The Conjuring: Last Rites (2025)

And here we are, at last, with the last entry in The Conjuring movie series. Yeah. Sure. If you believe that then I have a lovely bridge to sell you. But let’s take things at face value for now.

You should know what to expect by now. People are affected by spooky shenanigans. Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine Warren (Vera Farmiga) eventually turn up to help them, and the Warrens have never encountered a ghost that they couldn’t actually label a demon. The movies allow them to be presented as Super-Exorcists. Meanwhile, reality has left viewers more and more equipped to see the Warrens as con artists, at best, and very dangerous and exploitative abusers, at worst. This time around they are assisted by their equally "gifted" daughter, Judy (Mia Tomlinson), and it's the Smurl family who are at the mercy of horrible demons.

I could spend the majority of this review mentioning the screenplay by the three writers (Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing, and David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick, none of them strangers to the extended Conjuring cinematic universe) . I could throw a bit of shade at director Michael Chaves, who has been allowed to helm this after two of the weakest movies in that aforementioned selection of films. I could also point you towards The Haunted, the 1991 TV movie that generally does a better job of showing the real-life case this film is based on. That film has lead roles for Sally Kirkland and Jeffrey DeMunn, has Stephen Markle and Diane Baker portraying the Warrens, and is a more completely satisfying telling of the tale.

I could do all of those things, but it would only allow me to delay myself admitting that this is decidedly okay. I would probably enjoy it a lot more if it didn't seem so determined to get us all to buy into the "cult of the Warrens", but there are some individual scares that are effective and fun. There's also a lot of stuff that will have you rolling your eyes, and I thought it was bordering on parody to have Ed Warren uttering multiple warnings to people about their special relic room chock full of allegedly haunted and cursed objects.

Wilson and Farmiga can do this in their sleep by now, but they never feel as if they're sleepwalking through the whole thing. The dialogue is bad, and there isn't a scene that isn't overstuffed with ridiculously melodramatic lines about demons and souls and love, but both Wilson and Farmiga play it all as admirably straight as they have done throughout the other movies in this series. Tomlinson also does well, and Ben Hardy works nicely alongside her (he's a young man brave enough to consider marrying into the Warren family). As for the Smurl family members, the cast all do well enough, but are overshadowed by the shadows and spectres whirling around them for most of the runtime.

I didn't like this. I wouldn't recommend it to horror fans. It's hard to deny that it works how it is intended though. It's a mainstream chiller punctuated by some jumps and spooky moments, and many will consider it a perfect viewing choice when looking for something to watch and be thrilled by on a dark night in front of the TV. I just wasn't impressed. Maybe the next movie in this series will work for me. Oh, of course, I almost forgot that this was the last one. Hmmmmm. We'll see. Don't be surprised if we hear news in the next few years that we're getting something titled "The Conjuring In Connecticut".

4/10

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Prime Time: The Voyeurs (2021)

We seem to be moving more and more towards disappointingly tame and sexless entertainment nowadays. Let's face it, there's no room for a new Shannon Tweed to come on the scene and make her mark, and the heyday of the raunchy erotic thrillers continues to get smaller and smaller in our rear-view mirrors. Some people still try to spice things up though, and congratulations are due to writer-director Michael Mohan for giving us some entertaining sexy shenanigans presented with a pleasing lack of haughtiness.

Sydney Sweeney and Justice Smith are Pippa and Thomas, respectively. They are young and in love, and making their new life together in their new home. There’s a surprising special feature of their new home though, which is a front row seat to the lusty couple who live over the street from them. One is a photographer (Seb, played by Ben Hardy). His partner (Julia, played by Natasha Liu Bordizzo) seems very supportive, but is perhaps unaware of how many people he is having sex with behind her back. Pippa and Thomas become more and more engrossed in the unfolding drama, even figuring out a way to eavesdrop of various conversations, and it soon becomes clear that the situation is quite unhealthy. But will it ruin the relationship between them?

