The Conjuring: Last Rites (2025)

And here we are, at last, with the last entry in The Conjuring movie series. Yeah. Sure. If you believe that then I have a lovely bridge to sell you. But let’s take things at face value for now.

You should know what to expect by now. People are affected by spooky shenanigans. Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine Warren (Vera Farmiga) eventually turn up to help them, and the Warrens have never encountered a ghost that they couldn’t actually label a demon. The movies allow them to be presented as Super-Exorcists. Meanwhile, reality has left viewers more and more equipped to see the Warrens as con artists, at best, and very dangerous and exploitative abusers, at worst. This time around they are assisted by their equally "gifted" daughter, Judy (Mia Tomlinson), and it's the Smurl family who are at the mercy of horrible demons.

I could spend the majority of this review mentioning the screenplay by the three writers (Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing, and David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick, none of them strangers to the extended Conjuring cinematic universe) . I could throw a bit of shade at director Michael Chaves, who has been allowed to helm this after two of the weakest movies in that aforementioned selection of films. I could also point you towards The Haunted, the 1991 TV movie that generally does a better job of showing the real-life case this film is based on. That film has lead roles for Sally Kirkland and Jeffrey DeMunn, has Stephen Markle and Diane Baker portraying the Warrens, and is a more completely satisfying telling of the tale.

I could do all of those things, but it would only allow me to delay myself admitting that this is decidedly okay. I would probably enjoy it a lot more if it didn't seem so determined to get us all to buy into the "cult of the Warrens", but there are some individual scares that are effective and fun. There's also a lot of stuff that will have you rolling your eyes, and I thought it was bordering on parody to have Ed Warren uttering multiple warnings to people about their special relic room chock full of allegedly haunted and cursed objects.

Wilson and Farmiga can do this in their sleep by now, but they never feel as if they're sleepwalking through the whole thing. The dialogue is bad, and there isn't a scene that isn't overstuffed with ridiculously melodramatic lines about demons and souls and love, but both Wilson and Farmiga play it all as admirably straight as they have done throughout the other movies in this series. Tomlinson also does well, and Ben Hardy works nicely alongside her (he's a young man brave enough to consider marrying into the Warren family). As for the Smurl family members, the cast all do well enough, but are overshadowed by the shadows and spectres whirling around them for most of the runtime.

I didn't like this. I wouldn't recommend it to horror fans. It's hard to deny that it works how it is intended though. It's a mainstream chiller punctuated by some jumps and spooky moments, and many will consider it a perfect viewing choice when looking for something to watch and be thrilled by on a dark night in front of the TV. I just wasn't impressed. Maybe the next movie in this series will work for me. Oh, of course, I almost forgot that this was the last one. Hmmmmm. We'll see. Don't be surprised if we hear news in the next few years that we're getting something titled "The Conjuring In Connecticut".

4/10

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The Nun II (2023)

Sometimes it is annoying to see a film that seems intent on playing out exactly as you think it will. I wasn’t a fan of The Nun, considering it a prime example of the worst content you sometimes get in modern horror movies, so I had very low expectations for The Nun II. As the end credits rolled, I tried to decide whether or not this was worse or better than the first film. Ultimately, I think it is on a par with it. That is not a good thing.

The plot is annoyingly simple. The demon nun is back, moving away from where she was supposedly defeated in the last movie, and potentially hiding in the body of some innocent pawn. Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) is tasked once again with facing off against the malevolent figure. She has a potential ally in young Debra (Storm Reid), and is also reunited with Maurice aka Frenchie (Jonus Bloquet).

Directed by Michael Chaves, who seems to be the person to go to when you want someone to helm a less-than-stellar entry into the extended Conjuring cinematic universe (having also given us The Curse Of La Llorona and The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It), this is a prime example of how to mishandle atmosphere and scares. The script, written by Akela Cooper, Ian Goldberg, and Richard Naing, isn’t good, but the material is translated from page to screen with no idea of how to maximise the impact of any moments. There’s even one great potential scare, making use of magazines on a large stand, that is undermined by the mistiming of the jump scare that you know is due to come along towards the end of the sequence.

Farmiga does as well as she can, having to base her entire performance around the idea of looking worried while holding on to an inner strength, and both Reid and Bloquet just about manages to overcome the weak material given to them. Suzanne Bertish also manages to make at least some kind of impression while everyone else blends into one mass of potential victims to be terrorised by the scary nun (played once more by Bonnie Aarons, who again gives a commendable physical performance under the make-up).

While fumbled scares aren’t appreciated in a film supposedly designed to scare viewers, there’s something worse about how silly and careless the third act feels. The film becomes so ridiculous that every main beat becomes genuinely laughable when it’s supposed to be getting more intense. 

I racked my brain to think of any more positives, from the production design to the score. Sadly, nothing else managed to stand out in a good way. This is lazy, unscary, and completely pointless. I am already praying that we don’t get a third.

3/10

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Netflix And Chill: Eli (2019)

The more I think about his filmography, the more surprised I am by the fact that director Ciarán Foy keeps getting opportunities to helm potentially decent horror movies. His debut feature, Citadel, was solid, but nothing since then has shown him to be an assured hand. Eli is a prime example, although he's hindered by a laughably weak script.

Eli (Charlie Shotwell) is a very sick young boy, with an auto-immune disorder that makes him unable to live a normal life. His parents, Rose (Kelly Reilly) and Paul (Max Martini), pin all of their hope on one last treatment, headed up by Dr. Horn (Lili Taylor). But all is not well in the facility that they end up in, as Eli sees spirits around him, and starts to wonder if those treating him really have his best interests at heart. Perhaps he'll just end up being the latest victim of their experimental approach.

Eli just isn't all that interesting, I'm afraid to say. The way in which the main character is shown to be affected by the world around him isn't set up well enough, doesn't feel consistent, and will simply remind many viewers of one or two much better movies (such as The Others, for example). It doesn't help that you feel no sympathy, or care, for the other characters, a mix of the writing and poor casting.

Reilly can be good in the right role, and I have enjoyed her work in a number of movies, but this isn't the right role for her, especially when she's required to both turn some things around and provide some exposition in the final reel. I'm not too familiar with Max Martini, and his turn here doesn't make me want to rush to refresh my memory with his roles in other movies I have seen. Taylor is a highlight, doing her best with weak material, and almost managing to overcome it by simply being Lili Taylor. Shotwell actually does a good job, and his relationship with a young girl, Haley (Sadie Sink), who visits to talk to him from the other side of his window is another highlight, thanks to the performances of both young actors.

The cast might have fared better with a better script though. We'll never know. David Chirchirillo, Ian Goldberg, and Richard Naing have worked together to craft something absolutely risible. Not only is it a silly premise, once all becomes clear, it makes no sense and treats viewers like idiots by assuming they will just accept everything without questioning the logic of the film (important reminder, questioning the logic of a movie on the terms it is delivering material is not the same as expecting real-world logic from every movie you watch). Eli makes no sense throughout, and everything falls apart during a time when the writers obviously think they are being clever and creative.

Foy is no help. He admittedly does okay with individual scare moments, but fails to do enough to distract viewers from the failings of the script. If you're going to utilise cliches then you need to try to make other elements feel fresh. If you're going to journey into silliness then you need to either lay the groundwork from the earliest scenes or do a better job with the tone. Foy just goes along with a script that he really should have been aiming to constantly improve.

I am sure that some people will enjoy Eli. I have no idea who those people are, and I don't think many of the horror fans I know will think this one worth their time.

3/10

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