltermeyer. Oh yes. The ultimate homage to the movies spawned by the decade of excess, even if it wasn't intended that way.

8/10

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