I am not going to spend time trying to convince people that this is great. There are some already determined to avoid it simply because of it being an erotic thriller. Thankfully, it’s a very good erotic thriller, and a decent way to spend just under two hours of your time (which is still a bit too long, but the pacing helps it feel like a shorter movie). It doesn’t rank alongside the greats of the sub-genre, and there’s still a reticence to really wallow in the flesh in a way akin to movies from decades ago, but it does a decent job of delivering decent characters, some fun twists, a handful of scenes featuring some nudity, and just enough details to make the ridiculousness of the third act feel grounded in some kind of reality. Mohan knows what he is doing, and he is helped by the central cast.

Both Hardy and Bordizzo are cool and beautiful people, and they both emanate an aura that you can understand would make them intriguing to spy on. Smith and Sweeney, on the other hand, do a good job of being quite a normal couple who find themselves exploring brand new territory together. Sweeney also ends up baring a bit more than her onscreen partner, which she does while keeping her character appropriately wavering between being nervous and being thrilled. There are one or two other cast members, but the focus remains on the central quartet, and everyone treats the material with an enjoyable earnestness that works in its favour.

I have heard other people praise this, which means I am certainly not in a group all on my own again, and the recent ascension of Sydney Sweeney will no doubt have more people finding out about it, but I am happy that I can, for what it’s worth, add my own endorsement. The fact that I could see where things were going once the final scenes began to play out just added to the fun of the batty conclusion, and I hope others enjoy it as much as I did.

7/10

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Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)

Okay, I cannot really formulate my thoughts on this film in a way that makes sense, but I'm going to try my best to explain myself. A lot of Bohemian Rhapsody is quite rubbish. It is laughable that the film won an Academy Award for best editing, especially when you can highlight some key sequences that wouldn't look out of place in a Paul W. S. Anderson movie. It is a "greatest hits" version of the history of Queen, and the life of charismatic frontman Freddie Mercury. It's a family-friendly rock opera, in a way, with the mix of humour, tragedy, and elation you can expect from such a thing. And yet . . . that doesn't stop it from being a bloody good time. The highlights are absolutely goosebump-inducing, and easily impressive enough to make up for the weaker aspects.

Rami Malek is Freddie, in a performance absolutely deserving of all the praise heaped upon him, as well as his win at the 2019 Oscars. He becomes the lynchpin of Queen, with the talent of Brian May (Gwilym Lee), Roger Taylor (Ben Hardy), and John Deacon (Joe Mazzello). He also develops a life-long relationship with Mary Austin (Lucy Boynton), constantly astounds the band manager (Aidan Gillen) with his vision, and his ability to make that vision into a fan-pleasing reality, and enjoys gently mocking the lawyer that they have in their corner, Jim 'Miami' Beach (Tom Hollander). And, as the start of the film makes abundantly clear (as does the advertising imagery and any trailers you may have seen), it all leads to a legendary live performance at Live Aid in 1985.

Directed by Bryan Singer (but with the whole thing finished in the last few weeks by Dexter Fletcher after Singer had gone AWOL for a while), Bohemian Rhapsody is almost exactly what you want it to be. As long as you want it to be a fun time in the company of Queen. The screenplay, written by Anthony McCarten, is more concerned with keeping viewers entertained and in high spirits than it is with providing a story that feels grounded in the truth. Even the moments that really happened just feel so unreal, so apocryphal, that it never allows the film to feel like anything more than a rocking fairytale.

It's a good job that Malek is uncannily good in the main role, and that you have Gillen and Hollander to look out for, because none of the other main cast members do anything worthwhile. Well, none of the cast members portraying members of Queen anyway. Lee, Hardy, and Mazzello are poorly treated in a storyline that serves as nothing more than a testament to someone they obviously loved. The sad thing is that you get the feeling that everyone deserved something a bit better, even if that meant showing more of the low points and exploring just what would drive the band, individually and together. Boynton is the other person who actually manages to make an impact, thanks to both her performance and the fact that she is the only character in the film given any hint of depth.

Please believe me when I say that I am not being snobbish (and people who know the wide variety of films I watch will know I am no film snob) by saying that this is quite rubbish, and quite rubbish in oh so many ways. Yet, despite the myriad flaws, it's easy to see why it's a crowd-pleaser. You get all of those familiar Queen songs, you get a number of great moments, and you get a finale that is up there with the best I can think of, in terms of making you want to stamp your feet, throw your fist in the air, and vicariously join in with one of the greatest live performances of all time.

6/10

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