Noirvember: Jade (1995)

If you only see one William Friedkin movie in your lifetime then I think you know the one you should opt for (clue = it is a horror movie, and the title rhymes with Schmexorcist), but there are one or two other strong contenders. If you only see one erotic thriller penned by Joe Eszterhas then I would always make a strong case for Basic Instinct. Want to see Linda Fiorentino being sexy and dangerous? The Last Seduction is for you. Fancy taking a chance on the film work of David Caruso? Session 9 will scratch that itch. Basically, what I am trying to say is that there is no reason to ever prioritise a viewing of Jade.

The plot revolves around a murder, of course, and David Caruso is the main investigating officer, David Corelli. It isn’t too long until some potentially embarrassing footage is discovered, requiring the investigation team to be much more sensitive. That is the plan anyway, but Corelli gets distracted when he has to question an old flame, Katrina Gavin (Linda Fiorentino), who is married to his good friend/defense attorney, Matt Gavin (Chazz Palminteri). There’s also an elusive woman to be found, Jade, who is said to be the best of the many sexual partners that the murder victim would spend his time with.

What Jade gets wrong, in terms of it being an erotic thriller, is, well, everything. The few sexy moments aren’t sexy, the cast have no chemistry, and absolutely none of the murder mystery elements matter, because viewers don’t ever care about the deaths onscreen or the main characters. It’s almost as if Eszterhas started writing a parody of his own work, with everything shown up for the dumb it is, and then forgot about it, having left it in a drawer for some time until he was asked to write another slick erotic thriller trying to recapture his career-best form.

It doesn’t help that Friedkin doesn’t seem interested in the expected tropes and story beats. Aside from one or two decent flourishes, he seems to blindly stumble from one scene to the next, only seeming to become energised when he gets to shoot a car chase that suffers from a) feeling shoehorned in to a film that is otherwise completely sluggish, and b) not being half as good as the other famous car chase sequences that he has delivered onscreen. It’s almost as if he felt that the script and cast would be assembled by people who cared about everything more than he ever could, and that would be enough to make it all work well. 

The perceived antipathy from Friedkin filters throughout his cast, which is a real shame as the leads struggle through the movie as if they are wading through a treacherous bog. Florentino should be superb in this role, but her character  isn’t convincingly built up in any way, and the less said about the horrible dialogue she had to deliver the better. Caruso does his usual schtick, which doesn’t fit for this kind of film, and Palminteri feels underused (as if there’s a whole sub-plot that was excised at the last minute). There are some treats in the supporting cast, which includes Michael Biehn, Donna Murphy, Richard Crenna, and Angie Everhart, as well as very small roles for Holt McCallany and a few other familiar faces.

Beyond a basic level of film-making competence on the technical side of things, there is nothing here to make it worth your time. The relatively brief runtime is a plus (it clocks in at about 90 minutes from the opening to the start of the end credits), but I would easily recommend 100 erotic thrillers ahead of this, including a multitude of films that didn’t get anywhere near a cinema screen.

3/10

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The Astronaut's Wife (1999)

Part Quatermass movie, part Rosemary's Baby, The Astronaut's Wife could easily be titled Rosemary's Space Baby and nobody would complain.

Charlize Theron plays Jillian Armacost, the wife of an astronaut named Spencer (Johnny Depp). While up in space on a mission, contact was lost with Spencer and his flight partner, Alex (Nick Cassavetes). All seems fine when they get back to Earth, although Spencer and Alex are put through a number of tests. Sherman Reese (Joe Morton) thinks differently, however, and ends up trying to warn people who don't want to hear his "paranoia".

The only feature both written and directed by Rand Ravich, and it soon becomes clear why that is, The Astronaut's Wife is a plodding melodrama with no tension, no originality, and one or two scenes that use some ill-advised CGI to create some kind of set-piece highlight.

It also wastes what could have been a great cast. Theron has to watch her husband while looking tense and worried, obviously. Depp isn't in his self-parody stage yet, but it's not a great central turn from him (I think  he's always struggled to play anyone who seems . . . "normal"). Cassavetes makes no impression, while Donna Murphy, playing his wife, is disappointingly underused. Morton is good, as is Clea DuVall (playing the sister of Theron's character), and there are decent little supporting turns from Blair Brown, Tom Noonan, and Samantha Eggar, but Ravich clearly does nothing to help any of them.

At no point does Ravich do enough to make his movie more than a full waiting game between points A to B, to C and beyond, which is a real shame. Not only that, he refuses to then take the other approach that could have been more entertaining, a simple lean in to the potential horror and craziness of the concept. So you get a restrained horror that wants to be a mystery, but has no sense of mystery. The score by George S. Clinton is underwhelming, and there's not even any aspect of the film that is accidentally impressive (from the production design to the cinematography, it's all just . . . there).

Probably forgotten by everyone involved as soon as get settled into the 21st century, The Astronaut’s Wife is best also forgotten by anyone who might think about watching it. It is a big waste of time. Maybe not as terrible as some glossy movies, it’s still criminally dull for almost the entirety of the runtime. 

3/10

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Ani-MAY-tion Month: Tangled (2010)

For their 50th animated feature, Disney decided to turn to the classic tale of Rapunzel, shaking it up a bit to create a beautiful, funny adventure that ranks up there with some of their best work.

Rapunzel (voiced by Mandy Moore) is resigned to her life in the tower. Whenever she pleads to go out and see the big, wide world her "mother" (Donna Murphy) manages to convince her that it's no good. But opportunity comes her way when a charming rogue named Flynn (Zachary Levi) seeks temporary safety in the tower. Flynn is forced into agreeing to take Rapunzel out into the world, letting her see the lights that fly in the sky, every year on her birthday. Little does she know that the floating lanterns, for that is what they are, get released every year by her real mother and father, who are royalty, as well as the subjects that they rule over.

Perfectly mixing the traditional with the modern, in terms of both animation and also the characters, Tangled is yet another in a recent run of near-perfect Disney hits. All of the expected elements are in place - the anthropomorphic animal (a scene-stealing horse named Maximus, in this instance, but there's also a very cute chameleon raising smiles), the beautiful princess, the wicked crone, the moral lessons - but they somehow manage to avoid feeling stale. I think that's due, in some small part, to the way in which everything is portrayed in a fairytale age gone by, while also being injected with some modern sensibilities. Disney isn't reinventing the wheel here, but in recent years they've managed to embrace a sense of fun again, a real exuberance that has been elevating their work.

Directors Nathan Greno and Byron Howard have a great script, by Dan Fogelman, to work from, and they keep a nice balance between the sweet, more Disney-esque, moments and the sequences that embrace an enjoyable irreverence. The musical moments, by Alan Menken, also help a lot in this regard, with "Mother Knows Best" and "I've Got A Dream" being the two highlights.

While the vocal cast isn't exactly full of people who are immediately identifiable from their speech, everyone does well in their respective role. Moore, Murphy and Levi are all a pretty perfect match for their characters, while Ron Perlman, M. C. Gainey, Jeffrey Tambor, Brad Garrett and Richard "Jaws" Kiel also lend their talents to the mix.

It's maybe not quite as good as absolute classic Disney fare (although keep an eye out for both Pinocchio and Pumbaa in sneaky, fleeting cameos), but it's pretty great nonetheless. Let your hair down and give it a go. Yes, I just ended with that pun.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tangled-Blu-ray-DVD-Mandy-Moore/dp/B004E10JD4/ref=sr_1_4?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1397497711&sr=1-4&keywords=tangled