Netflix And Chill: Van Helsing (2004)

Sometimes I have to wonder about myself. My thoughts on Van Helsing are a prime example of just why I have to do that. I remembered quite enjoying this movie. I own the 2-disc special edition released years ago. I have even defended it, considering how much I enjoyed the general plot points used to bring together the main Universal horror icons. But I just rewatched it. Everyone else was right when they kept telling me how awful this film is.

Hugh Jackman plays the titular character, an action hero with the might of the church behind him (although they equally frown upon his methods, and deny his position as their main soldier). He ends up sent to Transylvania, accompanied by the much more timid Carl (David Wenham), as a certain Count Dracula (Richard Roxburgh) seems intent on finding a way to create a whole brood of baby bloodsuckers. Dracula needs a monster, of course (Frankenstein's creation being played here by Shuler Hensley), but he also tries to experiment with a werewolf or two. Meanwhile, Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) does her best to keep thwarting a supernatural enemy who seems to have a keen interest in her family.

There are things to enjoy here, and I'll mention some of them soon, but it's worth noting that this is a film so awful that it pretty much derailed the directorial career of Stephen Sommers, a white American man. Do you know how hard you have to fail to have your movie career derailed when you're a white American man? You get about three attempts for everyone lone chance a woman would get. Okay, Sommers did direct a couple of other features after this, and seems to have something in development at the moment, but he's far from the celebrated figure he was when helming two fun Mummy movies.

Those in front of the camera have generally fared better, perhaps helped by the fact that people seem to have (rightly) wiped this film from their memories. Jackman has been busy in many better movies, although he doesn't do a terrible job here as an action hero version of the famous character. Beckinsale has kept fans happy in a number of other vampire movies, of course, as well as a number of lesser-known, but fun, films. Roxburgh seemed to realise how bad he was at picking blockbuster projects (just look at his choices between 2000-2004), Wenham continued to move between bigger and smaller projects with ease, and Hensley isn't someone I can say I've noticed in anything else. 

It's almost impossible to describe Van Helsing as anything other than an ugly movie, and that's a descriptor it works hard to earn. The sets and production design are quite gorgeous, as are many of the costumes and the many props, but shame on Sommers for putting faith in computer effects that weren't yet ready to deliver anything close to what he must have so happily envisioned in his mind. The werewolf moments are the worst, but it's also not good when the brides of Dracula morph from the real actresses (one being the wonderful Elena Anaya) to clumsy CGI. Then we have action sequences that are overdone and ridiculous in a way that makes everything unforgivably boring. It's hard to enjoy any spectacle when it all feels as if it has been created in a computer-enabled vacuum.

I like the Alan Silvestri score, that is the other main plus, and I do like the core idea at the heart of the plot, but it's hard to think of anything else I can be positive about. Kevin J. O'Connor is a fun Igor, and there's still something entertaining about the opening sequences (one presented in line with the Universal classics from the 1930s, the other featuring a bizarre interpretation of Mr. Hyde, voiced by Robbie Coltrane), but I would have to encourage people to stay away from this one. It's a lot of loud noises and overfilled scenes that ultimately lead to nothing really worth your time. But everyone else knew that for the past two decades. 

4/10

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Netflix And Chill: Zip & Zap And The Captain's Island (2016)

If there are any people who have read my reviews consistently over the years, and you should really get yourself checked out if you have, then you may recall that I was lucky enough to catch a film entitled Zip & Zap And The Marble Gang a few years back at EIFF. It was a real treat, a film for all the family that felt very akin to many of the movies I grew up with. There were many moments in which kids outwitted adults, and there was also a very real sense of danger for our young heroes. I have spent a lot of time since regretting that the movie didn’t see any substantial release here in the UK, and I still hope that is rectified one day. Then I found THIS film on Netflix. Well, I had to give it a watch.

