Shudder Saturday: The Cellar (2022)

Writer-director Brendan Muldowney gave horror fans an excellent short called The Ten Steps back in 2004. He has directed a few features since then, none of which have even appeared on my radar (so I cannot say whether they were good or bad), but this film is an expansion of that effective short. Sadly, it's pretty much an object lesson in how not to take your short film and make it into a feature.

A family move into a new home, a place that seems a bit spooky, and it's not long until they're affected by the forces within it. While busy at work one evening, the parents receive a phone call from their teenage daughter, Ellie (Abby Fitz). Ellie has to head down the ten steps that go down into the cellar so her mother (Keira, played by Elisha Cuthbert) tries to help her by getting her to count each step into the darkness. Ellie just keeps going though, counting past ten and heading to some unknown place, and is later declared missing. Keira starts to investigate the house they have moved into, and she finds that there may be a mathematical formula in place to help create something seemingly impossible.

Although there are some effective moments here and there, not least of which are the Fulci-esque images in the third act, Muldowney needlessly complicates what should have stayed a beautifully simplistic bit of creepiness, crafting a theory for the unfolding events that is as laughable as it is implausible. I'm also not entirely sure that he sticks to the rules he tries to create, but maybe that is more to do with my own perception of the film. Something similar to this can be very effective (e.g. the enjoyable You Should Have Left), but Muldowney seems determined to shoot himself in the foot at every opportunity. His weak script is more obvious while being delivered by leads who aren't as strong as they could be, and there aren't enough truly memorable supporting characters to help the pacing.

As much as I like Cuthbert, she seems to be unable to pick decent horror fare to star in. Her best horror role was in House Of Wax (2005), and even that wouldn't be as enjoyable as it is if it wasn't for the absolutely stellar production design throughout. Despite her age allowing it to be possible, she doesn't feel like a good fit for a role that has her being a parent, sorry, so she's not right in the main role here. Her onscreen husband is played by Eoin Macken, who feels equally miscast, unhelped by the fact that the script gives both of our adult characters some dull-as-ditchwater jobs in the world of social media advertising. Fitz is a lot better than her older co-stars, although sadly not onscreen for too long, and Dylan Fitzmaurice Brady is fine as the youngest member of the family, Steven.

There's a decent score from Stephen McKeon, some nice cinematography by Tom Comerford, and some excellent sound design, but those are the only aspects I want to praise here. Some music, some scenes that look very nice, and the audio work. Those things aren't enough to make up for the script, the performances (which aren't bad, just not very good), or the anti-climactic scenes that have to fill up the 70 minutes or so after the best moment reworked from the original short.

I'll still maybe check out the other films directed by Muldowney,  and I would give some more time to any of his future efforts, but this seemed to be grossly misjudged from the very beginning. Sometimes a great short film should be left as it is. Expanding it can spoil what made it so great in the first place. The Cellar is proof of that.

4/10

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Goon: Last Of The Enforcers (2017)

I liked Goon. It was a sweet film that happened to also feature a lot of bone-crunching violence, and it featured a superb central performance from Seann William Scott. Goon: Last Of The Enforcers is, although some (many?) may disagree, a superior sequel.

It's been a while since we last saw Doug Glatt (Scott). He's grown older but not that much wiser, although now nice and settled at home with Eva (Alison Pill), still putting up with the drunken antics of his friend Pat (Jay Baruchel), and still taking a hell of a beating out on the ice, when he needs to. Things come to a head when he is set upon by a vicious player named Anders Cain (Wyatt Russell), leading him to try and leave hockey behind for the sake of his health and Eva's peace of mind.

As well as returning to the role of Pat, Baruchel also co-wrote the script with Jesse Chabot. Obviously wanting to heap a bit more onto his plate, Baruchel has decided to make this his feature directorial debut, which makes sense considering how well he seems to know the characters and small world created in the first film. He certainly does a better job behind the camera than he does in front of it. It's been a while since I watched the first film but I can't recall his character being quite so idiotic, although I could be wrong.

Scott continues to make the most of the opportunity that this lead role affords him. He's dim, but not a complete idiot, and he does get a chance to grow somewhat. Russell is a great addition to the roster of characters, showing almost a mirror universe version of Doug. He's a man who wants to spill blood and break bones, his passion is for the fight ahead of the game or the team, and he's genuinely confused when others don't seem to approach the sport with the same attitude. Liev Schreiber returns, as Ross Rhea, and once again proves to be an excellent illustration of what Doug may potentially have lying ahead of him. Pill does well with her relatively thankless role (as ultimately understanding as she is, I am sure some will view her as just the moaning wife), and Kim Coates and Callum Keith Rennie stand out as two men who want to run the ice hockey team two very different ways.

Although it runs through just as many sports movie cliches as the first film, Goon: Last Of The Enforcers at least uses a new bag of old tricks (if that makes sense). There are a couple of mis-steps - with the main ones being the waste of Baruchel in the actual acting department, and the equal waste of Elisha Cuthbert in a small role - but those aren't significant enough to stop this from being a perfect follow-up to a film that I never would have considered in need of a sequel.

8/10

Pick it up on DVD for a bargain price here.
Or, in America, get it the bluray here.

Captivity (2007)

The beautiful Elisha Cuthbert stars in this disappointing movie, one of many to try and make some money after the success of movies like Saw and Hostel. It's basically a thriller but there are enough moments of nastiness to edge it over into horror territory, albeit light horror territory (hardcore gorehounds should look elsewhere for their fix).

Elisha Cuthbert plays Jennifer, a beautiful young model who is kidnapped and awakens to find herself in a pretty secure holding "pen". Her kidnapper seems delighted to torture her in a variety of psychological ways and things only start to look ever so slightly brighter when Jennifer realises that she is not the only person being held against her will. There's a young man (Daniel Gillies) being kept in a room beside her and the two of them work together to try and make good their escape.

I didn't hate Captivity and I could, if I had to, watch it again but let me be clear about something - that's only because of the presence of Elisha Cuthbert, a gorgeous woman who would I would marry today if it wasn't for the fact that a) I'm already happily married, b) I'm probably not her type and c) the restraining order forbids such a joining together, as well as stopping me from ever walking along her street again.

Captivity is just lame. There are a couple of decent moments throughout but barely enough to keep the average viewer alert and interested. The script by Larry Cohen and Joseph Tura is pretty weak, for the most part, and things only pick up in a third act that throws in a couple of twists and turns that don't really surprise as they should. It's a shame because I like Larry Cohen, as do many other horror and thriller fans, but this is far from his best work.

Director Roland Joffe isn't particularly well-suited to the material and it shows. He fails to create any tension, the few fake-out moments cause groans as opposed to gasps and everything feels safe and slick as opposed to full of potential danger. It's watchable but it's a thriller with no real thrills.

Elisha Cuthbert is lovely in the lead, absolutely convincing as a young, attractive woman who makes money from looking young and attractive. Daniel Gillies is okay in his role though he proves to be quite disappointing as things unfold. Pruitt Taylor Vince is pretty good, as he so often is, and Laz Alonso and Michael Harney do just fine with their small amount of screentime.

There are, of course, a lot of movies out there that are a lot worse than this one. There are certainly a lot worse movies that have been "inspired" by the Saw franchise (*cough* Nine Dead *cough*). That doesn't change the fact, however, that this one is simply average at best.

5/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Captivity-Blu-ray/dp/B002BD9DN4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1346921917&sr=8-2