Director Oskar Santos returns, and also helps Jorge Lara in the writing department this time around, and he provides another fun adventure for all the family to enjoy. The movie starts off with Zip and Zap (played this time by Teo Planell and Toni Gomez, respectively) breaking in to a toy store and accidentally causing a massive fire. Their parents are understandably upset. So upset that they take the boys with them on a trip and then disappear in the night, leaving them in the care of a woman named Pam (Elena Anaya). That would be upsetting, but for the fact that Pam runs a home that's a bit of a paradise for children without families. They can do whatever they like without fear of punishment. It all seems too good to be true, which means, yes, it's too good to be true.

As well as the bare bones of the plot mentioned above, this movie adds to the fun factor with a number of references to classic characters in literature (Sherlock Holmes, The Invisible Man, Peter Pan, etc) and it's all woven together into a nice mix of adventure, mystery, and nods to classic tales.

Kids will find plenty to enjoy, but parents will also have fun, much like the previous film. Okay, the grown-ups may catch on quicker to how everything is going to play out, but that doesn't spoil the fun. Santos directes with the same energy and eye that he brought to the previous film, and the script that he worked on with Lara is just the right mix of fun and child-friendly danger. Both of his Zip & Zap movies manage to keep things pitched perfectly at kids without ever feeling as if they are talking down to them.

Planell and Gomez are fun in their roles, and Anaya has a lot of fun in the role of Pam. There's nobody doing bad work here, although I will give specific praise to the other main child actors and Goizalde Nunez, playing a wonderfully unstable carer, all twitches and guitar destruction when faced with excessive misbehaviour from the kids before she goes back to innocent smiles and quivering composure.

While it doesn't quite capture the magic that ran throughout Zip & Zap And The Marble Gang, this is a film almost just as deserving of your time and attention. If you have youngsters who don't mind reading subtitles, the Zip & Zap movies make for a perfect double-bill. I might even check out the animated series and movie from over a decade ago. IF I can find them.

8/10

Here's a copy of the Marble Gang adventure.
And here it is for Americans.

Fragile (2005)

Jaume Balaguero is a considerable talent in the horror genre. Just check out his filmography if you don't believe me. And here he is, working once again with writer Jordi Galceran, to provide more thrills and chills for fright fans, with a tale that takes place in a hospital for children that's due to be closed down.

Calista Flockhart stars as a nurse, Amy Nicholls, who comes to work in the hospital for its last few days of operation. The children left in the hospital seem to share a collective fear of some presence in the hospital, something that may be connected to the abandoned second floor, and Amy starts to share their apprehension, to say the least, as she finds out more about her new workplace from a young girl named Maggie (Yasmin Murphy).

From the very first scenes to the final shot of the movie, Fragile is a film concerned with keeping viewers creeped out. There are moments to make you wince, and there are one or two gore gags, but the focus is always on genuine scares that mount up to create an atmosphere of real dread.

With a title relating to a number of different elements within the movie, it's hard not to jokingly refer to the lead role as the one that Flockhart was born to play (considering how often her fragile physical appearance has been the subject of celebrity gossip mags in previous years) but I'll try to restrain myself. Yet, it's equally hard not to want to scatter extra praise on her performance in an attempt to compensate for those who will write her off as "Ally McBeal". She's excellent here, and really IS perfect for the role. Richard Roxburgh, Elena Anaya, Colin McFarlane and Gemma Jones are all also very good, while young Murphy holds her own alongside her adult co-stars.

The script, co-written by Balaguero and Galceran, stumbles here and there (especially during one particularly awkward scene between Flockhart and Roxburgh), but those mis-steps are easily forgotten as the tension ratchets up and up, and everything slots into place for a finale that could go in any direction.

Reminiscent of great modern ghost stories such as The Devil's Backbone, The Orphanage, and A Tale Of Two Sisters, this is an impressively straightforward horror that should be a high priority for any fan after something genuinely creepy. Balaguero may have disappointed me slightly with Darkness, but he's made up for it many times over in the intervening years. This is another reason to look forward to everything he does.

8/10

http://www.amazon.com/Fragile-Fangoria-Frightfest-Calista-Flockhart/dp/B003T04NC4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1413710281&sr=8-2&keywords=fragile